ALEC

I was currently sitting at the bar with a drink in hand while just.....thinking. More like remembering. I was remembering all the times I had been with Magnus the previous few months. We had been through so much together. I remembered the first time we met. I remembered our first date we had had.....

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"Izzy I don't know what to do." I said in panic. She placed her hand on my shoulder and chuckled. "Alec...." she started while I began to pace back and forth in my room. "I have nothing to wear. Izzy what do I wear? No thats it." I said while stopping and picking up my phone. "I'm going to cancel... i'll just say im sick or something." I told her. She immediately ripped my phone out of my hands.

"Alec Lightwood you are going." She said sternly, but I could see the smile in her eyes. i took in a shaky breath. "Please help me." I whispered. I wasn't sure if she had even heard me. She smiled at me. "Lets start with what you will wear." She replied to me while walking over to my closet.

"Here." She said while handing me a grey cotton shirt. "And here." She said again while throwing a pair of black jeans at me. I got up and went into the bathroom to change. When I came back out there was a scarf and jacket on the bed. I saw Izzy sitting in the chair waiting. "Well?" She said while motioning over to the clothes. I sighed and put them on. "Perfect!" She said excitedly.

"Now what do I... do? When I'm there I mean." I asked her. She walked over to where I was standing and she put both her hands in mine. "Just be yourself." She told me.

"Just be yourself." I said to myself over and over as I made my way down the street towards Magnus's loft. The wind was blowing hard and the leaves were rustling all around me, but it was easy to ignore it. I continue to take deep breaths as I made my way up the stairs.

Then there I was. I had made it to his loft. I was just outside his door. I was shivering and my knees were shaking. I didn't know if it was because of the cold outside or if it was because I was nervous. I stood there at the door for minutes just staring. "Just be yourself." I said to myself again. I held my breath and raised my hand to knock on the door.

A few seconds passed and finally the door opened. "Alexander!" He exclaimed. "Nice to see you again." He said while closing the door behind him and joining me in the hall. "Yes." I said. "I mean not nice to see me, I mean yeah its nice to see me, you just said that, but I... I mean its um... its uh.... nice to see you again as well." I finally finished. Red ran straight to my face and I hoped he thought it was just from the cold. He chuckled. "Ready?" He asked me while completely ignoring the awkward tension in the air. Since talking wasn't my strong suit in that moment... or ever, I just nodded.

We walked in silence for the first few minutes of our walk. I knew I had to say something. "So um... where exactly are we going?" I asked him. He laughed. "That's part of the surprise, darling." He replied. "I'm not good with surprises." I said to myself. "This one you'll like." He replied. I froze even though I continued walking. "I said that out loud?" I asked and he chuckled again. "Yes darling. Its quite alright. I do it all the time." He said with a smile. I let out a short, nervous laugh.

After what seemed like forever we finally made it to our destination. "Where are we?" I asked him after taking a look around. He smiled and then spoke. "This used to be a carnival that they had next to the railroad. It got shut down many years ago but they couldnt move the Farris Wheel so they kept it here." He replied. "Come on." He said while taking my arm and pulling me with him.

"Oh no. No I cant. I cant do this." I said to him as he took a seat on the Farris Wheel. His lips turned up into a smile. "Don't tell me the mighty Shadowhunter is afraid of heights." He said. I gave another nervous laugh. "Of course not." I replied while immediately taking a seat next to him. "Alright." He said. "Its never to late to change your mind." He said and i shook my head determined to prove myself. "Nope." I said with a forced smile.

Once we were both seated it started to move. I wanted to close my eyes or get off. One of the two, but neither cards were in my hand. I just continued to breath.... that was until we had reached the very top and stopped. I felt like I had stopped breathing.

"Alexander?" He said gently and I realized i was gripping onto him. "Sorry." I mumbled while removing my hand quickly. He chuckled. "Its ok." I didnt look at him. "I hate how they taught you that fears are weaknesses. Its what is supposed to make you who you are." He said to me. "Yeah... i guess so." I replied. After what seemed like forever we began to move again towards the ground.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought." I said with a laugh. He laughed as well. Suddenly there was a sound in the distance. We both looked up and saw the train coming. I looked to Magnus and saw a smile appear on his face. "Come on!" He yelled as he ran in front of me. I followed.

By the time we got to the track the train had just arrived. I saw Magnus jump first and land inside the train car and I followed. "This train will us back to the city. We can walk back from there." He said. "It takes all the back ways so it will be a few hours." He informed me. "Perfect." I replied.

We rode the rest of the way together communicating by smiles.

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The memory faded from my mind and I took the last sip of my drink. While the memory faded, one thing still burned in my mind. That stupid Farris Wheel. All i could think of was it stopping. "It stopped just like us." I thought to myself. I honestly didn't know why or what had happened. He just... left.

"Just be yourself." I thought to myself. I set my glass down and lifted my head. Being myself meant fixing whatever happened between us. Being myself meant being happy.

I paid for the drink... ok drinks... and ran out the door. I sprinted all the way to Magnus's loft. I ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. When I reached the familiar door I stopped. With one knock I could change my life again. It could get better or it could get worse. I took in an unsteady breath and knocked on the door. I was extremely nervous. My knees started to shake.

The door opened and it revealed Magnus. "Alexander!" He exclaimed while opening the door wider for me to enter. I wanted to move but I couldnt. I was shaking and shivering uncontrollably. "Alec?" He asked me with worry. "I...I'm.... I'm sorry." I stuttered. I felt myself being pulled inside and being forced onto the couch. "What in the world would you be apologizing for Alexander?" He asked me. "You... you le..left. Because... of.. of.. m..me." I finally finished.

"Alec what are you talking about?" He asked me. "You were gone for.. th... three we....weeks." The warmth in the loft made the stuttering slowly fade away. A smile appeared on his face. "I told you I was going to a downworlder meeting in the Seelie Court Alec." He replied. I was confused. "You must have forgotten. That's why I left. How much work has the Clave been giving you?" He asked with a chuckle.

"So.... you didnt leave me?" I asked in confusion. My nervousness was slowly melting away. "Of course not darling." I let out a sigh of relief and he reached over to hug me. He let out a small laugh. "So not only are you clumsy but your also forgetful?" He chuckled again. "Perfect." He said after a few seconds. I smiled "you know I dont think I ever told you...." I started as he continued to hug me. "Every time I see you my heart sings. Even when I'm heartbroken." I pulled away from him and for the first time in my life I got the chance to see him blush.

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