It's been three agonizing days and there is still no guarantee that Chang Ying will be back soon. I've written—with chicken scratch writing—on scraps of paper, different things I could do, but they were not enough. Jaxon picked out every major and minor flaw in each of them.

I groaned. "This is hopeless."

"It's only hopeless because your plans are too morally correct. You get what I'm saying?" Jaxon shrugged, fixing himself a third cup of tea.

My fingers were aching as they violently ran itself through my unbrushed, unwashed hair, in response to a short outcry. I dipped my head down and scratched the back of my head violently. I rose from my seat sharply. ""

"Hm?" Jaxon turned his head to face me.

"The plan you had in mind... I can add onto it but I don't know if I can execute it," I whispered. "It goes against my ethics."

He stared at me for a while. His gaze steadied, speculating what my next move was, but he continued to listen to me.

I was a kind, empathetic woman; a girl with compassion for everything and anything. If I saw a mass murderer shed tears in court, I would pity them. My heart was gold.

One time, a few years back, it was downtown late at night. City lights were faint but showed the industrial area. It was breezy at this time. Cars were still moving, loud engines were zooming, and you could smell the emissions in the air. Faint police and ambulance sirens could be heard from far.

The sky was navy blue, almost pitch black. Despite the dull sky, the place was still animated. Cherry and I watched a friendly magician do street magic. It wasn't me who noticed first; it was Cherry.

She noticed a lonely girl, her back leaning against the wall of a brightly lit store. The girl had her face in the palm of her hands, and her shoulders shook. As we approached closer, I was the first to ask if she was okay. After offering a hug, she told us about our situation. It didn't take long for her to tell her that her phone died. The big city left her stranded and her home was three hours away.

The girl ended up finding her friends, and Cherry and I ended up being content.

I thought about it.

Many people walked past her, and many people ignored her. I don't want to boost myself up or make myself look like a saint, but I felt good. The situation had caused me to realise my empathetic self. I had a heart of gold. I cared too much about other people sometimes, and it left me in fragments of distrust.

The plan I had immediately thought of contradicted everything I've ever known about myself. It was unbelievable that I could have followed through with it. But I am stranded in a large structure with potential diseases waiting to attack. I felt disgusting and dirty in the same clothes for three days. I haven't bathed at all yet. I don't know when I will bathe, but having me washed was not the first priority to the Emperor.

I had to confront my ethics.

In the harem, it was every woman for herself. The Empress was willing to do anything to secure her position, even if it involved the murder of a small child. How chaotic was it to live this way? How many times have I walked out, not knowing that so many opportunities were there to put me down? How many of them were attempted, but didn't succeed? My entire life, I've been altruistic, but I had to be selfish just this once.

"I need you to listen carefully," I spoke firmly.

My plan was a lot similar to Jaxon's original one. It was supposed to be the one we relied on if I couldn't figure anything out. Jaxon was ruthless. Something about that turned me on, but I never said anything about it.

"" Jaxon said with a straight face. How he does it, I don't know. It took me a few seconds to stop smiling at him.

After carefully going through minor and major details of the plan, Jaxon listened and did not hesitate to help me. He picked at different flaws, and I immediately changed a few details. The plan was the best that both of us could come up with, but it had a slim chance of succeeding. It depends on how committed the Empress was to secure her position. It also depends on how willingly the Emperor would conform.

We both knew the Empress was passionate about giving birth to the heir to the throne, and her heir will succeed with a guarantee. As cliché as it may sound, the Empress is probably infertile. Or that the Emperor hates her guts and won't mate with her, but that's a different story. Whatever the outcome was, at least I tried.

I am trying my best. That's all that mattered.

Jaxon embraced me again, for the third time today. "You are such a genius. My little genius."

"" I scrunched up my nose and pulled away. "Don't say that again."

We never established our relationship, but I developed slight feelings for Jaxon. It was time for action, not for love, but whenever he placed a gentle, light kiss on my cheek, I felt as if we were in love. I told Guan Shu and Su Yin that I was having an affair, but was I really? I mean, Jaxon and I technically weren't in love.

Then I had a burning question.

"" I began, playing with my pin between my fingers. He looked up at me. "Back home, did you ever love anyone? Were you in a relationship? Did you like anyone?"

He let out a short chuckle and shook his head as he smiled. "No, I did not. I strayed away from girls."

"You're gay?" I whispered, my mouth widened in shock.

"No!" Jaxon quickly denied.

"Then?" I slowly closed my mouth.

"I usually focused on my studies, I never really paid attention to love or anything like that," he explained as he continued to look me in the eyes, oh so seductively. "I had a girlfriend, but we broke up because she was unfaithful."

I relaxed my shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"It's not that serious," he ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not traumatized from that. I just realised that relying on someone isn't the best thing you should do for yourself. I focused on my studies more now. I'm majoring in business. A career won't wake up in the morning and leave you."

"That's a quote from Lady Gaga." I giggled. Oh God, I giggled. Why did I giggle?

He burst out in shameful laughter. "Is it? I didn't know that."

We both shared a laugh, but it soon died down when Jaxon put his serious face on again. "How about you? Have you ever loved?"

"Do you have someone back home you're cheating on?" he teased.

"Nope," I smiled. "I hate cheaters, and besides, I haven't been in an authentic relationship before."

"And why is that?" he asked, casually, but I could tell he was just as shocked as I am.

I mean, come on, I am remarkably gorgeous.

I shifted my body uncomfortably. I had an experience with unrequited love that caused me to bounce back in a drastic way. My expectations are high and my standards as well. I'm able to acknowledge my uniqueness and my perfection of a face, but my demeanour and personality were too intimidating for men.

Well, that's what I think was the case.

"Never really found the one, I guess," I propped my forearms on the table and scooted closer to the table. I exhaled sharply. "Don't pity me. I'm glad... I'd rather be in a long-term relationship with the one than go through countless meaningless relationships."

"I agree," Jaxon gives me a solemn nod. "It's a waste of time and energy."

The longing stare we exchanged with each other in silence was soothing, weirdly enough. Jaxon broke the eye contact by chugging his tea—I choked on my saliva from holding my laugh.

I don't know if I want love right now. I recalled the incident from yesterday, and how tender Jaxon's touch was to me. My body craves and desires touch but, I can survive without it. Yet, I still don't know what came over me. I could never do that with just any guy. I had to have strong, passionate love for a man to even hug him. When the Emperor and I made out, I wasn't being rational.

That time, it was easy for me to slip up from the Emperor's grip and ease into a friendlier moment. But Jaxon, he's different. If Guan Shu didn't walk in on us, I'm afraid to know what might have happened.

Did I love him? Love is a strong word. Love is a powerful word that should not be slipping out of my lips. Maybe it was because Jaxon and I were in such a limited place, that it forced us to fancy each other.

But that doesn't explain the intensity of our kisses. It doesn't explain the desire; the electricity shocking my skin, the goosebumps that rise on my arms, and the burning ambience emitting off our contact. I've never loved before. I've never felt this much amount of touch from a man.

And I was starting to like it.

Something I liked about Jaxon, was that he never interrupted my plans or tried to assert his dominance with me. He wasn't the type to budge into my business and tell me that what I was doing was wrong. Jaxon never doubted me.

Well, he never doubted me enough to have me feel insecure. My history with men was simple. Because they couldn't handle a woman like me, they tried various ways to bring me down to make themselves feel better.

Jaxon let me do my thing. Yet, he still had a dominating, confident aura that made me feel safe. He didn't have to try.

It was near dinner time when I finally established the plan and finalized it with Hua Er and Guan Shu. Then the knock on the door was my cue.

"Su Yin," I whispered. The sky was still blue and clouded, compared to the winter nights. The wind was seeping through the light fabric of my hanfu, and my hair was waving. "I have a plan. Will you be willing to carry it out?

Su Yin nodded slightly. Her eyes gleamed with determination, and the feline face of hers turned dark. "Always and will be, Lady Ying Yue."