Day 27-

Standing on the purple-colored platform I focused on the trial I am going to face, every time it is a brown-colored dirt platform but this time there is a change in the color, so I assumed this could be the last trial of the second layer. I have not many days left, and remaining in the same dungeon for so many days has left me weary.

I haven't been in the same place for such a long period since childhood, I wonder if I have to be in the same situation in the future too, I can see a hint of assassin training from the dungeon itself, maybe it could be my second class and I have to remain in the muddy road for a longer period.

In the beginning, I thought an ordinary Life is all I want; in the future, I do wish that I could live more a comfortable life. Is life a real trial ground where everyone has to struggle every day, would there be heaven where I don't have to be insecure about my future.

'You are dreaming'

I know that it is a dream, but if heaven exists, I wonder if reaching it early would do any good.

'haha, maybe heaven doesn't exist, it could be a fairy tale, to make you dream into wonderful life; but you do know that you can make your life comfortable, be so strong that your life is a game for you, and all the trails are just leveling up bar, not a life or death struggle.'

'and having the capacity and not working it is the ultimate foolishness'

Now I am slowly losing the sensation of touch, now I understand why this is purpled, I am going to get beaten black and blue, haha, sometimes when I sleep my hands get paralyzed and I panic sometimes that my hands are dead, it could be because of over exhaustion or because there is no proper blood supply, but I do panic at the time, my mind subconsciously thinks if my hands are going to be dead forever.

In the beginning, however, it doesn't matter there is not much to think about how I don't know what to do, but there are not many things I can do, my mind is slowly getting numb, I hate it when things are not going around in the way I have thought it would go, I hate to be lead around the nose and I hate to waste my time, I don't like here, I have to quickly complete my trail and get out of this place, I want to go the next level, I don't want to be stuck around here.

The sensation of losing touch is not a go experience but there is little I could, the sense of touch is completely important and now I feel it, sometimes the most important thing in life is the smallest thing we tend to ignore, like reading a book I know it would be beneficial for me in the long run, but my laziness is blocking me, the smallest pain in my ears block me to do what is essential, but what can I do, I am not sure of my own goal, is it that I don't have the guts to pursue the goal, is asking for freedom a big goal, and should I not pursue it?

No matter what I think the inevitable will happen, like if I don't have money, there is chance that I have to sleep hungry, and even if earn money , if it is not sufficient amount, i would be lead around by nose by everybody and i don't like it, I seriously don't like it, is there any thing i could do to not feel this disgusting feeling, why i am feeling in this way , is there any thing I could to not think about anything but my goal is there anything I could do not to feel the way I feel?, no matter what i think, the mud balls are all attacking from the every direction , I hate the fact that I couldn't get what i want to get , there is only anger and hesitation and nothing more and nothing less, only hate remains in my heart, what can i do to remove this shitty feeling, why do I feel afraid what can i do to persuade others what can i do to get my freedom , is being slave the only choice i have, why do I fail , why do I always loses , why am i the only one who is in the loosing end, why do I have to to remain a looser throughout my whole life,, to remain in others shadow at times, is changing this hard?

Losing the sensation made me think about what I had to think for a long while, there is nothing I could do about my situation, feeling always block my thought processes, is there anything I could do to solve the current situation, there is and that is to try again and again with the probability of knowing that I might be doing the losing job, it cannot benefit me in any way, and the only benefit I could get it is the habit of doing the same thing again and again, and the result may not be my liking and I might loose my precious time, there is no definiteness that I could get any result out of what I am doing, My first trail has gone to waste, no matter how much optimistic I try to act, it always come to square one, where there is only an empty shell, the dark mass of negativity, and even if it was a pure dark mass I would have loved it, but no, there is fear, cowardice, laziness, and self-sabotaging thought, I don't understand why I musty have the self-sabotaging thought myself.

No matter what I try to I have no idea how can I get out of a situation where I can't even know where the attack is coming from, I have lost my first chance and I might lose the second chance too and the third chance too, I don't know why I cant learn from my mistakes, why do I repeat the same mistakes again and again, why can't I win, why can't I become the leader, is it written in my head that I have to be the follower, is that my fate, do I have to be a loser my whole life so that I could become a guide for others? is that my only life?

'You know that you have only lost once'

'yea'

' you must have seen my childhood right, you must also have seen my teenage years right and you know that I am at the losing end, why is that so? tell me?'

'Why is in the real; i.e. I can't overcome the level limitation, WHY CAN'T I USE MY BRAIN EFFICIENTLY, WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A FEELING OF HANGING IN MY BRAIN. why is there a mental fog in my brain, why is that it is never removed, why do I have to rely on my muscle memory, why can't I use my creative mind, why do my eyes always pain, why is that my only support is my arrogance, why can't I be humble, why am I one in the receiving end?'

"why?"

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No matter how it is tomorrow always comes resting for a day my mind is calm, there is nothing that could be told of the emotional burst, there is nothing I could do about the thought which repeats in my mind, I guess that is the part of life, All I want to know myself is there is not much to be done, there will always be obstacles, and I could cry and bleat like a goat or face it like an injured lion.

I wonder if humans always suck and copy everything from nature, I wonder what is genuinely in human, I wonder if even thinking of these ridiculous thought have any effect on my current path. I wonder if thinking these absurd thoughts are just a way of distraction and not something which is useful .

Life changes everyday someday there is someone for me and another day there is other person, I wonder if I cross this trial and have really have got the higher position would I have part with my Boss, well parting is always sad and more importantly when it is known that the feelings and respect I have for the person is not reciprocated, it is true that wise person says 'human are selfish creature, they have themselves in their mind', if the individual was selfish I wouldn't mind, but giving importance to other person other than me, is somewhat saddening, well it doesn't affect me, but the thought that I have given importance to a person who cares less about me is what makes me sad.

'You know what you are thinking is in the future, and you yourself know your life and death is uncertain'

'Hm, it doesn't matter, it is always pleasing to correlate things'

'irritation is sole factor when I know, the thing is wrong and I couldn't do nothing about it'

[ 2 nd chance]

I do know there is not much time left and I am dwindling here, I can think of enjoying these movements and suffer for rest of my life or I can think of solving my current situation, the numbing of sensory organs is a big set back, I cant my eyes or my skin to notice anything. Maybe next time it will be my ears, the only assumption I make is this is a training for my sixth sense, with my guts feeling and dodging the attacks from preordained attack pattern is difficult I have already lost once and I am not going to loose this one too.

If there is three chances it is best to complete the task in the first chance, First chance is the one in which all the effort is used and it is better it could be utilized in that way.

I have to calm my mind, I don't want distraction, I focused on my hearing and felt the turbulence of the air, I dodged one attack after another, without noticing my body moved on its own, the strange state continued for a long time, my body started to dodge those attacks on its own, and by the time I noticed the trial was over.

[congratulations! you can advance to the next level]