Day 18

in the resting cabin-

I have a slight headache. The feeling of nervousness is taking control over my body. I am not sure if moving towards the second layer of this dungeon is the best choice. I wonder if any mistakes happen, would I be able to handle it, is there any way to get over it.

Is free reign of situations or circumstances over myself and to be swept by it is the only choice I have, I hate myself to be controlled by the situations and to make mistakes and hate myself over it. The fear of self doubt, the bleak environment, and the feeling of lethargy is slowly corroding me.

The battle in my heart of self weakness and the willingness to push forward exhausts my energy, to live under someone else's shadow, is it my only choice. Would I ever have the taste of freedom, where I don't have to feel guilty or self doubt anymore.

Why do I have this feeling of suffocation, the anxiety which grips my heart? Why is there a constant mental pressure over my mind? How can I solve these issues; Mirage tell me..

'Why are you starting the same cycle over and over again, everytime you open your mind it is the only thought you can think of, Why is that so?'

'I am unable to get over the cycle, I am trying to control the situation, but the circumstances turns me into a slave of the situation, I cant but be go with the flow of the situation'

'How do you think, the problem could be solved'

'having a positive attitude, by changing my perspective'

'and why aren't you doing so?'

'it is hard, i don't know how to be calm in any situation, my heart turns weak, I can't remain standing in my own decision'

'i get swayed like a leaf, most of the time the battle in my heart is won by self weakness, the comfy feeling to remain in the stagnant state makes it difficult for me to move forward'

'and once I push myself, I am pushed back again, I am unable to overcome my own limitations'

'Have you not overcome the first layer in this dungeon, Why are you speaking negative self talk to yourself again'

'cause it is not enough, I haven't seen any qualitative change, the only thing I have noticed is I am getting more older in my mind rather than my body, I am releasing more negative energy without realizing myself'

'Do you think your negative self-talk will change the result??'

'No, but for now I assume this unsatisfying feeling is what is pushing me forward'

'......'

'Then Why are you bantering over it?'

'its sad, but it is the only thing i can think of'

'I can only think about myself'

'ooh, like you have spare time for others!'

'haha, you are right'

'go now focus on the second layer'

'yea, and thanks'

'hehe, you are welcome'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second layer feels even more congested. There is a feeling of suffocation. The ground isn't clean, there are no dead branches but ash colored mud, the air is slightly brown, I could even see tiny brown particles with my naked eye. I wonder what type of challenge will be up there next.

[welcome to the second layer of the personal dungeon, here our main objective will be to train your reaction time into more polished state, the chances of being dead here is 10% with a margin error of 5%, be cautious in your adventure, you can't back out once a trial starts, and if you feel you can't move forward kindly quit before it is too late..]

[number of tries in a single trial: 3 times]

I have been practicing my reaction time from the first layer of this dungeon, and if a 10% death chance is given, I believe I am being trained more into an agility type. If McAdams' aim is to train me into her personal assassin or her dirty worker, well either way I have to focus on the current task.

My days are numbered now, if I don't reach the layer before 40 days it is sure fire death sentence for me,I do wonder if I could have done much better in the first layer of this dungeon, but lamenting over the past won't get me anywhere, I will see the future with my own eyes.

[focus on dodging the mud balls, using of physical weapons are not allowed]

to check whether the dungeon is working properly I tried to activate my green sword, but it didn't even budge. I wonder if a steel sword would be confiscated if I bought one..

[number of mud balls to dodge:10}

here it comes,

since it is a physical object even a non practitioner would be able to dodge a ball if his eyes and his body is properly coordinated, the mortals couldn't prove whether speed of light or the reaction of eye is faster, but for an energy practitioner, it depends on their level, and since I could feel mana these mud balls becomes slower and easier to follow as compared to a mortal, these 10 balls are much easier to dodge than I have guessed, if this is the difficulty of this layer, I could easily cross over to the next one. But, if it was easier I don't think there would be a warning given by the dungeon system.

[number of mud balls to dodge: 30]

The mud balls are coming from every direction one mortal could imagine, and with slight manuering of my own body I could easily dodge these attacks, but if I tried to do other things other than dodging the particular ball becomes 10x more heavier. one mistake is enough for me to be cautious, if the ball could b become 10x heavier they could also become 100x heavier too.

I do believe that a number of skills would be potentially unlocked when I pass out of this treacherous dungeon, wow I feel like I am already passing my final exams hehe.

[number of mud balls to dodge: 100]

eve though the number is increasing the interval between them is enough for me to prepare myself to dodge the incoming mud balls, I could actually predict that the higher difficulty would be increasing in the speed and shorter duration and another possibility being increasing speed or decrease in duration,I can't think of other possibilities is there other possibility mirage..

'think of possibility is a good habit, but to say a word cant will only hurt in the long, you have to think of accidents and out of control situations in your possibility list'

'but, it could only make me extra cautious borderlining cowardice, and for development of any life form risk are necessity'

'you are right in your way, but you can't compare yourself with a mice, but you have to know it is better to be more cautious than to lose your life'

'Tell me then, would extra cautiousness change my situation here?'

'yes, and be cautious'

'I will be cautious since you said so'

[number of mud balls to dodge:1000]

the same pattern will even if the attacks comes in all direction if the time intervals are same, other than heavy feeling of tiredness, i don't think there is any problem for now, I am starting to minimize use of excessive actions to dodge these attacks, In the begging I used jump and back flip since I felt the trial is easy and now I am regretting, but regret have no medicine I could only grit my teeth and continue forward.

[number of mud balls to dodge: 3000]

oh hell, now I could confirm it could even exceed 10,000 or even more, i could feel myself in the cycle of self doubt I don't want to quit here but if it exceeds more than 10,000, I would still wait 10,999 but if it is more than I would quit right away, replenish my energy and try again, I got no other choice but try again haha, I would rather die trying than to die comfortably.