I remembered, many seasons ago, when Etai was still alive.

It was spring and we were laying in the forest, basking in the sun that pierced through the canopy of green leaves. A stream laid right beside me and gurgled in my ears peacefully.

My arm was slung over my eyes to block out the sunlight as I drifted to sleep in its warmth. Etai laid close to me, but we didn't touch, it was too hot.

I let loose a yelp as someone rolled me into the stream.

"Etai!" I laughed and snapped my gaze to him, just as the last time I'd seen him.

The smooth, caramel brown skin, his coal-black curls, the way his bottle green eyes shone with mischief and the thin layer of kohl around them.

I missed him.

He laughed right back and leaned over me, I missed his laugh too. I rolled my eyes and pushed his face away.

"Etai you-"

"Whoever you're dreaming about, I am not him," came a smooth sensual voice that was definitely not Etai. The dream shattered and I was back in the darker, thicker woods.

I stared up at Caerus. My hand was pressed to his face, just as I had done to Etai in my dream.

I jerked it back like I'd been burned and squirmed against him. But the feeling of his warm skin beneath my palm stuck with me, the prickles of stubble was something Etai had never had. Caerus was carrying me back through the forest. Back to the house.

"Let me go, don't touch me," I croaked and pushed against his chest. His nostrils flared as he dropped me on the ground and stood over my small form.

"Happy?" Caerus hissed and placed his hands on his hips.

"You're presence is spoiling it," I muttered and rubbed the back of my elbow, but didn't try to stand.

"Get up," he ordered but I only stayed where I was. I didn't want to go back, it just made me feel bad. Like a bird in a cage.

"I don't want to," I huffed and crossed my arms, Caerus crouched to my level and caught my jaw in his hand. I winced at the pressure as he turned my face to his.

"I don't care what you want," he seethed, his fingers digging into my skin. I wrapped my hand around his wrist and tried to turn away. Caerus jerked me to my feet and released me.

"I'm not a dog," I grit out and watched as he grew angrier, "stop treating me like one."

Caerus shoved me against a trunk and I let out a small gasp.

"I will treat you how ever I want," he snarled and let his lips hover dangerously close to my neck, "I will do whatever I want with you."

A whimper rose from my throat as he shoved his face in my neck and ran his lips over the bruise from when he'd bitten me before. I wrapped my hands around his shoulders and tried to pull him away, but he just pinned my hands against the trunk as well.

It didn't stop me from thrashing against him as his breathing grew heavy and his teeth scraped against my throat. My blood pumped in my ears as Caerus kissed my bobbing Adam's Apple before biting down. I let out a strangled sob that sounded suspiciously similar to a moan.

Caerus pushed his knee between my legs to stop me from thrashing and it was surprisingly effective. I whimpered as he began kissing up my throat and over my jaw.

I wanted to tell him to stop, to push him away, but no one had ever touched me like this. Put their lips on my skin and their hands on my body. I ached for physical contact no matter who it came from.

His fingers fumbled with the hem of my shirt and his thumbs brushed against my bare stomach. I jerked and felt the panic rise up. If he went any further he'd feel my scars. He'd know what happened.

I panicked and shoved hard against his chest. Caerus looked just as surprised as me when he stumbled back. I pressed my back into the tree and panted.

We said nothing and just stared at each other in shock, trying to catch our breaths. For different reasons no doubt.

"Kellen," he called and reached for me, I ducked away and shook my head. I hated the way he said my name. I hated how much I loved it. The next time I wasn't fast enough and his fingers enclosed around my wrist. I whined low as he jerked me back to him, "behave. Or I'll get angry."

I stared up at him with wide eyes.

All the anger between us was gone, all that remained was sexual frustration and exhilaration.

I would not give in to either.

"I'll make you feel good, Kellen," he groaned and skimmed his lips over my jaw again. I went stiff and shook my head. Caerus brought his other hand up and twisted his fingers in my hair, "I'll make you beg."

He slid his hand down my arm and wrapped his warm fingers around mine. I was rigid with terror. Not of him, not of his unnatural powers. But simply of the things he could do without magic.

How he could touch me and kiss me and hold me. How he could press my body in just the right places and make me weak in the knees.

I trembled as his nose ran down my neck again and he tilted my head to the side ever so slightly. I was too terrified to speak and say the wrong thing, too terrified that he'd find out what I really was. What I really wanted.

I didn't want him to know. It would end badly for me either way.

"Caerus, Caerus please," I begged like he wanted and my voice wobbled as he pressed his body into mine. A low growl rumbled from his chest as his lips pressed over my collarbone.

"Say it again, call me master," he commanded and I was afraid it would only encourage him further. Caerus dug his fingers into my hip and I whimpered in pain.

"Master, M-Master Caerus please stop," I whined low like a wounded animal and clenched my fists against his chest. The burst of energy I'd had to knock him away from me was gone now, I was completely helpless.

"But you don't want me to stop do you, Kellen?" Caerus murmured against my heated skin, "you want me to touch you."

His hands began sliding up my shirt again and that same familiar panic constricted in my throat.

Don't touch my back.

Don't touch my back.

Please, please, don't touch my back.

I let out a quiet sob as one hand splayed over my stomach and the other rose higher. Not only did the hideous scars mark my back, but I was disgustingly skinny. He couldn't touch me, not when I was so repulsive like this. I didn't want it now, I didn't want it.

"Don't touch me, please," I cried and pushed against him, his hands shook with an emotion I couldn't identify as he threw himself away from me. I sank to the ground and wrapped my arms around myself as he ran his fingers through his hair and paced back and forth.

My lip trembled as he chewed on his bottom lip.

"Why can't you just-" he cut off and fell to his knees before me. I covered my face and tried to hold back the wall of tears, "it's been... a while, I didn't mean to."

Caerus laid me down and pulled me to his chest in an effort to comfort me. My lip trembled and I burst out crying at last. He flinched slightly but wrapped his arms around me and held me flush against him.

That now familiar scent of jasmine and lavender overcame me. The soothing smell of him filled my nostrils and made my head spin. I sucked in deep breaths of it like I were drowning and pressed my face into his neck. He gripped me tighter around the waist as if he were afraid to let go.

I wrapped my arms around his torso and held him just as closely.

I could savor this moment for now.

Just this once. Just this once, and then everything would go back to hell again.

But I would savor these moments in his arms.

I would cradle this memory to my chest. The warmth of his body, the softness of his breathing. The muscles that tensed and relaxed beneath his clothes. This was mine.

He was mine, just for now.