A week passed and the Emperor and I had accompanied each other more than before. He treated me tenderly and still offered gifts, but I don't think he loved me. I'm glad but sad at the same time. He must love me, he had to. Every time we had dinner or spoke with each other, we had insightful conversations. We talked about Chinese philosophical topics and the battle going on right now. I was never informed about war, neither did I care about it. One of the Palace rules is that the harem should never interfere with politics nor state affairs, but it was funny to me that the Emperor broke that rule for me.

It was a daily routine. If we didn't get to spend time with each other, I'd sometimes stay with him during his court assemblies or when he did his work. There was heavy security. We would have to be prepared to run or duck down if anything happened. Being the Emperor was a security risk, but I wasn't very aware of it before.

Still, the Emperor made no actions to kiss me nor touch me. I didn't care, but I felt that to be an empress, the Emperor would have to love me. Chang Ying would have a greater chance. She came from a noble household and she wasn't a 'poor orphan' like me.

My maids were always there to kick doubt out of the picture. I closed my eyes trying to regain consciousness and presence while they chatted away. There was nothing else to do but sit down for lunch and talk to Hua Er and my maids.

"Madame Ying Yue, have you heard of the palace rumours?" Pink asked, smirking while wiping down the table.

I shook my head and gently placed the vessel down. "No, I have not. Enlighten me."

"The Emperor has spent more time with you than the other concubines," Pink explained, filling my vessel with more wine. Drinking wine after lunch was something that turned out to be a routine. "Your Grace, you don't think..."

"His Majesty has been very kind to me... He showers me with gifts," I sighed, holding the pair of golden earrings with baby blue gems at the bottom. "But I doubt he loves me. He has kept his distance from me, and he treats me more like a companion rather than an Imperial Noble Consort."

Hua Er crossed her arms. "Nonsense! You're doubting who you are. You are one of a kind and better than any of them!"

"I guess so. Thank you." I mumbled. The wine vessel staring back at me in disgust begged to differ. I gently pushed it out of my sight and got up to return to the main hall of my palace. As my maids moved out of my way, Chang Ying stood in the doorway.

I looked at her, confused at her current presence. She rarely came uninvitingly and usually told me an hour before. Chang Ying sternly looked at me while she blocked my way. I didn't think much about it and took a step back, allowing her to walk in and sit down at the dinner table.

My maids watched. I watched. I didn't even greet nor speak to her, and neither did she. Was she mad about me not confronting Niu Lin? If that was it, she didn't have to act like that. My body was tensing up. I was waiting for an acknowledgement.

Her maids and my maids clashed, both watching us.

I spoke up first.

"Sister, is there anything you want to talk to me about?" I asked kindly, plastering a small smile on my face as I sat across from her.

She looked at our maids, and then looked at me. I quickly knew what she meant.

"Leave us," I said to my maids. After they left, I respectfully poured Chang Ying a vessel of wine, which she quickly accepted.

It was just the two of us, with Hua Er standing behind me. Chang Ying held the wine in her hand, as she glared at Hua Er. Then, she looked back at me. I knew what she wanted me to do. By the look on her face, I know she meant business.

Something was bothering her and she had to take it out on me. I wasn't afraid to challenge her. If anything, she should be afraid of me. Now that she was my equal, there was no need for me to suck up to her.

I cocked an eyebrow. "Hua Er can stay."

Chang Ying hesitated for a moment, before nodding casually. She put the rim of the vessel up to her lips and sipped. Her eyes lingered at me.

I watched her intently. My body was stiffening under my hanfu, and my eyes were watching Chang Ying with trepidation. There was no way she would be this mad because I didn't confront Niu Lin. Her lips didn't even twitch a smile. I was not used to her hostile nature, and it made me rush into a fight or flight situation.

As she placed the wine vessel down, she inhaled sharply. "Stop competing with me for the 'Empress' position."

Hua Er's hand behind my shoulder stiffened. I craned my neck towards Chang Ying and squinted at her like she was being ridiculous. The blunt response caught me off-guard. Wasn't she the one who lifted me up to be the next empress? Wasn't she the one who helped me with all the schemes the Empress planned?

Chang Ying's eyes were throwing daggers at Hua Er and me. The plump, redness of her lips tightened into a thin line as she continued to wait for my response. I was speechless. She changed her mind and wanted to be the next empress? Not on my watch.

"I will get the 'Empress' title," I sternly responded, gripping my knee to maintain my anger. "Chang Ying, you cannot make up your mind last second. You wanted me to be empress the moment we met."

"I changed my mind," Chang Ying breathed heavier. "Ying Yue, you will do as I say. I rescued you from many—"

I shot myself up from my chair. To control myself from decking her across the cheek, I held the edge of the table. "I can do what I'd like to do! You informed me before that you wouldn't want the 'Empress' title. What made you change your mind?"

"Do you think His Majesty would make a low-born woman like you the empress? Don't be ridiculous," Chang Ying scoffed.

This would be the last of our friendship. How could we ever go back to being friends? She showed her true colours today. I knew that this wasn't as serious as I was taking it, but I was still hurt over her attitude towards me.

How could someone go from risking her status to help me, to switching up on me and not letting me succeed? If she told me earlier she wanted to be empress, I would've been fine. Her indecisiveness was deadly to me.

"I trusted you! You are one of my closest friends here," I placed a hand on my chest. "How dare you treat this like a competition? You told me you never want to—"

Chang Ying winced. "Ying Yue, you're a great friend. I love you dearly, sister, but it's time to back down before you get hurt."

My blood boiled. I could feel my throat burning in anger. I was hot, my cheeks were heating up as I spoke.

"Oh, someone will get hurt," I raised an eyebrow as I leaned my body towards her. "But it won't be me."

The need for power was spreading through my veins, keeping me amped. I craved it. My burning desire for the empress title will continue to blaze. Chang Ying had already added fuel to it, and I couldn't wait for more fuel to be added to the fire.

I would never plot against Chang Ying. She was still a friend to me. I still respected her as a friend. I trusted her with my life, plenty of times, but now, I can't talk to her. I trusted her, and I still do. If one of us gets the empress title, I know it will get back to normal. That was the first argument we had. I'd like to hope we'll be friends again but friends weren't supposed to compete with each other. It was only here, in the harem, where friends were supposed to compete.

Hua Er was more shocked than I was. After Chang Ying left, Hua Er began to badmouth her. I didn't stop her either. I felt guilty for not stopping it, but after all the things I've done here, this level of guilt was minor.

While I made my way into the Emperor's hall, I sucked in a deep breath. His eunuch was calm. He was always very sweet to me, and I'd like to think that we had a great relationship. Needless to say, I did get along with others. The only reason some eunuchs in the harem might've been against me was because of their superiors.

"Greetings to Your Majesty." I kneeled and bowed my head.

The Emperor stood up from his throne and away from his study. He towered over me. "You may rise."

"Thank you, Your Majesty," I said calmly. He helped me up.

"What brings you here?" he asked, smiling at me as he caressed my cheek.

There was nothing I could do. We could talk, but he was busy doing his work. Chang Ying was up for competition, and I was too. The Emperor can only choose between us, or even choose a Noble Consort if we both weren't adequate.

I knew I was adequate, more than enough. But, Chang Ying was right. I was low-born, I didn't have a noble household I can rely on to get me this title. But the Emperor did what he wanted. His eyes were dull, darkening as he looked at me but the glint in his eyes when he smiled, told me that he didn't despise me.

I talked to him for a few minutes before going back to my chamber. He treated me tenderly, preciously, but there was just something missing. He kept his distance from me, pushing me away as I did to him before. Now, I didn't want him to push me away. I needed him to pull me in. I needed him to want me. Was that karma?

After, I started to doubt myself even more. The Emperor was inscrutable, I was unable to look at him and know what he was thinking. He was unpredictable. What we had, I didn't know. The distance between us was killing me. I don't want him to keep me at arm's length, which I felt as if he was planning to do.

Now, I was starting to feel as if I wouldn't become the next empress.

The Emperor chose to not choose an empress—that was what I predicted. It's been weeks and the title is still vacant. After Wan Er had died, the Emperor replaced her with Dong Mei. I was assuming the Emperor would replace the Empress's spot with another woman.

He still hasn't.

The Emperor was either trying to choose between Chang Ying and me, or it was him realising that the 'Empress' title was too chaotic. There were rumours the Empress Dowager urged him to hurry up and choose, but he needed time. I understood.

The visits from the Emperor was lessening, and now, nobody knew what he was up to. There were two recent pregnancies, but that was it. The Emperor didn't visit any of them. He stayed in his study or was seen in court. Although I accepted him and understood his feelings, I still wanted him to choose quickly. Chang Ying and I didn't speak to each other. When we walked past each other while we took a stroll, we gave each other a curt nod and moved along. After this, the harem started to become more difficult to manage.

However, I can't say it was my fault.

I tried my best to manage the harem without Chang Ying. But we still needed to cooperate with each other. Chang Ying was friendly towards me, and I reciprocated the energy back, but there was still hostility in the air between us. The rest knew.

Jaxon and I spent more time with each other. Both of us remained distant. We talked about our life before. I was still deciding on what I wanted to do in life, but I wanted to create an empire. I felt like there was nothing much to say about what I was doing because I went with the flow of life. I had many interests that varied from physics to philosophy and other subjects, but as a person, I was very versatile.

Jaxon was already wealthy himself and I wasn't surprised. The Emperor enjoyed his company and what he had to say in terms of running a country. Jaxon was one of the Emperor's favourites.

That makes two of us.

I waited for the guilt to dissolve, but it remained within me. I did things behind the Emperor's back. I was already imagining my last sip of the suicide wine. Yes, I called it the suicide wine.

"You still haven't made up with Madame Chang Ying." Hua Er remarked as she stared at me.

"Yes," I replied, not pausing as I walked. "I'll keep it that way."

The humid, yet breezy environment helped me remain my cool. Summer was already here. It was fast. Just a second ago, I was still thinking that it was spring. I stayed in the Palace for such a long time that I was able to see the season of summer. There was a bittersweetness to it because I did love summer, but I couldn't believe my luck that I'd stay for this long.

That was sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell.

I didn't know if there was a time limit to how long I'd stay here for, but I don't want to risk it. My mind raced with too many negative thoughts. I couldn't bear to think about having to stay here my whole life. I was already used to being here, though. After months of not being able to use the internet, I have finally been able to function without it.

But I had a future back home. There were things I wanted to pursue. I had talents I didn't want to waste. Although I have adapted to this place, this is not my home. I missed my family. I missed my friends.

A couple of weeks ago it was Cherry's birthday, which I had forgotten about. I wondered what she was doing and how she was managing without me.

"Madame Ying Yue!" I heard someone call my name. It was an urgent tone. I turned around quickly and saw the person walk past my maids.

Su Yin dashed right into me. I held her away from me and looked at her strangely. She gasped for air as she gripped onto my shoulder. The panicked look on her face alarmed me. This wasn't good. Su Yin has never looked as startled as this.

I held both of her shoulders, pushing her away from me lightly. As I kept her body steady, my eyes wandered over her face. "What happened?"

"M-Madame Chang Ying... I saw her... going into your estate through the window," Su Yin breathed, still gasping for air. "H-Her Grace... She's gone insane!"

With a blink of an eye, I was dashing to my palace. I never ran so fast in my life. Actually, I don't even run.

My heart was pounding against my chest, I could be running a marathon. My maids were fading away behind me. They tried to catch up, yelled for me to slow down, but I kept on running. Chang Ying wanted war. I don't want war. I don't want anything burning between us. I already ended a war with the Empress, I don't want to do it again. Chang Ying was stupid. Very stupid. The fact that she thinks she'll succeed when she goes against me, made me laugh. We were all friends before this happened, I don't understand why she'd do this to me. Chang Ying was still mature about it. Now, I beg to differ.

I was gasping for air by the time I reached my estate. As I walked in, I spotted Chang Ying trying to plant something in my bedroom. She looked like a deer about to get hit by a car. Her eyes bulged out.

There was something in her hand. It looked foreign to me. I squinted to get a better look but my eyes were playing tricks on me.

I was surprised she did this herself. Usually, a eunuch or a maid would be doing the dirty work.

"Drop it," I demanded, looking at the object she was attempting to hide. She was right next to my bed, the sacred place I sleep on—the place that I felt at peace. She tainted it, tainted my safe place.

Chang Ying sighed. Not in anger, but in shame. She threw the object towards my feet, and I stared in horror. I looked at her in disbelief. I waited for her to apologize, waited for her to explain herself, but she kept quiet. I swallowed the build up saliva. I wanted to scream, yell at her even. The friend in front of me wanted to curse me.

The small voodoo doll scared me. I don't like messing with black magic. It was something that scared me. Demons, evil spirits, whatever it was, I didn't mess with. I didn't know whether to feel angry or upset because one of my closest friends here, wanted me dead.

I felt my heart stop. I was more upset than angry, but my blood was still boiling. English cuss words were swarming around my head, but I chose not to blow my cover.

"You vile, wicked, backstabbing wench!" I shrieked, picking up the voodoo doll and chucking it at her. It hit her chest, but Chang Ying remained still. She continued to blink at me. I held my hands into fists.

"Your Grace, you—" my maids called, walking in on the scene. Hua Er walked behind me. She gasped at the doll. She covered her mouth with her hand.

Chang Ying gulped. She slowly picked up the voodoo doll and clutched it in her hand. "Y-Ying Yue... I didn't cast it to have you killed! It was only to demote you... or have you remain as an 'Imperial Noble Consort'."

"You still did it!" I yelled.

"I know! I apologize! It was reckless of me," Chang Ying cried, her body stiffened at my loud voice. "I have been caught. I will do anything for you to forgive me. This is the last time I'll plot against you."

I couldn't believe this. I wished I could wake up and realise it was all a dream. Chang Ying was dead to me. She was dead to me, my maids, Hua Er, and everyone I associated with. She was also dead to Su Yin.

Chang Ying's eyes pleaded with me, but I could only ignore them. I hated her so much. I hated her as much as I hated the Empress almost. I had to face the fact that Chang Ying prevented me from getting killed or exiled many times. She helped me out. She was still overall a good friend to me. There was nothing else to do to her, nothing else to say.

Chang Ying was dead to me.

The harem was dirty. So, so dirty. I moved in thinking I would be safe. This place was dirty. There were so many schemes, gossip, betrayals that I didn't think of before. I wasn't even aware of the thoughts of my own friend betraying me. First Chen Xi, and now Chang Ying. Who else will it be next?

As much as I wanted to strangle her to death in my bedroom, I knew I had to be a bigger person. I stared at Chang Ying, still shocked as to how low she'll stoop to be the next empress. The need for power was consuming both of us, but I had a good reason. Chang Ying, I doubt it.

I did what I had to do and just remained calm, or else she'll think of me as a weakling. The Emperor had already shielded me with his protection. The Empress could've sentenced me to imprisonment or death, but the Emperor wanted himself to judge. I was doted on already. Chang Ying helped me against the Emperor, but the Emperor helped me against the Empress. I already schemed twice, and it worked. I couldn't do it without Chang Ying, but I was still the mastermind.

I'm not relying on anyone anymore. I was done.

I stood aside from the doorway. "Get out. Take the doll out with you and away from me!"

"I did what I had to do, sister," Chang Ying walked towards the doorway until she was next to me. We faced the opposite direction. "I didn't wish death upon you, just remember that."