When I woke up in the morning, my irritation was growing. I was never a morning person. Ever. Having to do this every single day was the most exhausting thing I could ever do. I wanted to make an excuse and say that my head hurt, but I still feel like I owed the Emperor big time.

I groggily got up. My maids were already prepared to dress me and freshen me up before I left. Brushing your teeth was different because you brushed with a type of twig that had a resemblance of bristles. I always kept my mouth fresh by chewing on peppermint leaves while my maids did my hair.

But I didn't have the patience to deal with anyone right now. My maids were crowding around me, trying to get me to put on a white attire, but I was too overwhelmed. Minister Feng and I's discussion continued to echo in my head. Besides, I was going into menstruation soon, so I knew I wasn't going to be the nicest person right now.

It's been three days since my last talk with Minister Feng. Yet, it still annoyed me heavily. I was free to do anything. I was living near the harem, but not entirely there. I was freer than I was before I became Empress. I had everything I wanted. I had more food, more tea, a better quality of living... But I still wasn't satisfied.

Minister Feng's words were like a tape recorder stuck on repeat. I needed to resolve the current issues I was facing.

"Don't bother," I waved my hands away from my maids. "I'll dress myself up today."

They obliged, obviously, and stepped back for me to dress. Before, Hua Er had to teach me how to, because I have never worn a hanfu before I came here. It wasn't that bad. My maids watched me struggle a little bit.

The morning assembly went well and I headed back to my estate.

After a few hours of talking to Jaxon, I brought my maids back. Lunch was going to arrive soon.

I watched the clouds outside, slowly shifting and moving. The weather was warm but a little breezy out. I sat outside enjoying the cool wind against my skin. I guess this wasn't that bad. I had a short moment of bliss before I regained consciousness.

"Your Majesty, your food has arrived," Snoopy spoke softly behind me.

As I exhaled, I turned around and nodded. I walked back into my palace and was welcomed by the smell of fresh duck. Snoopy followed behind me, waiting for her orders.

While I sat myself down, I finally focused my attention on her. "Is it done?"

"Yes, Empress," Snoopy responded, bowing deeply. "I will go out in a few more minutes to check."

"Good." I picked up my chopsticks and invited Hua Er to dig in with me. My maids left us to eat, and I was thankful that they left. The new maids were not to be trusted around here.

The room became silent and we focused on satisfying our appetite. I enjoyed the cabbage the most. Almost every meal I ate was more vegetables than meat, which was everyone else's meals I believe. Hua Er was also eating. She looked out of it. She looked worried, almost, and I already knew why.

My plan was risky. Sending a maid out to do something like this may jeopardize my reputation. But, who can punish me? The Emperor won't because he'll be busy knowing the truth of his first son.

Hua Er eventually stopped eating. She placed her chopstick down on her bowl and looked up at me. "Ying Yue, do you think this is going to work?"

"—I mean Lan Yun is hiding in the other room," I whispered. Although Hua Er knew that Jaxon and I weren't from here, it's noted that she only knows the name he goes by here. "I'll send you off to signal him when time is ready."

"You're taking a huge risk, but I'll do it," Hua Er looked concerned, but her face quickly changed. She slightly knitted her eyebrows in determination. "If I'm going to be the Empress's lady-in-waiting, I need to toughen myself up."

I grinned. I was proud of the person Hua Er became. Dressed in a nicer hanfu, cleaned up with nicely done-up hair, she was no longer a timid farm girl anymore. Lei Shu, still a maid, had the opportunity to see her daughter often.

Lei Shu as a maid for Chang Ying, is also something that I have as an advantage.

We finished up our lunch quite quicker than usual. Snoopy was fast. She hastily rushed into the dining area. Before she spoke, she bowed again.

Snoopy leaned over to me and whispered. "Your Majesty, Madame Chang Ying has dismissed her maids."

I maintained my eye contact with Hua Er while Snoopy spoke. Hua Er nodded at my quiet command and stood up from the table.

We both watched as she left the doorway and to the bedroom.

Without looking up at Snoopy, I said, "Thank you."

"It is my pleasure, Your Majesty," Snoopy paused. "Besides, it is about time for a traitor to get what she deserves."

It was hard to watch myself do this. Not even watching myself—walking in my own shoes. Even in my throne next to the Emperor, it felt uncomfortable. Everything around me was a blur. I was starting to regret this but something inside of me kept urging me to relax. This was all for the better. Everything I did, was all for the better.

Selfish, I know, but I had to be selfish. If I wasn't a tiny bit selfish, I would've already been dead. There were things I had to do that would be the best for me. A mini devil and angel are sitting at the opposites of my shoulders. I chose to listen to the devil more often.

The Emperor had his eyes glued to the entrance of the hall. Any time now, Chang Ying would come in and confess what she's done. Although I felt guilty for even freeing the memory of Wan Er in the Emperor's mind, I felt that I had to bring justice. It was fate, wasn't it? It was fate that I felt compelled to expose what happened.

If Chang Ying is threatening my position of the throne, then I'll get rid of her. When that happens, I'll watch what the officials have to say about me.

"Send in Imperial Noble Consort Lu to seek audience!"

I cleared my throat and shuffled in my seat. I chose not to look at the Emperor's direction, and rather straight ahead. The Emperor didn't know what was going to hit him. But what could you do in this situation? The truth was ugly and it's best to be enlightened than in the dark, no matter how painful it was.

"Warming blessings to Your Majesties!" Chang Ying walked to the front of us and kowtowed. She looked perfectly fine, but I continued to wait.

"At ease," the Emperor responded.

His light-hearted tone of voice made me ball up my hanfu fabric. This wouldn't have happened if Chang Ying had left me alone... This wouldn't have happened if she could just be a friend... Now I felt guilty but relieved at the same time. How is that even possible?

I swallowed. "What has happened?"

"Your Majesty," Chang Ying tried to speak, but her voice was small now. She looked vulnerable while she knelt before us. Her eyes paced back and forth on the Emperor and then me. "I... I am responsible for Xiao Wen's death..."

The Emperor shook his head. "What are you trying to say? This is not a joking matter... Xiao Wen's death has nothing to do with you!"

"N-No! Your Majesty, I-I am telling the truth," Chang Ying, now sobbing, kowtowed again. Tears streamed down her cheeks while she tried to maintain her composure. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "It's all my fault! Please forgive me, Your Majesty!"

She sniffled, shaking her head while she looked away from the Emperor. "After Wan Er's death, I... I didn't want Xiao Wen to—I just wanted to be the consort to bear a son for you! That was it!"

"So you killed her son?" I asked, leaning back.

"This is ridiculous! How is that possible? Chang Ying," the Emperor's voice boomed. It was louder than usual. "How can you have possibly murdered Xiao Wen?"

Chang Ying looked at me for a split second before fixating her gaze at the Emperor. She sniffed again. In the light, I could see the wetness of her cheeks but I didn't know she would cry. Chang Ying also felt guilty. I didn't think she would feel guilt, or remorse by the things she did.

She blinked back her tears. "I... I suffocated him with a pillow... It was quick and easy. I didn't—"

"Why are you telling me this now? How long have you kept this inside of you?" the Emperor yelled. His face reddened. A small vein was popping from his neck.

I winced at the sudden change of his tone. Chang Ying was still someone I thought of as a close friend. No matter what had happened before, I still had a level of respect for her that I didn't have for anyone else in the harem. She helped me through a lot.

This was what I hated. I hated feeling guilty. Chang Ying deserved to be executed. She deserved it because she betrayed me.

"I'm guilty, I know, Your Majesty! I am begging for forgiveness," Chang Ying shrieked. More tears began to form. "After all this time, I couldn't bear you a child! Why should the son of a dead consort be alive?"

"Are you saying the same thing about Li Hua as well?" I raised an eyebrow.

The Emperor stood up in anger. He wagged his index finger at Chang Ying. "I loved you! Even if you haven't given me a son, you still have a high ranking... How dare you kill an innocent baby! How dare you kill a potential heir to the throne!"

"You harmed the Imperial bloodline, that is unacceptable," I shook my head.

Chang Ying started speaking, but all of it was just inscrutable blubbering.

"I loved you, I cared for you," the Emperor glared at her. "You were a highly favoured consort... How could you have done this to me?"

I felt sick. I wanted to faint. I wanted to leave this all to the Emperor. Call me a coward but I couldn't sit and watch my old friend be punished.

"You were kind, virtuous, always a role model to the other women in the harem," the Emperor continued to speak. "It was all just an act, wasn't it?"

"No, Your Majesty! I still am that woman, I still am! Please," Chang Ying cried, kowtowing once again. "I was being irrational at the time! Aren't you glad that I... that I am finally giving you closure, Your Majesty?"

How did it end up like this? We were just fine a few weeks ago. Both of us, laughing, smiling, being true to each other. Chang Ying liked me. I knew she did. Although she wanted to use me as a pawn, it's no secret that she truly did consider me as a friend. Maybe I was delusional, but I always felt so.

She wasn't purely evil. I know she wasn't. But this was a matter between Chang Ying or me, and I chose myself. The Emperor didn't hesitate one bit. It must've been because of his experience with the late empress. I was afraid if I was ever caught, that he'd do the same to me.

The Emperor sat down on his throne. "Strip her from her title! Drag Chang Ying out of the hall!"

It didn't take long for the Emperor to call an execution on Chang Ying. Not a public one, though. It also didn't take long for me to realise that he wanted me to be the one watching her. Did he know? Did he know that Chang Ying and I had a falling out? I always thought it wasn't that obvious, but he could've known.

Before I even visited the Cold Palace, I visited Su Yin. I wanted to cry. I was close to having a breakdown because this was too overwhelming. Chang Ying was going to die. Like the late empress, Chang Ying was going to go down the same path.

And I am the cause of it.

"Happiness and peace to the Empress," Su Yin bowed, her lips pressed together.

Su Yin also must be feeling what I was going through. We both are going through this together. Chang Ying deserved it, we both know that, but the fact that she was still a friend to us... it was hard to not be upset over it.

I hated Chang Ying and I still do. But she saved my life over a hundred times here. In a sense, I used her as well as she used me.

"At ease," I spoke softly. Her maids pulled out a chair for me to sit on, which I sat on respectfully. When I finished getting comfortable, I faced Su Yin. "... It's been done."

Su Yin nodded as a response. She leaned her chin on the palm of her hand. "Good."

"Su Yin, do you feel any remorse? Any mercy for her? I... I slightly do because she was still a good friend." I cleared my throat while I took the cup in front of me.

"No, I don't, Empress," Su Yin scoffed. "Madame Chang Ying deserved it regardless of how many times she helped you out... She had no right to do all those things to you, so I bid her farewell!"

I envied Su Yin. She didn't care. I did, which was a trait I didn't want to have as a literal queen. Not even a queen, even better, an empress. Ruthlessness was something I had to be accustomed to.

No more guilt and no more regrets. Still, I stay silent in front of Su Yin. She didn't forgive Chang Ying, yet I was silently debating whether I should or not. Su Yin knew ultimately, what was better, as she was always neutral in all sorts of situations.

Su Yin thought quietly for a moment before looking up at me again. "But there is something that I don't understand, Your Majesty... Why didn't Chang Ying blame you? Or tell His Majesty that you might be plotting against her?"

"She's also hypnotized to forget who I am," I explained, setting the teacup down in front of me. "She doesn't remember who I am, except for the fact I am the Empress. I made sure of that."

Realising that staying in Su Yin's chamber won't do me any good, I stood up and dismissed myself. I shouldn't be thinking too much. If I continue thinking about Chang Ying's role in my life, I won't be able to get rid of her. But, it was easier said than done

As I headed for the Cold Palace, I continued to bother myself.

This was for the best. It was for my own good. How could I be a woman in power if I have to pity everyone I see? It didn't have to end this way and it shouldn't. It was a bittersweet feeling in my heart.

Chang Ying looked up at me as I towered over her. She quickly kowtowed. "Happiness and peace to the Empress."

My emotions got ahold of me immediately after seeing Chang Ying look miserable. Her hair was still well-kempt and done. She looked gorgeous as ever. To waste such beauty, to waste such a woman, it was hard to do. She was too pretty to die. Chang Ying was prettier than the late empress, and I can admit that. If only things were different...

It bothered me that her beauty would go to waste.

Tears started to gradually well up. Chang Ying was my closest friend, other than Hua Er. She was someone that I admired because I thought she was strong yet graceful. I respected her, as much as I didn't want to, I truly did. You can't blame me.

"Y-Your Majesty, why are you crying?" Chang Ying said, quietly. She looked at me with worried eyebrows and slightly pouted. Her eyes watered as well.

By the time she finished her sentence, tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks. There was no going back now. The more I stay here, the more I look at her, the more I want to free her. Soon, I'll head to the Emperor's quarters and ask him to spare her.

That wasn't what I wanted. It was either spare Chang Ying and have her be a potential threat to me in the future, or execute her and know that I will be safe.

I chose to keep myself safe.

Chang Ying watched as I tried to blink back my tears. I could see my reflection clearer from her glossy eyes. She didn't even know...

"Your Majesty... I'm the one who should be crying! I did something awful! I should be punished a thousand times!" Chang Ying exclaimed.

My eyes darted to Chang Ying's hand. It was me who should've reached for the wine vessel, but Chang Ying took the initiative to take it before I did. She didn't beg me, nor ask me for any favours... She took it herself.

There was a stabbing pain in my chest.

While Chang Ying held the cup to her lips, I fought the urge to stop her. More tears were running down my cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry, sister... I know it's hard," I sniffed. I tried my best to stop my tears from flowing but it continued to flow freely from my eyes. I couldn't stop crying. "You have to know that other than what you did to Wan Er's son, you are still..."—I quickly wiped away my tears—"not the worst person I know."

Maybe she wasn't as bad as the late empress. Maybe I was too harsh on Chang Ying.

Chang Ying's eyes studied my face. I slowly joined her on the floor, kneeling to accompany her to her death. How many more of these do I have to do?

After I settled down in front of her, Chang Ying's chin trembled as she held the cup to her lips. The tears racing down her face made its way to her chin.

I didn't rush her. I chose to let her take her time and enjoy the few remaining minutes of her life. That was the least I could do. Chang Ying was going to die either way.

I watched her hesitate to drink from the wine vessel. She looked away from me. Her eyes stared off into the distance while she let her tears fall freely. I tried to hide what I felt, but my cheeks were already wet and burning. Both of us, sniffling in the company of each other.

"The worst thing that ever happened to me, was moving into the harem... I wanted to be the next empress so I can truly be happy and secure," Chang Ying shook her head. The cup against her lips was waiting. "I can't even leave the harem, Your Majesty... I lost my family. This is all I have."

"You have a great life here, Chang Ying, I don't understand..." I whispered.

No one tried to plot against her, no one tried to frame her for anything. The officials liked her. They preferred her over me.

She looked at me with the most miserable eyes I've ever seen. "Your Majesty, you must understand... All I wanted the Emperor's love... I love him. I think I love him more than anyone in this harem."

Here it goes. I wonder why she and the late empress didn't just compete, it was annoying that they paid attention to irrelevancy, who was me.

However, I understood her as much as I understood the late empress.

She could've addressed our situation in a better way. It wasn't my problem. It was her's. I still pitied her. She had nobody. After I confronted her with Su Yin watching, she had already lost. Who else did she have?

The harem life was lonely, even for an Imperial Noble Consort. That was the hard truth. The harem life was frightening because everyone was against you. You are either the perpetrator or the victim... Sometimes you end up as both.