《To String Together ( Huaze Lei )》Memory
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The sound of my violin made my heart swoon at the particular part I was playing. I've been rehearsing this solo piece for weeks now and the difference from the first day I rehearsed to now was magnificent. I smiled slightly to myself as I continued to play. There was my bow hold; I felt a comfortable balance between the strings and my movement. My left hand held my violin and my fingers hovered against the strings playing each note gracefully. My eyes closed as I played the passage I have worked weeks on to memorize.
It was the disruption of the classroom door opening, my connection to the piece disconnected and I fluttering my eyes open. I stopped playing and brought my violin down. Coming through the door I was thinking it was Ximen coming here from his last class. Instead, I saw his best friend... Daoming Si. My heart escalated and the usual fear of the sight of him made me take a step back.
"D-Daoming S-si," I spoke quietly. He smirked and let out a look of satisfaction. That I continued to stutter. He always made remarks on my stuttering. I've always felt uncomfortable and intimidated by what he will do. Today, he found me in the music room, alone. He closed the door behind him and pressed my lips together tightly hoping today's humiliation isn't bad. Once he turned around he smiled at me and I shudder feeling my bow hand begin to shake in fear. My fear was already coursed through me.
"I could hear your awful playing from down the hall," He retorted. "How does Ximen ever stand you practicing? You're terrible at it. My friend Lei can play way better than you." My eyes lowered. Today I attempted to make conversation with Lei. He did not seem to be in a very good mood with me, because I accidently knocked the music off the stand while we were doing a dress rehearsal where our teacher was examining us. I had to scramble to the ground to pick the pieces up and put it to the current place we were performing. After that performance I tried to apologize, but he stood from his seat and walked away from me after he had snached the music off the stands. "I heard you messed up Lei's solo earlier at rehearsal," Daoming Si laughed. "How could you ever be his stand partner? You're not even good. You should be demoted for ruining his performance. Imagine if you had done that at the concert."
"I-I d-did not m-mean to," I spoke lightly. "It w-was an accident." Daoming Si walked towards me and I backed up immediately until I hit the piano. I flinched at the sharp pain of the edge striking my back.
"No one messes with my friends even if it was an accident," He said coldly and he grabbed my violin out of my hand. My eyes widened and I felt my heart beating feeling as if any moment it will pop out. Not my violin. Please not this one.
"Daoming Si," I pleaded, afraid of what he could do with the one thing my mom gifted me from a very young age. "P-please be careful," I spoke and tried to take a step towards him and he backed away taking a look at the violin.
"You weren't so careful earlier during Lei's solo." He caressed the violin for a moment before raising my violin above his head. I gasped taking a step towards him and he aggressively pushed me making me fall onto my side, crushing my bow in the process. A gasp escaped from my lips from the hard impact and I whipped my head to look at Daoming Si who was glaring. I sat up and noticed the wooden part of my bow was split.
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Holding the violin above his head, I did not dare to try and take my violin away. It all happened so suddenly once he let go and I watched as my violin dropped and crashed onto the ground. My heart ached and raced all at once as it became hard to breathe. The sound I never wanted to hear, I heard as the violin made this clattering should. The bridge collapsed and the strings violently made a disruptive sound.
My eyes watered knowing he wasn't done with the damage he caused. He stepped on the violin and I heard the crushing of the wood breaking and I let out a whimper knowing I wouldn't be able to to repair this. He had a look of satisfaction when he looked away from the now broken pieces of my violin and to me.
"I never understood why Ximen would ever be friends with someone like you," he spoke. "I think it was a mistake on his part to ever give you a chance. Maybe he just felt bad you couldn't ever make friends so he thought to pretend to be your friend when in truth he doesn't actually care about you." Tears were blinding me as I took in those hurtful words, because maybe he was right and I was holding Ximen back. Ximen did not really need me. "You know, it would be better if you left? I'm really getting tired of having to see you around after all these years. Ximen wouldn't even miss you much if you ever left." I closed my eyes painfully wishing I never existed.
I let out a gasp and sat up in a dark room. My heart felt it had just done excessive exercise. The heart aching feeling was present and I felt my breath was a bit uneven from the memory I just awoke from. I reached for my face and felt wetness realizing I must have been crying in my sleep. It felt like I was reliving that moment. That was the last day I could take of Daoming Si and told my parents I did not want to stay with my grandparents while they went to the Canada. I begged them that I wanted to go with them and they agreed when they saw me breaking down.
My head shook as I tried to forget about the memory. It brought back terrible memories. Sitting here, I knew my insides were shaking, because it felt real like it had just happened. I missed the violin my mother had gifted to me. I was afraid to show anyone what my crushed violin looked like. I was afraid of what my mother and father would think after what had just happened. I was put in a position where I was afraid to tell anyone what he did and the threats he had made to make me be the person I have become. It was him I was always afraid.
It was a rough transition from secondary school to senior high school and I struggled to adjust. It never helped that Daoming Si constantly tried to make everything difficult for me. I constantly felt I had to watch over my shoulders in the hall if I wasn't with Ximen.
"Lei..." I said lightly about to pull the comforters off of me, but then felt insecure. I had mixed feelings about him and I wasn't what would happen if I went into his room. At this moment I felt I needed someone to hug me and tell me everything will be alright. I knew if I was in Lei's arms I would calm down. Before I realized what I was doing, I had already pushed the comforters and was already making me way out of the door.
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At this moment, I knew I did not want to be alone. The thought of wanting to be comforted overruled my self conscious. My self conscious was telling me I needed to be careful and it wasn't wise for me to trust Lei after what happened. I slowly walked down the hall in the dark hoping I wouldn't mix up the rooms. I shivered from my feeting touching the cold marble floor and it seemed the heat was not in the halls. It took a few minutes to reach the end of the hall where Lei had described. I looked to the door on the left and noticed the lights coming through underneath.
I was about to knock on the door and stopped when I realized the door was part way open and I noticed Jing must have recently walked in. They seemed to have continued from a previous conversation.
"Lei, you have to be careful," Jing was saying and I heard a tired sigh from her. "You should have waited to speak with me about this."
"I don't think it's wise for me to pursue Faye," Lei said. "I can't do that to Ximen. He's my best friend and I shouldn't be dating his best friend. I've thought about this all night Jing." I bit the inside of my lip. "I don't want to have feelings for her." He doesn't want to have feelings for me.
"But you do."
"Jing, I want to date you. I want things to go back to before she arrived." I looked down at my feet realizing I should have known I caused problems. I should have known I was confusing him when he could be perfectly happy with Jing.
"Is that what you really want?" I heard her hesitantly ask.
"Yes."
"And what about Faye? You're still confusing her. If you really don't care about her, then you have to clear up the confusion."
"I'll talk to her. I can make it clear to her we're strictly friends and I'll apologize for Monday evening. Monday shouldn't have happened and... I... I regret it. It really was my fault for not thinking it through and I wish I could take it back."
"Lei..."
"I want to spend this holiday with you by my side Jing." Even though I could see them, I knew Jing was smiling. I took a step back realizing it was a mistake to go to him. I turned away and quickly made my way back to the room feeling embarrassed for thinking Lei would be the right person to comfort me.
"I'm so stupid," I mumbled and wiped my eyes. "I'm an idiot." I shut the door and went back over to the bed. I turned the light on and took my phone off the charger before making my back into the bed.
At first my finger hovered Meizuo's name. I closed my eyes realizing he may be mad at me. He may be mad for trying to protect Lei. I did not realize I had pushed his name until the phone started ringing and my eyes widened. Not only did I click on his name, it was a face call. I frantically tried to end the class and dropped the phone on my face and felt a bit of numbness on the bridge of my nose. I quickly opened my eyes and reached for my head to see a very sleepy and confused Meizuo being blinded by his screen. I laughed lightly at how cute he looked.
"Faye? What are you doing awake at this time?" He asks confusingly.
"A-are you mad at me?" I asked lightly. I hope I'm not a problem to him also.
"No, of course not Faye. How can I be mad at you?" I let out a shaky breath and Meizuo frowned slightly. "Did... something happen?" He seemed more alert now.
"I-I had this awful memory and it woke me," I started off softly. I wanted to leave out the whole part of walking to Lei's room and hearing what I did out. I did not want Meizuo coming here angry at Lei, causing another problem. "I'm... a bit shaken right now and was hoping it's alright if you could stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?"
"I'm okay with staying on the phone with you," Meizuo smiled sheepishly. "I can talk to you until you fall back asleep. Although, we do have to be awake in three hours to head for the airport." I nod as I laid down on the bed and placed the phone against the lamp on the table beside me. I set it so he could see me. "Late night date talks," he smiled. "I think we're moving along quite well."
My shoulder relaxed and I pulled the comforter to my chin. I turned to my side and smiled at the screen at Feng Meizuo as we talked for a while.
...
"Hey Faye?" Meizuo asked as my eyes were heavy and I knew we weren't getting any sleep due to talking for almost the entire three hours. I hummed in response. "Are you feeling better after your dream?" I nod sleepily and snuggled into the pillow, closing my eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry for keeping you awake for the rest of the night," he apologized. I opened my eyes to see him yawning slightly.
"It's okay Meizuo," I say lightly. "I really appreciate your company. This was an amazing late call date," I smiled sheepishly. He chuckled lightly and he smiled as well.
"I'm glad you called Faye. As much as I enjoyed this call with you, I do have to get ready now." He had this pouty look on his face as he sat up from his bed and looked down at me through the screen. "I'll see you soon Faye." He waved to me and I waved back.
"See you soon Meizuo," I yawned and he ended the call. I smiled to myself as I closed my eyes to sleep the twenty minutes I had left before someone came in here to wake me.
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