《The Unspoken Heart》Chapter 38: Unsettling Silence
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flipping through channels on the TV. She was all alone; not even Saliha was there to push the wheelchair. Zoha climbed down the stairs and went to her.
"What are you doing?" she asked, settling on the sofa.
Manal looked away from the TV. "Nothing," she sighed. "There is not one good channel to watch. So bored."
"Where is baray abu?"
"Probably in his room."
Zoha thought. The silence of the house was telling that things weren't good. She hadn't seen Saliha the whole day. Not even in the morning when she usually woke up to make breakfast.
"And bari ammi?"
"Actually she is not in a good mood." Manal put the remote on the coffee table. "Do you know what happened yesterday?"
"Your Rubab khala was coming over, right?"
"Yeah she was coming and she came," Manal faced the chair to Zoha. "Then you know what happened? Shehryaar bhai broke the engagement with Faiza. Daddy told khala. And khala got really upset after hearing the news."
"Really? All that happened?" Zoha knew this was to happen, but it still shocked her. Shehryaar didn't only say he would do it. He did it. "Now?"
"Mummy is not talking to anyone. She cried after khala left."
Zoha didn't know what to say. Would she say, that she knew about this? That Shehryaar already told her he liked her? That she tried to tell him to not do this?
"He shouldn't have done that," she said.
"This is all temporary," Manal said. "After two days everything will be back the way it was. It's good that bhai rejected her."
"You don't feel bad that this happened to your best friend?"
"She is not my best friend. In fact I hate her," Manal maddened. "If she was my best friend she wouldn't have left me after this accident."
Zoha silently gazed at Manal, puzzled and startled. Was this really Manal? Could she ever be against Faiza like that? It was hard to believe.
"Good friend. In fact true friends are always there for you. They not only support you in good times, but also in bad times too. And after this I got to see her real face. It shocked me to realize that I had a fake friend the whole time. It deeply hurt me."
"You didn't talk to her once?"
"Why should I? She has left me. I don't want her." Manal rolled her eyes.
"But she still doesn't deserve this. Her heart must be broken."
Manal looked into Zoha's eyes. "You forgot how she broke your heart one time? And insulted you badly?" She questioned as if she was dumbstruck by what Zoha said.
"I know," Zoha replied. "But I wouldn't still wish for this to happen to her."
"Why? How can you still think like that about her?"
"What will I get out of hating her?"
"I am so surprised," Manal said. "You are so different from me."
Zoha shifted her gaze from Manal and looked at her lap.
"I know how badly I have hurt you too. I should look at myself before I talk about someone else," Manal's scorn subdued. "You must be thinking.. what good have I ever done. I have always been a selfish person. And maybe because of this... all of this is happening."
Zoha listened. "What will happen now?"
"I haven't seen mummy's face the whole day. She didn't even come to my room." Manal's corners of lips curled down. "It's torture to be bounded in this chair. I am a useless body. Nobody comes to me, neither can I go to them."
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"I was thinking..." Zoha stopped. She was afraid.
"What?"
"That... if I go to bari ammi. But what will she think? I know it will be really awkward."
"I wonder what bhai is doing. I want to talk to him."
Every time Shehryaar was mentioned, fear stringed her skin. She felt as if everything that was hidden so far from everyone was revealed.
"I was calling him. But he didn't pick up. Do you see the car outside?"
"I think it is."
"Where will he go. Probably he's home. Then why isn't he picking up his call. I am so impatient." Manal picked the remote control and turned off the tv. "I want to know what's going on in this house."
"You want to meet him?"
"Yes," Manal said urgently. "What if..you can call him?" She looked at Zoha with a ray of hope.
"Me?" Zoha didn't think it was a good idea.
"Yeah, you. Can you?"
"Don't worry, he won't say anything to you."
"But...what if he is not in a good mood?"
"Just go, knock at the door and tell him that I am calling him. At least you can do that."
Zoha knew how desperate Manal was to talk to him. But how could she go near his room?
"Do I have to?"
"Believe me it won't hurt to just knock at his room door and drop the message. The whole day has passed and it's worrying me what happened."
Zoha took a deep sigh. She didn't want to go, but was forced to.
"If something happens."
"Nothing will happen," Manal insisted. "Please?" She looked at Zoha with innocent eyes.
Zoha got up, nervous. "Are you sure if this is not the inappropriate time?"
"As far as I know he might be working on his laptop." Manal grabbed the phone from the coffee table and checked the time. "I think you can go." Her eyes were still on the cracked screen.
Zoha hesitantly headed upstairs, chest pounding. She took small steps, thinking about Shehryaar's reaction. Hope he doesn't start up a conversation, she said under her breath.
Raising her hand, she gave one last thought, and then knocked at the door. Just as the noise evoked the silence, she moved back one step.
There was no response from inside. She waited. Then knocked again, and this time Shehryaar opened the door. His eyes went big with surprise, as he saw Zoha.
"You?" he said. His hair were little tousled, as if he had been in bed, lounging, bunch of pillows bolstering his head.
"Actually...Manal sent me to call you," Zoha said.
Shehryaar stood and watched, unable to take his eyes off her. "Why?"
"Sh-she wants to...talk to you."
"Something important?" he inquired.
"You can ask her." Zoha turned and started to leave.
"Tell her I am not coming if it's not something important."
"She called you many times but you weren't picking up."
Shehryaar got quiet.
"Nothing will happen if you talk to her once. She worries about you and you don't even care."
"When I am not in a good mood, I don't feel like talking to anyone. It doesn't mean I don't care." He paused, then said, "Okay, wait."
Zoha turned and glanced at him.
"Just a second." He went in his room, leaving the door ajar.
**********
"Where were you, bhai?" Manal complained. "You didn't come to meet me."
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Shehryaar sat on the sofa. "Sometimes I am busy and I forget." He sounded bothered.
"You are right. Who remembers me. I am as forgotten as some useless object. Nobody cares how my day goes by." Manal disappointedly looked away. "I am sick of sitting in this chair. I hate it."
"Manal,when did I say I don't care about you?" Shehryaar said. "I just said I forgot."
"That makes me feel like nobody cares about me," Manal was at the verge of tears. "When will I get better?"
"Manal, you are taking me wrong," Shehryaar said, and got up. "You are my only sister. Why would I do that? Sometimes it happens...that you are not in a good mood and don't feel like interacting with anyone." He stooped in front of Manal. "Look at me. I care so much about you. It's just....today was not my day. I wasn't feeling it."
Manal raised her sad gaze, and looked at her brother. "Were you upset the whole day?"
Shehryaar didn't say anything. Zoha was sitting on the sofa, quietly watching.
"Is it because of what happened?" she asked.
"Maybe. Do you think I did the wrong thing?"
"You are not happy with what you did?"
"I feel bad that mummy is really upset. I never meant to...I just didn't want it to end like this."
"Then what did you want?" Manal said. "You like Faiza?"
Shehryaar breathed. "No. It's not about Faiza. I feel like I have hurt mummy. Badly."
"Mummy used to say that her choice was your choice. But it seems like you both are so different. Her thoughts didn't match yours."
"If mummy had asked me once before taking this proposal. Then maybe it wouldn't have happened."
"Can I ask you something, bhai?" Manal asked.
Shehryaar again looked into her eyes, with modicum of doubt. "Yes?"
"If you were asked why you left Faiza. What would you have said?"
"I..I would have said that she wasn't the one with whom I wanted to live my life with. She is not my type."
"But mummy doesn't think that. She thinks Faiza is the ideal girl."
"But I don't think so. Everyone's definition of ideal is different." Shehryaar glimpsed at Zoha.
"How will you explain this to mummy?"
"When she asks this, I will tell her. I won't hide what I have to say."
"Do you not want to tell me?"
Shehryaar sighed. "Maybe later."
Manal held Shehryaar's hand, as he started to move away from her. "When?"
"I don't know. But I will tell you."
Manal smiled. "I will wait for that moment. Promise?"
Shehryaar smiled, and patted Manal's head. "Promise."
He went back to his room.
*********
Zoha and Hoorain walked together after the class. They went to the library to work on their research paper.
"I don't feel like studying," Zoha said. "For how long are you going to stay here?"
"What do you mean? We only have this week. Only three more days. Will you be able to manage it?" Hoorain pulled out the chair, but didn't sit.
"I am not thinking about the research paper." Zoha was little uneasy. "I will do something. Don't worry about me." She started to leave.
"Where are you going for now?" Hoorain ceased her. "I still have to work."
"I am anxious. Can we sit outside?"
"Seriously tell me, yaar. At least your best friend."
Zoha pulled Hoorain's hand and took her out to the vicinity.
"What is bothering you? I need to know now," Hoorain said. "Tell me." They sat down on the grass.
Zoha closed her eyes and breathed in. She didn't want to stutter while speaking.
"I don't know why I always get nervous about this. I try to calm down, but it starts to happen again."
"About what?"
"Hoorain, you are my best friend. Do I need to spell out everything again?" Zoha gave a look of annoyance.
"Sheh-" Hoorain was guessing it, that Zoha said, "yeah."
"What happened?" He already rejected Faiza. Didn't he?"
"He did."
"And he also told about you to your bari ammi?"
Zoha looked at Hoorain seriously. "No. That's the thing."
"Don't get nervous. Instead you should feel lucky that he picked you out of everyone else." Hoorain put her hand on Zoha's. "That's how you can tell he is the right person for you."
"Him picking me out of everyone makes me think- am I really that good for someone? Can someone truly love me?"
"You are a good person and you truly deserve him," Hoorain said. "Don't think you are any less good for him. Accept that he loves you because of who you are."
Zoha noticed the glint in Hoorain's eyes. She was a wave of hope in a hopeless time.
"Sometimes it feels weird to think about this. There is someone who loves me so much that he broke his relationship with his fiancée." She fell thinking. "Like I am the third wheel who has interfered in their relationship."
"Why do you think like that?" Hoorain said. Her hair were blowing from the wind. "Why do you say that this is your fault? You didn't do anything. In fact you tried to avoid it and told Shehryaar that he shouldn't do this. But he did what he wanted. He did this for the love. You mean so much to him," she explained, looking right at Zoha.
Zoha looked away.
"I always tell you to not overthink. This is your biggest problem."
"I don't know how to help myself."
"Listen to me. Just relax. Take a deep breath and get this off of your mind. Think that nothing has happened. Okay?"
"You are talking to me like I am a child."
Hoorain laughed. "So are you. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be anywhere," she bantered.
"Sure. I know where I would have been." Zoha smirked and rolled her eyes.
"Acha, tell me do you like Shehryaar?"
"Stop." Zoha lightly pushed Hoorain.
"Do you?"
Zoha gave a look that appeared serious, but she was shyly smiling from inside. She grabbed her bag and slung it on her shoulder.
"Acha acha where are you going?" Hoorain held her hand.
"You sit here and talk about Shehryaar. I am gonna go inside," Zoha said. "Leave my hand. I am going."
"But who will I talk to about Shehryaar? It won't be fun without you."
Zoha slapped her hand and broke away from her grip. "You are never gonna stop being like that."
Hoorain burst laughing. "That's my speciality. I don't change it."
"Speciality," Zoha muttered under her breath. "You always loved talking about these things. Love. Handsome boy."
Hoorain continued laughing. She couldn't control it. "Wait to karo." She picked her bag and ran after Zoha.
"No no. Keep laughing. I am gonna stand here and watch your silliness," Zoha said, walking faster.
"Alright I am not gonna do it anymore. Come back."
"Weren't you worrying about the research paper like twenty minutes ago?" Zoha stopped.
Hoorain took a breath. "Oh don't remind me about that thing."
"Jee haan. Get it together."
"Well at least got some fresh air." They both headed to the library. It was nice and cool- dearth of distraction.
**********************
When Zoha stepped in the house, her gaze scampered to Saliha, who was holding the wireless phone against her ear. She looked at Zoha as she came in. Then looked away.
"Rukhsana, how are you?" Saliha said, and sat on the sofa.
Zoha didn't know who Rukhsana was. Never heard of that name before. She headed to her room and relaxed. It was after a whole day that she saw Saliha; she was in her room the entire time- upset about what happened.
But who was on the phone? Zoha thought. She was somehow curious. As far as she knew, Saliha barely spoke to her far away relatives. Then who could it be?
Zoha changed her clothes and performed ablution for the afternoon prayers. The room felt extra quiet. There was always that buzzing sound of the AC that kept the air busy. But it was off for now. She didn't need it. The temperature was already mild.
After finishing her prayers, she un-weaved her long braid and combed the hair. They were smooth and strong. She never straightened them, nor cut them very often. The last time she cut them were months and months ago; and it was because she insisted dadi that she wanted them little shorter. She couldn't manage it. Now they had grown back. They reached her waist.
She gathered handful of hair and started twisting them in a bun. When she applied the scrunchie, two layered strands slipped from each side and hung by her temples. She tried to clip them away, but it didn't look good. So she left it like that.
Later she went down. Saliha was still on the phone. But Zoha found out that she wasn't actually talking. The receiver was against her ear, waiting for someone to pick up on the other end. When there was no response, she ended the call and got up, wearing a solemn look.
Zoha wondered what happened now. Was there another problem? It seemed like it. Saliha was always tensed about something. Zoha sensed that the problem was related to Shehryaar. Saliha was mad at him, and God knew what she would do next, things were uneasy. And in that if Shehryaar told her about Zoha, then the whole house was sure to flip over. It was just so unexpected for everyone. Nobody could ever think that he could fall in love with her.
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