day 26-

there is always a problem of not accepting what is not the correct choice in most of the time , I wonder if there could be solutions I have to offer which I believe would be my correct choice I am understanding there would be further decisions down the road and all, but to not understand where i stand is clearly not a wise decision and to follow the correct path in this instance feels like not the best choice i have.

'What are you mumbling about Blade' nothing, it's just that I am wondering if taking a rest in the middle of a trial was the right choice. I have been further thinking if it was the right choice in the first place.

'You know Blade, there are times it is best to take decisions that could be hurtful in the beginning but if no decisions are taken it is the worst decision, to look into the heart of yourself and succumbing to your own weakness is never acceptable in the first place. Many things depend on the strength of the heart and sometimes it is better to stick to your own decisions, you never know if your decision is correct or not, but to build your heart is an essential part of my life and it is important to know that the heart is easier to get hit.

Yea, Misfortune may fall anytime and it is a guarantee that my mind has the bearing capacity, but if it goes overboard I guess it will simply shut down, but what about my heart if it shuts down it is never going to start again.

It is necessary to practice my heart along with my mind, and heart practice is the most simplest one, it is build own self confidence, and they could be built in number of ways ,First one is never try to break words which are good for yourself, like doing a diet and studying the subjects consistently, it is necessary to note that never make too complex promises, it is hard to resolve and most importantly there is need to know complex process involves complex relationship, there are too many correlation that binds a complex relationship and there are too many things that a human mind, and heart can't comprehend therefore it is better to know what is simple and right for the heart.

Secondly, Blade never breaks simple promises made to your own heart, even if you break others' promise there could be circumstances involved, and the feeling of guiltiness could be minimum or maximum depending upon the situations, but it is important to know that breaking your own heart has the maximum effect of self deprivation.

There could always be the feeling of emptiness as long as you are human no one can fill the void so it is best to understand it early on rather than falling into the trap of maya, and there can never be the feeling of satisfaction until there is success involved.

The race of life is a marathon not a sprint, it is necessary to keep that in mind, and it is also necessary to know that there could be days in which you have achieved your day's goal and still don't feel satisfied.

It is necessary to know that it is necessary to maintain the heart balance with the mind balance, and never depend on outside sources which could potentially cause loss, and the feeling of loss is prevalent when you depend on others for your happiness.

It is necessary to note that feelings are temporary, only records are permanent, and therefore the priority should be on the goal. Maybe if you were a mortal there could be insecurities which could be hard to resolve but it is not the case for mana practitioner, the higher level you reach the more lifespan you have and perhaps lesser regrets.

And it is important to know that living beings have regrets, and regrets are a part of life. Never let it hold you down. Maybe the decision you are taking could be right for now, maybe it could also be wrong, but to not take decisions at all is far worse than to take a decision.

Remember there are two types of one, a temporary decision, the one that helps clear the clutter in your mind, and the second is a more determined decision like following through with a commitment. It is more important to note down there are no permanent decisions and if you hold onto a decision permanently it will only hold you down, be like water.

Boundless as an Ocean, accepting everything and returning everything.

Yea, I feel better now, in these two days I focused on visualizations and I am confident that if the same pattern follows in the trial ground I can cross it easily.

I stood on the same brown colored trial ground, the same feeling the same sensation of numbness overcomed me, the mud balls attacked me every side, from the beginning to the end I relied solely on my visualization to predict the natural course of direction and dodged the most of the mud balls easily, the trial continued for a long time or so I feel, there is no sensation of time but my instincts are telling me I have crossed 3 hours limit, and my body is feeling weary.

The problem is weariness is being habitual now there is no instant feeling of losing, but if reaction speed gets slower the chances of I being hit is faster, and if I am hit more than once it is game over for me.

What I have to do now is focusing on the current task and completing it efficiently, there is nothing more but simple focus and I am all set.

With a very weary body I completed the trial.

[Congratulations you have completed the second last trial and the only last trial remains, Hope! you can complete it]

In the Resting room-

Everyday is a new day; looking at the dull ceiling I wonder if life is a dull action of repetition. If there is no such thing as interesting, I do believe the actions I am doing now are interesting but I am comparing it to a mortal's life, if there is anything as interesting in their life.

Doing the same type of things again, again, but being ordinary is also a blessing. Ignoring is a bliss. If an ordinary man knows the inner workings of life The chances of him not getting hit is more than 85 %.

I may not know what I want to do now but I am getting the general gist of it, and it is also a blessing, but the negative self-talk is never getting over. I wonder if it would create a heart demon in me or is it ok to leave it like that.

For every type of action there is a motivation involved, everything starts with a desire, and I have the desire to be my better self and i am slowly developing its just that it is not fast, I do know that growth takes time but it is still not fast enough I wonder if I wasting my time in any way which is unproductive.

Every action I do has a meaning in it, I believe it is to find the essence in the action which is the main task, and most of the time it is only the knowledge which remains in the memory for a predetermined time, but what about the experience, do the experience remain or does it also fades away in time, Most of the action which involves the muscle memory is stored but what about the memory which I want to store is it available to retrieve when I need it, is there any way I could not be frustrated and be calm in my action.

The frustration is killing me. Is there anything I could do to speed up the process to achieve peace of mind or is it achievable in the first place?

I do think that I am caged in this dungeon for a long time and I need to speed my development. I hope that I can complete the future trials in a much easier way.