ALEC

I woke up with a pounding headache and sweat dripping down my face. My body felt like it had shut down completely. "What were you thinking?" A voice asked me. I opened my eyes and saw Jace standing on the opposite side of me. I immediately removed my gaze from his eyes. "How did you find me?" I asked him in a quiet voice.

"I followed you. I knew something was wrong with you... guess I now know why." He replied. I sighed quietly. We sat there in silence for a few moments. "Why?" He asked me. Pain was clearly in his voice.

I took a deep, shaky breath. "I couldnt keep up with everything. It was the only release I knew of." I sighed again. "Why didnt you go to us.... or better yet Magnus?" He asked me. I shook my head at him. I didn't want to talk about Magnus to Jace. I stayed silent, but he was smarter than I gave him credit for.

"Bastard." He said under his breath. I shook my head at him again. "No. Don't say that about him. It–it w–was my–m–my f–faul–fault." I started to stutter.

Suddenly I felt a burning sensation in my throat. A thin layer of sweat ran throughout my body. It felt as if I was breathing fire into my lungs. I groaned in pain. "Ja–Jace." I managed to get out. My entire body was shaking. My vision was beginning to get blurry and my headache got worse. "Hey. Hey. I'm here. I'm here." He said to me. I felt him sit down on the bed next to me and put his arm on my shoulder. "You just need to sweat out the venom." He informed me sympathetically. I groaned again. The pain was unbearable.

"It–it bur–burns." I choked out. He moved his hand in a circular motion on my arm trying his best to ease my pain. "I know it does. Just stay strong Alec." He paused before continuing. "You don't have to go through this alone." He said. He slid his hand down to my shirt and lifted it slightly. He placed his hand on my rune. I watched as he placed his other free hand on his rune. "Parabatai." He said. That was enough for me... I let my guard down and was vulnerable.

I let tears slip down my face. The weight on my shoulders was to much for me to handle by myself. "I'm here for you Alec." He said to me again. I was unable to speak so I just shook my head up and down slightly.

I waited to speak until the burning was gone and I had a moment of relief. I knew it wouldn't last long, so I asked my most important question. "Who else knows?" I asked him with fear in my voice.

"No one. Not even Izzy. I told them that you just had the flu. Izzy wanted to see you, but I told her that we didnt need anyone else getting sick except for me." He said with a small smile at the end.

I could feel the burning slowly return. I let out another shaky breath and looked at Jace. "It's coming back." I said through my teeth.

"I know." He paused and winced in pain. "I can feel it." He said. My eyes grew wide with regret. I had forgotten that Jace could feel what I was going through. I put him through this. "I'm sorry." I managed to whisper to him. Another tear fell down my face.

"Hey." He said to me. He removed his hand from my rune and wiped the tear away. "That's what I'm here for Alec." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't ever think I will leave you to suffer by yourself. You're my brother. I'll never leave you." He said. I could tell by the way he said 'I will never leave you' twice that he really meant it. I nodded and gave as much of a smile as I could do.

After a few moments of silence I finally spoke. "If you want to go you can. You don't have to stay he-" he cut me off. "No way am I leaving you in this state." He said. He made a move and jumped onto the bed next to me. "I'm in this till the end with you." He said with a small smile.

"You know Izzy is going to kill us both for not telling her right." He said after after a few minutes. I grimaced. "I'd rather not think about it." I paused and then smiled. "What?" He asked me.

"At least I don't have to eat anything she makes." I said. We laughed. "Thank the angel for that." He exclaimed and I laughed again (as best I could).

We were laying there on the bed in silence. I let my thoughts run for a little while. As much as I tried not to think about it.... I did. I kept thinking of the choice of going to Camille and getting high on her venom. I thought of the reasons I did it. The reasons why I let my family down.

My emotions went off the chart as I was laying. I felt anger and sadness with the choices I had made. I felt regret and shame. I didnt even want to face my family even though only Jace knew. And if word got out to Magnus.... I couldn't even think of what might happen. It could break any bond that we had left.

I didnt know I was crying until I felt Jace put his hand on my shoulder. I immediately wiped away the stubborn tears from my face. I tried to keep the other tears from falling, but because of my constant shaking they fell.

"Alec." Jace said quietly. I refused to look at him. I was supposed to be the leader. I was supposed to be strong for my family.

"You cant keep bottling up your feelings, Alec. You don't always have to be strong for us. We are still your family. You still need someone to help you though things." He said to me. I couldn't move or speak. "I know you dont want to burden anyone. And I know it might feel like that sometimes, but Alec..." he stopped and forced me to look at him. When my eyes met his, he spoke again. "You will never burden me with your problems." He said forcefully. I knew he meant every word of it.

In that moment I broke down. I felt every wall that I had put around my heart crumble to the ground. I let my tears fall freely. I laid there crying until I felt the familiar arms wrap around me. I burried my head into Jace's chest and just cried. I let out every emotion I had trapped in my heart. It had been so long since I had last cried. It had been so long since I last let out any emotion. I let out my sadness from Magnus leaving me. I let out my anger from all the stress I had from running the Institute. I let out the pain I felt of seeing my parents faces when I told them I was with Magnus and then how happy they were when he left. I let out the pain of imagining Izzy's face when she realized I got hooked on vampire venom. I didnt want her to blame herself. I cried and cried and I felt Jace's shirt become wet with my teats. I felt him keep me as close to him as possible. I gripped onto him tighter. Even imagining him away from me in this state terrified me. I needed him more than I thought. I depended on him.

"Please don't let go." I cried into his chest.

"Never."