Aedon and Reka finished hitching the last of the horses while Mika sat by the house studying. By mutual agreement, they had allowed her to spend the last week with her schoolwork. Aedon was impressed with Reka’s abilities as a farmhand, and with his help, he had a train of six wagons to take to town. It was a long time since he had this much grain, and he had to repair much of his tack before he could harness all of his horses. Reka gave the lead horse a friendly slap on the rump before stepping back.

“She still won’t go?” He asked.

No amount of cajoling on Aedon’s part had been enough to convince her to join him. He didn’t mind, though. Although their relationship had been less strained of late, he still felt uneasy around his daughter.

“Nope,” he said. “I don’t think she’s set foot on that road since her mother died.”

Aedon slapped the reigns, and the horses lumbered forward. He didn’t much like this trip either, but his reasons were far different. His annual trip to town meant unpleasant business with unpleasant people. He could not tolerate the staring and whispering. He was something of a notorious figure, and, like everything in his life these days, the notoriety stemmed from his wife’s death.

The pendant he gave to Seline had become something of a local legend, and shortly after her death, there was no shortage of fools seeking to sneak on his land to look for it. His treatment of them had not gone over well. For almost a full season, all he did was watch the swamp for signs of intruders. It was another reason he was so far in arrears. When he did go into town, any mention of her would send him into a fit of rage. At the time, his family was popular, and the townsfolk were likely to turn a blind eye and be forgiving. Still, eventually, patience and understanding gave way to fear and paranoia. Now there were precious few that would speak to him directly and even fewer that did so willingly.

Of course, speaking to him and speaking around him was entirely different. He always heard the mutterings. People wondering who would be the recipient of this year’s outburst, who would have to visit the healers, and how such a respected soldier could turn so foul. There were also the superstitious. They wondered aloud about the odd behavior of the swamp and what kind of sins he must have committed to contract the ire of the land itself. It was very, nearly unbearable. But he wanted to keep his property, so these trips were necessary.

The ten-mile trek took nearly the entire day. The horses strained to pull the heavily laden wagons, forcing him to rest them often. By the time he arrived, the magister's office was closed. He was too tired to try and conduct any of his other business, so he headed for the tavern. He would have to stay the night. That meant room fees, stable fees, and another night’s drinking to account for. All paid on credit for what he could get out of his precious cargo. His mood did not improve at these thoughts.

The negotiations with the stable master went about as well as expected. He was upset at being disturbed so late and less keen on the idea of credit. Aedon thought his wrathful reputation was the only reason he had gotten the man to agree, though it still cost him a full silver more than last year. When he entered the inn, he was in as foul a mood as he could remember. The raucous laughter he heard from outside died immediately as soon as the patrons realized who had entered. His mood got a little worse. He felt his face flush, and an outburst seemed inevitable. The situation was diffused by the bartender coming to greet him.

Sean was probably the only real friend Aedon had left. They served together in the army, and he had lost his wife as well. The circumstances weren’t as dramatic, but it gave them a kinship. Also, Sean was not the kind of man who gave his loyalty lightly, and when given, it was for life.

“Aedon,” he chirped. “I was beginning to think we weren’t going to see you this year.”

Aedon’s mood wasn’t going to be altered so easily. “Hoped, I would think. Eh, Sean?”

“Now, Aedon, you don’t have so many friends that you go around treatin’ us like that.” He said chidingly. “Come, sit yourself down, and have a drink.”

The noise in the room resumed, but it was not the same happy laughter. People were talking in conspiratorial whispers. Occasionally he would catch someone pointing in his direction. Not wishing to see more, he walked to the bar and sat down.

“I suppose you have no coin as of yet?” Sean asked simply. “No matter, I’ll get you a drink and something to eat. We’ll start a little tab, and you can pay me back tomorrow.”

Aedon did not say anything. He expected nothing less of Sean, and it was nice to have someone on his side. Despite his efforts, his mood was softening. Then Sean said something that rekindled the fire.

“Now I know you don’t like charity, but it’s been slow so I can give you a room. No charge.”

“You will do no such thing, Sean Kopriva!” Aedon bellowed. “I pay my own way in this world!”

The room became quiet once more. Everyone waited with anticipation to see Aedon’s latest tirade. Sensing the mood actually made Aedon calm a little. He was enough of a sideshow attraction.

“I’m sorry, Sean.” He said. “I’m just tired from the trip. If you want to give me a room, I’ll take it.”

Sean did not seem to take offense at the outburst. He just handed a key over and went back to his work. The food arrived shortly, and Aedon ate quickly. He drained a single beer and then went to his room. Sleep was a long time coming, though. He had grown comfortable in his role as an absentee father and local pariah. He wasn’t happy, but he was comfortable. Then comes Reka into his life, and the balance he found vanished. He was starting to despise the man he was. His fall had been so precipitous, that one day he was a happily married man, and the next he was a wreck. He could not remember the intervening steps, and so never really examined who he had become or how he had gotten there.

Thanks to Reka, he had started seeing Mika as his daughter again, not merely a reminder of Seline. When he did, it made his shame grow. His precious daughter was forced to live in an unimaginable hell because he was too busy feeling sorry for himself to give a thought to how she might feel. Trouble was he had no idea how to change. Eventually, sleep came, but it was anything but restful.

The morning dawned bright and clear. Fall was just beginning to give way to winter, but the morning could hardly be called cold. Aedon woke groggily and set to work immediately. There was the grainer to deal with, and then Alec. Just the thought of that man angered him, so he put Alec out of his mind for the time being.

It turned out the granaries were lower than he had expected. Winter was a little more than a month off, and he had not factored in the typical late-season rush on stores in his gamble to delay the harvest. As such, he received a much better price for his corn. Even the bales of stalk fetched a higher rate than expected. He was actually in a good mood as he walked to the magister's office. When he got there, his mood improved even more.

“I’m here to see Alec,” he announced.

The man sitting at the desk looked up in confusion. Aedon thought he recognized him, but his infrequent visits thwarted his attempt to put a name to the man.

“Alec?” He asked. “Why, Alec hasn’t been around goin’ on ‘bout two weeks now.”

“What do you mean he hasn’t been around? Where did he go?” Aedon asked harshly.

“Don’t exactly know,” the man said while scrutinizing Aedon. “He just came stormin’ in here one afternoon white as a sheet. Looked like he’d seen a ghost. Packed a few things, said he was leaving, then left. You’re Aedon, aren’t ya? Yeah, I remember now. He was coming back from visiting your farm the day he left.”

Aedon was elated. He wasn’t going to have to deal with the bastard, and it looked like he had been scared off. Without him skulking around, he might have a better chance of saving his land.

“So, who’s in charge now?” he asked.

The man looked around and sighed. “Me, I think. Not too many people keen on taking the job. Lots of folk think you put some kind of curse on Alec, and that’s why he run off. Nonsense if you ask me, but some folk can’t be convinced of nothing else.”

Aedon paid what he owed for the current year, and had enough left over to make a sizeable dent in his arrears. He saved enough out to pay the stable and Sean. He even went so far as to save a few coppers for a night of carousing in the inn. It wasn’t often he was in a celebratory mood, and he wasn’t going to waste this one. He was making his way down the street when a light caught his eye. It was the sun reflecting off the stained glass of the church. How long had it been since he set foot in there, he wondered. Religion was always Seline’s thing. He kept up praying for her sake but never could bring himself to re-enter that place. On a whim, he crossed the street and walked up to the ornate building.

It amazed him how little the place had changed. It seemed that everything had grown darker since Seline’s death. He didn’t know what he was expecting to see, maybe vines, and weeds growing haphazardly around the place or broken windows. Any sign of disrepair that would provide justification of his own unkempt existence. But the building was just as bright and cheery as it had been the last time he saw it. He could see the symbols of the gods etched around the large double doors. The white walls were freshly cleaned, and the surrounding gardens were well-tended. Without remembering making the decision, he walked in. He was greeted by a squat man dressed in clean brown robes.

“Gods save me from the sin of disbelief,” the man cried. “Never did I think to see you in this place again, Aedon.”

Aedon cringed. He hated the interminably happy, and Brother Mark fit that description exactly.

“Hello, Brother Mark.” He said. “I never thought to set foot in here either. I don’t know why I did it today.”

Brother Mark looked solemnly at him. “Perhaps to pray or offer thanks?”

Aedon actually laughed at the pronouncement. “I keep praying, but it seems like I’m the only one talking. I can’t imagine what I have to thank them for, either.”

“Well, each man knows his own mind best, and each man knows what he is thankful for. It is not for me to tell you how to go about your praying. But Aedon, if you are waiting for the gods to speak to you, then I’m afraid you have a long wait indeed. They do not work that way.”

“Why not?” Aedon asked forcefully.

“I do not know why Aedon. I only know that the gods will only do for those who do for themselves. I know it seems like you are doing all the work, but you neglect to see the work they have already done for you.”

“And what work is that?” Asked Aedon.

“They gave you life!” Mark exclaimed. “They gave you life so that you may work their will through you. Free will, Aedon. The ability to chose to do this or do that, to be one thing, or be another. You, Aedon, have the power of the gods inside of you.”

“What utter nonsense,” Aedon said venomously.

“Did you plan on coming here today?” Mark asked.

The question caught Aedon off guard. “No, I didn’t,” he said.

“Then, why did you?”

Aedon had to think about that. Why had he come here? He was walking to the inn for some well-deserved drinking, yet he found himself here. Why?

“It was a whim,” he said after a pause.

“A whim?” asked Mark. “Perhaps a nudge or a silent whisper that here might be answers to questions you didn’t even know you wanted to ask? That, Aedon, is how the gods work. They are the voice that you never hear. The one that says left or right at a fork in the road, the feeling you get in your gut when you know one action to be right, the voice that tells you to seek advice from the last place you would choose.”

Aedon was silent for a while. Now that he thought about it, he did have questions. He wasn’t sure why he was resisting Brother Mark. What did he have to lose? He sat down on one of the pews and began.

“It’s Mika. Lately, I have been feeling, I don’t know, like a bad father. I want desperately to reconnect with her.”

Mark nodded a few times. “Then, why don’t you?” He asked.

“I don’t know how,” was Aedon’s response. “I think I need a miracle.”

Mark chuckled. “Aedon, you are not listening! You are the miracle, and so is Mika. It is possible that right now, she is waiting for the same miracle as you. The two of you can be that miracle together.”

Aedon shook his head and stood. “Thank you for your time, Brother Mark, I have to go.” As he walked toward the door, he heard Mark calling to him.

“Remember, the gods work through you. All you have to do is choose.”

Aedon sat at the bar staring at the few coins he had left. He looked at his filthy, dirt-stained hands. He ran a hand through his ragged hair and watched a plume of dust fly up as he slapped the leg of his trousers. Could it really be as simple as choosing not to be this way? Mika certainly seemed to want him back. Sean set a mug of beer in front of him, and he pushed it back.

“Can I asked you something?” He said to the bewildered Sean.

“Anything,” Sean replied. He set the mug aside and leaned on the bar.

“How did you deal with Britney’s death?”

Judging by the look on his face, this was obviously the last question Sean was expecting. For months after Seline’s death, Sean had tried to get him to open up, and he had rebuked him every time. It must be a shock for him to hear this question after so many years.

“Well,” he said carefully, “I accepted it. I tried to find someone to blame, and when that failed, I blamed myself. After a while, I realized I wasn’t to blame either. It took time, but eventually, I was just able to accept it.”

Aedon nodded slowly. “But how did you get over it?”

“Aedon,” Sean said, his voice a little hoarse. “I never got over it. And neither will you. If you are waiting for the pain to go away…well, it doesn’t.”

“So, how do you go on? I see you laughing and talking with these people like nothing happened. How do you do that?” He was pleading now and on the verge of tears. He didn’t care. He needed these answers. He needed to figure out how to repair his life.

“I chose not to let the pain control me. I realized that I could not control how I felt, but I could control how I acted. It took a long time, and it wasn’t easy, but it just came down to a choice.”

The two friends looked at each other. Aedon heard Marks’s parting words in his head, “all you have to do is choose.” He had punished himself enough, and he had punished Mika more than enough. If it was to be a matter of choice, then he knew which choice to make. Maybe the gods were whispering to him after all.

“I need to find a bath and perhaps a barber.” He said. He walked out, leaving the disbelieving Sean holding his mug.

When he returned home, he felt like a new man. He was clean for the first time he could remember. He spent the last of his copper on a new shirt and trousers, and his hair was combed and pulled into a tight ponytail. He saw Mika sitting in front of the house as though she hadn’t moved since he left. He hopped from the wagon and ran to her.

Before she could register his appearance, he grabbed her up in a tight embrace. The two of them just knelt there hugging. Their cheeks were pressed together, and the tears ran freely from them both. Neither one of them spoke. They couldn’t seem to find words, but none were needed. Papa was home at last.