"May the Buddha bless our country with peace and lasting prosperity!" the Empress Dowager announced, clasping her hands together.

I towered over the others, with Chang Ying on the opposite side of me. It felt surreal to me that I had a view of everything from above, rather than sitting on the sidelines. The room was lively like always, but I stayed quiet. The meals were hard to digest because sitting nearly a few feet away from me, was the Empress. The Emperor was sitting closer to me but the Empress's presence nearly killed me.

Handling a week without Guan Shu was exactly how I imagined it to be. Lei Shu was another motherly figure who kept me sane, but I barely see her now. The void of the absence of my own mother was filled by the motherly maid, but now that she's gone, I didn't know what to do. It's been killing me.

My anger has been repressed but I'll unleash it very soon. The Empress is undeniably begging me to go to war, and I am a woman who enjoys fighting. If anybody is going down between both us, it's going to be her. Most definitely. Guaranteed.

Niu Lin was laughing at something a girl whispered to her. She took a gentle sip of her wine and placed it down slowly. The Emperor chose her because she was beautiful. That's it. Maybe she had talents, or whatever, but the only thing that was ever good about her is her beauty. I had my eyes on her for a while now, with the Empress on my mind.

There's no one who loves drama as much as Niu Lin does.

She took a piece of fish and put it in her mouth, her face in delight as she chews slowly to absorb the flavour. Niu Lin is capable of doing many things, evil things, if she was bribed. There's no doubt about it. Pieces of hair fall loosely on her face while she bends her hair to put the rice in her mouth.

I sip on the wine while watching her tuck her hair behind her ears.

Niu Lin can be bribed, easily.

The banquet ends, and I leave to go back to my palace. The doors open and I enter, my designer sneakers tap rhythmically against the hardwood floor. Hua Er notices my worn-out face and offers me a warm cup of water.

"Thank you," I say, allowing one of my maids to lead me to my seat to write.

Hua Er is awfully quiet. She doesn't speak at all. She's still flipping through books I've given to her. I've arranged literature classes for Hua Er so she can accompany herself. She can read, but there were still difficulties as she was only a farm girl.

My goal as of now was to avenge Guan Shu, and other people the Empress had done wrong. She messed with the wrong person. She really did. The Empress had this smug look on her face whenever she saw me, like she was going to get away with everything. My job is to not let her get away with everything.

But one of my concerns was the soft-hearted person Hua Er acted like. She wasn't able to speak up to authority nor anybody for that matter. She clung to me closely and relied on me and anyone else who associated with me. Chang Ying is one of my closest friends here, and Hua Er is still hesitant to speak to her.

If I want to bring the Empress down, I'll need my lady-in-waiting to understand my motion. I'll need Hua Er to toughen up and start living fearlessly.

"Hua Er," I called, firmly, brushing one last stroke of my sentence.

"Yes?" Hua Er peered up from the book she was reading.

I cleared my throat. "I am going to take down the Empress."

"Yes, you've said that... many times," Hua Er smiled. "I believe you."

"And I'll need you to stop hiding behind me when I talk to people," I put the brush on the holder and gave her my full attention. "I'm not going to play nice now, and neither should you."

"Ying Yue..."

"I am an Imperial Noble Consort now, and you are my lady-in-waiting. You're allowed to complain and nag other people below me."

"But, I-I don't think I'll be able to—"

"Su Yin and Chang Ying will be coming very shortly. Tomorrow, we're going to hunt for Niu Lin, and you're going to be the one talking."

"To who, exactly?"

"People that associate with Niu Lin?"

Hua Er leaves her book open but face down on the table next to her, frowning as she does. "You don't expect me to simply approach them in such a manner?"

"You have power in your hands, it's time for you to use." I walked down.

It was difficult for me to convince her because I never liked sugarcoating things—especially when I need this favour now. I wish I could cheerfully push in the idea and ease into it, but that wasn't me. I needed this more than ever.

I poured water for both of us. The flowing sounds of liquid hitting the cup relaxed me. Hua Er watched me silently, and I could feel her eyes gradually try to read me. My lips stayed firm as I handed her a cup. "I'll need you to do this because if you don't toughen yourself up, you won't be able to scare away anybody who pries into our business. If you see anything suspicious or if you have an idea, you tell me."

"I am not a consort that minds her business anymore," I continued. "I am a consort that will push myself into anybody's business, so I can blackmail or bribe."

"What makes you different from the Empress, then, Ying Yue? You're over here scheming like how she does!" Hua Er stood up in desperation.

"The Empress murdered two of my maids," I replied with a stern voice. "You're either with me or not, Hua Er, and I love you like a sister and a friend. If you don't do this, just for me, I will—"

"I'm with you." Hua Er interrupted.

In two more hours, we were going to sleep and wake up to another day... another day that will be more different. I had a lot of trust in Hua Er, and I knew she would be able to handle this operation. Operation. I laughed to myself... like we were spies or something.

There was a lot going on in my head. So many things I can do, but not all of them will work. I got myself out of the Cold Palace, so I know for a fact that I'm able to bring the Empress down. I'm smart. I'm capable.

And I should set up an example for others, to not mess with me, or any of my associates.

"Are we interrupting something?" I heard a feminine voice behind me.

I turned around to face Su Yin and Chang Ying who nervously greeted us. Su Yin bowed to me.

We started a game of cards, with Su Yin winning most of the rounds. I won twice and Hua Er won three times. Chang Ying won once. I didn't expect Hua Er to be almost up to Su Yin's level, but with Hua Er, she was always filled with surprises.

As always, we talk amongst ourselves while Su Yin shuffles. This time, I watch her shuffle. I was trying so hard to face my thoughts, but everything I kept thinking of, scared me. Chang Ying and Hua Er finally had a normal conversation while I stared at Su Yin's hands. Then I noticed it.

A two of spades flipped over and Su Yin quickly put it on top of the deck. She laid the card on her side, then continued to deal it to us.

I bit my cheek from laughing.

"You always win but you decide to shuffle for us," I inquired, my elbows were on the table and my fingers intertwined. I slowly leaned towards her, resting my chin on my fingers. "Is there a possibility that you're cheating?"

Su Yin paused her shuffling, then gazed at me. Chang Ying sipped on her tea quietly but was also eyeing Su Yin. I realised that Su Yin is a sneaky little fox. Her excessive shuffling didn't alarm any of us, but in a situation like I am in, I am alarmed 24/7.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes! I have! Seriously, it took you several months to figure that out?"—she turns to Chang Ying—"And for years, you still haven't figured it out?"

"For a while, I thought you were just being a good sport," Hua Er scoffed, hiding her amusement. "Maybe I would be the one beating you all if Su Yin didn't cheat!"

"You are sly," Chang Ying shook her head. "I cannot believe you cheated."

"I wouldn't say that I was cheating," Su Yin rolled her eyes. "'Sneakily deceiving people sounds better."

I let out a laugh. "We always thought you were trying to be a good person! Su Yin, I'd hate you but I can't."

"People like to make themselves look innocent, so they can manipulate," Su Yin said, now losing the cheerfulness in her voice. She cocked an eyebrow. "It's a strategy many people use."

By the tone of her voice, I already knew it was time for business. Chang Ying poured herself another cup of tea and took a pastry from the plate in front of her. She took a small bite and looked at me.

"You all are dismissed," I said to the maids.

I watched as all of the maids left the dining room. Once they were out of sight, I scooted my chair closer to the point where my rib cage was pressing against the table. "What are you trying to say?"

"Listen, I am not telling you to manipulate His Majesty. I am telling you to exaggerate your grief," Su Yin says calmly, like we weren't discussing something devious. Times like this make me glad that she's on my side. "Although you are mourning, you'll need to exaggerate your expressions. Continue moping around and look vulnerable."

Chang Ying smirked. "Her Majesty won't think you're up to anything and neither will anyone else."

"You are tired and still upset, I understand this, but I can tell that you will gradually overcome Guan Shu's death," Chang Ying let out a miserable sigh. "You are going to act like you're grieving... as if it's the first day of grief."

Hua Er's eyes widened at their sudden tone. "Do both of you have experiences with this?"

"I do," Chang Ying flashes a perfect smile. "They were good intentions and bringing down Her Majesty, is a good intention."

"I never expected you to know what I was going to say," Su Yin furrowed her eyebrows, then crossing her arms. "You stole my spotlight."

Chang Ying let out a heartful laugh but stopped when she looked at my face. My eyes were glaring at the pastries sitting nicely on the plate. I couldn't help but think about Guan Shu's limp body. We had a quiet funeral, but it wasn't grand.

I still felt the heated rage burning my throat.

"What are you thinking about, sister?" Chang Ying studied me.

I chewed my bottom lip, unsure whether to say it or not. As I let my inner-self pace around in my mind, I faced everyone. "Niu Lin."

I propped the embroidery of the dragon against my mirror in my bedroom. The Emperor took one good look at it. His eyebrows slanted up while he reached for the embroidery, then he ran his thumb along with the texture. I watched him silently, afraid that I might interrupt his thoughts.

Slowly, he traced the dragon with his index finger, consuming all the energy I've put in the embroidery. The Emperor studied it so hard, that I almost laughed. It was only a stupid piece of art that I did when I wanted to release my anger. I found it funny that he looked so concentrated in the artwork, that he didn't acknowledge me after.

"Do you like it, Your Majesty?" I broke the awful silence. My hands are behind my back, and my fingers intertwined with each other because I was nervous.

His eyes trailed off from the embroidery to me now. The dark whirling pools in his eyes hid something, something sorrowful because he looked at me like I finished his sentences. I gulped down my anxious feelings and still, offered a smile.

"Yes," the Emperor then gave the embroidery his attention. "I like it very much... In fact, I love it."

I bowed my head and let out a short giggle.

"I'm very glad you do, Your Majesty," I walked closer to him, his body nearly touching mine. He casually raised his arm and wrapped it around my shoulder, pulling me in closer. I pointed at the dragon. "He represents me. The fire represents the repression of sorrow and wrath."

The Emperor studied my face as I spoke. I've already established that the Emperor is a very good listener. He was always attentively listening to every word you say as if he's correlating it with things or calculating your words in his head. He's doing a terrible job, though, because people can deceive you with just their words.

I brushed my index finger across the burst of fire raging out of the dragon's mouth. The fire engulfs everything and the entire scene is just fire. All of it. Fire. Red, yellow, orange sewed in. "The dragon is tired of holding his emotions in. He is tired of pretending he's fine."

"I hope after the dragon finishes with his outburst, he is calm... I hope one day the dragon does have an outburst," the Emperor looked at me. I felt his pair of eyes burning me with ice water. I turned to face him, inches away from his lips. "I identify myself with your little dragon, too, Ying Yue..."

"Do you? Well, indeed you do. Being an emperor is stressful," I sighed. "But you are a very good one, Your Majesty."

The Emperor removes his hand from my arm and holds the embroidery with his two hands. Then, he turns to me. "I will be keeping this."

"I'd like that," I whispered. "We both need to do what the little dragon is doing..."

Guan Shu would've loved my embroidery. Very much. I remembered when she watched behind me, teaching me how to sew. I was so incompetent but here I was, impressing the Emperor with the art. Guan Shu would've been proud of me. She really would be.

I felt small compared to the Emperor.

I wondered how many deaths he had grieved over. I wondered how many people he loved and cared for, have been harmed. The Emperor wasn't over Dong Mei. The look on his face when anyone mentioned her, brought a hint of uneasiness in his eyes. But the uneasiness in his eyes was washed away when I was with him.

The realisation that he must be visiting me because I was Dong Mei's replacement, stung a little. It'd take a lot to really hurt me, and the Emperor already did. Maybe he continues to visit frequently because he pities me. I lost someone important to me, twice, and the Emperor, maybe hundreds.

Li Mei wasn't his very best interest, but the Emperor lost one of his children. That must have hurt.

"Do you remember what it was like as an orphan?" the Emperor asked, out of the blue and very straightforwardly.

Sometimes, I forgot how blunt and frank he was.

"Ah... Not really," I fibbed. "It was... very long ago but I do remember staying at the side of the streets to sell... buns..."

Buns?! That was the best you could think of!

"Your kinship has developed either way with Hua Er and her mother," he relaxed his facial muscles, pulling me down with him so I was sitting next to him. "Your love for your maid, brings warmth to my heart."

"Thank you, Your Majesty. I want to respect my servants as they respect me."

"It inspires me when I granted you the title of 'Imperial Noble Consort'. You are above and beyond virtuous, and it's refreshing to see it..." the Emperor paused, then chuckling to himself.

"You flatter me, Your Majesty..." I gave him a small, sad puppy dog smile.

"It is also refreshing because of the early days where you lashed out—"

"Hey! Your Majesty, we don't talk about that!"

We both laughed together, enjoying each other's company like we didn't have a weird connection with the little dragon I sewed. The Emperor suffered. There were layers and layers to him, but although I can never read him, I can at least comfort him.

I remembered Su Yin's teachings and I suddenly paused my laugh. My frowning was noticeable because the Emperor leaned in. "Are you alright?"

"Not really, Your Majesty," I let out a nervous laugh, then tilting my head up. "Every day is so painful when you wake up and realise the person you cared for is dead."

The Emperor sharply inhaled. "Yes, Ying Yue, it is."

"I'm talking about Guan Shu," I frowned, staring into the Emperor's eyes with a touch of sadness. "Dong Mei... for you?"

"Yes, I loved her very much," he nodded solemnly, but his eyes didn't seem sad to me. "I know you're thinking that the reason why I'm visiting you often now, is because you're her replacement."

I chewed my bottom lip.

"You are wrong. I love Dong Mei, but I love you," he placed his palm on my thigh. The Emperor truly did throw the word 'love' very frequently. I'm starting to think that he's oblivious to the true meaning of love. "Dong Mei was nothing compared to you."

"He said that?" Hua Er squealed, smiling like a fangirl as she had a pastry each in her hands.

I nodded smugly. "Word for word."

"I feel terrible for being happy for you," she scratched the back of her head. "I feel as if I'm disrespecting His Majesty... Losing Dong Mei must be very hard to cope."

Chang Ying bit her bottom lip. She zoned out but was shaking her head. Her eyes, without blinking, stared blankly behind me, like she was practising algebra in her mind. Chang Ying was glad to help me with interrogating Niu Lin. It would be better to have two against one.

Snoopy set aside the meat skewers in front of us and set sliced peaches to replace it. "I hope you all aren't full. They prepared peaches."

"Thank you," I said, using my chopstick to stab the peach slice.

Hua Er laughed. "You are always so aggressive."

Aggression isn't very helpful when you want to persuade someone to be on the same side as you. Niu Lin was either gossiping under a pavilion or in her chamber doing something normal. Shocking, I know. Either way, I did miss her saying snarky remarks to me. Maybe because at that time, everything seemed to be better.

My title was great, and I was thankful, but I felt as if I had to lose two maids to get it. I think it was better to have been just a Noble Consort and still have Guan Shu next to me. Who could I rely on to scold me like a mother?

Hua Er sees her mother a few times a week. Lei Shu has too many duties to do and if I replaced one of my maids, things would be different. Different for the better.

We went to find out where Niu Lin would be at. She usually stayed inside, but I wanted Hua Er to interrogate her friends. If Hua Er is able to do it, she'll have a rush of adrenaline. She'll know that she's able to handle anybody. Hua Er will do it again. Was I evil for doing this? Pushing an innocent girl out of her comfort zone? No. It was for her own good.