"Your Majesty, this is a well-written poem! Mind if I ask if it's about Madame Chang Ying?" one of my maids looked behind my shoulder. She studied it well.

"Yes. It is about her," I nodded, then turning my face to look up at her. "Next time, would you mind not peeking over my shoulder when I am writing things?"

The maid gulped. Her flyaways from her hair flew as she quickly got on her knees and kowtowed to me. "Please forgive my incompetence, Your Majesty!"

I held my breath as I stared at the back of her head. Perhaps it was just a mistake and not something I should be worried about. But, I haven't been able to properly think so my paranoia levels are high.

With a gentle stroke of the brush, I finished my last words and placed the brush on the brush holder. Still watching the stillness of the maid, I took a quick sip of my tea. I placed the cup down gently beside the paper. "Get up."

"I apologize, Your Majesty," the maid immediately got up. She bowed deeply. "I didn't mean to anger you!"

My eyes continued to scan my poem, ignoring my maid. I gave her a hand signal to leave, and she quickly walked down. I was too busy to care about my surroundings. I needed peace and quiet.

Writing this poem helped me out a lot. Guan Shu, Rong Er, and now Chang Ying. The three people that I cared about are dead. I don't want to lose another person. Hua Er was kept safe, I was thankful. She was always with me, and I promised Lei Shu that I'll keep her safe.

I didn't want to cry again. This isn't how I wanted to mourn over Chang Ying, which is why I wrote a long poem. My poetry is not the worst nor the best, but it keeps me sane. If Chang Ying is dead, along with her family, at least she lives eternally in this poem. I'll embroider a beautiful silk embroidery of Guan Shu and Rong Er resting in my bedroom as well.

Staying inside my estate was depressing and I wanted to talk to Su Yin again. She was the only one I could talk with about Chang Ying. Su Yin knew her. She knew Chang Ying better than I did and it was a fact.

I've been taking more strolls. Although there was an umbrella over me almost all the time, I still enjoyed the summer scenery. Just without the sun. Keeping my mind cleared and unclustered was a top priority for me. An empress cannot think with a disorganized mind.

Su Yin and I walked slowly. After a few minutes, I chose to unscrew the bottle and spill.

"Do you miss her?" I asked, shifting my head to the right to look at Su Yin. I studied her face as she pursed her lips.

She hesitated for a bit before looking back at me. "Unfortunately yes. I do, Your Majesty. Chang Ying is one of my closest friends."

"Are you mad at me?" I asked immediately after.

Her eyes continued to meet mine. She opened her mouth to say something but shook her head. After I turned away, Su Yin continued to look at me. She watched me as I looked straight ahead. Our pace was the same. We walked slowly, letting the summer air and the scenery around us embrace us. There was no one out during this time.

"You can never do anything to anger me, Empress," Su Yin let out a soft sigh. She looked down and rubbed her stomach gently. "I believe that everything you do is ultimately the right thing to do. Besides, I would've done the same."

Would she? Anyone can say that they would've done the same, or would've done things differently but do the opposite when they are in the moment. People believe they can handle a situation they are watching from afar. When it comes to dealing with the situation, they might oppose their original views they had.

Su Yin had seen a lot of things. I remember she told me that she was always on my side. Will it stay like that? She hated the late empress, and thought she was vicious, and I was afraid if she'll soon think that about me too. I was slowly embodying the evil empress, and I didn't want to.

"Don't you feel guilty about what happened?" I asked, still trying to relax beneath the shade. I know I shouldn't be bringing up Chang Ying right now. I didn't want Su Yin to stress, but I needed closure.

"A little bit, but not a lot," Su Yin looked at me and smiled. "Your Majesty, cruel people deserve cruel things.

I looked away. "Yes... I just feel terrible because I didn't bid her a good farewell. I wish I could've told her how much I truly did like and respect her, even if she hurt me..."

Su Yin could tell me that I was being delusional, and I'll believe her. Sometimes, I did feel like I was delusional for pitying a traitor. It was the kind, good-hearted nature in me. There were hesitations to even want to follow through with the plan.

"It makes me so... frustrated that I can't say what I wanted to say to her," I let out a sharp exhale. "Now she'll never know how I felt."

"I think she knows how you feel by the way you sat down in front of her, and held her while she died," Su Yin responded quickly, without any hesitation. Her slanted, feline-like eyes studied me. Her lips curled into a gentle smile. "That means a lot, Empress. If you despised her, you wouldn't have done that."

She was right.

The guilt inside of me, trying to push me to my limits, was starting to shrink. I imagined my guilt to be this giant green blob with a face and limbs. He was angry and slimy all the time. When I heard Su Yin's words, Mr. Guilt was shrinking. Was this a weird metaphor?

I don't know, I think it's a pretty good metaphor.

My eyes trailed away from her and to the flowers. The scent of jasmine came to mind, and I noted to pick out fresh ones and bathe in them soon. "Su Yin, what would I have done if I despised her?"

Su Yin laughed quietly.

"Your Majesty, you would have watched her drink the wine and left. You would have never embraced her and accompanied her," Su Yin slowly watched as I widened my eyes at her words. "That is true benevolence, Your Majesty, and I am glad that I have you as a close friend. Chang Ying does as well, I believe so."

I've done the same with the late empress.

But when I embraced Chang Ying, talked to her and soothed her as she fell to her death, I meant it. It was not out of pity, I meant it. I wanted to be with her, guide her and let her talk things out. Chang Ying was still a friend to me—a backstabbing friend, but nonetheless.

I started to understand now, that I shouldn't be worrying. Was that why Chang Ying encouraged me? Was that why Chang Ying didn't just... die in silence? She chose to speak to me and expose herself to me. She chose to say goodbye to me, even though I didn't say goodbye to her.

Or was she just being petty? She wanted me to know that she was smart enough to figure out my plan... Maybe it was both? Whatever it was, at least I showed my love through my actions. Even though I had a chance to say goodbye to her, Su Yin didn't.

"Do you feel guilty that you didn't say goodbye?" I faced Su Yin.

She paused for a moment, before shaking her head. "No, because I'm not like you, Empress. If you betray me, I won't have any remorse for you... no matter how close of a friend you are to me."

I wondered if that was a subtle threat to me or not.

To ease the invisible tension I made up, I chuckled. "You can just take my place, seriously."

"I can never," Su Yin let out a heartful laugh. "See, Your Majesty, many believe an empress should be powerful and not care about everyone else but herself. That's quite opposite... You even said it yourself."

She noticed the furrowing of my eyebrow and the perplexed look I had on my face. Slowly, her lips spread into a smile.

"His Majesty wants a woman who is virtuous, benevolent, kind, and can be a role model for the nation. Empress, although you took down two of your enemies, you were still kind enough to give them a good farewell," Su Yin nodded with herself while she spoke. We both looked at each other, and Su Yin gently grabbed my hand. "That is something a good empress does."

This was my vulnerable side that I was showing to Su Yin. In the past weeks, I've been vulnerable. It wasn't something I was accustomed to. I hated being on my vulnerable side. I can be emotional at times, but vulnerable? I refuse.

I felt like Su Yin enlightened me and my body wasn't as stiff as it was before. The weight from my shoulders was almost lifted but the blob of guilt in me was still moving and still alive.

The tears welling up in my eyes were starting to be noticeable because Su Yin frowned. She held my hand gently and beamed. "Your Majesty, I want to see you in red clothes. Your white clothes are bland now."

I gently wiped the almost-coming-out tears with my thumb and continued to walk along the path. As we walked towards the path between the palaces, Chang Ying's maids were also walking towards us.

They looked at me and bowed gracefully. "Warm blessings to Your Majesty."

Lei Shu smiled as she greeted me, and I smiled back. I couldn't help but notice the sudden change of expression when the other maids bowed. They had a slight frown on their faces.

Of course. They obviously would.

Their mistress is dead and now they're doing other work. It was a blessing to be a maid for Chang Ying. I've never seen Chang Ying treat her maids poorly. I felt terrible.

"At ease." I smiled, lifting my hand slightly.

I wanted to make it up for them. They should be allowed to leave and stay away from here for good. Even the late empress's maids deserve better, but they were probably happy they don't have to deal with her anymore.

I did this before and I can do it again.

Old palace maids who don't want to work here anymore can always leave. Some of them will stay because they need to support their family. But if they were so miserable, I believe they would want to leave. All I need to do is ask for the Emperor's approval and then we'll get newer maids.

It was the least I could do for Chang Ying's maids.

There it was again; the renewal of people to serve in the Palace. People were more of a commodity here than an individual. It was evening now. I believe this was when the new palace maids will start their training.

I expect Chang Ying's maids to be gone by this time. All of the women in the harem were accompanied by the right amount of maids. Chang Ying's maids would've left instead of serving low-ranking concubines, I suppose.

To make the new palace maids less anxious, I didn't go anywhere today. I kept to myself in my chamber. The Emperor stopped distancing himself and was willing to sleep with another concubine. I haven't spoken to him due to his busy schedule.

Before the Empress Dowager died, the Emperor had done his best to produce more children. It sounded weird when I thought about it. Still, I believe infertility was common here. No matter how many superstitions they will have about maintaining fertility, most of them were myths.

I put Hua Fa's name tag in the tray in front of my eunuch. "Send this to His Majesty."

"Yes, Your Majesty." he dipped his head and left.

After watching him leave out the door, I slowly leaned on my side. It was uncomfortable. I quickly moved my body to the side of my throne, leaning my entire body on the side. I rested my head on the pillow and tried to get a small nap in.

Right after I closed my eyelids, a burst of movement caught my attention. I immediately opened my eyes. Seriously, I cannot have any privacy and a break here. When my maids and eunuchs quickly got on their knees and bowed, I stayed in my position.

I leaned my left side of the body and rested my arm on my hip. Hopefully, they had one word to say and then they can leave. The look on their faces didn't seem to be very pleasant.

"Your Majesty..." Li Shu spoke up first.

I yawned as I covered my mouth with my hand. "What is it?"

"A new palace maid is being punished for falling onto a Noble Consort." he rushed as he spoke.

"We ask you of you to please intervene, Your Majesty!" Blue looked up at me.

Right when I was supposed to take a nap...

I gave them a curt nod. My maids hurriedly climbed up the steps to help me up. One offered their hand to me. I took it and walked down. Hua Er rushed out of the bedroom to follow behind me.

I walked outside, shielding my eyes with my hand. It was still quite sunny outside and I didn't want to waste any time. I felt like I was a teacher for a kindergarten class. People quarrelling over petty things is a pain, regardless of their age. The new palace maid who fell was probably going to get punished before I got there.

As we walked further down, I turned to Li Shu. "Where is it?"

"We're almost there, Your Majesty." Li Shu responded.

"Empress, by the pace you're walking, we'll get there by midnight," Hua Er smiled as she squinted her eyes ahead.

While I did want to remain serious, Hua Er made me smile. I needed a person who was on friendly terms with me to tease me. I needed that a lot. I felt as if this role was too serious. I needed more entertainment here and punishing concubines was not a good one.

"Hua Er, if you continue disrespecting the Empress, I'm afraid you'll be punished." I teased, then taking my hand off my forehead.

There it was again. Two Noble Consorts towering over a low-ranking woman. This time, it was a palace maid. She stayed kneeling on the ground, trying to brush the dust off of the woman's hanfu. It was still far from there. The tension was rising so I walked faster.

Crowding around her were the new palace maids and one of the senior maids. They both watched with collective fear.

"You incompetent maid! You'll need more training!" the Noble Consort cried, degrading her even more by fixing the bottom of her hanfu.

Niu Lin stood next to her. She was frowning and grabbing the other woman by the arm. "Sister, please calm down. She is still training! New palace maids don't know—"

"I don't care! She dirtied my attire," the consort angrily kicked the maid. To my surprise, she didn't hesitate to reach down and slap her across the face.

My feet started walking even faster. I could hear them loud and clear and the Noble Consort's voice sounded familiar. While Li Shu was matching up to my speed, I walked even faster. This woman was not going to get away with it. I was already fuming before I even spoke.

When we almost reached them, Li Shu quickly stood in front of me. "The Empress has arrived!"

The blood from the Noble Consort's face had vanished and she was paler than she was before. I observed the palace maids. All of them were fairly young. As all the women in front of me greeted me, I walked towards the Noble Consort.

"Rise," I spoke before facing my attention to the consort.

They got up slowly. "Thank you, Empress!"

She was the same one to harass the other concubine last time. I grabbed her face and pulled her in towards me. As I studied her, it was confirmed that she was the same girl. "What's your name?"

"Gao F-Fei Ruo... Noble Consort Gao..." she mumbled.

I stared her down as she stood stiffly under me. With no time to waste, I let go of her face and stepped back. Fei Ruo's eyes continued to look into mine. She was provoking me at this point. No apologies, no begging, she was waiting for me to give her another lecture or punishment. I don't only want to give her lashes.

The environment was dull. Even when the sun shone and you could hear the cicadas, everyone watched me. Everyone could tell I was angry. Hua Er stood beside and she, too, was glaring at Fei Ruo.

With all the rage I had, I raised my hand and struck her across the cheek.

Fei Ruo staggered back in shock. "Y-Your Majesty..."

"I've had enough of you! You pick on the new ones because you know you have the power to," I angrily said. "You're allowed to punish others if they have disrespected you, but I have seen more of your impudence than anyone else!"

The consort opened her mouth to speak.

I scoffed. "I've never had to punish anyone because nobody ever defied bowing towards me, even when I was a 'Noble Consort.' Maybe they know that you behave lowly behind that upper-ranking facade of yours."

"Empress, Noble Consort Gao does this too often for us to let it go again." Hua Er cleared her throat, looking at me and then at Fei Ruo.

"I agree," I nodded. "If you do this one more time, I'll either have His Majesty informed or I'll personally have you executed myself."

That was a bluff. I don't think I could just send her off to execution for bullying a few lower-ranking concubines.

Fei Ruo nodded slowly. She looked terrified. The smugness and the conceited smirk she had before was wiped off her face. It satisfied me. I wasn't reluctant to have her banished or her head chopped off. I was very glad to do so.

I turned around to face the palace maids. "You must learn proper courtesies, especially when you address your superior. When you are all done training, I will not excuse you."

"Yes, Your Majesty." the new palace maids bowed deeply.

After scanning the older maids, I noticed Lei Shu and Chang Ying's maids. Why were they staying? They took their time to stand behind the newer palace maids. They should've been gone by now. Was I misunderstanding them?

They were able to leave. I could sense they avoided my eye contact because the rest were looking directly at me. Their presence raised my suspicions and I needed to keep my eye on them. After all, I did kill their mistress.

It was likely they still wanted to earn enough for their family, but the way they hid behind the palace maids, made me skeptical. They were bad news. I trusted my intuition.

Once I turned around to walk back to my estate, I leaned over to Li Shu. "Keep an eye on Chang Ying's maids. Watch them very closely for me... I believe they're staying because they're conspiring against me."

I took a short glance at Hua Er.

"Also, have Lei Shu escorted to my estate in the evening," I whispered again.

Li Shu nodded quickly. "Yes, Your Majesty."