Almost immediately after I woke the next morning, I knew I would lose. It might've been how sore my entire body was, or how my head spun when I tried to stand. But I knew that either way, I would end up doing whatever Caerus wanted.

I sucked in a deep breath and spotted an outfit laid across the bed. Obviously, someone had dropped them off while I was sleeping. A yawn escaped me as I surveyed them. It was simple, a belt, a white button up, trousers and a brown waistcoat. I dressed with minor difficulty and had to catch my breath before exiting the room.

When the smell of food blasted me in the face, I almost doubled over and felt my mouth water. I grit my teeth and continued to the kitchens to help bring the food out. As soon as I saw Caerus I knew he was in a foul mood. It just poured off him, so I already knew not to push him today.

But I was hungry.

After I set down a plate of fruits I walked down to the head of the table and braced my hand on top of the smooth wood. Trying desperately not to faint. He looked up at me and I could see the calm fury in his expression.

"Take a seat Kellen, but if you annoy me by further it will be your fault if I snap," Caerus warned and I just glared at him.

"Do whatever you want," I returned and sat down in his lap, "I'm ready to play nice."

He froze and for a moment his mood completely vanished. A slow grin spread across his face as he let his hands rest on my hips. I suppressed a shiver and rested my hand on his shoulder.

"Oh?" He teased and I gave a slow nod, keenly aware of how easy it would be to shift just right on his lap to elicit a very certain reaction. I didn't have the energy to blush. "So you'll start being a good boy?"

"Caerus-"

"Ah, ah, ah, what am I?" He cooed and brushed his knuckles over my cheek. I was hit with the scent of jasmine and lavender. It was like how you would imagine sleep to smell, oddly enough.

"Yes, master," I whined and braced my palm on his shoulder. "Please," my head felt like it would explode at any moment and I felt my body grow weaker and weaker.

"I suppose, open up," Caerus replied and waved a fork full of food towards me. I complied without letting my embarrassment get in the way. I was too hungry to care.

The single bite was like heaven, it might've been because I was starving or the food may have been genuinely the best thing I'd ever tasted. Caerus let his hand rest on my lower back to secure me on his lap

I allowed him to feed me bite after bite, but just this once.

I was hungry. That was it. It's not like I wanted him to feed me.

I hoped.

Soon I started to grow full, although when I thought about it, it was less that I was full and more that I felt sick.

"Master-" I turned my head away as he began to push another bite toward me, "I-I'm full."

"All that resistance for only a few bites?" he remarked and crooked a brow, I looked down at the plate to see that it was true. But how was that possible? I felt sick already.

"I feel full," I whispered and fidgeted a little bit before feeling his grip on my back tighten and I realized where I was sitting. His other hand slid up my thigh as a warning that he wasn't afraid to do whatever he pleased with my body.

"One more and then we can play," Caerus shrugged and I reluctantly opened my mouth again.

After I felt like I was going to hurl he relented and pushed the plate away.

"Thank you, master," I mumbled even though I should've been cursing him for being such a prick.

"You're welcome, Kellen," he purred and ran a hand down my spine. I twisted my fingers together and urged myself not to lean into him. "You'll do whatever I say, won't you? Because I own you, Kellen, isn't that right?"

"Yes master," I mumbled and grew increasingly suspicious of his motives, despite my heavy eyes.

"Then why don't you start by telling me who fed you," he growled, voice dropping several octaves. I felt my stomach knot with cold fear.

"I don't know what you mean, master," my voice trembled slightly, how did he know about that? From the corner of my eye, I saw Floss pale considerably.

Caerus slid his hands around my waist and jerked me closer to his firm body. I stifled a cry as his hands crushed my waist.

"Like Hell you do, answer me, Kellen," he hissed and his breath mingled with mine. "You are mine to command," Caerus continued and placed a warm hand on my knee, "mine to touch," his hand ran up my thigh and my heart raced. "I can make you do whatever I want. Now answer me."

"Please don't, I'll do whatever you want, just don't make me tell," I begged and pressed my palms over his chest, he glowered at me.

"Then you'd be willing to take her punishment?" He growled under his breath.

Her.

He knew it was Floss. This was a test.

A stupid, stupid test. And I had failed it.

"Yes master," my voice cracked as he sucked in a sharp breath, in an effort to control himself. "I'll take her punishment. I'll play with you, don't hurt her."

I prayed to all the gods that this punishment wasn't too harsh. My body was still weak and malnourished, I didn't know how much I could take.

Then again, he had already expressed that he would be far from gentle with me. A shiver raced up my spine at the intrusive image of just how rough he might be.

But I didn't want to betray Floss, she was the closest thing to a friend I had here. She'd risked so much by feeding me a tiny roll.

I would not betray her.

"I guess you haven't learned your lesson then," Caerus grit his teeth and yanked me off his lap. I felt panic rise in my throat as he began dragging me back to the room I'd slept in that first night.

Was he going to spank me again?

He slammed the door shut and didn't bother locking it this time. An overwhelming urge to hurl everything I'd just eaten washed over me. I clamped a hand over my mouth and tried to suppress it.

"Kellen, if you want me to truly believe you've become obedient," Caerus began to roll up his sleeves and I blanched in fear. Punishment and anger did not mix well. "Then stop refusing me."

I could barely hang onto his words now. I was really going to hurl.

"Caerus," I choked out before stumbling to the bathroom and heaving my guts into the ceramic bowl. I felt tears burn my eyes at the disgusting sensation and all the food I was losing. There was no point sacrificing my last scraps of dignity if I just puked them up afterward.

He stood in the doorway with his arms at his side's, no longer irritated with me. I let out a low whine and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Pitiful sobs bubbled from my lips as I buried my face in my knees and wept.

I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted my sisters to be happy and content.

But I guess we were all just cursed to die like filthy rats.

"Kellen," he called my name gently and placed a hand on my back, I flinched and shielded my face from him. He'd just make fun of me. I was just a stupid human for crying over something as insignificant as throwing up, "come here."

"No," I sobbed and pushed his hand away. It wasn't vicious or angry, just... sad. Weak.

Caerus hefted me into his arms and I just cried and flinched away from him. Seemingly unfazed, he placed me on the bed and draped the comfy blanket over my shivering body.

And then he left. The last resounding sound was the click of the door.

--------------------

Terrible nightmares ravaged my mind like a battlefield.

Visions of Etai and my sisters, viciously torn apart.

Callista staring down at me like a bug beneath her feet.

Juno and Elise cowering in a corner as soldiers stormed our old home.

And... Etai.

I could hear the crack. The beam shift and pile rocks and soil over his body. Crushing his bones and tearing his life away from me.

His last strangled word.

Kellen.

He called out to me. Begging me to run.

And I left him there, half dead.

I condemned him to die alone.

I should've stayed, I should've stayed and died with him.

Etai.

I gasped and writhed against the sweat-soaked sheets. Screaming and crying out for him.

"Etai!" I sobbed and threw the blankets away panting his name under my breath over and over again, "Etai... Etai."

My breathing slowed until fat tears slid down my cheeks and rolled under my chin. I hugged my body tightly and wished so much that I could see him again.

That I could tell him that I was sorry.

My lip trembled as I slid off the bed and my feet met with the freezing tile. I couldn't be bothered to care. From the windows, I could see the moon shining brightly in the sky.

I'd slept the whole day.

I stumbled over to the ledge and pushed the window open to let the warm night breeze fill the room. The second story seemed so far above the ground. I stuck my head out and shut my eyes.

I loved the night, I loved the winds it brought to brush over my sweaty skin. The wind was beautiful.

It was free and unbound and wild. I loved it more than anything. To run like a stag through the woods jumping and leaping, feeling the wind rush past me like a flowing current.

I wiped my tears away and stared at the ground far below. A glance of movement caught my eye.

I blinked and focused on it.

There, bathed in the moonlight I saw him. Caerus.

He was... fencing. But no other person was in sight. I was mesmerized. The way he moved like it was a dance, a game. He moved like fire and wind, twirling and striking. Slashing and shifting. My breath caught and I found myself unable to resist making my way out the front door.

A rush of foreign happiness swarmed me the moment I took a step outside. The grass tickled my feet and the warm breeze wrapped around my skin like a thin blanket.

I let my body relax into the sounds and sights and feelings. I could hear Caerus panting from around the corner. The phantom clash of blades, even if he had no partner to spar with.

My breath caught when I saw him up close. It was a totally different experience.

I could see the sweat glisten on his brow. The subtle flick of his wrist, the way his Adam's Apple bobbed and his light feet danced on the grass.

He too wore no shoes, and his trousers and shirt were rolled up so he could move more easily.

Then I saw that his eyes were shut, he was completely awake, but it was as if he were reliving a memory. Like he had engrained every detail of it into his brain so he could reenact it like this night after night. I couldn't tear my gaze away even as I slid to the ground and watched the metal of the blade glint in the moonlit garden.

He was aware of my presence, I wasn't sure how I knew, but it was as if the wind whispered in my ear. It spoke in the back of my mind. I sat there until the moon hung low in the sky and he finally stabbed the point into the ground.

A killing blow.

Caerus let it stand upright and his hands fell to his sides. He looked up and stared at the full moon, glaring at it as if it caused him all the pain in the world.

He gave up after a few minutes and turned to me, I met his gaze and felt startled by how tired he looked.

It didn't show on his face, but his eyes. They were deep and sad and so very tired.

I stood as he approached me and brushed off my clothes.

We didn't say a word as he stretched out a hand to me.

Take it.

The wind whispered.

So I did.

Caerus twirled me around and I became the imaginary partner he had been fencing with. Except this time, instead of dancing with swords, he twisted and spun me like a waltz.

But it... wasn't. It was different.

Swooping and arching and curving like a river, like the currents of the wind and the ripples on a lake. We danced on the grass to the song of the wind and the moon and the sour taste of bad memories.

I was alive.

I was free.

If only for a few hours.