《The Unspoken Heart》Chapter 4: An Unexpected Loss

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Saliha was instructing Rumina to prepare for the afternoon. She couldn't settle with the thought of her son visiting Pakistan after a very long time. Fourteen years ago when he came, he was a young teenage boy in seventh grade. He wasn't fully developed to set his mind toward science engineering, which Saliha wished for his son to study. But, Zafar had always proved to be opposite of Saliha. He gave his son his freedom to choose whatever he wanted. And Shehryaar ended up becoming a professional photographer and an artist.

"Rumina, can you put the korma on the stove?" Saliha picked the phone from the counter and dialed the number of Rubab.

"Bibi jee, how about the rice? When should I cook that?"

Saliha turned around and glanced at the clock. "Right now it's too early. First let everyone wake up and eat breakfast, then I will tell you the time."

After placing the big pot on the stove, Rumina left the kitchen. Saliha kept trying to contact Rubab to inform her about the time they would both go to pick Shehryaar at the airport. She was afraid if they left late, they might end up getting caught in the traffic.

"Kiya hogaya hai? Why is Rubab not picking up?" she annoyed. "Maybe I should call her after an hour," nearly talking to herself.

Later, at eleven, Saliha went to knock at the door of Manal's room, concerned that she still wasn't awake.

"Manal beta, get up. It's getting late. Don't you remember we have to pick Shehryaar bhai? Hurry up. I don't want to keep coming again." She dropped the reminder, and then headed to dadi and Zoha's room.

She knocked at their door, too.

"Zoha, beta, it's eleven already."

She sticked her ear against the door to hear for any noise of talking.

"Zoha? Are you awake? Can you please open the door? I need to talk to your dadi." She checked the phone screen in her hand. There was no call from Rubab.

After sometime, Zoha opened the door, rubbing her eyes while her dupatta messily hung around her neck.

"Assalamualaikum , bari ammi." Her voice came out raspy.

"Walaikum-Salam. Zoha your dadi is still sleeping?" Saliha cocked her head inside the room to see.

Zoha looked back at dadi, who was lying on bed with her eyes resting close. As she gazed at her for a moment, a thought knocked her over. She immediately realized that her dadi hadn't waken her up for fajr. Zoha had been sleeping soundly all throughout the night until this morning when there was a knock on the door.

"I don't know. I was really tired last night and perhaps didn't get to wake up for fajr on time too," she said.

"Does she read tasbeeh after fajr?" Saliha noticed.

Zoha looked at the rocking chair. The tasbeeh was still there from last night, as she always sat and read there. But when she read fajr, she took it with her to bed.

Zoha went to dadi and called. "Dadi? It's morning already. Bari ammi is here."

Saliha stepped into the room.

"Ammi, we have to go to pick Shehryaar today, remember?" she said, while Zoha was still beside dadi.

After few calls, Zoha wore the concern, and studied dadi suspiciously, caressing her wrinkled cheek and feeling the essence of uneasiness. "Dadi?" she said softly again, so to not alarm her if in case she had fallen deep asleep.

Saliha came from the back with a serious look. She slipped her hand over Zoha's shoulder and said, "Zoha, beta, why isn't she waking up?"

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"Dadi." Zoha took dadi's hand in hers and started rubbing it lightly. She shook her body by the means of disturbing her deliberately. "Dadi, wake up." She turned her eyes at Saliha who pierced back with wide eyes. The lines of tension etched on her face. "Bari ammi, why isn't she waking up? Can you wake her up. Please?" Zoha shook dadi's body again, but it was unresponsive. She laid heavy and precarious.

Saliha came around and started rubbing the soles of her feet. "Ammi, wake up. What happened to you?"

Zoha's eyes swelled with distress.

"Dadi?" Her heart whammed sharply within against her chest, knowing that something was wrong. "Bari ammi, please wake her up. I don't know why she is not waking up. It doesn't seem right." Zoha bursted into tears, sensitively.

Saliha rapidly dialed the number of Rubab in her phone, trembling and sweating beads from her forehead. She did not expect an unusual morning. After one attempt, she dialed to the emergency number of hospital. She thought it would be best to call a professional help. Then, fortunately, someone picked on the other end. Within time, she told the necessary information to the person.

"Bari ammi, hurry up! I don't want anything happening to dadi." Zoha tried to gain confidence in her words, but she fell vulnerable every time her eyes met poor dadi.

"I am trying. Someone is coming from the hospital."

"Tell them to come fast." Zoha sniffled her tearful eyes. She couldn't stop herself from crying.

"What happened to your dadi? She was perfectly fine last night. She even came downstairs and sat in the lawn for fresh air," Saliha said, anxious.

Saliha went ahead and grasped dadi's wrist to check for the pulse. When her two fingers detected the absence of heart beat, it shocked her even more. She let her arm dangle off the bed and held temples in great dismay.

Zoha caught the difference in Saliha's color. She appeared as if nothing was reversible.

"Bari ammi, what happened?" Zoha asked desperately.

Saliha sticked Zoha's head against her chest. She had started to bawl tears too. "I am afraid your dadi is not breathing."

Zoha revolted. "Bari ammi, do you know what you are saying? When dadi hears this do you know how upset she would be? She will wake up when the doctor comes. You will see." She fell quiet and constantly stared at dadi, whose lifeless face wiped all the pain that she often complained about.

Saliha's noise of weeping provoked Zoha to act loud. "Dadi! You can't leave me." The redness scorched her cheeks, still perceiving the situation as surreal. "Dadi wake up! Please?!"

Saliha came forward to handle Zoha.

"Zoha, beta." She trembled. "This had to happen one day."

"But bari ammi, we haven't lived together that long. I had to take her places and show her everything. I talked to her every time about it. She knows it. She said she would come with me. Then why did this happen?" Zoha was flooded with ocean of tears. She was half in the arms of Saliha, shaking her head at the massive tragedy. "I wish I had passed away instead, so I didn't have to see her go away like this."

Saliha recited. "Inna lillaahi wa inna illayhi raj'oun." Recitation over the deceased one. "Beta, we never know what Allah has written for us. Fate is inevitable and accepting it is the best thing because we humans can't do anything about it." She patted Zoha's head.

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Later, the ambulance came and took the body to the hospital and was kept in the ICU. It was put on the ventilator to monitor any breathing by the body. The CT scan and electrocardiogram were done. But after few hours, she was declared dead because the heart beat was absent the whole time. It was sentenced that she died from a major stroke which struck around midnight.

Saliha didn't bring Zoha to the hospital because it was very bad for her. She wouldn't have been able absorb the misery. The body was handed back to the family to organize funeral ceremony.

The news was spread like a wildfire through all the relatives' house. The empty living room started to fill up with ladies. Saliha had laid plenty of beads to pray and whole set of Quran. Rumina who had expected a good end of the day, was injected with sorrow too. At last, she had been a maid for fifteen years, and was aware of most of the family affairs. She had seen Zoha grow in front of her and bloom into a young lady, just like Manal who was another daughter of the house.

Saliha informed Rubab and she instantly came over with her children Faiza and Umair. She updated Zafar with the news and he sounded weak from his voice, regretting being faraway at the moment like this. He said, he couldn't all of a sudden come over because the traveling would have caused to elongate the time of burial. He wished he could have seen the face of his mother for the last time.

Zoha was brought to the living room. She seemed lifeless and pale from constantly sniveling. Saliha covered her head with the dupatta.

"Zoha?" she said.

Zoha was lost miles away that she couldn't barely hear anything. The noise of praying and women reading Quran was like a distant background noise.

"Beta?" Saliha said.

Manal came over next to her. A girl who was never covered her head was wearing the dupatta and plain shalwar kameez. Her fingers were gripping on to the tasbeeh and she dropped beads after reciting dur-e-shareef.

Then Saliha got a call from Rubab. She told that they brought Shehryaar from the airport and they were near the house.

When dadi's body was given ghusl, or bathe, it was brought over to the living room, shrouded in linen. The white cotton were stuffed in her nose, but the face was glowing like it was alive. Like she would wake up and sweep the moment of grief. But nothing like that happened. Zoha somberly sat in the corner, staring in the eternity. The moisture was vanished from her once twinkling wet eyes, leaving it hollow and gray. When the men later crowded in the room to carry the funeral, which included Shehryaar who was shocked at his dadi's death just at the day of his arrival. Zoha immediately got up and erupted, "don't take my dadi away. She is mine. Put her down."

Saliha went after her to hold her back from the men.

"Zoha, beta, control yourself. They have to take her before it gets dark."

"Nahi. She is mine. Nobody can take her away. Bari ammi please tell them to give her back to me."

The men recited dua and lifted the funeral on their shoulder from four sides. Then slowly exited the place.

"Dadi!" Zoha shouted.

The women who moved aside when the men came, they sat around the white chadar and continued reading the Quran and tasbeeh.

"Bari ammi, I can't live without her. She was my everything. Who will I have to sleep with me, wake me up for fajr and college?" As Zoha was just saying, her eyes closed and she collapsed in Saliha's arms.

"Zoha?" She handled her. "Somebody help me. She has fainted. Hurry up."

Rubab and two other women came in urgent and took unconscious Zoha to her room. There they rested her on the bed and Saliha ordered to bring water.

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"Saliha, what will we do about Zoha? She doesn't seem to take care of herself. This has struck her really badly," Rubab said.

"I hope she doesn't fall ill. After all she has been really close to her dadi. Raised her from a very small age. Maybe nobody can understand her grief."

"Poor child has no mother no father. All alone in the world," Rubab said. She sat next to Saliha on bed.

Saliha launched a great sigh. She wiped the last tears.

"What can we do as humans. There is nothing in control of us," she said.

Faiza appeared with a glass of water and carefully passed it to Saliha. Manal was leaning by the door, dupatta still covering her head, watching her mother and her Khala talk.

"Should you wake her up now?" Rubab asked. "Don't know how she will react."

Saliha waited and thought. "I am afraid how we will control her when she wakes up on her own. It's tough either way."

Upon that, Rubab and Saliha stayed in the room for a long time. Manal and Faiza went by the window and peered out at the sunset in the horizon. The time passed by very quickly, taking care of the things after dadi's death. It was like a storm, running here and there to fulfill the duty for funeral. And after that everything settled.

"Mummy, when will men come back from the graveyard?" Manal asked, arms folded across her chest.

Saliha was in bed. She removed her arm from the head and said in nearly sleeping state, "they will be on the way. It's been an hour now."

"We were not even able to pick Shehryaar bhai from the airport."

"You are very well aware of the situation. If we left who would have taken care of the house and people?"

Manal got quiet. She resumed her gaze back outside at the streaks of orange light, intensely bright that it seemed like the west was on fire.

"Believe me, I wish I was with you," Faiza said, putting hand on Manal's.

"It's okay. It happened already. I am really happy Shehryaar bhai came with you guys. There is no regret." There was hint of smile on her face which soon dissolved in her faded look.

"When he came out of the airport terminal, he was bright as sun. Everything was okay and perfect in this world. The minute we told him that he lost his dadi before he could see him, he was shocked."

"Yeah, he would had have been."

"You can talk to him and ease him."

Manal nodded. "When last time he came, everything was happy. Dadi was alive and everything was perfect. We had so much fun. And now-"

"Must have been a long time. Things changed after that. He is grown up. No longer like the children we were."

"I wish we were children."

"Why? Afraid of the responsibilities?"

"Afraid of mummy and daddy turning old. It upsets me. I don't want anything to happen to them. I love them so much. They are my everything."

Faiza glimpsed at the lawn downstairs, clouded with darkness, except for post lights that illuminated the place. The driveway was empty. All the cars were parked outside the Bangalow to have space for men to carry the funeral.

"True. It's like nothing without them."

There was a knock on the door.

Everybody looked, except Zoha who was still unconscious and deeply affected by the sorrow.

"Manal, go look. It must be Shehryaar. He is back from the graveyard," Saliha said, collecting her dupatta around the neck and sweeping her frizzy hair back. Rubab was in the rocking chair. She stained her gaze at the door, hoping to see her son Umair.

Manal went to open the door. She saw Shehryaar standing, in dull surprise to see his sister. They didn't see each other after he came home from the airport.

"Bhai," She said and hugged him.

Saliha came forth from the back. "Mera beta, Shehry. Haven't seen you properly." She hugged her tall son against his chest.

Rubab and Faiza were standing and watching the reunion of the family.

"Where is Umair? Did he come back with you?" Saliha looked around him.

"Actually, he told me he was going home. I think he might have told Khala."

"Yeah, he sent me a message right now." Rubab was peering into her phone, light flashing at her face. "He is home."

"I am truly upset that all this happened, mummy," Shehryaar said depressingly.

Saliha met her eyes with him. "I understand you, my dear. It's not easy thing to bury your loved one." She shot glance at Zoha. "Look at the poor girl. She wasn't ready for this at all. Perhaps never would have been."

Shehryaar could barely see Zoha on bed. Only her arm by her side. He saw her weeping when they were taking the funeral away.

"Was she that close?" he asked.

"More than anyone after she lost her own parents."

"Oh. That's really sad."

Saliha closed the door behind to avoid the disturbance. Manal stayed in the room with Faiza and Rubab. They waited for Zoha to gain her consciousness.

"How was your trip?" she asked, unable to take eyes off her son.

He nodded. "It was good."

"Must have been very tired from traveling."

They both went in the living room. The floor there was covered with white chadar. Saliha garnered up the chadar in one and stacked it on the shelf for temporary, so the next day Rumina would clean up.

"A lot. Didn't get to get sleep all trip. It was uncomfortable."

"Did you eat anything?"

"If you are talking about the soup, fish fillet sandwich and beans? So no. I don't like the taste of them.

"Wait, I will tell Rumina to set dinner for you. I made korma for you. But unfortunately rice are not cooked. I will tell Rumina to make it for you." Saliha got up.

"Mummy, don't bother anyone right now. I don't want to disturb anyone at such moment. It's okay. I will eat it with something else. Used to it."

Shehryaar wore plaid shirt with blue jeans. His hair quaffed, light stubble jaw, chiseled cheekbones and average muscled. It slightly gave him a shape of a sportsman. But his interest linked nowhere close to sports. Instead this aspect of his was the result of his healthy lifestyle in California.

"I will go get fresh." He was on the way upstairs that he stopped and asked, "did you set it?"

"Of course. I did it myself. Rumina didn't even touch your things."

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Korma- Pakistani food dish. Chicken curry.

Kiya hogaya hai- what happened (dialogue, not a word).

Fajr- dawn prayers

Dupatta- part of the clothing in Pakistan, it's a long piece of scarf, not roundly stitched that matches with the clothes, to cover your chest.

Dur-e-shareef- verse from Quran to recite in prayers.

Ghusl- giving bathe to a dead body with righteous act.

Nahi- no

Bhai- brother

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