If we're going to die one day, aren't we already living dead?

My spirit is exhausted. I'm drowning.

There is a struggle between my fantastical self and my reality. I...

The idea of fantasy, of something not real. Falling back from fantasy is so so painful. It's abhorrent. I chase that fantasy every single day. It's a very innocous drug, this hope of entering fantasy, but I've taken such large, copious amounts, that its symptoms have exponentially grown enough to affect my life.

Who the hell wants to live in reality?

That's the main issue I have with all these isekai stories. It's a desperate cry from us, who've been suffering under this workload. (Well, other than those who jumped on the trend.) We want to be free.

I mean, in general, we want to be 'free'. Untouched and unstained by the work, blood, sweat and tears we have to expend in this mortal world. To be 'happy'.

This pursuit of happiness is ruining my life. I spend so much time in fantasy that my life in reality has collapsed. The amount of work to fix my life, is... so much! Egregious.

Everyone wants to be free. Yet majority of us have to settle for this helpless taste of fantasy. The fallout, yes, the fallout, the withdrawal, from dropping back into reality after fantasy, it's killing my spirit.

And it's only been months, yet my spirit has already been crushed into some misbegotten shape that is unable to be fixed, like a spine after several years of shit sitting posture, or the mind of the poor man that is abused.

Of course, why am I writing this?

Well, you just have to take a look at the title of this WN.

But what do i want, really? I panic every time I'm unhappy, but honestly might as fucking well. Let this bedgruding feeling of spite be my new normal, then.

What do I want?

I want to stop feeling like this. Is such a life really worth living?

Hah.

Of course it isn't. But I've always been too stubborn to give up. So what if I'm exhausted? So what if the world screams at me, tears at my spirit, destroys my very essence?

I'm not going to give up. I'm going to live.

Well, I've reaffirmed my desire now. Hoo, this is a good stress reliever. Now get off your sorry arse and do something. Make your reality better with your own two hands, because reality sure as hell ain't fantasy. I'm going to have to work for it. I'm going to do it.

I have this path in my heart and I'm going to follow it to the very end, even if that means that I destory myself, body, heart, and soul.

To the world, fuck you and I'll see you tomorrow.