The next morning I woke sprawled on my stomach with my arms curled beneath my chest.

A low whine escaped me as I sat up and wrapped the blankets around me. Tears burned my eyes as I squeezed my legs together.

Caerus was nowhere to be found.

My lower region was sticky and I cringed. I felt bad and dirty. Like I had done a very bad thing. My legs squeezed tighter, I felt violated too. Even if I was encouraging him, I couldn't shake the feeling of terror and betrayal and disgust.

My lip trembled as I slid off the bed. I faltered and almost fell down before grabbing the bedpost. My bones felt like jelly. I walked to the bathing room trying to wipe away the forming tears.

A bath. All I wanted was a bath.

The moment I sank down into the searing water I burst into tears. I covered my face in my hands and sobbed until the water turned cold.

When my breathing began to calm and it was only a few hiccups, I finally began washing my body in the oils left out for me.

Rose.

I grimaced, I hated him. For taking me from my family. For treating me like this. For touching me and then... leaving me, alone. What was he even thinking? Why did he just leave?

Even so, I spread the sweet smelling oil over my body and then rinsed off.

Once the tub was drained I wrapped myself in a towel and leaned against the wall, fighting the urge to cry again. But the more I thought about it the more I wanted to.

Eventually I found myself curled up in a blanket and laying on the ledge of the bay window. A soft breeze filled the room and I inhaled the calming scent it brought. For nearly an hour I sat there staring outside, thinking.

I would've stayed longer had someone not intruded.

A knock.

"Kellen? Why is the door locked?" He called through the thin wood. I pulled my knees tighter to my chest. It was locked because I didn't want to be alone with him. But he'd find a way in somehow. I dragged my feet to the door. "Please let me-"

I slowly unlocked it and peeked my head through the door.

"Go away," I mumbled, it wasn't angry or vicious, I just didn't want to see him.

"Hey," Caerus exhaled with a soft voice, I stepped away as he pushed the door back. The moment he stepped inside the room he went rigid.

I couldn't feel bothered to wonder why as he frantically scanned the room and his eyes landed on the open window. The moment he did, it seemed, the sweet breeze that had filled the room was sucked away leaving the cold, cool air. Caerus slammed the window shut and stared back at me.

"Don't open the window," he commanded I didn't feel like arguing so I just gave him a flat nod. He walked back over to me and the predatory aura that came from him overwhelmed me with fear. I flinched away when he went to push my hair behind my ear. "Did... I hurt you?"

He sounded genuinely confused.

"No," I mumbled and looked at the ground.

"You didn't come down for breakfast," Caerus remarked as I eased onto the edge of the bed.

"Wasn't hungry," I replied and pulled the blanket tighter, "I can't keep it down anyway."

"Kellen, I didn't mean-"

"I don't care," I snapped, sharper than I meant it to be. Caerus walked over to where I sat and placed his hands on either side of me. I leaned back on the bed to avoid being so close to his face.

"What's wrong?" He asked and looked down at me. A wave of anger flashed inside me but was quickly replaced with panic when he shifted between my knees.

"No!" I yelped and sat up, pushing at his chest, he moved away reluctantly as my lip trembled and I squeezed my legs together again. "Go away, Caerus."

"What's wrong, Kellen? Just tell me," Caerus whispered and stepped closer again.

I wanted to lash out at him, tell him to go away, but instead all that escaped me was a pitiful whimper.

"I feel dirty," I whispered and cast my gaze downward, he took my momentary weakness to wrap his arms around me.

"You're not dirty, Kellen, it's okay to feel good," he murmured, but it didn't make me feel much better. I gave in and let him pull me into his lap and cradle me. Caerus pressed me close to him as I turned my face into his chest and let jasmine and lavender lull me to sleep.

--------------------

Hours later I awoke on the bed. Alone. Again. Although this time I felt sick. I grimaced and stumbled to the window. Despite Caerus' orders I threw it open and let the wind fill my lungs, it was the only thing I was sure would make me feel better. Would make me feel happy.

I didn't feel awful emotionally, which was good. The dirty feeling was nearly gone. I smiled and leaned out the window, basking in the warm sun.

"Thank you," I murmured into the world, to no one in particular. I had planned to stay in my room all day, avoiding Caerus. But I wanted to go outside, I wanted to run in the woods again and weed the garden.

So I did.

Floss was already there and it was then that I realized how much work we'd gotten done. It was starting to look okay, actually.

"Kellen! I'm so sorry I left you!" She gasped and ran over to me, "are you alright? You hadn't even come out of your room!"

"I'm fine Floss, you don't need to worry, I was just mad at Caerus," I saved it off with no intention to tell her about what had happened last night in her absence.

"Okay, well I found a bunch of seed packets in the shed!" Floss chirped and threw her hands up in exaggeration. "When we're done with the weeding we can plant all of them!"

I grinned as we both set to work for another day in the hot sun. But first, I watered the little poppy I'd found the day prior. It definitely seemed a bit healthier. Maybe it could survive.

Maybe I could survive.