Ever just feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you have nothing to live for? Yeah.

I mean, Hayley convinced me to go see Seth in the next couple of day after the breakup. But he wouldn't speak to me. Then one day there was a knock outside the door. And when I went to check it. All my stuff was in a box, and there was a small note.

You can keep my stuff.

I broke down then and there. Every inch of hope of us getting back together was shattered. If that wasn't concrete enough I don't know what was. He didn't even want to see me to get his stuff back. Hayley eventually hauled me back to my bed, where I had been for days.

I think the pain really set in then. I wasn't sleeping, food was a last thought, even when Hayley brought me burgers and milkshakes after she finished up at class.

I had emailed all my classes to inform them I would be taking a mental health break, getting a reference from Astrid over the phone. That was hard. She asked me how Seth and I had been. And let's just say I didn't answer the question.

Every day started merging into one, my phone blew up besides me. But I never checked it. I just downed sleeping pills, nibbled at the food put in front of me, and cried.

After about week three. The crying sort of stopped. There was just this gut wrenching pain. But I couldn't cry. Maybe I was too dehydrated. Maybe I didn't have the energy. I don't know. I don't care.

I drank a lot as well. Downed vodka. Lay in the bathtub and drunk myself into a stupor. Hayley would always come home and nurse me back to health. I was practically her child. She was babying me. And I felt so guilty. But I didn't really care about anything. I couldn't bring myself to.

***

"Lacey. C'mon. We're getting you in the shower." Hayley says coming into my room, flinging open my curtains. It was still dark out.

"It's dark." I exclaim pulling the duvet above my head to protect myself.

"Yeah. 9pm. We're going out." Hayley says grabbing my hand and pulling me out of bed.

"No. I'm not going out." I snap as I struggle to stay in my bed.

"Yep. You are. Someone's going to be here to see you soon. Then we're going out." She says, grabbing my fave softly in her hands and staring into my eyes encouragingly.

"Fine." I grumble, against every living bone in my body. I made my way to the shower as Hayley passed me a towel.

"10 minutes in there." She nods to me. I sigh and with a nod I close the door behind her. I turn on the shower and climb in, my body almost sank at the dense feeling of water against my skin. I looked down to my body and winced.

My rib cage was very prominent. Bruises doted my legs, from my drunken escapades. I looked in the mirror, and despite my olive skin tone, I looked like death. I gasped.

Grabbing all of the things in the shower I washed hurriedly. My hair which was dragged, only brushed every couple of days by Hayley. I climbed out of the shower and wrapped another towel around my hair making my way into the kitchen. I grabbed a bowl of cereal and wolfed it down. Needing to get some meat back on me.

Hayley watched this go down, a thoughtful look on her face. I made my way back into my room and pulled on some underwear. I tried pulling on a dress but it lay slightly limp on my shrunken frame. I sighed. Digging through my closet. I found a skin tight dress and slipped it on. Even though on the slightly looser side, it was still tight enough to not be flowy. I rushed and dabbed the concealer under my eyes. Mascara and eyeshadow quickly followed.

I made my way back into the living area when Hayley answered the door. A voice, one that filled me with dread answered.

"Hi. You must be Hayley. It's amazing to finally meet you!" My mother's voice exclaims. Hayley grins.

"I am! Come on in. Lacey's just getting ready." Hayley says allowing her in, she looks and me and gives me a double thumbs up. While I just stand, rooted to the spot.

"Hey sweetheart. God I've missed you." My mother says wrapping me up in a hug.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, unable to hide the aggression that sneaks into my voice. My mother reeks back at my tone.

"I tried to ring you but Hayley said your phones been broken. Hayley coordinated with me for you. So it could be a surprise!" My mother exclaims excitedly.

"Ok. But why are you here?" I ask her, Hayley watches the exchange confusingly.

"Well.." my mother starts, taking a seat on the couch.

"I didn't really want to tell you this. But I'm moving to Brazil. Your father and I got a divorce." My mother announces, tears in her eyes.

"Oh." I say, standing shell shocked. Add to it why don't you.

"Of course, I'll come visit you whenever I can. Send you presents and postcards. Maybe you could come on a holiday to visit me?" My mother rants excitedly, taking both of my hands in hers.

"Yeah." I nod unenthused. My mother grins and hugs me tightly. I let out a soft sigh as she pulls away.

"Anyway, I was just passing through, I know you guys are heading out so I'll be heading to my hotel. Maybe catch up with you tomorrow?" My mother asks as she makes her way to the front door.

"Maybe." I say with a small nod, she grins and waves herself out. Saying goodbye to Hayley.

"What was that about?" Hayley asks me confused. I raise my eyebrows. Completely forgetting that Hayley doesn't know anything about my past. She knows about my depression and anxiety. But she doesn't know about everything that has become, because of it.

"Let's go out." I say grabbing my handbag and my phone. Hayley nods and orders as Uber as we make our way down the stairs in silence.

I pull open my texts and read the hundreds there are. Everyone wondering why I haven't called or texted. I quickly write a message telling them I'm okay and that I've been unable to get in touch due to my phone being broken.

I didn't have the guts to tell them the truth.

The Uber arrives and we climb in silently. I almost turn around and head back into the building. But I don't. Getting blackout drunk sounds about good right now.

"Are you ready for the night?" Hayley asks me, attempting to get me cheerful.

"Yeah I guess. Who's going to be there?" I ask her.

"Well it's a club, so probably just some students. Cam might meet us there. But otherwise I don't know." Hayley says as she toys with her clutch.

"I'm sorry. That you've had to look after me like this. I mean you don't have to. But I'm thankful that you are. But you don't have to I hope you know that." I apologise putting a hand over hers.

"Thanks. I mean I don't really mind to be honest. Knowing you're in safe hands puts me at ease a bit." She says with a chuckle. I pull my lips into a small smile gratefully.

Our Uber pulls to a stop outside a club. We climb out, I take Hayley's arm as we walk to the line.

"You ladies can go right through." A bouncer calls to us. We smile gratefully as we enter.

The music meets my ears. The lights flashing and sending my head into an initial pain. Before it eases getting used to the lights.

"Let's get a drink." Hayley says, pulling me over to the bar. I follow along.

"Two cranberry vodka please." Hayley asks the bartender who nods, hovering at the glass cabinet.

"Small?" Hayley asks me.

"Large." I say with a nod, I needed blackout drunk and I needed it soon.

The bartender nods at me and grabs out two large cups. Filling them halfway with vodka, the rest of the way with cranberry juice. He hands it over and I pull out my card to pay. The bartender waves it away.

"You look like you need the drink." He says. I raise my eyebrows appreciatively.

"That's for sure." I say with a half smile before downing the entire glass, placing it back on the bench.

"Could I get another please?" I ask him, he smirks at me.

"Only one then I got to let the alcohol sit for a while sweetheart." He informs me. I nod slowly as he gets me another.

"Lacey. No more after this one. Are you sure you want to drink now?" Hayley asks me and I pause. Looking around the room. Did I really want to be vomiting all night and probably be half carried into an Uber.

Yeah.

"Yep." I say with a nod as he passes me the second drink. I take a smaller sip this time.

"Okay, Cam's here. I'm going to go grab him, don't move an inch." Hayley says pointing to the barstool in sitting on.

"I won't." I confirm, resting my head against my hand, twirling my finger around the rim of my glass.

"Lace." I hear a familiar voice say. I spin around, almost knocking myself off the barstool.

"Seth." I whisper, seeing him standing a few metres away from me. There he was in all his glory. His hair was grown out, bags under his eyes let me know he wasn't sleeping very well. He wasn't as usually put together and cheerful as he usually is.

His eyes trail me, his face dripping more so with concern. He opens his mouth to say something but soon closes it. Almost lost for words.

"What can I get for you dude?" The bartender asks him. Seth's head snaps away from me towards the bartender.

"Uhh could I please just get four beers please." He asks the bartender and he nods.

"Are you going home for spring break?" Seth asks me politely. Almost barely looking at me.

"I haven't thought about it actually. But probably yes." I say thoughtfully, I mean I didn't even know whether it was morning or night a few hours ago, let alone what the date was. "How about you?" I ask him politely.

"Yeah." He says with a nod.

"Here you go." The bartender says sliding him the beers.

"Thanks man." Seth says with a small nod.

"See you around Lace." He says with a small nod, before turning away. I go to reply but nothing comes out. Struggling to overcome the lump in my throat.

I immediately pull out my phone and order an Uber. I had to tell Hayley I was going. But she would be back soon, I hoped.

I zoned out, biting back tears that threatened to fall down my face.

"Ex boyfriend?" The bartender asks me softly. I look up, wiping away the tears that attempted to fall.

"Yeah." I reply, using the back of my hand to clean my under eye of any mascara. It is waterproof but, you know.

"Lacey. Glad to see you're still where I left you" Hayley's voice says cheerfully.

"I'm going home sorry. It's just a lot." I say as I turn around, I open my arms for a hug and Hayley hugs me.

"It's okay. Proud of you for getting out of the house today hey." Hayley says dropping a small kiss onto my cheek.

"Thanks." I say with a half smile. Giving Cam a small wave before making my way out of the club, into the awaiting Uber.

***

I sat in the bath, which was now cold. Unable to find the need to move. I mean everything that came with moving. I had to dry myself off, get changed, get into bed. Only to do the exact same thing I'm doing right now. What use is that?

My mind was swirling with the thought of going home for spring break. One thing I had done was check the date. Spring break started next week.

My phone blares suddenly making me jump. I see it's my dad.

"Hey dad." I whisper into the phone.

"Lacey holy shit. I've been trying to reach you for weeks. I mean I understand your phones broken but you could go via Hayley and ask me for money to fix it." My father scolds.

"I'm sorry dad." I choke out, tears flooding my eyes. I had become completely and utterly useless in the past couple weeks. I'd abandoned everyone.

"It's okay. Just make sure you do it next time okay. There's more than one way to talk to us. I mean you could have gotten Seth to ring me?" My dad says in a questioning voice.

"I'm sorry. I know I should have. I'm just under a lot of pressure at the moment with school." I lie, wincing at how weak I sounded. Unable to tell my father the truth.

"It's okay Lacey." My dad says hearing the upset in my tone.

"Mom came by." I say, directing the topic in another direction, away from anything that could lead to talk about Seth.

"I know, so you know?" My dad asks. I let out a small breath.

"Yeah. I do. How are you?" I ask him, wincing.

"Well, obviously divorces suck. But I think I've known for a long time your mother isn't the same women that I fell in love with." My dad says letting out a long sigh. I can almost hear how tired he is.

"Is Molly looking after you?" I ask him hopefully.

"Yep she is, even though she's taken aback by it herself, she is. I mean divorces are hard, but I think she understands that it's for the best. Would you like to talk to her?" My father asks, as I hear him walking down stairs.

"That would be great thanks dad. I'll talk to you soon, my phones fixed so I promise I will be more in touch than I have been." I reply, wincing at my promise.

"I love you munch." Dad says as he waits to hand me over to Molly.

"Love you more." I reply.

"Lacey." Molly says in a cheery tone.

"Heya Lollipop." I say, as cheerfully as possible.

"I haven't heard from you in ages!" Molly exclaims. A small bit of hurt in her voice.

"Sorry lollipop. Phone broke and you know. Been a bit busy and stressed out as of lately." I say wincing at the once again lie.

"That's okay. Are you coming home spring break?" Molly asks.

"Yep. I sure am." I reply. It was definitely for the best that I went home. Might do me some good. See my family. Then maybe I could get the courage to tell them about Seth and I.

We talk for a while longer, before I sign off, it being very late for me and all. I hung up the phone and let out a long sigh.

It was painful. Lying to them, acting cheerful to make sure they don't worry. And I decided I would go spend two weeks with them. Two weeks with them, after hardly getting out of my bed and talking to anyone except for Seth and Hayley. Well more Hayley. Seth and I didn't really speak after the whole. 'Keep my stuff' thing.

Two weeks at home.

I hoped it would do me some good. Maybe Bea would be there?

Oh shit. What if Bea is there.