《Fearing Life, Coveting Death》21. Risk

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Alonn was walking through an obscure cave tunnel, with only the photoluminescent mutant mosses providing a little light on the walls and water dripping from the stalactites...

He was whistling as if in a good mood, however he was very angry.

He thought he would be free from Long's pestering after leaving something's chamber, but it looks like the damn ghost could talk to him anyway.

"I told you, my spirit sense can now cover the whole cave system," Long's voice sounded in Alonn's mind.

"Why don't you leave me alone? Do you still don't understand the meaning of my name?" Alonn asked full of grief.

"I already said it before, sometimes I like tormenting small ants," Long said.

"You psycho."

"Said the crazy cripple."

In a desperate attempt to distract himself, Alonn started running, he planned to explore the rest of the cave system.

'Anyway, can you now use your spirit sense outside of the hole?'

"Are you worried about that skeleton? It's just as I said before, it's soul is severely damaged. Although it's body is trying to recover, it will take at least a hundred years for it to succed," Long explained.

'A hundred years...' It was a long time for the young elf.

"You don't need to be so surprised, when and if you open the last gate your soul life span will easily reach a thousand years... But it won't be easy, the last gate is the most difficult to open."

'My soul life span? What about my body?' Alonn asked.

"At that time, your body will be just a puppet, with you even being able to replace it. Of course, everything has a price."

Alonn didn't ask anything after this. He kept running and exploring the rest of the cave. He always kept a different type of mark on the ground to make sure he won't get lost.

"Hey, can you tell me if there's anything in this hellish cave that can help me?" Alonn asked.

"No, you will die even if you search bellow every stone," Long said listlessly.

"..." Alonn refused to accept and kept searching every corner.

His speed was several times faster than the now dead white horned tiger, not only because he advanced two realms but also because he acquired three attributes.

Sincerely, now his True Qi was used much more easily than before, it was just as if it was part of his mind. Moreover, the attributes seemed to make it purer and stronger.

Long explained that each attribute understood by Alonn was in fact always within True Qi, they were just 'disabled'.

Spiritual qi has infinite possibilities, for it is the embodiment of the world's laws. Alonn thought about it again and again. He imagined himself controling all the attributes.

"You will need an infinite amount of time to do it, and unfortunately no one can live forever," Long directly broke Alonn's dream apart.

"But then, how are you still alive? I thought you were immortal," Alonn asked.

"This wisp- My soul has infinite life span, but it doesn't mean I can live forever. There are many things that could kill me, even time itself is poison for a long lived being," Long answered.

"Your meaning is that time makes a being forget, right?" Alonn said, he understood a little bit about it when he learned the 'I am' attribute.

"Exactly, time makes you forget and your memories are your true life signature, they are more important than your own soul."

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"...But aren't my memories within my soul?" Alonn said confused.

"You will understand it when the time comes and if you are fated, right now you need to worry more about staying alive."

When Alonn finally reached the lava chamber, he looked around.

"Do you want to kill that whale? But you don't have an attack method strong enough," Long said with an amused voice.

"If only I had a harpoon..." Alonn thought bitterly.

"Although I don't exactly know what a 'harpoon' is, if it's made of ordinary iron, it won't pierce the skin of that thing. It can even survive within the lava," Long said.

Although Alonn briefly thought about asking for Long's help, he almost instantly gave up the idea. He knows the damn zombie won't help him.

"Hey, I can help you!" Long said.

"No, thanks," Alonn refused without hesitation, he knows very well what will happen if he accepts the help.

"I won't make you suffer, I really want to help you!"

"Let me guess, do you want me to 'kabum' ta whale, right?" Alonn asked.

"...How do you know?" Long asked back.

"You are just like a child, too previsible," Alonn snorted.

"You are very dishonest, you want to blow that thing up too!" Long snorted back.

"Yeah, but I jave thr wits to presume it's impossible. I don't have enough moss neither enough strenght," Alonn said and decided to explore the cave tunnels he discovered some time ago, he wants to discover from where the tiger came from.

'Hey, zombie. Can you tell me if there's a way for me to concentrate the mosses poison?' Alonn asked in his mind.

"Why should I tell you?"

'I will soon die if I don't find a way to keep the pearls in check. The mosses will soon stop working.'

"You should stop your cultivation then."

'But then I will be forever trapped here! I need to grow stronger to find a way to save myself!'

"This is not my problem."

"Tsk" Just as he thought, Long wasn't the type of zombie to help when asked to.

The others cave tunnels had nothing special, some led to the lava chamber or to a dead end, however...

'This is the last cave tunnel...' Alonn thought with a heavy heart.

If he doesn't find anything, he will have to stop cultivating and then be held hostage by fate...

"It's a dead end, why don't you just give up?" Long said as Alonn walked.

After a few minutes, Alonn arrived at a dead end.

"See?" Long said with a mocking voice.

However, Alonn walked until the wall and tried to touch it.

Unfortunately, he felt the wall instead of discovering an illusion.

'But then... how did the tiger came here? Was the mine's entrance unclogged? But how?' Alonn thought confused.

"Just give up, let's have some fun hunting the whale! I can tell you it's current location!" Long said without a shred of pity.

Alonn just looked ate the wall for a second before hardening his heart. He was furious, but also... afraid.

"No, I won't hunt a whale with you," Alonn said and sitted on the ground.

"What are y-" When Long read the elf's mind, even he couldn't help but feel some admiration.

"Are you really going to do it?" Long asked.

"It's a dead end, just as you said," Alonn answered and closed his eyes.

Slowly, he circulated his True Qi all over his body.

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"You know I didn't mean it. You can still try to learn something..."

"I already decided. Just shut your mouth during my last breaths... This is the last thing I ask you," Alonn said with trembling hands, he was really afraid.

"...You are being too extreme, you still have time to... You know it's stupid to do it now and here, your reasoning is clouded," Ling still tried to dissuade him.

"LONG!" Alonm shouted with clenched teeth, this was the first time he felt so desperate.

"...Do as you wish, but I won't help you, you know it. Do you think your are immortal just because you survived a few dangerous situations?" Long said and then was silent.

Alonn concentrated again, ignoring Long's words.

Although this isn't what he really wanted, he was afraid he would become accustomed to living in the cave, he was afraid he would become too complacent and forget his goals and ideals. This feeling made Alonn's lose some of his own sense of reason.

That whole time in the lake chamber made Alonn think about many possible ways of saving himself.

First of all, since the pearls absorved his vitality and True Qi to turn him into stone, he could try to cut all of it's supplies. It's a 100% sure death, what a stupid idea.

Second, he could also try to make consecutive forced breakthoughts till he opens the last gate and be then able to use his soul energy to try controling the pearls. It's a 99% sure death since his True Qi won't be able to keep up and his Dantian might burst.

Third, he can also voluntarily try to 'stimulate' his vitality to counter the pearls absortion rate. For it he will need to use all True Qi all the time to produce new vitality while 'exploding' it just after. It's a 98,9% sure death too since the pears could perhaps make up the lack of True Qi with more and more vitality. He learn it some time ago by using the attributes 'I do' in his main organs, stimulating them, but this will shorten the lifespan of his body considerably.

There are three coices, all are crazy and he will probably die anyway. Alonn knows this very well, and still...

'I'm just tired of it' Alonn thought.

He was not only tired of his current living conditions, but also tired of his own fears.

He is always thinking about his parents and about his own life, he is always afraid of what might happen to both.

It has been months since he 'fell' in this hole, he was tired and feeling sick of everything. The threatening situations, the constant sleepless nights.

Long wasn't a good talk partner and if It wasn't enough Alonn also knows that there are not many chances for long-term survival either. And even if there's a way for him to survive, it means he will be forever trapped in the cave, slowly being drived to craziness.

He doens't want to stay in this hole eating moss forever and ever, he want to go out!

He doens't survived until know to just die in a miserable and dirty way! If he can choose, he rather die with a proud heart and 'fearless' instance.

Bang!

An explosion echoed in the cave, the sound was coming from inside Alonn, it was the sound of his own body being almost torn apart.

His True Qi was like raging waves and the 'I do' attribute was already active.

The effects of the poisons were already worn out and the pearls seemed ready to kill the elf, turning him into stone.

He felt a familiar dull pain, it was the pain of the pears slowly turning him into stone, but he didn't look to his arms or legs.

At the same time, his True Qi spread throughout his body and through the 'I do' attribute... All of it either turned into new vitality, or stimulated explosively the available.

Blood slowly covered the cave's ground and the elf's eyes were shining more and more with a pure white glow. Blood came out of every orifice, and even his own bones were fracturing. At the same time, his vitality kept him alive by healing him. But it was clear that the rate of healing wasn't fast enough...

Actually, he wasn't felling any pain and the sole reason was the fact his brain was already somewhat damaged as well. The impact of the True Qi was just too great for it to handle without problem.

'This fool will die...' Long thought but didn't try helping. In fact, he could even help the elf to get rid of the pearls with his current strenght, but he didn't want to.

It's not like he was afraid of something or with some 'big picture' thoughts, he just didn't want to help the elf. Why should he help a small ant that was fated to die? He isn't a god and doens't have the duty of helping all living beings.

If it's the elf's fate to die, so be it. If the elf's fate is to survive, so be it.

"Aargghhh," Suddenly, a scream come out of the elf's mouth.

'Hmmm?' Long was surprised too see it.

"I won't die so easily," Alonn murmured, but the fact was that he will die at this pace.

Although his vitality was keeping the pearls at bay, his True Qi was quickly being consumed.

He needs to be conscious to stay alive, but his mind was already a chaos. His senses was already messed up and even his own consciousness was already being slowly shattered.

In truth, it was a miracle he was still alive and conscious.

With all his will power, he used his True Qi to get the white horned tiger's core from between his dirty clothes and torn armor.

'Hoh? I know he already discovered how to use it, but it's not something he can use at his current realm..!' Long observed at the elf with an amused feeling.

The core's energy was being slowly drawed out of the core, the tiger's soul in it doesn't even roared as it seemed to be impressed by something.

The core's energy then merged with his own True Qi, but it wasn't something meant to be possible for a being in the Heart Realm.

The core's energy was just too impure and rampant, someone needs to be at least at the Third Eye Realm to do it.

And in fact, Alonn's True Qi didn't seems strong enough to surpress it.

However, Alonn's goal wasn't to absorb it in his Dantian, but to use it to keep the production of vitality.

Cough!

Alonn coughed a mouthful of blood and started to lose consciousness, but something seemed to be helping him.

Roarr

The tiger's soul seemed to accept Alonn's will and started fo channel the core's energy within Alonn by itself. But in truth, it just wanted the elf to die faster, it doesn't believe the elf could survive.

The core's energy was a form of True Qi as well, but it had some of the tiger's vitality and soul energy, this is the reason it was impure.

Alonn's vitality suddenly reached an equilibrium with the absorption of the pearls, but his True Qi was giving signs of running out.

This was the critical moment that Alonn had to overcome. He needs to keep the balance in his body while keeping a good rate of True Qi recovery. For it he needs resources, many resources.

Alonn clenched his teeth again, focused and then used one of his gates to absorb spiritual qi. The spiritual qi slowly circulated all over his body.

At that moment, Alonn had a sudden inspiration.

The spiritual qi didn't go to the dantian to then be turned into True Qi, and instead keept just circulating in his body.

Slowly, Alonn remebered the first technique he learned, the technique he used to open his first gate.

The spiritual qi slowly turned into True Qi, but this time the convertion took place in his own veins and flesh instead of his dantian.

Just as the new True Qi appaered it was used into his own organs again and again.

Seeing that this was possible, Alonn waited until his Dantian was practically empty and switched the roles of the other remaining gates. Instead of being used to draw the True Qi out of his dantian, they started to absorb more spiritual qi into his body.

But again, instead of turning it into True Qi in his Dantian, he used his whole body as an alchemy furnace.

'This guy... don't tell me he will survive? It's ririculous,' Long observed all in shock, he never believed the elf could survive. But if it keeps up the perhaps the elf survive for a day or two...

Unfortunately, Alonn knows the speed of converting the spiritual qi into True Qi wasn't fast enough yet. When the core's energy runs out, the rate of vitality production will be slower than the rate of absortion. He will turn into a statue.

There's only one way to solve this problem... he needs either a faster cultivation technique or a way to breakthought and open another gate.

At the same time he thought about it, he finnaly felt pain.

AARRGGHHH

Alonn almost colapsed on the groud, the pain all over his body wasn't the worst, the worst was the headache.

His head seemed to be hit with big hammers and nails, he even forget what he was doing.

ROAARRR

The tiger's soul suddenly roared and the input of energy suddenly increased. It thought that the elf was finnaly at the last breaths.

Alonn finally felt it, he will die. Even if he achieved balance within himself, he doesn't have a constant source of True Qi. If at least he had the strenght to eat moss...

But his body was just too hurt right now.

"Hey... pointed-ear," Long suddenly said.

'...Can't you see I'm in my last breaths?'

"...Do you really want to survive?" Long asked.

'...' Alonn was silent.

"I won't help you, but I can tell you something. At your current state, you do have a chance of survival, true survival."

'Just tell me and then shut up,' Alonn thought.

"At the lake's chamber... Do you remember the blue stones at the lake bottom? That thing might help you," Long said.

'Heh, do you really think I can go there?' Alonn almost smiled.

"That's why I said you should rethink ... Anyway, I won't help you more than this. If you want to survive... drag your own ass over there," Long said and then was silent.

'...' Alonn tried to move himself, but all he could do was to move a bit.

Although his True Qi and core's energy might keep him alive for some time... The effects of overdrawing his vitality has too many side-effects.

He could keep himself alive for some days, but it will probably be hell.

'Should I... just die?' Alonn thought.

It would indeed end his suffering.

'Or should I fight?'

For something he doens't know he can achieve and paying a grieving price.

At this moment, nothing but his fears matter.

There's something after death? What about my parents? What about my brother? What about the suffering?

So many thoughts...

He was confused...

Roaarr

Suddenly, the defying roar of the tiger sounded in his mind.

Alonn looked at the core and thought about something.

'This guy... is almost dead. But even so, it's using it's last energy to kill me, not knowing it's helping me. Perhaps it know that death is the only thing that waits for it if the core's energy run out, but still...'

Alonn then thought, should he do the same?

The tiger is trying to vent it's anger until the last moment, trying to kill what killed it.

What about Alonn? Since he started cultivating, a misofortune happened one after another. He fought... and he is losing.

But should he just accept his fate?

Looking at the tiger, Alonn's fury suddenly awakened again to surpress his fears and doubts.

Alonn's bloodshot eyes looked at the ceiling of the cave. He suddenly noticed he fell on the ground.

Crack

His clenched teeth was almost breaking apart, he used all his strenght to slowly get up.

Yet...

Bang!

He fell again.

Then he remembered Long's words.

"...Very well then, I will drag my ass over there, just wait you bastard."

He doens't know if he can, but... He just wanted to prove to himself, to the world or even to Long... That he won't accept his fate in peace, he will struggle until his last dying breath!

The elf left a trail of blood on which he crawled, but his eyes shone more and more with intense determination.

'Very well, lets see if your determination run out first or if your True Qi kill you before the pearls does,' Long thought, he suddenly wanted something to eat.

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