《The Light You Give》36.
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"Yeah ok. I'm here." Bea calls as she walks into my room. Turning her head at the sight of Seth and me making out.
"Sorry," I say pulling away from Seth. Seth rolls off me and I adjust myself so I'm curled up in his arms. Facing Bea who plonks herself down on the side of my bed.
"College," I said blatantly.
"Ahh," Bea says with a nod.
"Where do you think you want to go?" I ask her, wincing.
"Well, I thought Navarro was the top option," Bea says looking at me sceptically. Like she knows what's coming.
"It's an option. I made a pros and cons list and I think for me that.. uh Louisiana state will be better suited for my education. As you know cheer is a dead-end sport and there are way more opportunities with Louisiana than Navarro." I say cautiously before rambling before she can get a word in.
"Right. So, the fact Seth is going to Louisiana has nothing to do with it?" Bea asks, a hint of sarcasm and aggression in her voice.
"Regardless of whether Seth and I were dating. I would still be having this conversation with you. I don't know, I just feel like the Navarro option is not as, opportunistic, Louisiana. Also, I'm going to Louisiana eventually what's the point in going two years later?" I reply, trying to ease the aggression before something bad happens.
"Wow. You know you really are manipulative. Get what you want and bail out immediately after." Bea says angrily.
"I'm sorry. What? What am I trying to manipulate you to do? I'm making MY college choice, I'm trying to inform you that I won't be going to Navarro and I'm telling you all the reasons why. Seth has nothing to do with this I'm not bailing on you I'm looking at it realistically and choosing the option better suited to me. You can twist that any which way you want. But you should know I'm not going to Louisiana for Seth." I say angrily. Annoyed at her empty accusations.
Bea sighs to herself.
"Ok yeah, your right. I'm sorry. That was a dick move on my behalf. I think I knew it too. I just don't want that to start becoming a thing. You choosing Seth over me every time." Bea says, giving Seth an apologetic smile.
"I won't," I say with a firm nod.
"Personally I don't mind being chosen as the favourite." Seth pipes up cheekily. I chuckle and roll my eyes.
"We all know I'm the favourite," Bea says looking confident.
"Actually Trina's my favourite," I say with an apologetic shrug. Seth slaps my thigh and Bea shoves my shoulder softly.
"I'm being bullied by the Nixon twins," I say holding my hands up protectively.
"As you should be," Seth says with a grin pulling me against him and kissing my neck briefly.
"Gross. Is Molly here?" Bea asks curiously.
"Molly! Chase!" I call out, waiting for a response. They both come in a few seconds later looking slightly dishevelled.
"Hi, Mols," Bea says holding out her arms for a hug. Molly chuckles and half jumps into Beas's arms, pushing Bea back onto the bed.
"Hi," Molly says before rolling off her, perching on the end of the bed, gesturing for Chase to join her.
"Geez, all of these girl cooties," Seth says with a half shudder.
"You don't half mind swapping cooties with Lacey." Bea points out nonchalantly.
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"That's because she's practically a boy anyway," Seth says teasingly. I elbow him behind me and he chuckles.
"I'm kidding," Seth says resting his chin on my shoulder apologetically.
"What's everyone's plans for summer?" I ask with a sigh.
"Surfing." Everyone chimes at different times.
"Ahh, that sounds about accurate," I say with a small nod.
"We should go tonight?" I suggest.
"We have appointments with Astrid tonight." Seth reminds me.
"Oh yeah. Never mind we can just go tomorrow." I say with a small shrug, taking Seth's hand and tracing the outlines of it. He had such nice hands.
"Who's Astrid?" Chase asks confused. While Molly
Looks to me for an answer.
"A therapist," I say with a small nod.
"Oh right," Chase says with an understanding nod.
"What time are Kirsty and dad coming home?" I ask Molly.
"I don't know about mom. But dads trying to get off early today I think." Molly replies checking the time. I nod to myself. Looking at Seth's hands mindlessly as I continue tracing them. Focusing on the careful lines of them.
The conversation around me, white noise.
"You okay?" Seth whispers in my ear, from behind me, making me jump out of the haze.
"Yeah, I'm good," I say with a small smile. Planting a kiss on his cheek.
"How much sleep have you been getting?" He asks me knowingly.
"Uh. Enough." I reply sceptically. Full well knowing I'd gotten five hours sleep in the past two nights.
"Want me to stay tonight?" He asks me carefully. His hands moved to wrap around my waist protectively.
"Can I come to stay at yours? I just, my mom." I reply quietly.
"Of course," Seth says with a nod. I roll towards him slightly. So that I'm facing him, my back to the others. Closing my eyes and nestled into his warm embrace.
The one that made me feel like I was home. Seth's hands trace my shoulder blades carefully. His voice often joined into the conversation that was going on around me.
My eyes felt heavier and heavier as I drifted further and further into a state of unconsciousness.
***
A soft tickling slowly wakes me up. A finger traces the shape of my face. Down my nose and around my lips. I peek open an eye to see Seth smiling softly as he looks at me.
"Morning." He says kissing my nose.
"Is it morning?" I ask him, my eyebrows drawing together in confusion.
"Yep. You slept right through. I rearranged times with Astrid. Thought it was best to let you sleep." Seth says, brushing my hair away from my eyes.
"You're amazing," I say with a sleepy smile.
"I know I am," Seth says with a halfhearted cocky smirk. I half-smile and close my eyes letting out a small sigh of contentment.
Seth's fingertips continue brushing my hair out of my face.
"What are our plans for today?" I ask him, my eyes remaining closed.
"I'm gonna head home maybe. I don't know?" Seth asks me cautiously.
"You're always welcome to stay here," I say with a small smile, opening my eyes and seeing Seth's eyes on the ceiling, zoned out as he systematically runs his hands through my hair.
I reach my hand out to his jaw and he turns his head to meet my gaze. I brush my thumb along his cheekbone. He closes his eyes, letting out a half-hearted smile.
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"Yeah. I should head home though. Mom will be wanting me home." Seth says sitting up, my hand falling away as he does so.
"Okay. I'll see you soon?" I ask him. He nods with a smile and plants a kiss on my lips before planting another on my forehead.
He grabs his phone and his hoodie that I had stolen a while back, pulling it over his bare torso.
"Bye," I call with a small wave.
"Bye baby." He says blowing a kiss in my direction before closing the door behind him. I let out a soft sigh. Going through the last few moments in my head.
Is he ok?
I mean he seemed off. But then he didn't. Maybe he did. Should I check on him? No, I don't want to seem clingy. What if he needs comforting? No, I'm sure he's fine your just overthinking it. Remember you two need to take time apart. You shouldn't have to rely on each other for happiness. What if he decided he doesn't like you anymore? You never help him and he always helps you. He probably thinks you are not into him or doesn't care about him because you never do anything for him.
The argument and overthinking runs around and round my head. Pushing me closer and closer to the edge of a panic attack. I pull in shaky breaths as I sit up.
I mean we had been doing so well. Was it just a honeymoon stage? If a honeymoon stage makes me overthink like this then what will it be like further into the relationship? What if Seth breaks up with you? What if there is no further into the relationship? Why would Seth stay with you for so long?
I shake my head, in an attempt to shake away the negative thoughts beginning to overcome the pleasant memories from the past little while. I pull myself off my bed and head downstairs.
"Morning munch." My dad says as I walk into the kitchen.
"Hi, dad. Not working today?" I ask him, clasping my hands together anxiously to stop them from shaking.
"Nope, I got the day off so I and my girls can spend some quality time together," Dad says beaming.
"That sounds great dad," I say smiling pleasantly ignoring the weakness that runs through my body.
"Mollys still asleep but you know Molly," Dad says with a chuckle.
"She will sleep until noon if we let her," I say with a shake of my head, forcing out a chuckle.
"That she will," Dad says shaking his head.
"I was just about to make some muffins if you wanted to help?" My dad asks me, gesturing to the ingredients on the bench.
"Always," I say with a half-hearted smile. I start with the dry ingredients while dad starts on the other ingredients.
As we're about to incorporate the two bowls his phone rings.
"I'm just going to take this munch it's work. You alright to finish these?" He asks pulling out his phone and checking it.
"Of course dad," I say with a smile. He smiles gratefully and heads out onto the patio answering the call.
I finish the muffin mix and pour it into the muffin tray. Before slotting the two trays into the preheated oven. Once I'm done I do the dishes. I gaze outside to see my father pacing back and forth down on the beach, speaking quickly and almost aggressively into the phone.
I sigh and pull out my phone, looking around the now clean kitchen with a nod. I pull myself onto the bench and go through my messages. None from Seth.
Making muffins. Might bring some over if you want some?
Blueberry flavoured :p
I wait for a response that doesn't come. He must be busy.
Maybe he's going to ghost you. He probably feels bad for you and is dating you to make you feel better. He's probably tired of sorting your life out for you because you can't sort it out yourself.
I shake my head again willing the thoughts away. Maybe if I just call Seth.
I call him, holding it to my ear waiting for an answer. I then hang up.
Don't want to seem clingy. He's probably just trying to have a break from you. Let him have his space.
I sigh and put my phone back into my pocket. I look out the window again and see dad still on the phone. I sigh and trudge my way up the stairs. Pushing open Molly's door. I slip into bed beside her sleeping figure and she half wakens, rolling towards me. Wrapping her arms around me and fell back asleep instantly.
I'm glad it's me, not Molly. That has to deal with all these thoughts and emotions. I mean maybe she does and doesn't talk about it. But I severely hope that she doesn't. Molly doesn't deserve that. No one deserves to feel this way.
Except you.
I sigh and snuggle into Molly's arms for comfort. Ignoring the notion that I wished they were Seth's arms instead.
"Are you okay?" Molly asks half waking up at my sigh.
"Yeah," I said blatantly.
"No your not," Molly states letting out a large yawn.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just my minds in overdrive." I say with a sigh.
"Overthinking yours and Seth's relationship?" Molly asks me knowingly, watching me through her sleepy eyes.
"Yeah," I say nodding slowly.
"I know this doesn't really help. But that boy is insanely in love with you. You have to remember that you both have anxiety and are both going to overthink your relationship. The key is to make sure you communicate when you are feeling like this so there aren't any misunderstandings." Molly says factually.
"Wow, little miss relationship councillor over here," I said nodding at the truth to what she was saying.
"Am I wrong though?" Molly asks me.
"No," I say with a small sigh. "I just don't want to seem clingy you know," I replied thinking to myself, my hand fidgeting with the other.
"Go drop some of those delicious smelling muffins at Seth's and see how he's doing," Molly says shoving me off the bed. I land on the ground with a thud.
"You're so mean to me," I say letting out a sigh. I stand up and make my way downstairs. Peeking into the oven.
"Hey sorry about that. I have to head to work for a few hours. So we will have to postpone our girls day. Is that okay?" Dad asks as he comes back in.
"Yeah of course no worries. We've got the whole to enjoy." I say with a smile.
"Ok thanks munch. I'll see you later." He says kissing the top of my head before grabbing his stuff and leaving.
I sigh and pull open the oven taking the perfectly golden brown muffins out of the oven.
I place them on a cooling rack for five minutes before chucking a few into a container.
"Bye Molly," I call up the stairs.
"Bye." She calls back. I let out a deep sigh as I close the front door behind me. I pull out my phone and check my messages but still no reply from Seth.
I walk hesitantly in the direction of the Nixon's. He probably thinks I'm being clingy. I shake the thought away, reminding myself of what Molly said.
Finally, I get to the door and pull it open.
"Hello?" I call into the house. There's no reply. I make my way upstairs and peek in Beas room which is empty before peeking into Seth's room. Which is also empty.
Where are they?
I let out a small sigh and flip onto Seth's bed. Checking his Snapchat location. Turned off. I honestly can't remember if he normally has his location off? What if he's cheating on me? No Seth wouldn't do that. I hoped he wouldn't.
The smell of Seth lingers on my nose as I snuggle into his bedsheets. I switch on his television and pick the Lorax. I take a muffin out of the container and settle into the movie. Enjoying the comfort from the smell of Seth. Ignoring the worries that stirred around in my brain.
I finish half the muffin before feeling nauseous putting it away.
As I'm halfway through the movie I hear voices. I shrug them away, they sounded far away. Neighbours maybe? Rolling over comfortably returned my attention to the movie.
"Lace?" Seth's voice asks. My head snaps up and I see him standing in the doorway, his hair damp.
"Hey sorry I-" I start explaining. Seth shrugs. Moving towards the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
What was that? Oh god, I really am clingy. He hates me. My body begins trembling as anxiety fills me.
Before long the door opens again. Seth wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. He moves over to his set of drawers pulling out some clothing and tugging it on.
"Are you okay?" I ask him cautiously.
"Yeah," Seth says nodding.
"Oh ok. I'll head off then. I just came to drop off some muffins and you weren't here so I just waited you know. But I'll see you." I say standing up from his bed. Starting towards his door.
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