There was another pregnant concubine now. I was happy that there was another woman pregnant because the officials can now leave me alone. There were people who were influenced by what the officials said. They were wondering if I was a fluke.

Now, they know.

After I became Empress, I do believe that our empire—including the harem—did far better. The Emperor was less stressed. He was able to make better judgements, and I was able to provide him with support. In terms of the harem, it is doing far better now. The late empress tried to kill every concubine that was pregnant while I promoted pregnancy in the harem.

It seems to me that the officials have finished gloating over me, and can leave me alone for once. The morning court assemblies along with my morning assemblies in the harem went smoothly.

Today, Hua Er and I decided to take a walk. I had to cherish the weather before it started to become colder.

My time to go was almost near. It was near the end of September. I could hear the breeze yell my name, I could smell the scent of... autumn. Although it was still hot, the wind was starting to blow again.

Surprisingly, I wasn't in a rush to go home. I could spend another month here just fine. Perhaps it was because I was afraid of going back home and adapting to everything again. I was going to miss being here. Back then, I would do anything to leave.

I've gotten so used to being treated like a queen, that I don't even want to go back sometimes. But, I had family and friends waiting for me. I had a life to live back at home. I also wanted a romantic relationship where my husband stayed loyal to me, and only me.

A Noble Consort walked towards us. Her chin was lifted, and she didn't acknowledge us at all. Her maids bowed, but they widened their eyes when they noticed their mistress was ignoring me. They whispered to the consort, frantically watching me glare at her.

I waited for her to greet me, but she didn't. I paused my walking. When I turned around, the consort continued to take small steps away.

"You must greet and acknowledge the Empress before you walk away!" Hua Er demanded. She turned on her heels immediately and stood closer to me. I could already imagine the steam coming out of her ears.

The consort turned around. There was a sly smirk on her face. In any minute now, I will wipe that smirk off her face.

She continued to walk with her maids behind her. They avoided eye contact with me and the consort. They were embarrassed and I would be as well if I was in their place. The Noble Consort bowed carelessly. "Warm blessings to Your Majesty."

"I'd like you to wipe that smile on your face before I punish you severely," I said immediately after her dramatic bow. "Show me more respect or I won't forgive you."

Feng Xi and Pink slowly leaned towards me. "That is Noble Consort Wei, Lady Li Mei. Her family is one of the noblest households."

I've never had to deal with anyone refusing to bow to me. The cocky woman in front of me was testing my patience. I hope she knows that I'm not afraid to punish her, even if she was a member of the noblest families on the entire planet.

Her name was Li Mei. Was this karma for using the old Li Mei? It was either the Cold Palace or sacrificing a concubine. I felt guilty even though she deserved it, but I did not deserve to have another Li Mei cause me trouble.

Li Mei went on her knees and so did her maids. She kowtowed to me. "I apologize, Your Majesty. I didn't know it was such a big deal to—"

"Was that sincere?" Hua Er crossed her arms against her chest.

Li Mei's lady-in-waiting, a petite young girl quickly looked up at me. "Please excuse Noble Consort Wei's behaviour! She's having a bad day!"

The consort looked up and almost scowled at me. "I don't owe you anything, Empress. You're childish enough to interrupt Lady Fei Ruo's night with His Majesty. How could an empress do that? Aren't you supposed to—"

"Enough!" I barked.

I turned to Hua Er. "Should I even excuse this behaviour?"

"No," Hua Er shook her head. She glanced at Li Shu. "I believe you should bestow a severe punishment to her, Your Majesty. She is incredibly disrespectful to you."

Li Mei quickly bowed again. This time, her forehead continued to press against the hard ground. I bet her knees hurt. Good. I believe one of the punishments should require her to knee here for an hour. Maybe she should kneel on tiles!

"I apologize, Your Majesty! It was impudent of me to speak on this matter! Please forgive me," Li Mei rushed her words.

"You think I'm going to forgive you for that? You must be foolish," I tightened my lips. "Twenty slaps to her face! She'll kneel on tiles for half an hour!"

Her maids continued to press their heads on the ground. I felt bad that they had to deal with such an incompetent woman. If I had time, maybe I could execute her and offer them better things to do than care for her.

Maybe this was the past that was haunting me.

She was fuming as she stared me down. "I cannot wait for you to lose His Majesty's favour so you can live your life in the Cold Palace like you did last time! You're nothing!"

Even Li Shu was in shock. My maids stiffened at the last blow. They already knew what was coming, they didn't have to anticipate it.

I was furious at this point. She was the friend Fei Ruo was talking to before, wasn't she? She was quite loyal but her mouth was just too big to handle. I could feel my blood boiling and I wasn't even at the peak of my anger.

My throat was burning. I was heating up, and my burning desire was to make sure she learned her lesson.

"I'll give you two options," I calmly took a step towards her. She had her head down, but she saw how close my shoes were in front of her. "You can choose your punishment."

Li Mei scoffed.

"Execution or death?" I asked.

Li Shu cleared his throat. "Er, Empress, those are the same things."

I smirked. "Exactly."

Fear flashed before Li Mei's eyes as she peered up at me shocked. Li Mei was worried now. She quickly crawled towards me, grabbing my hand. "Your Majesty, I apologize! I'll choose severe punishment! Please!"

I felt a gentle yank of my hand but I swatted her away from me. My jaw hurt from the hard clenching. I was raging underneath my skin just watching her plead and whine to me. Could I even consider to let her off the hook?

She had the balls of steel a second ago. I wondered what happened now. I guess she thought I couldn't kill her due to her ties with her family. She could be the general's daughter and I'll still have her executed. If the Emperor interfered, I'll frame her if I had to!

A sudden execution of another concubine seemed capricious of me. I knew the Emperor didn't want to have more weight on his shoulder, but Li Mei had my heart pounding.

"Thirty flogs," I nodded at my eunuchs. Li Mei continued to look at me with an exasperated look on her face. Hua Er followed me as I turned around to continue my walk. "Let's see if she's alive by then."

The day was long. I spent my time overthinking about the second version of Li Mei. Should I have ordered the execution? She threatened me, but I felt sentencing her to death would harm the Emperor as well. She was of noble blood and her father was an aristocrat.

It would've been better if I just left her off with a warning—a really bad warning.

"Great blessings to the Empress." Jaxon bowed.

"At ease," I raised an eyebrow. "You shouldn't be here."

Jaxon stared blankly at me. I watched as he sat at the side. He looked almost annoyed by me, but I didn't push it. There was no reason for him to hate me. But the room was starting to have this... tension in the air. We both watched each other like hawks.

He cleared his throat. "I heard you punished a consort today."

"I did," I responded nonchalantly.

While Jaxon prepared his response hesitantly, I took a long sip of my wine. Jaxon immediately stood up. "What's becoming of you? You think so highly of yourself now."

My heart almost stopped at his tone. It was not a nice tone, that I knew. His eyes were dull, straight on staring at me as if I wasn't his only companion here. I tried to find at least amusement in his face, but there was none.

He meant it.

"What are you talking about?" I placed the vessel down.

"Thirty flogs? The poor girl was almost tortured," Jaxon's breath became heavier. He glared at me. "I don't want to see you like this."

I scoffed.

"Why does that matter to you? You never said anything about how I ordered Chang Ying's execution? You never said anything about the previous times I've ordered punishments like this," I said loudly. Even if my face looked calm, it couldn't conceal my voice. "What is the matter with you? Are you seeing her? That's why?"

I could feel my face redden quickly. I couldn't be mad that he was seeing someone else. I couldn't be mad if he was sleeping with her. But a woman like that, with such an attitude, Jaxon was betraying me.

No, it was far deeper than that. Was I jealous? I couldn't be. I laid in the same bed as the Emperor not too long ago. But why was I hurt that Jaxon would be seeing Li Mei? It wasn't like I was jealous. It was... just... wrong.

He even said he'd defend me. Those words coming out of his mouth, were they just lies? How could he see me go through hell and back, just to yell at me for punishing someone else? I was hurt—hurt at how Hua Er encouraged it while Jaxon was nearly against it. It was irony.

Wasn't he the one that encouraged me to be unethical? Didn't I throw out my morals so I could leave the Cold Palace? He never went against me for that.

"No! Obviously not. We're going to be leaving very soon, it'd be of me to fall in love with a concubine," Jaxon clenched his jaw. "But you're just being... pretentious right now. Just because she didn't bow?"

I immediately jumped out of my throne. "Pretentious? You're calling me pretentious?"

I've had enough. Jaxon was not as angry as me because I stomped down to face him. I looked down at him and he peered up at me, still with those eyes. When I looked closer, he seemed more concerned for me.

I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "It goes further than that. She talked bad about me! I had to set her straight; I am an authority figure right now! If you were in my position, I'd like to see you criticize me!"

My throat was burning as I tried to keep myself calm. It was a struggle to even let words out of my mouth. There was a lump in my throat.

I was so angry that I could feel how hot my hot tears were. My vision was blurred and I couldn't see Jaxon's face. Neither did I care to see his face. I couldn't believe him. After all the things I've been through just so I could get the role of 'Empress.'

Without me, we wouldn't have done it.

"I didn't mean to criticize you." Jaxon stood up.

I crossed my arms. "Then what? What were you trying to do?"

Before Jaxon could explain, I spoke again.

"I was the one who got myself out of the Cold Palace—even though you did help me with that, the blood would be on my hands if things didn't work out the way I wanted it to go. I was the one who plotted against the late empress to get this title," I stared at him. "I was the one who had Chang Ying executed. I was the one who eliminated Bao Zhai and Minister Feng."

I tried to swallow my tears but I could sense it coming out soon. I couldn't cry like this. Not at this moment. Jaxon watched me, his eyes softening while I tried my best to stay strong. He reached out to embrace me but I refused.

My eyelashes were moist now. My lips were salty from the tears. "I was the one who lost my maid, my close friend, and my trust in people."

"I did everything I could, not just for me, but for us," I gulped. My vision cleared and I was angrily gripping the armrest of the chair Jaxon was previously sitting on. "So don't you try and control what I do! Because I am doing this for both of us!"

The room was silent now. I stopped speaking and so did Jaxon. His previous face clouded with anger, but now the tension on his face relaxed. There it was. Pity. Sympathy. The face of a person who will now pity me. I expected an apology. I needed an apology from him, but I didn't want to see his face anymore.

All my efforts were apparently nothing to him. I worked my ass off and had to take many risks to secure my position. I felt like I wore the pants in the relationship, even if we weren't in any relationship. Not anymore. We deserved better people. We needed better people. We would only be friends, and that was it.

All Jaxon could do was give me his stupid blank stare. His Adam's apple bobbed as he slowly placed his hands on mine.

Quickly, I stood up properly. I backed away as he took another step. He looked down at me with a glint in his eyes. He looked lost. He looked sorry. I almost forgave him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. Let's talk when—"

"I don't want to hear it," I interrupted. I pointed to the exit slowly, my eyes never leaving his. His light brown eyes were boring into my eyes. I didn't want to see him for a while. "Please leave."

The next morning, I stayed mad. It wasn't healthy for me to keep overthinking because the stress was going to drive me insane. I was already staying up and losing sleep. Now, I had more things on my plate.

Screw Jaxon. If he could just not criticize me, I didn't have to stress and overthink about what he said to me. I didn't find myself too harsh, I think I went easy on her. Thirty flogs was nothing because I knew the late empress would've done worse. She was the scale to how low I'll stoop.

Hua Er was fine with me performing the action anyway. If Hua Er was fine with it, then everyone should be fine. Knowing that she was always soft and warm-hearted, to see her want punishment for the consort, shows that what I did was right.

"Lady Li Mei was demoted yesterday," Su Yin paused to hold her baby up comfortably. She smirked. "She is referred to as 'Consort Wei' now."

I nodded. "Good."

"It was much needed. I can't believe she disrespected you like that," Su Yin shook her head. She passed her child to the wetnurse beside her. The wetnurse bowed and took the baby.

Su Yin had changed after she gave birth to her baby. She looked and acted more mature. Even if I could imagine her leaving the harem, I hope she didn't. She barely had the Emperor's favour and many concubines had already tried to sabotage her, but she deserved to live a good life.

She deserved to leave and be married. But I guess she didn't want to. Jia Ying and her would stay in the Palace for quite some time.

I made an effort to visit her often. I knew the Emperor barely did, so I tried my best to accompany her when I had the time.

When she fixed her gaze at me, she noticed my face in thought. I looked right past her. She tightened her lips and exhaled through her nostrils. "Empress, are you doing alright? You seem very distant today."

"No, I'm... I'm alright," I gave a reassuring smile, but she didn't look convinced. "I just... I just feel tired today, that's all. I didn't get enough sleep."

"Is anything keeping you up at night?" Su Yin questioned.

"Nothing at all," I lied. "I'm worried about frivolous things that I shouldn't be worried about."

Su Yin nodded. She narrowed her eyes at me for a second before softening her face. To pry more things out of me was a big mistake. I was never easily able to speak my mind, especially to people that won't understand.

For the rest of the evening, I was left alone. Only Hua Er rested next to me. I spent my time making lipstick paper for myself and the rest of the other concubines.

I tried to keep my mind off of what happened with Jaxon, but of course it didn't last long. Before I could even relax, I heard a small thud near the window in another room. Hua Er quickly got up to check, but I stopped her.

"Leave it," I instructed, still keeping my eye on the finished set of lip papers. "It's Lan Yun and he's going to make a fool out of himself."

Hua Er blankly blinked a few times before slowly nodding. Her eyes were glued to the room. "Shall I leave then, Empress?"

"Yes, please," I finished organizing the lip papers into separate boxes. After hearing Hua Er's movement, I looked up. "Thank you."

She was gone right when Jaxon stepped into the main hall. He had guilt washed over his face. I didn't want to say anything first, so I took the boxes and placed them on the table behind me. After doing so, I kept myself busy by taking a large sheet of paper so I could write.

"Joy and bliss to the Empress," Jaxon greeted.

"Rise." I dipped the brush into the ink and began writing a few words down.

"Thank you, Empress," Jaxon cleared his throat. "Your Majesty, I have word that there may be officials that want to avenge Minister Feng."

I should've been afraid. I was supposed to listen to what Jaxon had said but I was too busy being angry at him to even acknowledge it.

He watched me. He waited for me to speak but I was conflicting with myself. I wanted to call him out. Maybe I was being petty. Maybe I wasn't. My entire body was drenched with emotions that I didn't care about anyone trying to conspire against me at this moment. Jaxon had hurt me. That was all I focused on.

"With all that criticism you had last night... You made me feel as if I was a bad person," I put my brush down gently, and finally looked at him. "So if I am such a bad person, why are you still trying to speak to me?"

Jaxon took a deep breath in and exhaled loudly. He unclenched his jaw, softening his face while he maintained his eye contact. "Because I care about you."

"I know you do! But you haven't done much, have you?" I stood up from my throne. I strutted down the steps while the back of my hanfu dragged across the ground.

When I faced Jaxon, I felt something inside me burn. "You said you'd protect me, but I ended up protecting myself. I eliminated Minister Feng and Bao Zhai. That was all me... I'm doing it all right now. All I needed was your support."

"I helped you with Chang Ying, don't forget that," Jaxon spoke softly. He knew he was talking to a ticking time-bomb.