I cried myself to sleep that night; I didn't sleep well. After coming back to my estate, I shut everyone out. I felt out of it. Never have I ever skipped the morning to be greeted, but I did today. Besides, it felt good to oversleep.

Hua Er gave me some space, but I knew she was dying to know what was going on. She must have wondered why I was so upset. She didn't know that Chang Ying wasn't under any influence.

"Chang Ying knew about the hypnotism..." I blurted out. I played with the lid of the porcelain cup, admiring my freshly tinted red nails to avoid Hua Er's eyes.

My lady-in-waiting, now paused what she was doing. She turned to look at me with the doe-eyed look she sometimes had. "What do you mean?"

"Or the hypnotism didn't work," I faced her. "But Chang Ying still would've been drugged... if she drank the soup."

"Well, maybe my aunt wasn't reliable," Hua Er sighed. She pulled out the chair next to me and sat down. As she plopped her elbows on the table, she let out a loud exhale from her nostrils. "It would've ended badly..."

I didn't want to blame anyone. Even if Hua Er's aunt wasn't reliable, Chang Ying wouldn't be conscious to know she was being hypnotized. She must have known from the soup. It was stupid of me to even drug her soup. I didn't want to think about Chang Ying anymore but I needed to get it off my chest. She did the right thing.

This proved Chang Ying's virtue. Besides the ploy, Chang Ying was a genuine person. If she had seen Jaxon signalling the hypnotist, then she was kind enough not to put him on blast. I guess the guilt was eating her up as well, and she let everything get to her. That was courage. I hated liking Chang Ying, but it was hard to not. Nobody would do this but her.

I felt my eyes water. I turned away from Hua Er. "How could she know? Did your mother..."

"I doubt it," Hua Er shrugged. She thought for a few seconds before looking at Fen Ai, then at me. "Should we send my mother in?"

"That'd be lovely." I stood up from the chair and nodded at Fen Ai. Immediately, she headed off.

Hua Er and I sat in silence. We were both lost in our thoughts. I knew Lei Shu would never betray me, but I started to think of reasons why Chang Ying would be suspicious.

It was easy to see what I did wrong. Just like when the late empress tried to plot against me, she drugged my soup. I realised how risky and stupid I acted, and now that I know, I was going to plan Minister Feng's death accordingly.

This cycle will never end. Continuously, I will have enemies and how I deal with them is up to me. How I deal with them is all it matters to me, as long as they're gone and I am safe, then I will be fine. Truthfully, I wish it was that easy to snap my fingers for my enemies to disappear.

Settling on my throne, I drummed my fingers on the armrest, waiting. Hua Er sat below me. I avoided looking at her. It was disrespectful for me to have suspicions of Lei Shu, but no one can blame me. I was allowed to. I can't trust anyone.

"Happiness and peace to the Empress." Lei Shu walked in slowly. She went on her knees to kowtow. She pressed her head against the ground swiftly.

I gave Hua Er one last look before facing Lei Shu. "You may rise."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," she spoke, then carefully getting up. She flashed me a joyful smile, but I kept my grim expression. "I still can't believe the young girl I found in the village is Empress now."

She stuck with the script, I'm impressed. Her eyes flickered with fear when I didn't smile. I couldn't. The woman in front of me was a potential traitor. If Hua Er didn't resist, I would've gotten rid of her. I liked Lei Shu, but I couldn't tolerate any more betrayals.

"Did you tell Chang Ying our plan?" I asked bluntly.

Lei Shu shook her head. The wrinkles on her forehead formed as she gave me a confused look. "No, of course not, Your Majesty. If I did, I wouldn't love Hua Er."

"How did she find out?" I tapped my foot on the ground.

"She found out? W-Why didn't she say anything?" Lei Shu narrowed her eyes. She looked away for a moment.

To ease the tension between us, I asked Hua Er to fill her mother in. When Hua Er finished, her mother gaped at me. She immediately dropped down to the floor and kowtowed. I watched her carefully. Hua Er peeked a glance at me.

After kowtowing, she looked up at me still kneeling. "Your Majesty, please forgive me! Madame Chang Ying dismissed me when I came to give her the soup!"

"It's Chang Ying only, her title is gone," I interjected.

"Did she dismiss all the maids?" Hua Er asked.

"No. She only dismissed me." Lei Shu replied. She looked disappointed in herself, and I would be as well. This was a big risk and I could kill her for that.

Fen Ai stalled for a few seconds before leaning in towards me.

"Your Majesty, does that mean Chang Ying knew? She dismissed her because she didn't want to see her refuse the soup, right?" Fen Ai knitted her eyebrows, trying to understand the situation.

Lei Shu sighed. The mother of my lady-in-waiting was not as smart as her daughter was, which was a shame. She was lucky that her daughter was my closest friend. If not, I would've disposed of her. I understood now that it was too risky to use maids of other concubines as pawns.

Now thinking about it, it was slightly my fault. I felt drugging soup would be easier, but I should've put it in tea or something. I was glad that it didn't work out well, though. On the other hand, I saw a different side of Chang Ying. She revealed herself to be a genuinely considerate person. Technically, she voluntarily killed herself.

"Is that the reason why she dismissed me? Perhaps..." Lei Shu scratched the back of her head.

Hua Er groaned loudly. "Mother, you're so gullible! It's obvious she knew! That's why she sent you off!"

Another groan was coming out of Hua Er's mouth. She rolled her eyes like a petty teenager and crossed her arms. Lei Shu let out a disappointing sigh and looked at her daughter in exasperation.

"This is my fault, Empress," Lei Shu looked at me. "If I knew... I-I am so glad that Chang Ying had the heart to accept her fate."

Even if she apologized, I was still irritated. "I agree. Were you there when the hypnotist came? Or did she completely dismiss you?"

"No, I wasn't, Your Majesty. She completely dismissed me. I thought it was normal, that's why I didn't inform you before!" she cried.

Hua Er looked lost in thought. "Chang Ying faked her delusions as you did before. Perhaps then the hypnotizing didn't work for her."

"Yes, that's most likely," I nodded.

"I feel so guilty. Chang Ying was honest to—" she began to speak.

"Please stop. The guilt of killing my former friend is going to make me lose sleep," I moaned as I buried my face in the palms of my hands. Slowly, I rubbed my temple gently and faced Lei Shu. I was still frowning. "It's all over now."

We all felt guilty for what we did, now knowing the truth. Su Yin, although she denied it, I know she still thought about Chang Ying. Of course, she did. She had to. Back when I first knew Su Yin, she loved Chang Ying. They seemed to be extremely close.

Su Yin was pregnant. She was about to deliver the baby. If she stressed too much and felt the weight of her guilt, she might not make it or have a healthy baby. It's better to put it aside for now. It would be respectful not to bother Su Yin about it.

I didn't know how to react to Lei Shu's stupidity. Hua Er was sitting beside me, and I knew it was wrong of me if I ever punished her. Having her do extra labour was the least harmful thing I could do. Besides, the late empress would've definitely ordered her execution in a snap.

"Lei Shu, I'm afraid I have to punish you," I looked at Hua Er. Hua Er bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly. "I'll have you clean the floors of this palace starting from now."

Truthfully, I expected Lei Shu to despise me, but she didn't. A glow of happiness and relief was on her face and she kowtowed again gratefully. "Thank you, Empress! Thank you for sparing me! I will never forget your benevolence!"

"You're embarrassing me!" Hua Er palmed her face.

I stifled a smile. When I see Hua Er and her mother interacting, I imagine myself with my mother. After all the things I've been through, I deserved to go back to my family. I needed to see my parents and my sister. I needed to see my friends. Everything I did as of now, was simply to see the people I love.

Everything had its purpose. Li Mei was dead because of me, but the memory of her putting the blame of her fall on me, was always on my mind when I thought of her. She wanted me punished or killed. I don't know why I was guilty before, but now I am not.

It was the time to remove the guilt of scheming against Li Mei for my gain. Now, it was time to let go of Wan Er's son's death. They can rest peacefully now. Xiao Wen can rest knowing that I have brought justice. If the rumours of Wan Er being protected by the gods were true, I hope she'll protect me.

I still wasn't happy. No matter how many times I try to avoid the thought of Chang Ying and me, I still felt terrible. She could've sat there and died in front of me, but she chose to bid goodbye. I hated myself for being speechless. I hated myself for not telling her that I did love her as a friend. I hated myself for not being able to say one last goodbye. I should've told her how I felt, and that I was sorry.

Now, she'll never know. She'll die thinking that I hated her.