Here I am in hell. Satan aka Lucipher - as everyone calls him - is before me staring with those fucking dreadful eyes. Man, the fucker is huge, burned skin with black messed up wings. He is sitting on his enormous throne. I feel like a fucking squirrel when I’m close to him.

“I was not mistaken to gift you the book of demons, Nemesis. I have received more than a thousand souls that were not meant to die in your universe. Those souls you fetched me will help me to regain my full powers.”

Man, what a scary deep voice the bastard has! Somehow, I was suspicious about the bastard altruism, but now I understand his true intentions.

“Can’t you use all the souls that are here, boss? You know, it would be easier that way.”

“I’m the king of Hell, but I did not create the rules, Nemesis, but I can twist them this time! I summoned you here to make you more powerful!”

The book floats towards him and he is using black flames to energize it. The fucking book is glowing like a fucking lamp. He finishes that crazy shit and the book floats before me. What the fuck! Now it has an eye and a fucking mouth in the cover and the book is laughing. Fuck! This shit was pissing me off just to float around me! Now that it can laugh, and probably talk, it will be a huge pain in the ass!

“Now, it is your turn!”

He is doing the same shit with me. The black flames around me are filling my fucking soul and body with power. Damn, I feel much stronger now!

“I gave you the powers of the hellish flames and enhanced the book connection with your soul. You will be able to analyze your opponents’ powers and weaknesses now!”

The fucker is giving me a creeping smile. I wish I could test my powers now.

“It shall be done!”

Fuck! He can read my mind now. I guess I have to be cautious with my thoughts.

“I always could read your mind, Nemesis! That’s the reason why I gave you the book of demons. I am summoning one of my champions to fight you!”

He looks at the hellish ground and a red-winged demon is summoned before me. That bastard is ripped as fuck and has a trident. Cliché as hell! Well, I’m in fucking hell! What did I expect? A fucking unicorn farting rainbows!

The creep eye of the book is scanning the demon and green light is coming out of it. What the fuck is that? Now my vision is all green and when I look at the demon I can see his status like in a fucking JRPG.

NAME: BEHERIT

TYPE: DEMON

CLASS: CHAMPION

POWERS: HELLISH FLAMES AND FLYING

WEAPON: TRIDENT OF HELLISH METAL

ARMOR: NONE

WEAKNESS: HOLY ENERGY, SPEED, ICE

STRENGTH: 80/100

SPEED: 45/100

DEFENSE: 60/100

ENERGY POWER: 52/100

ENDURANCE: 79/100

SUGGESTIONS OF ALLY: AZAZEL (SPEED), ELIGOR (DEFENSE), BELIAL (ENERGY DRAIN), ALASTOR (LONG-RANGED SPEED), MEPHISTOPHELES (ICE)

My vision returned to normal; however, I had the info glued in my fucking brain. I’ll try to battle this motherfucker without the demons’ assistance. I feel like I can handle that bastard. Let’s see how it goes!

“Can I kill this human, My Lord?”

“Try it and see for yourself, Beherit!”

The fuckers come towards me thrusting the damn trident many times. I could dodge the attacks easily. Wow! I’m really faster now! I feel I can dodge a fucking bullet! The bastard was angry at me and retreats flapping those bat-like wings, gaining some distance in the air. The fucker starts spitting some huge fireballs in my direction. Guess I’ll try my new powers to counter them. My body is surrounded by the black flames and I gather them in my hands. I fire a huge blast at the fireballs and they exploded midair. To my surprise, the fucking demon was caught in the attack. The fucker was on the ground burned like some well-done steak!

“Finish it!”

I guess Satan doesn’t have much fun in hell. What does he want me to do now? A fucking Mortal Kombat Fatality? Well, I don’t give a crap. I get close to the roasted bastard and I enjoyed seeing it agonizing in pain. I wish I had a sword or a machine gun to finish the job now. I guess back, down, down, square it is. Wait! The book floats in front of me and is laughing.

“What weapons do you wish to use? I possess now a big arsenal of pagan and unholy weapons at your disposal!”

Fuck privacy from now on. Man, the book voice is more annoying than I thought. It sounds like a fucking chipmunk that smoked one million cigarettes and is struggling with throat cancer!

“Give me some sword, the fucking Excalibur, or whatever!”

“I can give you the true Excalibur! Here it is!”

The sword materializes itself in my hands. This thing is heavy as fuck, and I feel I am much stronger now. How strong was King fucking Arthur? Am I the king of Great Britain now? Fuck this shit; I have to finish the agonizing bastard lying on the ground. This is a fancy longsword and it has some energy that lights the blade just like some lightsaber. I pierce the fucker chest and it fucking explodes. The fucking ground quakes as the sword hits it. How heavy this fucking sword is?

“Well done, Nemesis! Now, we need to discuss my brother’s offer! You cannot trust his offer!”

“Why not!?”

“Michael is deceiving you! You can’t be sent to heaven. He has no power to do that. Only God can break the rules of Heaven and Hell. My brother is not strong enough to twist the rules of Heaven. Her soul is there, but your soul is forever tainted with the unholy mark of suicide.”

Fuck! I have never regretted being an atheist until now. If I can’t be with Sofia again, then I shall give an end to all the angels, demons, lizards, and that crazy PC!

“I need the soul of Christ! His soul is able to multiply my powers immensely and I shall become as powerful as God! Fetch His soul for me using the power of the book! It can collect His soul and send it straight to me! If you are successful in your task, I will be able to fulfill your wish to live forever in peace with your wife.”

There is no turning back! I will pay Quantum a visit now, and I’m in a very very good mood!