"I am afraid this won't work," Uncle Bin was the first to speak up after I explained my plan. "The Empress comes from a prestigious family... This might be too minor."

A genius would never tell anyone the rest of her schemes. It's too dangerous to expose all of what I wanted to do, to a group of people. Who knows what these people are capable of? Trust is important in a relationship but I can't trust anyone anymore.

Last night, I visualized and played the scenario of the Empress being exposed in front of many in a loop. My hatred for her gradually rose to the point where I'll burn when I see her face. How can we let a murderer be the mother of our nation? How can we let such a corrupt woman get such a high title? It's not different than it is in modern society. Countries will have corrupt officials, it's quite common.

I wanted to bring the Empress down and I'll do whatever it takes to bring her down. I'll risk my life for it. Clearly, she doesn't know who she's truly messing with. By the time I'm finished, she'd wish she didn't slap me the first time we met.

Who have I become? I don't know, but I liked it.

"I trust her, the maid," I indicated the maid sitting next to him on the right. She had an innocent aura. I looked at her. "You'll do it, won't you?"

"Yes, Your Grace," she nodded firmly. "Her Majesty treats us decently, but one small thing can get us flogged... Sometimes I contemplate whether to put something in her drink or not."

I'll pretend like I didn't hear that...

"Please be careful." I placed my palm on the table and got up.

The maid bowed her head. "Yes, Your Grace. I'll risk my life if I have to."

"Hearing that brings a smile on my face but," my smile faded slowly, and I soon was concerned for the maid's safety. "Do not risk your life. I'll regret it and hate myself for the rest of my life."

She smiled, sadly, and I knew she wouldn't listen to me. Having people willingly die or risk their lives to kill you, must say something about your character.

Uncle Bin sighed in defeat. He looked up and proceeded to give me a big smile. "Well, Your Grace is a very intelligent woman and I believe in you!"

"As do I." the maid dipped her head down.

"Great," I smiled. "Then I'll take my leave from here."

Now it's been hours and I still haven't had a word from Uncle Bin. I've been inside all day and still, nothing has come up. I was starting to doubt my efforts. The Empress had to have secrets of her own.

What if I misjudged her and there were not a lot of things the Empress had done? Perhaps she kept her possessions hidden. I mean, if I was her, I would. Maids are extremely vigilant, from what I know, but if she doesn't find anything useful, I might have to cry. I'll cry for a bit and work myself into sneaking into the Empress's estate.

Yes, that'll work.

I let out a groan, startling Hua Er as she worked on a new attire for herself. Her fingers worked gently on the machine and I was glad she didn't hurt them. The last time I worked on a sewing machine was years ago. I had to do it for a class and it was unbearable. I ended up destroying the fabric and failing the assignment, but I still passed the course.

Memories.

Still, I think of myself before this journey, and I think I've learned a lot. Sometimes, I even forget my name is Carmen and not Ying Yue. But it was nice to be called Madame Ying Yue. I still yearn to go back but leaving this place would be like leaving a place where I felt more... I don't know... Independent? Strong?

Here, I am supported. I don't have to worry about salary nor whether I'm going to pay rent or bills. I feel powerful when I step outside. Although I still feel powerful even in my true universe, I feel stronger. Or maybe I just developed the strength along the way. Either way, my heart will ache once I leave this place.

Funny how at first I wanted to leave badly, but now I'm even contemplating my stay.

Time changes someone.

"What are you whining about this time?" Hua Er threw the fabric over the sewing kit and looked at me.

I pressed the pillow against my face and let out a muffled cry. "My life! My thoughts! My... Everything! Hua Er, I'm going to burst!"

Hua Er unleashed her scolding tone at me and got up to snatch the pillow away from me. She threw it on the other side of the bed. My arm hurt at her harsh grab as she yanked me out of bed.

"Leave me to be, Hua Er! I demand you!" I cried, my hair was messy and I knew my maids would be so mad at me right now.

"Get up! We are going out and getting some fresh air." Hua Er pulled my arm, and my upper body lifted with it.

I pouted.

Hua Er exhaled and turned to Fen Ai. "Redo her hair, this child has been moping around and needs a little bit of a fix."

"Who are you calling a child?" I uttered like a toddler with a temper tantrum.

My maids hastily sat me down on my chair facing the mirror. My hair was all over the place and the perfectly done-up hair looked like a bird's nest. The headpiece was on the verge of falling off. My pins were still intact. I looked like a mess but a beautiful mess. A cute mess, if you will.

They were quick and efficient. I respect them for that. Birds nest to silky birds nest. I closed my eyes as they ran their fingers through my hair and worked their magic.

"When her hair is finished, we'll walk to the rivers," Hua Er said as they did my hair, then turned to Blue. "Please fetch two flowers I've made."

"What are you up to?" I eyed her in the mirror.

Hua Er shrugged. "You ask too many questions."

We walked towards the river with Hua Er smiling from ear to ear beside me. She looked youthful under the radiating light, beaming almost as bright as the sun. Although I was still clouded with my thoughts, I smiled at her.

It was a little bit windy. The wind brushed Hua Er's hair in a beautiful rhythm and for once, Hua Er looked liberated. Whenever we went out, she seemed quiet and moody but now, she was even grinning at me. Hua Er was a hybrid of a little girl and a scolding mother. Maybe that was what I needed.

She held the two flower pieces she pieced together in her hands. Yellow and pink. Hua Er probably fetched them from the gardens or told a maid to get them for her. I wouldn't know; she had too many hobbies and activities she always did.

"Here." Hua Er cheerfully placed one in the palm of my hand.

I furrowed my eyebrows, but my smile was still there. "What is this for?"

"Let me explain," Hua Er rolled her eyes, then turning her attention towards the river. The more we got closer, the louder the noises the water made when it rapidly rippled. "This is a flower I always use when I want my wish to come true."

"What's the proof of it working?" I asked.

Immediately after, I regretted it. This was ancient China, they all believe in weird omens and superstitions. I can't judge, though, I kept up with my horoscopes.

Hua Er firmly pressed her lips together and looked at me in dismay. "Ying Yue, do you have to question everything?"

"Very well, I apologize. You brought me here with a smile on your face, and I want us to leave with satisfaction for both of us." I nodded after I spoke and cupped the flower in the palms of my hands.

The wind didn't knock over my hair. For an era with no hairspray, it's magnificent how my hair is still standing straight. I hope there isn't a Leaning Tower of Pisa on top of my head.

We were very close to the river now, a few meters away. Hua Er let out a heartful exhale and closed her eyes. "Make a wish, Ying Yue. Take your time." I hesitated. It looked sort of stupid but I closed my eyes and took a long inhale. I visualized me, towering over the Empress while she looked at me in desperation. I'd smile sinisterly. I'd mention Guan Shu, the entire time. I'd mention all the things I had to go through to be in the position I will be in.

Never have I ever felt this passionate about someone else's downfall. Never have I ever wished for someone else's downfall. Never have I ever felt this fire ignite within me, and every day it spreads until it covers my entire inner body.

"Done!" I exclaimed, opening my eyes to see Hua Er staring right at me.

Hua Er scoffed, then crossed her arms against her chest. "I knew you were mocking me, but look at you. You made the longest wish!"

"I apologized!" I giggled, then slowly walked towards the river to set my flower free.

As the flower relaxes onto the water, the streams immediately pick it up. It runs, floating gracefully above the water. I felt my shoulders relax and my face less tense. The tranquil environment and the livelihood of the biodiversity around us had erased our worries. My flower, my wish, will float downstream and will come true.

The wind calmed down. There were no longer harsh breaths of the sky and Hua Er's hair remained still when she dashed towards me. A big smile on her face played when she grabbed my arm. "You look beautiful when you stare into the depths of nature."

"You're just being poetic," I said, but I smiled meekly at her compliment.

When we reached my palace, there were still no signs of notes nor visits. But I wasn't moody nor disappointed. I let everything out and I knew that what I wanted would come to me. It had to. Hua Er's belief had passed onto me and for some reason, I believed in her.

She stood up quickly and rubbed her stomach. "I'm hungry."

"It is almost time for dinner," I looked over at the candles, then getting up to go to the dining room. "I believe maids will be coming soon... I do crave tofu."

"When do you never?" Hua Er laughed.

I knew I shouldn't have doubted anything. After they tested the food for poison, maids set up dinner on the table and bowed. I nodded at their presence and tapped my chopstick on the table to balance them out.

I popped a dumpling in my mouth and chewed but a weird texture was stuck to the roof my mouth. There was something that shouldn't be in my food. Spitting the food out in my bowl, I looked around at my maids before eyeing the item.

A note.

The paper was strategically placed inside... dangerously. It wrote, 'Meet at the kitchen. 7.'

I wished Uncle Bin would have warned me before. The taste of paper is not pleasant. Still, I was glad that he had delivered what I wanted. Hua Er already knew by the look on my face and after dinner, we headed to the kitchen.

"Your Grace." Uncle Bin bowed, and the maid from before followed. She had survived.

"I received your note," I took a deep breath and exhaled. Smiling, I pulled out a chair and sat down, then turned to the maid. "Thank you."

The maid bowed deeply. "Please don't thank me, Your Grace. Everything you ask me, I will be able to do."

I grinned. "That wouldn't be necessary."

"Madame Ying Yue, Jia Ling found this paper Her Majesty wrote about you." Uncle Bin quickly reached into his pocket and unfolded a medium-sized sheet of paper.

I reached out to take it.

Oh, how my days have gone dark,

A mere consort,

A vicious woman, spell-casting woman,

Temptress, a woman with a lack of talent and abilities,

Can have the powerful man in the nation, favour her?

The deities will strike back,

she will face my wrath, Ying Yue,

Han Ying Yue, your name shines bright, seeping out of my husband's name, I am withering,

my beauty is withering like a lonesome flower after spring,

How,

While reading it, I furrowed my eyebrows at the end. It seemed she didn't even finish the garbage poetry she wrote. All these lines were her whining about me like I did something wrong. She marked the poem with a seal, but not with the stamp empresses usually use. It was a dark red phoenix symbol with small flowers around it. The poem was not well-written. Each time I read the lines, I cringed.

Hua Er was peeking over my shoulder, and I knew she wanted to laugh.

Uncle Bin cleared his throat, "You see, Your Grace, she does say your name a couple of times but... There is no evidence against her! You cannot possibly win. The Empress's family is far too—"

I was about to speak but Hua Er beat me to it. She dipped her head and her eyes darted up at Uncle Bin. Hua Er frowned. "Do not doubt her. She'll find a way to succeed."

My lips fought back a smile.

"Y-Yes, yes," Uncle Bin nodded, and looked at me. He fumbled with his attire and kneeled before me. "Please forgive me, Your Grace! I've offended you."

"Please get up," I gripped his wrists and helped him stand. "You've been there for me and as of now, all I need is support."

Uncle Bin nodded grimly. "I'll try my best to find anything. For now, would you two like some tofu pudding?"

I opened my mouth to speak.

"Oh yes! I do! I do!" Hua Er shrieked, almost tripping over her chair.

The sky was gradually darkening, and my time with the Emperor was livid. We took a long stroll around. Our relationship was more formal as I felt like I was holding back a lot of me while I accompanied him.

"Ying Yue, I have more knowledge about my people because of your idea," the Emperor spoke, holding my hand as we had shade under the pavilion. "Thanks to you, I have a clear idea of how the commoners are living."

"Your Majesty, I am very glad to assist you with anything you need." I leaned my body against the fence.

The Emperor had a puzzled expression on his face for a second, then shaking his head, snorting quietly. "I can't believe I did yearly inspections twice a year."

The sunlight was still hitting my hands. My arms were spread out, resting on the fence. My hands were warm and sweaty. Indeed, the weather started to heat up now. We were almost reaching summer, and I was glad. I couldn't wait for the summer breeze, the sunlight, the scent, the beautiful scenery. I can imagine reading outside the front entrance, with the doors opened, and learning every day.

Having that, would be pure bliss.

"That would bring attention to you, wouldn't it?" I asked, stepping forward towards him. He pulled me in closer.

"I would go to villages in disguise," the Emperor embraced me with his arm. "Do you think I am that foolish?"

I smirked. "Maybe..."

The Emperor cocked an eyebrow. He crossed his arm, mocking an angry expression on his face. "How dare you speak to me like that!"

"Apologies, Your Majesty!" I chuckled, adjusting to the arbitrary hug he gave me. My face was buried in his chest and my cheeks were squashed. I hope my lipstick wasn't ruined.

We did have a relatively friendly relationship. The Emperor and I teased each other and I knew he let his guards down slightly for me. There were times he showed his true side, the gentle side—the side he never showed during his court assemblies. The Emperor was a very difficult man to understand. He had secrets and so did I. Sometimes, I wish he told me more about himself but I was afraid I'd get attached to him. But, it wasn't very hard to get along with the Emperor. It wasn't hard to understand him at times.

"Your Majesty," I raised my head to face him, then slightly pulling myself away from his chest. He looked down at me and I was eye level with his chin. "Although there is a consensus, you can still be able to do annual inspections."

The Emperor didn't take many of the Palace rules seriously because he involved me with state affairs. I took that in.

"Do you want to come with me?" the Emperor asked, sharply after.

At first, I thought he was joking but there was no amusement in his tone of voice. He was literally asking me to go with him. He was serious... He's really asking me to go with him? The Emperor knitted his eyebrows and waited for me to speak up, but I was busy contemplating whether he was going to burst into laughter.

I nodded slightly.

"Excellent! I don't know when the next time I will be going, but I'll be sure to invite you." the Emperor grinned at me.

"Good." I smiled with teeth, pulling away from his embrace fully to give myself some time to breathe.

I stared at him for a while and he studied my face. Still, we were close to each other and I didn't step back. He locked eyes with me, and I had a feeling in a few seconds, we were going to lock lips.

My heart was pounding. His hands found their way to my waist and he pulled back from where I came from. We were in broad daylight, under a roof, making out. There was still a chance to pull away and leave but I stayed and gave it all I got. The Emperor was charming, way too charming, and whenever I tried to hate him, he pulled me right back into his zone. I hated it. I didn't love him. Love was a challenging emotion with an intensity that even I could never feel for someone.

It was me, who pulled away although I was engulfing the energy between us. My lips swelled. Gripping on the Emperor's arm, I slowly looked up at him. He smiled at me with eyes filled with amusement. So much for worrying about my lipstick...

"I-I can't... do this," I whispered meekly. "Give me time... I—"

The Emperor, who didn't look irritated, gently pushed my hands away. He gave me a concerned look and nodded. "That's fine. As long as you're with me."

I couldn't keep doing this. Constantly juggling two men at the same time was tiresome, especially when it emotionally drains me. It was impossible to keep up this facade of a loving consort. Jaxon was also on my mind. This would take time, a lot of time, to sort out what I want in love because I didn't come here to make out with men. I didn't come here for romance. I didn't come here willingly. Fate decided I woke up and entered the Imperial harem in ancient China. Why did this happen? I don't know. But something tells me that I wouldn't get an answer if I asked the world.

In regards to love, the Emperor was fully understanding. I was very grateful for his patience. He desired me. The passion he had for me was undeniable, yet I still struggle to reciprocate. There was something about him that pulled me in. But did I love him? No.

Did I love Jaxon? No.

Both of them intrigued me, and maybe I was playing around too much. It stops now. It's emotionally consuming. For now, I'll treat them both like companions, rather than lovers. It was for the better. When the Emperor visits, I'll have to keep my distance.

"Ying Yue," Hua Er softly said, waking me up from my thoughts. "This is my relative, Li Feng. He is one of Her Majesty's guards."