After I completed my farj Salah , I raised my hand for dua …. First and most important I seek forgiveness from Allah s.w.t the most forgiving . That day the way I behaved or said was wrong no matter what Khalid said or did, it doesn't give me the right to misbehave . He is going to answer for his deed and I am going to answer for mine . People's bad behaviour toward you doesn't give you an excuse to become bad or cold hearted because if that was the case then the amount of disobedience we show toward our lord , we would be destroyed by now but we are not . The most merciful still give us a chance to rectify ourselves to become a better person so who are we to feel arrogant and get an excuse to misbehave .

When I wasn't practicing Islam , I used to think I am a good person and everyone around me is bad and selfish, cruel . I was never happy , I became worst and depressed but Allumdulliah , Allah s.w.t guided me , after I started practicing I realised there is so many bad things in me which I never realised like I use to lie , I use to get angry at everything , I used to hate my step mother and Zainab and trust me hating someone doesn't damage them it damage your heart that why Islam is against hating , Allah s.w.t don't like those people who hold grudges in their heart or hatred and most importantly I want Allah s.w.t to forgive my sins so how can I let my heart brew hatred for other .

Completing my dua , I felt a burden left from my chest .

It was early in the morning and no one was awake. It's been so many months since I cooked anything except one time when I made pancakes for Sayra .

So I decided to make breakfast for everyone .

It's Rabiya who makes breakfast every day . I always try to help but she never lets me so today , I will make breakfast for everyone .

I was walking downstairs when I saw Amir coming out of his room rubbing his eyes .

I walk near him " hey , why are you so awake that to early in the morning "

He yawned before answering " just like that " he shrugged .

I look at him suspiciously.

" Can I watch cartoons? " he gave me a puppy dog look .

I stood up , putting both my hands on my waist. " So this is the reason you woke up so early. " I put on a serious face .

" No I was just -"

" No " I straight reject his request .

" Plews" he intentionally tap his eyes threw times to look cute

I smile then drop it " No means no "

" Let's go , brush your teeth and then we will have breakfast. '' I pushed his back lightly to encourage him to wash his mouth .

After getting him cleaned I made him sat on the counter " but why can't I watch Tv "

" Because it's time angels are listening to you , if you say good thing like if you praised Allah then , Allah s.w.t will bless you and if you do bad things like waste your time watching tv then Allah s.w.t will take away your blessings " I explained , it's very important to teach children good moral and values at this age because after this age , they are not going to listen to you no matter how much you try .

"O " his mouth is shaped like o .

Pulling my hair in a bun , I wash my hand and started preparing for breakfast at the same time telling Amir Stories of prophet of Islam . I want him to get encouragement and try to do good things in life unlike Khalid .

Finally preparing breakfast , I put it on the table properly , excited for everyone to eat .

" Assalamualaikum " Nafisa entered .

" Am I smelling Aloo Paratha? " Nafisa clasps her hand excitedly with a huge grin .

I giggle nodding my head .

" Alhamdulillah … ''She started opening the bowl one by one. Did you make these m by yourself? " she looked astonished .

Before I could reply Amir stood up in the chair to level my height then put his elbow on my shoulder with swag " yes , she did "

" But with my help " he pretended to style his hair .

I laugh ..

" Oh really , what did you cook? " Nafisa crossed her arm knowingly .

" Her brain " Ibrahim entered like a boss .

" Amir get down " he ordered and like always Amir obeyed his elder brother getting down instantly .

" Great junior Khalid came " Nafisa rolled her eyes sarcastically .

" Whatever '' Ibrahim mumbled but I knew deep down he liked it .

" Did you make all these by yourself? " Rabiya and Ayesha Aunty came downstairs .

" Assalamualaikum " I greeted both of them with hugs .

" Walekum Assalam, " they answered, kissing my forehead .

I always wanted a family who appreciates me. I guess apart from a few people I got one who actually likes me .

" Ahem " my body got rigid when I realised who came downstairs .

But why did he wake up so early , doesn't he sleep late ??

" Good morning everyone " he greeted in his usual thick voice , everyone greeted him but I kept looking down , I cannot get angry but atleast I won't see his face because his word did hurt me and he has no right to misbehaved with me that day but I won't ruin my personality , I will avoid him from now on it's better this way , he doesn't think me as his wife and according to him I am cursed .

Not that I will ever believe what he said because Islam strongly oppose superstitions things .

It's just that day he triggered my past and I couldn't control my actions .

" Ahem … '' he intentionally cleared his throat , I can feel his eyes on me .

Silently , I went to his side , then served breakfast. Sideways I glanced for milliseconds only to meet his already staring eyes .

Okay… what is wrong with him .

Stop staring me …

Look away ..

Why is his gaze bothering me so much ?? I wondered .

" Umm… Amira the breakfast is delicious " Rabiya anty compliment bring smiles on my face .

" Thank you "

" As much as I hate to say this " I look at Ibrahim direction who began to speak " this is good "

I shook my head at his attempt to compliment me in a platonic way .

Why did this kid just accept the fact that he started liking me?

Is it that hard for him? I wondered again .

After everyone finished and walked away to do their respective chores , I started to take plates to the kitchen .

I turned absently minded only to be scared by Khalid who was standing so close .

" Ahh ahh ahh ahh" I shrieked dropping plates only to close my eyes to prevent myself from a loud smash but nothing happened .

Slowly opening my eyes one by one , I saw Khalid catched it .

Wow , his reflex is fast .

" Thanks " I said dryly then took the plate from his hand only to turn away .

I seriously don't want to face him right now .

" What happened to you that day "

I gritted my teeth at his question , after humiliating , calling me a bad omen . He has the audacity to ask what happened to me that day .

" Nothing " I turned, crossing my arm with a sarcastic smile " just my so-called husband humiliating me to the extent that I had a panic attack " even though I tried to say in seekly sweet voice it still held the bitterness .

" You had a panic attack ?" His eyebrows creased .

" Why you do you have a bad past but then again you have a family , a mother , father everything that a human need for love then why "

I don't know if he intended too but his question stabs directly in my heart .

A mother

Father

Family

Love

Do I really have one ???

Swallowing the pain rising in my heart I bite the corner of my cheek trying not to cry .

I can feel my vision got blurry " since you don't consider me as your wife "

I took a shaky breath " nothing related to me should concern you " with that I left wiping tears which flowed even though I tried my best to hold it back .

I didn't mean what I said that day , it was a fit of anger , like my mouth worked on my own . The way she panicked that day scared me to core .

I have done so many bad things to her but never once I saw hatred in her eyes but that day when she stared my way with that hateful gaze , I felt hurt like I feel whenever I meet ammi , when she ignores my existence .

Her words cut deep inside my chest .

A bad husband will make you a bad wife .

Her words rang inside my head again and again .

I didn't sleep the whole night , the truth was I never sleep at night it's either I am drunk or…

I was crossing her room when I heard her reciting the Quran in a melodious voice . It felt like my feet stopped me from going ahead .

After so many years I heard the Quran again… I heard Allah s.w.t words .

Those words are always used to make me feel something .

I remember when my sister used to recite the Quran , I used to sit behind leaning on the wall listening to it . It used to give peace in my heart.

But I ruined everything , I ruined my family ….. and I can never undo it .

I quietly listen to her recitation , those words giving peace in my heart … After she finished, I silently went back to my room .

All the happy flashes I spend with my sister revive inside my mind .

KHALID! Khalid ! " My fifteen year old twin sister shouted at the top of her lungs .

'' what happened '' fifteen year old me burst open in her room . Daisy standing on her bed looking scared.

I used to call her Daisy with love even though her name was Sayra

'' DUMMY L- LOOK '' Daisy pointed something on the floor , my eyes followed her direction .

My eyes got bigger while a girl screamed erupted from my throat '' ahhhhhhh'' I quickly jumped on the bed trying to hide behind her .

'' th- that a lizard '' I tried to push her forward .

'' That's why I called you my so-called big one minute older than me brother '' she rolled her eyes sarcastically .

'' Go and drive it away '' My sacred heart pushed her .

She push instead '' you are a guy , you drive it away ''

'' Who is the guy? '' I pretended to flip my hair like a girl .

She stared at me in disbelief '' I can never depend on you for my protection ''

'' scaredy cat ''

'' don't call me that '' I said annoyed .

'' scaredy cat , scaredy cat , scaredy cat '' she yelled in my face .

'' You are the scaredest guy I have ever seen, loser '' she jumped off the bed leaving me alone with the lizard .

''Daisy at least drove it away '' I shouted, fearing to get down .

I sat on the rocking chair laughing at our memories...

Then slowly tears started coming down one by one .......

Holding the plate of breakfast , I knock on her door .

She swung the door open with her usual grumpy face .

" Assalamualaikum " I greeted Myra showing breakfast plate .

She frown observing " are you going to throw that on my face "

I gasp " Astagfirullah , why would I do that "

" Because it will make sense " she rolled her eyes walking back inside .

" What do you mean? " I put the breakfast on her bed , and she roamed the room looking frustrated .

" What do I mean ? " she questioned , there was a hint of anger in her voice .

" I mean is " she started coming closer" why the hell you are behaving so nice to me when I am nothing but horrible to you " she was standing inch away from my feet , I can feel the anger radiating from her.

I was speechless .... What should I say to her?

" Answer me Amira , why are you doing this , saving my life , greeting me and " her eyes fell on the breakfast " why the hell do you care I ate breakfast or not "

" No one came , no one cares " for the first time in her anger , I saw a girl , a very lonely girl no one cares about .

She sighed, closing her eyes, " Are you forgetting the fact that I am your husband's mistress? " She pressed the word mistress .

I sighed and went to sit on the edge of the bed. " Come sit , have breakfast, " I said with a smile .

" Did you poison it?'' she lowered her eyebrows in an accusing way .

Instead of getting angry , I took a bite of paratha to show , I did not .

She kept staring at me silently debating something in her head I guess .

Undoing her crossing arm , she walked to bed and sat folding her leg .

Glancing my way one more time , she started eating silently .

" Do you love Khalid? " I ask , she stops mid way eating .

" Do you want me to lie or tell you truth "

" Truth I guess " I shrugged .

" No I don't " she said casually and my eyes widened .

" Then why are you staying in this forbidden relationship with him? " I frown .

She glared " because everyone is not lucky as you Amira , in order to survive some people have to choose the wrong way " there was so much bitterness in her voice .

" No girl wants to be called someone's mistress " she was looking down but I could hear the sadness in her voice .

She took a deep breath " but to afford this lavish lifestyle , you have to pay for it ''

" You could have work, " I suggested, shrugging my shoulders.

She laughed, throwing her head back, " Who is going to give a job to an illiterate? " she asked in a mocking tone .

" Illiterate?"

" You mean , you are not educated but you look-" she cut my word .

" It's all for the show Amira " she took another morsel of paratha .

" Where are your parents? " I was scared to ask , I didn't want to offend her .

She didn't look up , the plate was more interesting for her than my face '' I don't know" she said after a while .

" I never saw them " her voice barely came out but I heard her .

I guess I was right about her , she is not a bad person, just had a bad life .

" Can I tell you something? " I asked her permission .

She nodded, still not looking my way .

" Turn back to Allah , you will get everything you want " I tried to explain to her .

A sad giggle erupted from her throat " I am not like you Amira , I am not pure " water filled her eyes .

" Many men has already touch me , that I don't even remember the dirt on my body will ever go away "

" I have ruined lives to save myself , lied , betrayed did every wrong thing "

My heart clenched at her word .

" No one will accept me not even my own lord "

" That shaytan talking not you " I defended.

" Purity comes from heart "

" If you truly feel that you have done wrong yourself and want to repent then never despair the mercy of Allah s.w.t "

Allah The Almighty, Who Says (what means): {

You should return to Allah The Almighty in repentance and remember that a good life is attained when one is obedient to Allah The Almighty, true happiness is attained by submission to Him and showing humility; even honor and dignity are attained by obeying Allah The Almighty. Thus, if you want a happy and good life, here is the verse in which Allah The Almighty Says (what means

I put hand on hers '' we all are sinners Myra but best sinners are those who repent , it's our prophet saying .

"All the children of Aadam are sinners, but the best among the sinners are those who frequently repent."

"When one repents of his sin, it is as if he did not commit the sin at all."

Smiling, I was about to get up when Myra held my wrist .

" I - I don't know how to pray " her face was red with embarrassment .

I smile " the when will I come to your help "

" I will teach you, " I assured her .

" Really you will? " she looked at me in surprise .

I nodded .

Sometimes later

We were preparing dinner when my eyes catched something '' hey was this mark '' I clutch Nafisa wrist as we set the dining table for dinner . There was a burning mark shaped like a coin on her wrist .

She froze staring at the mark , sudden tears filled her eyes .

'' Nafisa '' I touch her shoulder softly .

If felt like she came out of her zone '' umm yeah '' she cleared her throat looking away .

'' you okay '' I asked .

She forced a smile '' yeah I am fine ''

Did I say something wrong ????