The number of times I think I am going to fail is countless, still I have stood on the ground. The visualization through only sound has made me think though the process is tough, it is not impossible to cross it. What needs to be mentioned is I have to move forward, everyday, self-motivating myself is the only task I need to do.

it's been awhile I have the thought there is much to learn, there is much to develop in the field of visualization, even though the basic of visualization is enough to solve the current problem, I wonder if I could cross the future trials with only imagining the trajectory of the path, the problem is my expectations, nothing is developing in the way I have imagined, the path ahead is still long and I am afraid and excited of the path, but what is most important to notice is whether I am enjoying the path and truthfully, without a fruitful result, there will be always frustrations, I have to understand that like tree takes time to bear fruit my path would also take time to bear fruit.

The focus is on my current task even though it is uncomfortable to not see at all, I do believe there shouldn't be much problem, since it could be only temporary and the only problem is there is slight shift in pattern and slight adjustment of it could make dodging these mud balls easier, the amount of concentration spend is the problem, I am continuously losing concentration.

Sometimes I wonder if my eyes loses its eyesight completely would I could still move forward, make a new path and be successful, peaceful and content, I am afraid of the possibility that I am unable to give my best in my current situation would I able to give if I am handicapped, and is there anything I have to do to make the current situation the best situation.

There are times when I think it is best for me to think and do what is right, I am unable to keep this trial going forward, I couldn't last much longer and I failed. I have expectations with myself and those expectations are molded with outside influences. It gets unbearably heavy. I always try to cheer myself up, but it doesn't mean I am not affected by it.

How can I not be affected by outside influences, the solutions I think of are limited, it is nearly impossible not to be affected by outside influences, there is always something which would affect me, it is a sort of natural law for the life to go on, Therefore it is necessary to sort out the priority and focus only in those subjects, I need a window for my thought to run and to think in my mind and with Mirage by my side I feel I can clear most of the clutter.

It is a necessary and important process which is necessary in the self-development of myself. I wonder if I could achieve what I wish for. There is a difference in what I wish for and What I really wish for. I really don't know what I really wish for. Well there is no wrong in that, I assume, but what is saddening is I have no no clear idea of what I wish for. The most problem lies in the fact is visualizing is difficult my mind pains when I do this heavy visualization and without proper rest there is little way I could succeed, I know there is time limit and all but it is not the current problem, I could access clearly that I can have a day's rest and could still be ahead of my schedule, but it is the laziness that is causing me problems, it is not the first time and it is not the second time I am having these problems i couldn't understand why the same problem repeats again and again and how to cope with that. Human are creatures that make mistakes and the only difference between a wise men and and a fool is a fool never learns from his mistake, he thinks it is alright to make mistakes which doesn't harm his life, but I do wonder if a program is set in our mind when we allow yourself to repeat the mistake again and again, it becomes difficult to be ahead of the game when I am allowed to do mistakes.

I feel stressed now, but If I am a fool then I will be a consistent fool, who will repeat the same task again and again till he wins. I don't know what I am winning but I do know that I have to be focused and be determined to win everyday.

Day 24

In the resting room-

Visualization is difficult and there is always a constant need to maintain concentration in here there is nothing that would make me lose my focus, and hence a blessing, the only problem is the number of times I have to take rest in between, there is nothing I could do about, I always think it is simple to to reduce the resting energy required by me, but it is far from a level where I could focus on my task without a proper rest.

There are times when I think if I was not weak willed could I cross this trial very easily, and the only answer I found is it increases stress and if I able to handle it it is better, but to reduce stress can be difficult, and in fact it difficult, there are no other methods other than resting. I wonder if there are advanced method for mana practitioner, I definitely want one, as for the weak willed, it is necessary to be clear of the objective why I am doing a necessary set of actions and why those action sare required; Forgetting the objective is what causes weak wellness and be clear of my own objective is the best thing I could use to grow forward.

So, what my objective is now is to grow forward using the trial, and if I lose my focus here there is nothing I can do about the waste of my energy in losing focus and the frustration I would feel for not using my time efficiently.

Now time efficiency could be an ambiguous term, as what could be considered efficient cannot be absolute essential, therefore it is necessary to think of utilizing the 'free' time efficiently rather than focusing on absolute utilization of time.

Time is going out of the hand, now only 16 days are left and I have to reach the third layer by then, the only problem is I am not sure if I am ahead of the schedule or I am behind it, I have no way of confirming it, and if I let myself be frustrated now, the only result will be failure.

I hope one more rest and training is enough for me to move ahead..