The angry growling of a troll could be heard in the morning sun as it smashed through a rockpile, being quite the energetic troll Richard spent his whole effort in to crushing the pile.

I, not wanting to wind up like the pile, wisely decided to move into the structurally questionable stone igloo. Angry troll growls could be heard as well as the sound of a continuously falling pile of rocks.

My intestinal pain was shockingly numb, probably because of the adrenaline pumping through my body just like a bodybuilder with his steroids. My eyes needed a moment to adjust to the relative darkness within the igloo. It was not exactly without numerous holes in its domed celing. However the abrubt change from having the morning sunshine on my eyes to dank dark igloo interior made me stop for a moment. After my eyes naturally adjusted I noticed two very particular things.

One. Trolls have no interior decorating skills. It was a mess! food lay strewn about everywhere! the crumbs could attract ants! Bones of several small animals lay intertwined with the foodstuffs. Most notably was what I recognized to be somewhat similar to a human skull. Probably an ape of some sort.

Two. Clara was laying cradling a familiar blonde-haired someone. down in a pit in a corner of the room. the pit was atleast 3 meters deep. The walls of the hole basically unclimbable with nothing but bare hands.

"looks like someone was busy while I got rocks thrown at me."

"Oh fuck you Cole, He's injured. Would you fucking mind helping us out of here?", what she said sounded legitimate. His head was covered in far too much Ketshup than we had access to at the moment, I decided to trust her judgement on this issue, but I swore if he had had access to ketshup all along he was going to regret it.

I listened in on the growling of the troll outside. Content with still hearing the sound of a rock-pile being smashed I nodded at her question and proceeded to pull a ladder out of my ass.

Like fuck I did.

The only thing available that could get them out of the hole, that was not my magical ass ladder. Was the strewn about pile of food and bones.

The premise is simple, throw down a pile big enough that they can climb out of the hole on their own.

The execution on the other hand... going about as smoothly as my wrinkly grandma's face over coarse sandpaper. Why would sandpaper be going over my wrinkly grandma's face? no reason in particular. She once got involved in a horrible arts and crafts accident. Grandma never again ventured near a sandpaper-belt.

I pushed as many bones and foodscraps down the hole as I could. I did hear some angry yelling at first. but i think she got the idea after I pushed a sizeable amount into the hole... That... sounded better in my head. After the fifth pushed load she yelled for me to stop... ok... I'll just stop that now.

"I think I can fucking climb the fuck-hole now, but I need you to fucking, take care of fucking Alfred!"

"I'm not particularly fond of fucking Alfred, but I'll do my best!", to her credit... She did not seem to want to castrate me at the moment... so I think I'm safe.

"Cole I swear to fucking Christ, If you do not fucking grab his shoulders and take care of fucking Alfred I'll rip your head off!", She seemed pretty adamant that I fuck Alfred, thankfully I'm not into rape so I grabbed his shoulders and clara took his legs. She gave him a mighty hoist, and I fell over with an unconscious and injured Alfred on top of me.

Now that I had some time, I looked to confirm that it was infact not ketshup. very important.

Clara lifted herself from her hole, and we darted as fast as a girl and a boy could carry an unconscious man between them. But not before Clara took her time laughing at me lying under Albert, promising to tell this story to my kids if I ever had some. Joke's on her! I'm the one telling the story!

muahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Sorry kids...

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