Life is everything that you haven't planned for. Everything you've never considered before. Everything that makes you jump out of your skin and thrills you to the moon and back. And it was then that I realized how twisted up my life was! Thinking back and forth, it just kept striking me about the changes I'd gone through, the events that had transpired, the tears that had spilled, and the emotions that had surfaced. The first was getting in contact with the Devil, which was one of the finest things that had happened thus far. Then there were the texts from an unknown number. 'Little One'. Uni's ridiculous gossip, Senior Aria and last but not least, Senior Poker Face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I turned to face him as he leaned against the tree, his eyes closed and a solemn expression adorned his face. He was the most unplanned thing to happen to me in my entire life.

"Sometimes a few unplanned things happen to you in the most planned ways." The words tumbled out of my mouth delicately, with a tinge of confession in them. His eyelids fluttered open and clashed with mine. Something incredibly vivid flashed through those orbs of oceanic hues yet again, something he was all too adept at obscuring, something that made me the epitome of curiosity.

Maybe not today, but someday... Maybe someday!

You know that feeling when you desperately want to express your feelings and even the words are on the tip of your tongue, but you simply can't? You simply can't articulate them, regardless of the fact that nothing is prohibiting you from doing so. Not because you can't articulate them, but because you don't want to bother wasting your time expressing them as you're too occupied to relish those vibrant, glorious times. Until and unless it quenches your thirst, soak it all up and give your soul satisfaction. At that moment, I felt the same all over again.

I gulped hard and turned away from his scrutinizing gaze. "It's getting pretty late now. Perhaps I ought to go. " As I stood up smoothing my outfit, I heard shuffling next to me. We'd been sitting there for quite some time, and the time had flown by. We were both heading towards my dorm when my eye was drawn to a familiar face. His warm brown eyes dilated a little as they met mine, a stunned expression on his face. His brows furrowed; his nose scrunched up as he glanced from me to Senior Aylwin.

"Austin?" I greeted him with a friendly wave. Senior Aylwin trailed after me as I moved towards him, and he waved back.

"Hey!" He greeted me, or rather forced one. Something was wrong with him. He was behaving erratically.

"What have you been up to lately? Are you alright? "

"And here I thought you forgot about my existence," he said dryly, a slight shift in his demeanor. Was it a joke? It didn't feel like that at all. Austin didn't seem to be the same Austin who blushed every now and then from the way he said those words. Regardless, I cracked a smile.

"No need to tease me, c'mon. Besides, how could I ever forget about such a good friend, huh? " His lips were drawn together in a thin line as his smile faded.

"Good friend?..." He took a breath and shook his head. "Never mind, I've got to go." With that, he walked away, turning on his heels. What happened to him? We were good friends, weren't we?

"Fresher?" Shit, I'd completely forgotten about him! With a hum, I faced him. I felt myself in his grasp before I could register what was going on around me; he sealed my lips with his own. My hands firmly clutched his fabric as a flood of ecstasy washed over me. Our lips moved in sync, the vividness of the rawness evoking a longing for something familiar. We split off and leaned against each other. As his manly cologne invaded my senses, I nuzzled my face against his chest. The tingles clung to my lips, refusing to let go. Despite the deadliness he carried with him, he was a morphine that I craved, and that I fell for.

"Later Fresher."

"Later Senior."

"Goin' somewhere?" I eyed Ivy, perplexed by her hi-fi chick look. "Yup!" she exclaimed as she styled her hair.

"Clubbing. Wanna join? "

"Wow... should have informed me when the party was over." I replied flatly before returning to my book. She snorted and drew her fishnets up. She was dressed in a bronze one-piece that went all the way down to her knees, with a turtle neck and tight full sleeves. She paired it with black fishnets and high heels with a single strap. Her bronze hair complemented her outfit, which was pushed up into a hairdo that included braids and a bun.

"Dressed to impress, huh?" As she applied her makeup, I teased her. "Nah darling, dressed to the nines," she chuckled. She mimicked my statements, prompting me to hurl a pillow at her, which she deftly dodged.

"Whatever!"

"You comin'?"

"Nah, not interested. By the way, who of you are goin '?"

"Not too many. Just our gang, and a few seniors. So, in total... nine to ten people. "

"Wow, that's really very little." I threw her a sidelong glance and rolled my eyes.

"Ah, yeah... your mister will be there as well."

"Very well, go on, and enjoy." It wasn't that I didn't want to go out and have fun, but I needed to Facetime my parents because it had been ages since I had spoken to them. They were worried sick about me. And if I didn't call them right away, it would be my last night at NYU. In addition, there was something else that needed to be discussed with my mother as quickly as possible. So, as soon as Ivy left, I called my mom.

My mum was a psychologist, which came in handy at times. She always assisted me in reducing anxiety and advised me on the best course of action in various scenarios. Mom was the best person to knock on if I sought some reprieve from my inner turmoil. Dad left us alone after conversing with them for a bit. My dad was the very first person who noticed that something was amiss with me. Not only was he a civil engineer, but he was also a gentleman.

"Who's the guy?" She inquired out of the blue. I flashed her a quizzical look while remaining calm. "What do you mean?"

"You're glowing." Her sixth sense was typically heightened, and that day was no exception.

"Mum, what are you saying? I'm always glowing... and by the way, I applied this very new brand product... " She interrupted me, "Don't act smart with me, young lady. You have a gleam in your eyes. Something that was lost for a long time. " Her voice took on a slightly different tone. It is cloaked in grief and sadness. The most difficult thing was lying with Mum. She walked about like a walking lie detector.

"Well, there's this squirrel, a kind one, cute too, who came, and I kind of... you know..."

"Has this squirrel of yours kissed you?" She cut me off once more. Hot-chocolate-shitty-fudge-my-life!

"Okay, fine... yeah, there's this guy... or more like Senior, who kind of... I mean, I'm kind of interested. No-no, not interested, but desire or something like that... Oh, my God, this is so damn confusing! Look, this is the problem... " I huffed and smashed the pillow against my face. My mum, on the other hand, simply looked at me with a smile dangling on her lips and warmth in her eyes.

"What are your thoughts about him? How do you feel when you talk to him or even see him? " How did I feel? What did I think of him? He mystified me, terrified me, and captivated me despite never attempting it. He was the cause of my turmoil. He was basically reigning over my thoughts and body. I was his victim.

"He's different. Senior Aylwin is different. He's enigmatic, a rebellious enigma... He's raw, deep, confined... enchanting... There's something about him that ignites me... something I haven't ever felt... " As she continued to listen closely, I exhaled.

"I don't know what all these things are... It just drives me crazy. His thoughts, face, cologne, that's what I think about. Dang, how cringe! But that's not enough... there's much more to it. " I hesitated yet again, my gaze lingering on my mother, who was beaming with delight.

"Mum, are you even listening?" She laughed, "I am, of course. This Senior Aylwin of yours appears to be rather intriguing. There's got to be something about him if he can drive you nuts. Go ahead and tell me. Tell me why you think he's an enigma. "

"Dressed to the nines. Puts his life on the line. He's a player. Risk is his profession... no-not a profession, but a passion. He calls me a praiser, mum. We are similar in many ways, yet miles apart. Our intentions are the same, but perspective? It clashes... it so damn clashes every goddamn time. He evokes me with his words... words? Words are like puppets to him. He's a master, a great one, indeed. " I stayed utterly silent, reliving each of his gestures, words, and him.

"Do you desire him, honey?" Mum inquired, and her words were free of trepidation or uncertainty. She acted as though she already knew the answer or was eliciting it.

Did I desire him? Was it all about lust? Was I so eager to gratify my yearnings? Was it merely about cravings? My perplexity subsided, and the unanswered question brought a smile to my lips.

"We're past the lines of desire. I didn't know how or when it happened... but it did. You know, mum... he told me that I scared him. But the irony is that if he fully knew who I was and what I did, he would... "

"No, hun... What makes you assume that? My darling, you're confused. Allow time to work its magic. Time is the most efficacious healer, because you never know what phases you'll encounter next. "

"Are you willing to take risks for him?" she asked after a brief pause.

"I'm more than willing. He's worth taking risks for. "

"Then you know your moves better than me," she smiled warmly.

I smiled, "You're right. Thank you, mum. Good night. "

"Honey?"

"Yes?"

"Just keep in mind that it isn't too late." I hung up the phone, considering her instructions. And I knew exactly what I had to do next. I had yet another reason to praise, and I made damn sure life would never take that present away from me. I sighed and swallowed my pills before collapsing on the bed and calling it a night.

What does it feel like to be free? How does the aroma of freedom smell? Words would kowtow in front of this colossal feeling, but still would never be able to express it. The feeling that surges through your body like a blazing storm. Something that would make your face light up all over again. That little girl felt the same. She was no longer stranded in a hellhole, where she had to endure months or years of trauma and desolation. She had finally been set free from her shackles. She was a free spirit who would be happy again, laugh again, and reunite with her family. How amazing could that be? Was that, however, the dawn of her new life? Would that be the end of the hurdles? Would she be able to finally let go of those memories? Every once and a while, the questions would stab her.

Dilemma was still there. Memories... all fresh. Tears had dried up. Whimpers... on the tip of the tongue. Insides churning with bile. Faces... revolving. Pleading... piercing. Blood... soaked. Mind... spinning. Heart... hammering. Body... shaking. And, lastly... soul... sinful.

My eyes popped open as my body jolted. The huffing and puffing persisted at a steady pace. Cold beads slashed my flesh. My throat felt like a parched, sweltering desert in the middle of the summer day, begging for a drop of water. The goosebumps clawed their way through me, as if they were vigilant invaders. My eyelids drooped a little and my shoulders sagged in relief as I felt myself slightly relax. A spurt of inhalation aided me in my battle, and I slowly but surely overpowered the very familiar twitching.

It was beyond midnight, and Ivy was nowhere to be seen. I fetched myself a glass of water, downed it hastily, then splashed water all over my face. The remnants of soreness and aggravation languished long after the sleep had dwindled. I nestled into my pillows, the velvety-fuzzy fabric feeling warm against my chilled body.

My fingers twitched as they fiddled with my phone. The twitches were all too familiar. I scrolled through my contacts and came to a halt at the one where my mind was often drifting. I knew it was a terrible idea, but I feigned ignorance. I dialed his number and awaited his response. I was displeased as the rings continued to ring, but he did not pick up.

Perhaps busy at the party.

"Fresher," said an all-too-familiar voice as I was about to quit.

My heart skipped a beat, and a mellow smile crept across my lips. There was dead silence in the room. Stillness ensnared either of us. Where was he, I found myself wondering. My senses were assaulted by negative thoughts, and a twinge of insecurity wormed its way into the pit of my stomach. Was he with someone else? The mere notion made my blood boil, and the blossoming flower of elation withered swiftly.

"I'm at my place... alone." Just a few words, yet the relief I felt was unfathomable. Although I may be exaggerating, that was a sweet exaggeration. "Well, I never asked you," I teased as the smile blossomed into a grin.

"Well, your silence spoke volumes."

"Were you sleeping?" I felt guilty after realizing that I must have woken him up.

"Nah, hide and seek all night."

"Ms. Sleep is a luxurious thing, isn't it?"

"It is."

"I thought you guys were going clubbing?"

"Changed my mind."

"Oh!" After that, the conversation came to a halt. Minutes after minutes went by with nothing but stillness. The cocoon of tranquility that beset us was both endearing and thrilling. With my pounding heart and goofy smile, I glanced out the window. What was he doing, I wondered? Did he feel the same?

"Wanna go for ice cream?" He asked precipitously, startling me.

"Midnight?" It had been far past midnight. The ambience was eerily beautiful and deafeningly quiet. But the prospect of savoring a midnight ice cream with him seemed much more tempting than anything else in the cosmos.

"Ice-creams of midnight."

"Midnight ice-creams."