《The Unspoken Heart》Chapter 41: Manal's Resilience

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She hadn't come out, even though all the other students from her class were out already. Zoha checked her phone. It showed one twenty p.m.

"Where is she?" she muttered under her breath. For a while she waited. Then at exactly one twenty five, Hoorain came out.

"Where were you?" she concerned. "I have been waiting for past ten minutes."

"I was talking to the professor," Hoorain said. "And how come you got dismissed early today?"

"I don't know. It depends on my professor. Sometimes he holds us sometimes he doesn't."

"I was discussing about the project. Last time I misunderstood something and it dropped my marks."

"I am really hungry. Let's go to the cafe. I have to tell you something."

Zoha and Hoorain headed down to the first floor where the cafeteria was bustling with students who were just dismissed from their classes. Zoha didn't bring any lunch from home and she was starving. Her stomach was making weird sounds.

They first bought lunch and then chose to sit at the table by the wall all the way in the back. Hoorain purchased a bottle of fruit punch and classic chips. She always ate light lunch in college. Zoha on the other hand ate home-made sandwiches.

Hoorain popped one potato chip in her mouth and said, "So what do you have to tell me?" She offered her chips to Zoha.

"Shehryaar spoke to baray abu yesterday."

"Really?" Hoorain spoke while munching on the chips.

"He talked about his proposal for me."

"I knew it."

Zoha was wearing a frown. She wasn't happy as long as Saliha was in her and Shehryaar's way. She thought what if her Bari ammi rejected the idea and didn't let this happen.

"But I wish bari ammi wasn't like this. She is totally not going to let this happen."

"Why is she like this to you? Why is she being the wall between you and him? It's ridiculous."

"Baray abu will talk to her. But I still don't know what they talked about yesterday evening."

Hoorain unscrewed the lid of the bottle and sipped some fruit punch. She offered Zoha her bag of chips again.

"It's okay. You eat yours. I have my own," Zoha said.

"So your baray Abu didn't talk to you yet?"

Zoha shook her head, hopelessly.

"In Shaa Allah everything will be okay. After all he is the oldest adult in your house. His decision should be valued more."

"Do you think Bari ammi will agree with his decision?"

"He will convince her."

Zoha wasn't satisfied. She knew Saliha would never listen to Zafar. Instead she would convince Zafar of ignoring Shehryaar's wish.

"You don't know my Bari ammi. She is really stubborn. She will never listen to my baray abu."

"You said your baray abu hasn't talked to you yet. Then how can you assume this?"

"Because I know."

"Okay." Hoorain patted Zoha's hand. "Calm down. Take it easy."

"I have never been this serious as I am now. I am sick of this," Zoha flared with exasperation. "I can't take it anymore. I have always seen Bari ammi take over everything. She always got what she wanted. And now she is interfering with my happiness. Why does she do this? What wrong have I ever done to her?" she harangued. "I don't know know what to do. It's as if I don't even exist to them anymore."

Hoorain kept looking at Zoha, expressionless.

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"I was wrong to think that Shehryaar's feelings were untrue for me. I have seen how much he cares about me and takes stand. If he can do this much for me then why should I be...quiet? Why should I be scared?" Zoha slid her gaze from Hoorain and looked away somewhere else.

"You shouldn't be afraid," Hoorain said. "If someone is treating you unfairly you stand up for yourself. Don't let anyone underestimate your strength. Because you are shy and less confident, Shehryaar stood for you. But now you have to do it yourself."

"I don't want this to always happen to me."

"You should never let anyone do wrong to you. I am really happy that you are determined to change this. But you would have been able to do this without Shehryaar?"

Zoha sternly looked at Hoorain, who was staring back at her with a question. "Probably...probably not. I would have never even thought about doing this. It would have just seemed really impossible."

"I can clearly tell that nothing in this world has changed you except him. You were never like this before."

"I myself never knew that could I feel this way for someone else."

"I only read in books that love makes one strong. But you showed me that this happens in real life too." Hoorain smiled. "If you were some character in a book I would have thought that this was all fake."

"Aren't stories taken from real life?" Zoha wondered.

"They are. But some stories are just too out of this world to feel any reality in them."

"Why?"

"Because life is not always filled with happiness."

"Like mine."

"And mine."

"You have both your parents alive. You are greatly blessed. I have none. Is there anyone more unfortunate than me?"

"You are the most fortunate person I have ever met. You know why? Because when you lost your parents, you had your dadi who took care of you and gave you so much love. Then when you lost her, Shehryaar came in your life. Don't you see how lucky you are that you always had someone who loved you. Not everyone is blessed with love like this. Don't call yourself unfortunate."

Zoha realized what Hoorain said to her. She was right. Although Zoha lost people in her life, but she never lost love. It was always there in different forms.

"Love is more precious than anything else. If you have such loving person in your life you have everything." Hoorain kept telling

"Maybe this is what is chosen for me. Shehryaar." Zoha thought distantly. "He wants me to be happy."

"Shehryaar is not like the boys these days. But I know you are not the type of girl who trusts anyone especially boys that easily."

"I trust him," Zoha confessed. " I have seen it in his eyes. He truly meant it when he said he loved me. He is unlike anyone else." Her chest bulged and deflated as the burden of thoughts were out. She held her breath and pondered, her eyes were hooked at one spot.

"It is possible that your Bari ammi gets convinced after Shehryaar insists. For how long will she stay against it? She is after all his mother," Hoorain reassured.

Zoha hoped that what Hoorain said came true.

*****************

After coming out of the car, Zoha started heading inside. In the lawn she noticed Manal's therapist, bent down to Manal, talking to her. It instantly reminded her that it was Tuesday. Manal had her session three days a week and this one was the first day of the week.

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Zoha fixed the bag strap on her shoulder, and thought to check what was going on.

Manal didn't realize Zoha was there until she was done talking to her therapist.

"Hope I didn't disturb you," Zoha said.

"Oh not at all. You are welcome," therapist said politely. She backed away from Manal, as previously she was talking to her.

Manal gazed at Zoha. It struck little odd. Then she curled her lips in a smile.

Zoha wasn't sure if Manal was merely pretending in front of the therapist or she meant it. But she smiled back at her to fill in the awkwardness.

"So, Manal, just remember what I told you," the therapist said. "Do you think you can try it one more time? Then I can talk to your doctor and tell him how much you improved."

Manal appeared little reluctant. She looked at Zoha and then grabbed the arms of the wheelchair. Squinting her eyes close, as if that could help to reduce her pain, she applied effort to lift her weight. It seemed really hard for her. But she kept trying.

"You can do it. This is where you have to struggle more," therapist said.

"It is hard and painful," Manal complained.

"I know. It is all about trying. If it is too unbearable then sit down."

"I am trying." Manal pushed herself to the best of her ability. "I am having back pain."

Zoha felt so bad for her that she almost lend her hand. But therapist gestured her to let Manal make this attempt on her own.

"You are almost standing. You are almost standing," therapist said. She was very uplifting to Manal. "Don't give up. You can do it."

Manal's face was exploding from pain. It seemed like she would relinquish and drop back in her wheelchair. But she didn't do that. She held tight, determined. Her nerves were popping like the knuckles in her hand.

"Yes yes."

Zoha couldn't believe that Manal was so willing to stand back on her feet, that she was giving in whatever she got.

"I am gonna die," Manal panted like a man digging his way through the Rocky Mountain. "This is..way too much."

"You are all on your feet, Manal!" the therapist exclaimed. "You did it. It worked."

Zoha's eyes were left burst open.

"How are you feeling?!" therapist was astounded.

Manal looked at her feet. She was confounded. "I can't believe this," she said, calm but shocked. "Am I dreaming?"

"You really are standing on your feet, Manal. You did it."

Zoha put her hand on Manal's shoulder. "Manal, I told you that you will one day be able to stand back," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"I-I don't believe this. It feels like I am not alive, or I am dreaming."

"Can you take a step?" the therapist said.

Manal closed her eyes. Then opened them. "I don't know if I can move."

"Try. You can do this."

Zoha was watching.

Manal was tempted to hold onto the chair for the support. But before she could touch the arm of the chair, the therapist came over and helped her out.

"It's okay. I am here," she said. "You can hold me if you feel like you will fall."

"My legs are too weak and numb to stand longer." Manal was clasping the therapist's shoulder. "I think I can't do this."

"Just try your best."

"What if I fall?"

"I am holding you, don't worry."

Manal's legs were shaking when she took a step.

"Yes yes, you are doing it." All the attention was on her advancing foot. "If you can, take another one."

"Can I sit after this one?" Manal said.

"Okay."

She made another walking attempt and stopped. "Can I now? I can't stand much longer."

"Yes. Carefully come closer to your wheelchair." The therapist braced her back and slowly sat her in the seat. She released a sigh and asked, "that was a huge improvement. Ma Shaa Allah. I am impressed. Did you try to do this alone yourself?"

"No." Manal was breathing harder. "Mummy says if I try to do this. I will hurt myself."

"She is right. At least someone should be with you."

"Are you going to come again on Thursday?"

"Yes I will. Tomorrow I will go meet up with your doctor and give the report."

The therapist looked at Zoha. "Are you often around Manal?" she said humbly.

"Not all the time," Zoha said.

"But she helps me very often," Manal interposed.

"Then that's good. She could help you with getting up from the wheelchair and bed." The therapist smiled. "Well anyways for today the session is over. Would you want me to take you inside or you want to stay with...your name? Sorry I should've asked you before," she asked Zoha.

"Zoha."

"Pretty name. Or shall Zoha stay with you?"

"It will be kind of you if you can drop me to my room. I am tired. Would like to take a nap," Manal said.

"Okay. No problem."

Zoha walked along with the therapist and Manal inside the house. After staying outside for a while under the direct sun, the inside felt cool like the shade under the tree. The therapist took Manal to her room and Zoha headed upstairs.

Taking off her bag from the shoulder, she released a heavy sigh. She felt like she was standing in the lawn for eternity. She tossed her dupatta on the bed and turned on the fan.

Phewww.

It was kind of hot. She wondered for how long Manal was outside doing the therapy. Today she surprised her. Zoha didn't expect that Manal could pick up on the improvement that fast. She had been in the wheelchair for almost a month. Otherwise people took time when it came to paralysis. Zoha wished that Zafar and Saliha were there to see their daughter stand up. It would have amazed them.

Zoha thought to take shower because the heat was driving her crazy. She was hot like she had a high fever. Pulling out the new pair of shalwar kameez, she jumped in the shower.

After when she was done with the shower. She prayed Zuhr. Her stomach was growling with hunger. She was craving for proper home-made lunch, like rice and curry. It was always past lunch time when she came home. So she ate alone in the kitchen.

As she finished her prayers, she placed back the prayer rug in the shelf and brushed her slightly wet hair. She hated to pull the tangles. Ouch. So painful. Bunch of hair fell out on the dressing table. She gathered them in a ball and then wrapped her hair in a ponytail.

There was no one in the kitchen when she checked. Her hunger was growing ever more intense, biting her stomach. She couldn't wait. Lifting the pot lid, a warm smell of rice with mixed vegetable filled her nose. She sucked in the delicious air, as if it could quieten the noise in her belly. She picked the plate from the dish stand and took some rice out. Then poured curry over it.

She sat down at the small, four-chair kitchen table and commenced eating.

As she was, Rumina came in the kitchen. She was taken aback by seeing Zoha. Zoha swallowed the food in her mouth and looked at her.

"What happened, Rumina?" she asked, wondering why she looked at her in surprise.

Rumina came over to her. "Do you know what is happening?"

"What?" Zoha got unnerved. She chewed slowly on the remnants of her bite.

"I just heard Saliha bibi and Zafar sahab talk about you and Shehryaar baba. Do you know that Shehryaar baba proposed your hand in marriage?"

Zoha lowered her gaze. "I know."

"You knew about this?"

"Yes."

"Do you agree with this proposal?"

"Rumina, baray abu nor Bari ammi have talked about it to me. And I can't say anything."

Rumina quietened.

"Sorry for talking like this. But I really don't know what to do. I can't make any decision like this," Zoha said.

"I was surprised that Shehryaar baba chose you. I could never think that."

"Neither could I." Zoha spooned a bite from her plate.

"If Aaliyah bibi and Rehman sahab were alive. Zafar sahab and Saliha bibi would have spoken to them," Rumina pitied.

Zoha was reminded of what Hoorain said to her. She thought, would Shehryaar have come in her life if her parents were alive. Would he have ever fell in love with her.

"Whatever you said to me. Make sure you don't say that to anyone else. I don't want there to be misunderstandings," she said to Rumina.

"I would never do that."

"I know you won't. But still."

Rumina thought.

"By the way where did you hear Bari ammi and baray Abu?" Zoha inquired.

"That-I-I was cleaning upstairs. I heard them talk loud in their room." Rumina disengaged her eye contact with Zoha as if she was afraid of what might happen.

"Rumina, you are really nice and I respect you. But I feel like the matter should remain between Bari ammi and baray Abu. I don't want the third person interference. Whatever you heard, forget about it."

"Did something happen, Zoha bibi?"

"Nothing happened. But I am afraid."

"Why did you think that?"

Zoha didn't want to answer. She didn't want to give it away. "Some reason."

"Don't worry, I won't talk about this to anyone." She lastly looked at Zoha and left the kitchen.

Are baray Abu and Bari ammi arguing about the proposal? Zoha wondered. Now Rumina knows about it too. What if she starts prying on this matter? Oh Allah I don't know what's going on.

The thought of Zafar talking to her for the proposal made her uncomfortable. She couldn't imagine herself looking into his eyes and answering his questions. It made her feel insecure.

She finished her food, washed her plate since there were no dishes in the sink and went upstairs. When she was opening the door of her room, afraid and perturbed, she heard another door close down the corridor.

Who could it be? she wondered. In the daytime Shehryaar was home because he hadn't had any other business and Zafar was pretty much the same. He either sat in the living area watching TV or read books, his hobby. But since she didn't see him in the living area, he was most likely in his room at this hour.

What if it is baray Abu? She was alerted by the possibility.

The noise of the footfall progressed in her direction, creating rhythm in the silence. Zoha guessed probably it was Zafar. Or probably Shehryaar. She wasn't sure. She pushed the door of her room and went inside. Then quietly she listened to the footsteps approaching. It sounded like Zafar.

She stepped back from the door and watched. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She had a strong feeling that it was Zafar.

It's okay, she told herself. If he asks me anything I will answer it. And baray Abu after all is understanding and humble.

The footsteps came to a halt. And the knocked occurred at her door. Zoha was alarmed. She took a deep calming breath before answering the door. Her fear was slightly irrational but it kept her at the edge. Now and then whenever something happened, she took it so seriously.

Slowly she went over to the door and grasped on the cool steel knob. Just then there came another knock. She was taken aback. The courage started to slip away, but she held on to it.

When the door opened, there stood Saliha, her arms folded across her chest, attention casted on the floor. Zoha was blown away by the wind of surprise. All that time when she was anticipating Zafar, it was actually Saliha.

"Bari ammi, you?"

Saliha looked up. There was no sign of anger on her face. "What were you doing? Can I come in?"

Zoha replayed her words in her mind and then said, "sure."

She came in and stood by the bed. Zoha closed the door.

"What happened, Bari ammi?"

Saliha took her time to think before she spoke. "Um- actually." Hesitancy bit her tongue. "You must be aware...um..you know about." She trailed off.

Zoha got the idea. But she didn't nod nor gave proof that she knew what Saliha was talking about.

"Me and your baray Abu were discussing about the...proposal." Saliha waited to observe Zoha's response.

"Jee."

"It's not anyone else. I am talking about Shehryaar."

Zoha felt a pang of pain in her chest. She was expecting Zafar to talk about this and instead Saliha astounded her by mentioning the proposal.

"At this point I am talking to you as a mother."

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