I should not have opened that door. Why did I open that door? Beyond that door was-!

My eyes had spied something wrong. A twisted version of the world I knew. Rafflesia was standing above the limp body of Robert… holding a gun in her hand. The lifeless eyes of the cheerful and polite man that I called a friend stared into nothingness. They saw something not in the world of the living.

I feel bile rise to my mouth. My heartbeat has already increased to a painful rattling. Although my legs tremble, I somehow manage to keep standing by leaning on the door handle. Something gathers in my throat. At first it seems to be the bile after all, but then it grows and rises painfully, before…

“Unngh… heee…AAAAHHH!” I scream in terror and disbelief. It’s completely beyond my control. The reality of what I see in front of me has not set in yet. My subconsciousness works faster than my mind.

Without knowing why, without a conscious thought, I begin running. My shaking legs are too weak, so I stumble and hold onto the shelf in the living room. It topples over with a loud crashing sound. The mess doesn’t even register with me as I jump over it and keep fleeing.

Fleeing? From what…?

“LIS!” Someone is calling out after me. She is shouting so desperately.

My heart contracts in fear and I rush into another hallway, past the kitchen door. I need to escape the house, but all exits are locked as usual. The windows are closed as well. Why am I trapped? What has become of this comfy home that I once knew?!

“Wait- Lis just wait! It’s not what you think…!” Her voice still follows me. The shelf didn’t stop her for long.

Not what I think? My pounding mind doesn’t seem to think anything as primal fear keeps tearing it apart. I want to run away forever! But I can’t, I can’t escape her. The only way to satisfy this all encompassing instinct is to hide away. But where? Under the bed? Behind the curtains? Inside the bathroom?

Like a child I stumble around searching for that elusive perfect hiding spot. The monster from the closet is right behind me and I cannot even see straight anymore. It must be due to the stream of tears running down my face. I wipe them with my long sleeve, but it can’t soak them all up.

Finally I stumble against a locked door. It’s the entrance to the basement and the only door I never opened in this house. I can already hear the footsteps closing in…

Completely unlike myself I take a heavy ornament from a drawer next to me and strike it down on the door handle. My hands ring from the heavy vibrations, but the metal doesn’t even bend a little bit. How could it be so very sturdy? I never tried to break anything with force before, but it always seemed so easy in my novels.

With desperation I strike the handle again and again. Maybe I am bending it a little, but that will only make it harder to open. Just open please. Open up, open up open up!

I scratch at the door until wooden splinters are stuck below my nails. It hurts, but my fear of the voice calling for me is much greater right now. This twisted mirror image of someone I love is now catching up.

I sink against the door and cry. I just want it to end. Why won’t this door open for me?!

My hand touches something cold by accident. The structure and firmness… yes this is a piece of metal. But not just any ordinary piece. The form reminds me a bit of the old key I used for my diary in the past. Of course a lock is meaningless when you aren’t afraid that someone will pry it open, so I stopped using it…

This is the basement key, no doubt. In my shivering hands it seems almost to vibrate and levitate. I couldn’t care less why it was on the floor, my next move is to swiftly unlock the door. The key turns, but the door doesn’t open… No. No no no no! Is it because I bent the handle? The door isn’t responding to my pushes either.

“Lis… please hear me out…” The stalker’s voice enters the hallway behind me. Her gaze is going to entrap me into her demonic mirror world!

“Gh… Hyaaaah!” Using my entire body I tackle the door. It was a powerless last resort, but it actually pays off. The door breaks open and the next moment my world spins.

The pain against my elbows, head and legs is numb. With every impact on the stairs the lights are taken out of my eyes and then I suddenly find myself staring at the ceiling. Something soft has broken my fall, but everything still hurts.

My tears keep spilling while I drag myself up. No way, my arms can’t even support my torso anymore. I fall back into the soft pile of whatever stopped my fall and keep sobbing.

It can’t be true. This dark and damp basement is like the pit of a dungeon. I have fallen from a prison into a cave of darkness. Everything familiar is slipping away and swallowed by the burning tears. Even if I wanted to look at my surroundings, all I can see is blurry shimmers of the light entering through the basement door that loosely hangs in place.

Frightened I watch it being pulled aside and then kicked off entirely. The heavy boots of my pursuer make short work of the splintered wood and then descent the stairs carefully. There are no windows down here… not even a light bulb. This oppressive darkness is only broken by the light behind her, so she actually blocks out her own path.

Still she advances heavily. The moment she spots me on my pile her eyes flash in the small light stream and she cries out.

“Lis!” She rushes to me, so I shield my face with my arms and curl up. “A-are you alright? Did you fall down the stairs?!” If it wasn’t a horribly twisted version of her, these concerned words would almost seem like they were genuine.

“Go away!” I scream in panic and try to push her hands away. That seems to hurt her deeply, as she retracts her arms and opens her mouth uselessly a few times.

I need to escape! I want to get out of this horrible place and go see Rafi and Papa!

My chest pounds in pain and I feel a horrible migraine assail me. The moment I had thought of Papa… my eyes began to spin and now I feel sick to the core. I don’t want to remember the words I had heard up there…. Please don’t make me remember…

“Your hands…” This false Rafi softly grabs my wrists and pulls them up to her face. I can’t even resist with my nauseous mind and shaking limbs. “Why did you have to hurt your pretty fingers like this?” She asks in a lamenting tone. Then she tenderly cleans my nails and kisses the fingertips. Her lips are warm…

I am scared stiff, but for some reason I don’t feel any threat from that voice. My eyes, formerly pressed shut so tightly, open a bit and I can finally see those glowing emerald eyes, much like my own, stare back at me. They are filled with… empathy?

“Your dress got torn.” She mutters and traces my hip with her free hand, while still holding on to mine with her other. “Haha… I can always buy you a new one.” Those words are so out of place that they make me tighten my grip on her hand. The confusion keeps rising inside me.

“Ahh.. unn…” I sob and try to blend out anything upsetting. It doesn’t work.

“Lis, my sweet Lis.” Her voice is low and controlled. Despite my wish to disappear from here, there is something new blooming inside my heart.

A wish to hear that voice for a bit longer…

“There is nothing to be afraid of. It’s just me.” She puts her free hand to my cheek and caresses it. The motion should have made me tremble in despair, but instead I feel comfort wash over me. From every place she touches I can feel warmth spreading. “Don’t you recognize me? I am your Rafi.”

“NO!” My knee-jerk reaction is to deny her with all my emotions. Impossible! This thing that had done that… that… to Robert… My Rafi would never do something like that! I violently shake my head and break free of her hands. “Y-you’re not… my Rafi…!” She looks hurt, which in turn also hurts me for some reason. She just looks too much like the Rafi I know.

“Please hear me out Lis. I’m serious here, this is the truth. I made you a promise remember? That we will have a long talk once everything is over?”

My ears perk up. Those words rang true. That was definitely a promise I had made with Rafi. How does this imposter know about that? That one crack in my determination is all she needs.

“You know I would never hurt you. Everything I do is for your sake.” She claims with such a serious expression that I want to believe it… but...

“R-R-Robert… why… how could-“ I can’t even find the words.

“I didn’t want you to see that.” She admits with regret filled eyes. I can see her bite her lower lip. “Don’t shed your tears for him. He was just a hurdle in the way of our paradise.”

“Para-di-se…?” What is wrong with her? How could she just dismiss Robert’s life like that and still talk about heaven?

“Yes! A place where you can bloom freely, without anything being able to hurt you.” Those sweet words taste of delusion. But why do my ears want to keep listening? “Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

“No way…” I forcefully shake my head. This can’t be my Rafi after all. She has never tried to run away from anything.

“…you don’t believe me. Your eyes are still closed to the reality of this world.” She looks down on me with pity. No… is it self-derision? “Rather… I never wanted you to open your eyes to it in the first place.” She doesn’t attempt to touch me again and just lowers her head.

Although my mind is objecting and quaking… my hands stretch out on their own. I hold on to her head and pull her into my chest. We are equally surprised by my actions. Her shaking arms eventually move around my back and she returns the embrace.

We lie in this dark place for a while and make no sounds. My tears have stopped, as my mind is empty. The warm body of another in my arms is reducing the weight of my despair, ever so slightly.

“I love you Lis.” Rafi says with a hoarse voice.

“…” I can’t respond. There is nothing I can say in return. My heart is too weak to accept or reject anything.

“I love you so much… but I can’t protect you without hurting you first. I hate it… I hate it so much.” I feel hot moistness on my chest and realize that she is dropping some tears of her own. She is not falling into undignified sobs as I did, but she can also not stop them before they permeate into my dress.

“Why Rafi?” I repeat my previous question in a state of emptiness. The void keeps growing.

“Why… You really want to know why?” Her voice is almost mocking. But then I realize that she is just putting on a strong face. Everything she does now is to keep herself from falling into the same void that consumes me.

“…” My mind is still numb. Maybe I don’t want to hear it. I can only embrace her now, because I am a coward. When I see an escape route, I will surely take it.

“Robert was an agent for the DGSI. He was working undercover to take down that man.” ‘That man’ was referring to Papa. Rafi always speaks of him so distant and bitterly.

“T-take… down?” Was that kindly Robert a bad man all long? Why did he want to hurt Papa? It just doesn’t make sense…

“He was getting too cocky… trying to strong-arm me into something that would have endangered our paradise… and maybe have separated us.” She keeps talking in a dark voice. When she mentioned separation it was like a cold knife was stabbed into my heart. She must feel the same way. “I couldn’t let that happen, so I ripped his page out of our story.”

Tearing something out with violence always left a mark. Rafi knew that and yet she still forced herself to go through with that plan.

“Robert… is… was… a good man.” I feel the tears well up again. The void might grow, but there is still so much sadness left.

“You only see the good parts of people. That infinite naiveté of yours… sometimes I think it’s callous. But that can never be. Lis is the light that shines into our garden and blooms for all equally.” Her words are incoherent. I honestly don’t understand at all. But I let her keep talking. “I don’t care about him. He was an obstacle, but he also had his uses. That balances out. He was a means to an end.”

Such a sad way to look at people. Is this really what Rafi sees when she looks at others? That doesn’t sound like my wonderful little sister that is so talented and smart. Something must have swallowed her after all.

“If I had known you would see us, I never would have finished him off. I’m sorry for showing you something so ugly.”

“…” She doesn’t understand why I am crying. Maybe she never will.

“In a day or two… we can escape this hell. We will finally be together… forever.” She buries her face in my chest and exhales.

Escape? Until just a few minutes ago I hadn’t even realized that this was a prison. Now that Rafi spoke those words, I finally feel the pressure of the four walls around us. Every window feels like it is covered in bars and every door seems locked with a chain. As if my entire perception is retroactively turned upside down… suddenly my warm home is now a cell. All of that just because of one word from her…

“Papa… save me.” I whisper with a tightening throat. A piercing pain flares up on my arms. Rafi’s nails are digging into my skin painfully.

“That man won’t come.” She says coldly.

Again my heart sinks and my brain stops processing the words she says. This barrier of denial is only growing stronger the more she runs against it. She can’t come here. Her words will not reach me. They mustn’t.

“Lis he is…” I can’t hear her. Not at all. Her voice just cuts out.

Wait… she actually stopped talking out of her own volition. I hazily look up to see her profile in the weak contrast of the light above. It is covered in sweat and hesitation. Every time her lips quiver I can feel her nails press deeper. My eyes widen... Why did she stop? No… that can’t be. If she doesn’t say it then I can’t deny it. Those guilty eyes are more confirmation than any claim could ever be!

“Naaaaa…uuuhhwaah…!!!” My throat releases desperate sounds, but words won’t form. It’s over, my mind is breaking! This- this is- too painful-

I hyperventilate and get dizzy. If I hadn’t been lying on my back I would collapse right now.

Flashes of what I heard at the office door wrench themselves into my head.

Instead you lost your cool and murdered him.

Robert’s accusing voice echoes inside my very soul and makes my organs twist around. My face drains of all blood and I feel my consciousness fading away.

“You can’t faint Lis.” Rafi’s nails dig so deeply into my arms that the pain jump starts my mind and returns me to the world of the waking. “This pain is necessary. I finally have to sever your strings…” She says with an expression I have never seen on her before. All that comes to mind is... crazed.

Again her shaking lips move. This time however they form words.

“I killed him.” She silently confesses with deep satisfaction.

I feel heat rise inside my blood vessels and suddenly I slap her with all my might! There is no strength in my dainty arms, but it is enough to make her shut up for even a moment.

A second later I am filled with regret. Those eyes, so full with a sense of betrayal, hurt me deeply.

The mark of my hand on her cheek is superficial and fades soon, but the action left a deeper mark.

“Ah… yeah, I guess that wouldn’t make you happy.” She says mechanically. Her hands aren’t on my arms anymore and she sits upright. “I knew it would make you sad… didn’t think you would get mad though. Surprising.” I can tell that she is in a stupor.

Why is she acting like I am the odd one here? If it wasn’t for that mixture of anger and sadness inside my heart I would want to hit her again. When even those feelings fade I begin crying again. I cover my face in my freed hands. My wails are unrestrained and heavy.

Papa… why… Papa can’t be…

“He did a number on you. I always knew that, but…” She shifts her weight and turns away from me. She sits at the edge of the sack I lie upon. “You might not want to listen, but I can’t stop now.” She folds her hands and hunches over to keep talking without looking at me. “That man, Antonin Dubois, was evil.”

“LIAR!” I scream.

“It’s not a lie.” She shakes her head calmly. “His crime syndicate is one of the worst in Paris, maybe all of France. There is not one person in this godforsaken world who would mourn him… except you.”

“Papa is kind! He would never-!”

“He isn’t your father.” She objects harshly. “Never was.”

“He is my Papa… he is your Papa too!” I shout back still covering my face in my palms.

“That bastard adopted us for appearances. To his surprise we just turned out to be even more useful, better than just a publicity stunt.” She glares into the darkness. “Dubois the philanthropist. Funds orphanages and adopts brats.” She spits out those words with disdain.

I don’t want to hear any more…

“You were his crown piece. Because of your kindness and beauty… you were his favorite commodity.” Even saying it hurts her it seems. Is that… jealousy I hear? My mind is playing tricks on me. “The Daylily, such a luxury for the rich and the lost. I never wanted to see you leave the door. Every time you left I didn’t know if you would come back… the same.” Her shoulders are twitching.

Don’t be so hurt Rafi… it is just a job. I don’t feel bad about that title… It even fills me with a tiny bit of pride.

“Saving their pitiful souls is never enough. Humans would even jump their savior and take every last piece of divinity from them if they get the chance.”

How had my little sister become so bitter? I never realized…

“Because you are so special and divine, unexpectedly that man saw more merit in keeping you ‘pure’.” Rafi’s voice filled with wrath. “He turned a huge profit on your name alone. That greedy smile made me want to strangle him every day! But it’s not enough, no it just wasn’t enough for him! Your clients were making those disgusting requests. It got worse and worse.”

“R-requests…?” I don’t understand her meaning.

“The purer something is… the more they want to defile it.” Rafi glances at me from the side. Her eyes are filled with a craving I can’t fathom. “I would never let them touch you. When that man considered throwing you at them for more money… I made a deal.”

My heart stops. Understanding without comprehending, I somehow realize without realizing. My sister in front of me, my shadow behind me. The light that is shining on us is getting dimmer.

No matter what, those next words cannot not be spoken aloud.

And yet Rafi has long since forgotten where the boundary lies.

“I offered them an outlet for their lust. It only hurt at first. It all becomes the same at some point. That’s when I got over it and just used them as they used me.” Her words were emotionless. Clinical. Devoid of any regret or accusation.

The tears that would never stop flowing soaked my dress and my hands. Rafi… my poor Rafi had endured all of that without ever…?

The only way to cope with this revelation is to-

“For a while that worked out pretty well. I actually rose in the ranks despite being too young for the job. Not like those old pigs cared.” She finally chuckled hollowly. “And you grew more beautiful by the day…” She added softly.

“Rafi… y-you… b-but…” I am speaking between sobs and gasps for air. No matter how much I wipe my tears they don’t - never ever - just can’t stop!

“He broke his promise. After that trip to Brussels he wanted to let them have their way with you. I couldn’t forgive that. That was the final push I needed. I should thank that devil for giving me the courage to destroy him.” She covers her face with one hand and grins darkly.

That isn’t true. If I keep rejecting those lies I can keep staying together. I can live in this world that I know. One more crack in that reality could tear it down… and my life alongside it.

Please stop Rafi… do not break that final pillar.

“…Lis, I hated that man.” She says truthfully. “But for you I would have let him go on. I would have ignored all his crimes and lies and endured it. You know I would have.”

I don’t know anything anymore Rafi.

“He forced me. My hands were tied, but he cut the rope. Those plans, the investigation, reaching paradise, I had to endanger all of that because he forced me to.”

She knows she is wrong. That lie is her salvation, just as my rejection is for me.

“I wanted him to suffer, but I didn’t even get that.”

Although my eyes hurt and my throat is dry…

“Killing him with my own hands wasn’t enough.” She admits.

…I cry again. A childish wail that is softer and yet so much more sorrowful than all that came before.

My world shatters. That demon I saw before, it truly is Rafi. And the words it spoke, the words she speaks, they are reality. My cozy world is now black and cold. The light is replaced with a red hue and the emptiness of it all makes even the nicest flower wilt.

Nothing matters anymore and I fall.

“But I decided!” Suddenly she grabs me as I fall. Her strong hand pulls me towards her and our faces are ever so close. “None of that matters anymore. Revenge is nothing. Hardship is fleeting. All I ever needed is you! Lis… come with me to paradise.”

Her emerald eyes are capturing me. The strings that were cut so crudely are tied to something new, just as crudely. Her heated gaze, her full lips, her rosy cheeks, they all are lighting up as if the sun is shining only for her.

“…paradise…?” I repeat again. Maybe this is the first time I really listen.

“A place where the past can’t reach us. A place only for the two of us. Where the sun always shines and we can fully embrace our love.”

Love.

Love?

I don’t seem to understand that word anymore.

The image of a long white beach with azure waters crosses my mind, but it is swallowed by a dark wave. A typhoon of apathy and loss. Her words fail to reach me.

“Don’t look away!” She gets louder. “Only listen to me. Look into my eyes!” She puts her hands on the sides of my head and forces me to focus and look right at her. “You are free now… but you don’t want freedom.”

Yes. She is right.

“He was right in one regard… You are broken, just like me.” Her gaze is so heated it might burn me. “But that is what makes you beautiful! You want a place to belong, so let me be that place!”

“Rafi…”

“I will always be there for you, as your sister.” She smiles. “I love you so much.” She puts her forehead against mine. We are close… as close as we once were as kids.

“I love…” I want to return those words, but they won’t come out. It’s not right.

“I will comfort you… I will be the only thing you need. I am yours… and you are mine.”

Her words are like a spell. It entraps my soul, my feelings and even my body. Something deeper than sisterhood… and something less than its parts. This is something I should not accept. Deep inside I can only reject this thing inside Rafi.

“I will make you forget.” She sweetly whispers into my ear. If she says it with such passion, she will really manage it. There is no doubt. Her hand slides below my dress. I can feel her nails trace across my belly and farther up…

“Ngh…” I am paralyzed. Her touch sends goosebumps across my skin.

“Just give in to this feeling… and be mine. I learned everything I need to make you feel good.” She keeps saying such burning lines into my ear. It’s something to be lost in… to be consumed by utterly.

She has reached my chest. Despite her rough motions she is also gentle. My body doesn’t resist.

“Bloom only for me.”

The Rafflesia is a parasitic flower. It takes root on top of other flowers, covering them completely in its grasp. It grows one large petal that shields its host from the outside. Eventually nobody will ever know what the original flower looked like. Indeed, the Rafflesia cannot live without its host, but in return the host will never be in danger again, as the corpse flower repels all natural enemies.

Being consumed was not such a bad fate…

Rafi’s lips are about to touch mine, to seal my fate with a kiss.

“No.” I say.

“…” Rafi stops her lips and hands.

“This is wrong.” I say with deep self-loathing.

“…How could love be wrong?” She replies with a broken smile. But instead of pressing on she gets up and turns away. I stretch out my hand after her instinctively, but she doesn’t notice. “I accept everything about you Lis. You are my everything.” She puts an arm over her eyes and laughs her tears away. “I will wait until you are ready to accept me as well.”

With that she slowly walks up the stone steps up to the door, presumably to finish her master plan.

I am left lying on the sacks of dried out flowers, collected from the autumn harvest last year. My fingers sink into the dried leaves and petals, which are now remains of a simpler, happier time. One day these tears might dry just as these nostalgic flowers.

In fact I now shed my final tear. Nothing will be left.

Nothing except…