The first book that really caught my interest and made me really eager to finish it until the very end was this book called 'The Catcher in the Rye' by J.D Salinger. The fact that I somehow relate to the main character's emotion as the story of that novel goes on, I came up with the realization that, if I ever want to read it all over again after I finished it, I will. I love how it inspired me in a very mysterious way, you know what I mean. If you have already read that novel, and you somehow relate to Holden Caulfield, and how he finds his life so boring, and the people around him makes him sick.

Because of that book, I literally had an idea about writing something because I want to create something similar to what that novel made me feel. I want to write something that, when I read it, I will come up with a concrete reflection about my life, and about how things just go on because, it's life, it's not easy to live and it's not hard either, you're just stuck and have to deal with it.

This is a work of fiction, though, some events here were based on my real experiences as a teenager who is also stuck, tired of everybody's existence. I also wanted to write this to express one of my thoughts regarding mental health issues; that it is not a joke, that we all need to be more considerate of others. Not because you're not struggling with it, it doesn't mean that you can actually tell them that "It is alright" or whatever. Some of these people who struggle with such conditions don't want to be 'heard' but, they want us to 'listen' to them. At first, I thought about the difference between those two, and I told myself that I don't understand the difference and I can't see any, and then, I also realized that I can't find any similarities too. Maybe, just maybe, it's because I feel fine, that I'm not suffering like these people. But, unfortunately, I became 'one of them', for a reason that only myself knows.

I wrote this because I had my own struggles and the only way for me to ease my overthinking mind is by writing. It was hard at first but, I overcame it, though, I will never say that I'm totally fine now because I believe that it will never be 'fine' now. I am damaged, scarred and all, but, the important thing for me is that I'm trying to survive and I think that is the best thing I can do to heal myself every time I struggle in this never-ending loop of human life. It might be scary, to think that if you have a mental health issue, it doesn't matter if it's day or night when it attacks, you'll just be in that moment, begging it to stop.

"I want my life to be ironic and full of metaphors."