ALIN

I don’t know what happened but that pain in my head was back and the next thing I knew was everything went black as I fell down. Now that I have opened my eyes I know that I am in a strange place. This looks like a hospital. Was I that serious that they have to get me to a hospital? I can still feel my head being heavy but it’s acceptable. I saw to my right where Sebian was seated in a chair with his eyes closed, holding my hands in his. I gave my hand a little shake and he got up instantly. “Alin, how do you feel now? Are you okay? Does your head still hurts?” he spoke fast. I was about to answer him when I realized that I never told him why I fell down. How did he know it was because of my headache? “You stay, I’ll go get the doctor.” He ran out of the ward leaving me alone. What was all this? A feel of dreadness crept inside me. Was it something serious, the headache? He entered back inside with a doctor and my family. My mother looked like she has cried a lot and was ready to cry again any moment now. My father looked devastated and even Ronin looked like he has cried. What exactly has happened? The doctor came closer to me and started to check me using the stethoscope and all. “Are you feeling alright now Alin?” he asked and I nodded slowly. “Did you had a headache before you fainted?” I nodded again. “And how frequently or since when have you started to have these headaches?” I thought for a while and told, “about 4-5 months now but they were not this worse before, just a 5-10 seconds pain and then over. It has gotten worse in these past weeks but I ignored them as usual.

He exhaled a deep breath and seemed lost in thoughts. “Is something wrong doctor?” I asked, worried. “Tumor, you have a tumor in your brain and it is in the last stage.” My eyes went wide at his words. “We can still attempt for a surgery but there are a lot of risks. You may go into coma, might lose your memories and the worse is you can die. There is no guarantee that the surgery will be successful.” Those words did it for my mother and she started bawling. “And how long can I live without the surgery?” I asked. “At most... a month.” That’s it. That’s all the life I had left, a month. I was feeling difficulty in breathing after hearing those words. “You can take her home now.” The doctor looked at my father and said. “Make your decision regarding the surgery Alin and let me know within two days, we can’t waste more time.” The doctor left and we came back home.

The whole night I couldn’t stop my tears and in the morning I was too exhausted to go down for breakfast. Sebian came to my room with breakfast on a plate and sat beside me. “You are going to be alright Alin. I’ve talked to my dad and he said that he will talk to the doctors about your case. After the surgery you’ll be all fine. Don’t worry.” He looked happy but I can tell that he was dying inside. “I am not going for the surgery Sebian” I told with a dry smile. His expression changed to that of worry. “Why? That’s the only way Alin. You have to. What are you trying to say here?” “I am trying to say that I don’t want the surgery. I’ll just live my life, the one month I have left ad then leave.” He looked like he was about to hit me, like you would do to a child to knock some sense into him. “You are not understanding what you are saying Alin. I know you are scared but you are suggesting suicide here.” His face was red with anger. “I am scared Sebian but not of the surgery or death but of the fact that I will forget everything, everyone, all this we have had when we were together. I am scared of keep on existing and never get up from that bed to see any of you again. That would be pathetic and I will not be able to forgive myself for doing that to me and all of you.” He fell silent and looked at me with all the pain inside him. After sometime he just got up and left. I don’t blame him. I know he was scared far more than I was but he doesn’t have to be. Even after my death I am sure my family will love him the same as they do now, maybe more.

I wiped my tears and started eating my breakfast. I have decided against the surgery and letting my family know about it is going to be chaotic. So, I might as well fill up with energy before I go down to do that. I took my plate and went down and saw the terrified faces of my family members and a Sebian who looked like a soldier who has lost the battle. He has already told them and now they were ready to take it on with me. God, please help me to convince them. With a smile I took a step towards them and knew that this was going to be very hard.