《Last Embers: A Loki Story》Chapter 8
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Revna had removed the gown and replaced it back into its box, carefully stowing it in the trunk in the corner of the room until the day arrived for which Loki had procured it for her to wear. She had never possessed a garment like it throughout her entire existence. She'd had no reason to do so and had no cause to believe she ever would. Closing the trunk, she stared down at it in silence for a moment, Loki's words replaying in her head.
"If anyone were to tell me I am not a queen, I'm afraid I would be the one most likely to do so." Revna turned to Loki who stood in the center of the room.
Since she had awakened to find herself in Frida's bed, a heaviness, a darkness, a sense of trepidation and anguish had descended over her, the origin of which she couldn't identify. Of course anyone would be troubled by such an unexplained occurrence, yet she was certain there was something more. The sight of the dress and Loki's reaction to seeing her in it had lifted it somewhat for a short while, but now it settled over her again.
The grin Loki had worn since their arrival faded from Loki's visage as he studied her standing there as immobile as a statue, appearing somewhat pale and wan, an expression of anxiety and apprehension across her features and in her eyes as she gazed back at him. Loki hastily stepped towards her and took hold of her upper arm in anticipation of a repeat of her earlier collapse.
"Are you sure you're well?" he asked with concern.
"I don't know…" she answered. "Would you stay with me? For a time at least...there need not be more..."
Loki digested her question for a moment. He couldn't recall having ever been asked the same before by anyone. It always seemed to him that his presence to most others with very few exceptions was at worst despised and unwelcome and at best tolerated, except by those who were attempting to 'butter his bread' in hopes of obtaining something from him, some benefit due to his position near the throne. Of course he had also offered such benefits to others to obtain that which he desired in the moment. He could play the game as well as they, better actually. It struck him that she, on the other hand, had never once asked or seemed to expect anything from him. She had not even felt herself worthy to be in his presence, to so much as dine at the same table. There were others for which such a mindset would have been a boost to his ego, those that he thought would do well to adopt such an opinion of themselves. Even with her earlier revelation of her history, he placed her far above them.
"Yes, of course." he replied. He thought of his grandmother alone in her cottage, yet at the moment it was Revna whose well being was of concern. Anyway, Revna had said she had returned here every night before his visit so Frida being left on her own was not at all unusual. The second part of Revna's request brought to the forefront of Loki's consciousness the anxiety he had felt earlier that evening when one particular possibility had crossed his mind as well as Frida's words.
"The 'more' you speak of...I've been giving some thought to our recent...'activities' …" Loki began, a bit awkwardly, struggling to find the proper way to approach the delicate subject before finally getting to the point, "It would be advisable we be more cautious…"
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Revna looked confused for a moment before her mind processed his meaning. She walked past Loki to the dresser, opening the same box in which she had placed the vial. Removing another bottle from it, holding it in the palm of her hand, she turned back to Loki. "It's a preventative...though I've had no need for it for some time." She was silent for a moment, staring down at the bottle. "I was not always so mindful. It was not only my mother and father that were lost to me." Revna replaced the bottle back into the box and remained with her back to him. Loki approached, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Tell me."
"I was mother to a son. I had no one. I knew not who his father was. I was in a dark place. I could not have been the mother he needed or deserved. They took him almost the moment of his birth. I never even held him in my arms."
Revna's latest confession jolted Loki more than her first. Of course no one on Asgard was allowed to be in want as far as the necessities of life, nor would she and her son have been. Otherwise, it was unlikely Odin and his forebears would have so long held its throne, even with their power, in an unbroken line stretching back to Buri, his great grandfather. Loki knew well how dynasties had come and gone on other worlds throughout the universe in its long history, how power and thrones were won and lost. It was one of the reasons Loki was unnerved at Thor taking the throne as rash, quick tempered, and lacking patience and forethought as he was, how often he seemed to be spoiling for a fight. Not that Loki didn't enjoy the opportunity for one himself, (how often as children he had given his brother what he sought, just not in the way Thor had expected) but under the right circumstances and at the right time and with the proper planning and calculation.
Surrendering a child to be raised by another was rare on Asgard due to that lack of want and also the widespread and accepted use of preventatives. However, it was not completely unheard of as there were various reasons it was done, those which Revna had given being among them. Lack of the want of the necessities of life did not prevent all suffering, all heartache, as there were many other causes for those things. Loki, who had never wanted for anything as a Prince of Asgard, knew this all too well. He could also attest that being able to provide anything and everything material to a child did not make one a good parent. He thought of the many clashes he had had over the years with his father, the gulf he sensed between them, how his father always had a way of making him feel 'less than' and not good enough.
"You did what you thought to be best." Loki said, it being all he could think to say after the unexpected revelation.
"I asked them never to tell him...but what if he someday learns the truth...that he's not who he thought himself to be...that he's the son of a trollop who would be unable to even tell him whose name he should rightly carry?" Revna asked. She turned to face him, her head bowed. "I cannot accompany you...those days are far in the past, but even so, what if one should be there who knows of it? I would bring shame upon you." Loki thought he might actually relish it if someone did. He did so love to throw people off balance, to do the opposite of what was expected or considered proper.
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"I have never much cared what others think of me." Loki answered. "Considering what you yourself have heard spoken of me, I would say it is you that should worry about such things. If anyone were to speak against you, they would do so only once as I would cut out their tongue."
"That sounds rather messy. And to think I feared merely spilling wine on my gown." Revna replied, looking up at Loki with a wan smile. Loki couldn't help but grin at her response. "It's late. I should sleep, but I'm afraid now my rest will be disturbed by dreams of disembodied tongues." Revna said with a smile.
"Perhaps it would help if you were to be distracted from such thoughts by one still well attached." Loki said with a grin.
Frida lay in the darkness of her bedroom. She had heard the front door close as Loki and Revna made their exit and was quite sure that Loki would not return for some time, if not until morning's first light when Revna made her way back to assist her to rise and prepare the morning meal.
She had used the last of her vital energy to transfer to Revna her visions and to place her spell on her. It was her last hope for both of them. As was true of Asgardians and mortals and all beings capable of thought, no matter their lifespan, when their life was at its final ebb they thought the same as Frida did now, if only they'd had more time.
Frida felt the familiar fluttering in her chest, the pain that seemed to emanate from every muscle and joint, every withered ligament and tendon of her ancient body. She no longer had the energy to cast the spells she had previously employed to hold it at bay. She had done all she could for Loki, for Revna, for Asgard. She closed her empty hand, opening it after a moment to reveal a small green bottle. Removing the stopper, she put it to her lips.
Revna, wearing the long white nightdress she remembered slipping into before falling asleep, found herself walking amidst the fallen bodies of Asgardians and other races she didn't recognize on the grey metal decking of a ship, at least she assumed it to be one from the sight of the stars outside the large, clear, sealed window. She had never actually been on one before. Horrified at the carnage around her, she did her best to avoid stepping on them, though she knew they were long past feeling any pain.
Her feet seemed to know where they were going without her directing them. They finally came to a stop. She looked down upon the corpse of Loki, his eyes, devoid of life, staring blankly up at her.
"Loki…" she said, her voice trembling, tears spilling from her eyes. She fell to her knees beside him. Reaching her hand out towards him to place it upon his cold, pale cheek, she was startled as his arm swiftly rose, gripping her forearm as Laufey had done, his head turning, looking to her with his glassy eyes as if staring into her soul.
"Save me!" he pleaded in a raspy voice.
Revna shot up in bed with a sharp intake of breath, her eyes wide, fully awake, her heart hammering in her chest. Turning her head, she was relieved to see Loki slumbering peacefully at her side. She began to lie back down when she heard movement outside near the window, as if someone or something was moving away from her small dwelling.
Rising, she walked to the window and looked out into the darkness, seeing nothing and no one. She heard Loki stir behind her as he sat up.
"What is it?" he asked drowsily.
"I thought I heard something...:" she said continuing to peer out the window, troubled. Loki rose, quickly throwing on his clothing and boots and making his way to the door, Revna following behind.
"Be careful." Revna said nervously as he opened the door. Loki stepped outside, producing his daggers. Cautiously, Loki walked towards window, scanning his surroundings and the ground. As he reached the area of the window he felt a faint hint of a chill he hadn't perceived when he had first stepped outside, the air then feeling comfortably cool. Circling Revna's abode, he returned to the door. Revna sat on the edge of the bed, looking relieved as he reentered.
"There's nothing." Loki said.
"I must have imagined it. I had just awakened from a dream...a nightmare actually."
"So my strategy failed. I suppose I'll have to try harder next time." Loki grinned. Revna attempted a weak smile. "Tell me of it." Loki said, sensing whatever had haunted her dreams still troubled her, walking around to the other side of the bed and removing his boots and lying down, remaining dressed. Revna returned to her place beside him.
"I'd rather just forget it." Revna said, though she wasn't sure that was possible. It had been so vivid, it had seemed so real. She could still feel Loki's corpse's icy grip on her arm. Revna turned onto her side facing him, putting her arm around him, drawing herself close to him, resting her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes.
"I love you." she said. Loki turned his head to look at her. He couldn't help but think of how her words should have pleased him...yet he found himself troubled by them. It was a similar feeling to how he had never felt that he would ever be capable of living up to his father's expectations, how as a boy he had suffered with the anxiety of failing him. He was also vexed that he still did not sense whatever it was that would allow him to freely and gladly say them himself. For perhaps the first time in his life he wanted to feel that undefined feeling so that he could say those words in return. It was not something he could simply conjure like his illusions. He softly kissed the top of her head as he sensed her body relax as she once again began to doze.
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