Celia woke with a start. She didn’t move except to open her eyes. What’s different about today? I don’t know.

She sat up and looked around. Bryan was not on his side of the bed. She threw back the covers and got up. Leaving the room, she stopped at the bathroom door and listened. The shower was running. Her heart was beating too fast, and she couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling. She tried the door to the bathroom. It was not locked.

Opening it, she said, “Bryan?”

“Yes, Dear?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Fine. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I just feel so unsettled, like something’s wrong.”

“Well, step in here, and I’ll show you how okay I am.”

Celia smiled and took a step toward the shower.

“Uh!”

She stopped. “What’s the matter?”

“Oof!” Thud. Bang.

Bryan had fallen. He was moaning.

“What’s wrong?” Celia yelled, pulling back the shower curtain.

Bryan was down, facing toward the wall. His body was clenched, his hands in fists and arms criss-crossed over his chest. He tried to talk, but only terrible sounds came from his throat. Celia’s heart was beating so fast, she thought it would burst.

“I’m going to call for help. I’ll be right back.”

She tried to speak calmly, but she was so breathless, she could hardly get the words out. She ran out of the room to the phone in the bedroom. With hands shaking so hard she could hardly control them, she managed to dial 911. She could hear the phone ringing as she ran back to the bathroom.

“Help me, please. My husband’s fallen in the tub and something’s wrong with him,” she said frantically into the phone as soon as someone answered. She felt like she was whispering and she wanted to scream. “Hurry, please.”

The 911 operator was very calm. “Where are you?”

“Oh, oh, um, the address is, um, one twenty-one first street southwest.”

“Just a moment while I dispatch the ambulance. Please don’t hang up.”

“Okay. Please, please hurry.”

Celia was kneeling by the tub grasping at her husband as if she could keep him breathing by getting a good hold of him. She tried to rock back and forth, crooning to him. It was hard to do with one hand.

The 911 operator was back.

“Are you with your husband now?”

“Yes.”

“What is he doing?”

“He’s lying in the bottom of the tub. He was taking a shower. He’s just groaning. He tries to talk, but it isn’t working. I think he’s in a lot of pain.”

“How can you tell?”

“He is kind of curled up and his hands are in fists. He has his arms wrapped across his chest.”

“Is he lying down?”

“Yes.”

“Can you find something to elevate his legs? Is there a stool or something nearby?”

“No, I don’t see anything.”

“Can you get his feet up on the edge of the tub?”

“I don’t know. Should I try? I’ll have to put down the phone. I’ll push the speaker button.”

She set down the phone, pushed the button, and said, “Okay, I’m trying now.”

She moved to the end of the tub by his feet, leaned over, and wrapped her arms around them. She tried to lift them up to the edge of the tub.”

“I can’t do it,” she cried.

“Just take your time,” came the voice from the phone. “Pick up one foot and try to get it on the edge of the tub. Then the other.”

She tried again. And again. She finally got his feet partway up the side of the tub.

“I’ve done the best I can,” she said.

“Okay, now get a blanket to put over him. You want him to warm up.”

“I have to leave the room to do that.”

“That’s okay.”

Celia ran to the linen closet, opened it, and grabbed a quilt. She ran back to the bathroom and spread it over Bryan.

“Now what?”

“Does he have heart trouble? Does he carry nitro?”

“I don’t think so. Is he having a heart attack?”

“If he had nitro, I would have had you put some under his tongue.”

“Oh.”

“Do you have aspirin?”

“Yes.”

“Try to get an aspirin in his mouth.”

Celia jumped up and opened the medicine cabinet. It took her three tries to get the bottle out and she had a hard time getting it open, her hands were so shaky. As soon as she knelt down with one in her hand, it dropped and rolled where she couldn’t see it. She cried out in frustration. It seemed to take forever to get an aspirin out of the bottle and into his mouth.

“Try to swallow, Honey. Please try to swallow.” Tears were running down her face. She wasn’t sure if he had swallowed or not.

She looked toward the phone. “What should I do now?”

“Can you find his pulse?”

Celia tried to find his pulse on his wrist.

“I can’t find it.”

“Did you try for his neck pulse?”

“No. I’ll try that.”

She often took her own pulse that way when she was exercising, so she knew where to feel. His skin was wet, and her fingers were sweaty and wanted to keep slipping around, but she finally did feel a faint pulse.

“I feel it, I feel it.”

“Do you have a clock or watch with a second hand?”

“Yes.”

“Count the beats for ten seconds.”

Celia looked at her watch and counted.

“I get…21…I think. I don’t know if I can feel them all. It’s so weak and I think it keeps skipping or something.”

“That’s okay. You did fine. Listen. Can you hear sirens yet?”

She listened. All she could hear was her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

“No, I can’t hear anything.”

“Keep listening. They should be there any minute.”

She was feeling panicky. “Maybe they’re lost. Maybe I said the address wrong. Are you sure they’re going to one twenty-one first street southwest?”

“Yes. Don’t worry. They are on the way.”

“Wait. I hear something.” She listened. Yes, there was a siren, off in the distance. “Yes, I can hear them. Oh, I need to go unlock the door. Is it okay if I leave him for a minute?”

“Yes, you can go unlock the door.”

Celia leaped to her feet and ran down the hall to the stairs. Be careful, be careful, she said to herself. Don’t fall down the stairs.

In spite of her efforts, she nearly tripped and fell, but she made it to the front door safely. She unlocked it and opened it wide. She looked out and saw the ambulance turn the corner at the end of the street. She started jumping and waving.

“Over here, over here,” she shouted.

The ambulance stopped in front of the house, and two EMTs jumped out with a gurney and some equipment.

“He’s upstairs. Please hurry.” She was wringing her hands.

The EMTs hurried into the house. They left the gurney at the foot of the stairs, grabbed a long, wide board with handles, and ran up to the bathroom where they propped the board against the wall. Celia was right behind them.

“Sorry, ma’am. We need room to work. Please stay outside the room.”

She stood outside the bathroom door, watching anxiously as they worked. One assessed Bryan and called out the results while the other repeated the information into a cell phone.

“Blood pressure ninety-four over forty-eight.”

“Blood pressure ninety-four over forty-eight.”

“Pulse one hundred thirty-two, thready, weak, and irregular.”

“Pulse one hundred thirty-two, thready, weak, and irregular.”

“Respirations shallow, 26 per minute.”

“Respirations shallow, 26 per minute.”

[I need to find out what normal respirations would be for a heart attack victim. Also, if what I have for blood pressure and pulse is plausible or if it should be changed. What would EMTs assess and what would be likely results for a heart attack victim?]

When the assessment was complete, the EMTs moved quickly to start an IV and attach a heart monitor. Celia was distraught. The monitor began beeping erratically, which was very disconcerting.

“Why does it sound like that?”

“The beeps are good,” one of the EMTs said. “That means his heart is beating.”

Speaking quietly to each other, the EMTs laid the board on the floor. With one at his head and the other at his feet, they coordinated a lift from the tub and placed him on the board. They strapped him on and used the board to carry him down the stairs to the gurney. Then they wheeled the gurney out to the ambulance. Celia followed them closely.

“You can ride in the passenger seat, if you want to come with us, ma’am.”

“Can’t I ride in the back by Bryan?”

“There isn’t enough room. We need to be able to attend to your husband at a moment’s notice.”

“Oh, okay.” She ran for the ambulance, stopped, ran back to the house and grabbed her purse. Back to the ambulance, she got in the passenger’s seat just as they were ready to take off. She couldn’t stop tears from running down her face, and she sat quietly, holding her purse so tightly her knuckles were as white as the ambulance.

She jumped when the driver flipped on the siren.

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Celia closed her eyes and counted, trying not to think about anything on the ride to the hospital.

The activity at the hospital felt like total chaos to her. Everyone moved so fast. She expected people to run into each other, but they never did.

The EMTs had her husband out of the ambulance and in through the emergency room doors so fast, she hardly had time to get down out of the ambulance herself. She followed the gurney inside and stopped, wondering what she should do next.

“You can wait right over there, ma’am,” one of the EMTs said.

“Thank you,” she said, so quietly, he probably didn’t hear her.

The medical staff whirled into action. Celia had forgotten about the heart monitor; she had stopped paying attention to the beeping. Suddenly, the beeps coalesced into one long wail that pierced her heart.

“What’s happening?” she cried.

“Get her out of here,” someone ordered.

Everything seemed to get darker and darker. It was like a light was shining directly on Bryan but everything else was in the dark. She couldn’t take her eyes away from him.

Someone took her by the arm. She heard a voice murmur, “Come with me.” She pulled away, but she couldn’t escape the grip.

“No,” she whimpered. “I want to stay.”

“They need to be free to work on him. We’ll let you know what’s happening.”

She couldn’t escape. She had to go.

The person with the grip led her to a waiting area.

“We have coffee over here. There’s the vending machines. If you need to make a call, you can use this phone. Cell phones are also permitted in this area. The bathrooms are over there. If you think of anything you need, you can ask at the desk, there. I’ll let you know when there is anything to report. My name is Emily. Do you have any questions before I go back?”

“I…I don’t think so.”

Emily disappeared back into the ER. Celia sat down. She got up. She walked to the vending machines and studied the contents. She looked at the phone. She considered the coffee and decided to try a cup. It was, at least, something to do.

After three cups of coffee, she decided to pace instead. She looked at the clock about once every minute. What’s going on in there?

A half hour went by. She went to the desk. A woman was standing in front of a computer, typing. Her name tag said “Olivia”.

“Olivia, can you find out anything for me?” she asked.

“Try to relax. Emily will be back out when there is something to—”

The ER doors opened. Emily came through, followed by a doctor.

“Mrs Cook,” Emily said, “this is Dr Morrison. He is our top cardiologist.”

Dr Morrison extended his hand, and Celia reached out to shake it.

“Please sit down,” he said.

“Just tell me,” Celia gulped. “Is he okay? Will he be okay?”

Dr Morrison closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “We did everything we could. He went into cardiac arrest shortly after he arrived. We were unable to resuscitate him. I’m so sorry.”

Celia felt her knees give way. Her eyesight narrowed to a small tunnel, and then even that disappeared. She felt someone take hold of her by the arms and guide her to a chair. She let her upper body fall forward, her arms crossed on her lap under her head.

Everyone should just go away. When it’s all quiet, Bryan will wake up. He’ll come to get me and we’ll go home. Somebody, make everyone go away.

She fell into welcome unawareness.

When she opened her eyes, she was in a bed in an unfamiliar room, and Tess was sitting nearby.

“What you are doing here?” Celia demanded. Her voice was trembling.

“The hospital called me.” Tess’s eyes were red and swollen from weeping. “They thought you would need a ride home.” Her voice faltered. The look on her face was pleading.

Celia turned her face away and remained silent.

“Mom. Mom, we need to talk.”

Silence.

“Please, Mom. Please.” Tess’s voice broke.

Celia did not move or speak. She fixed her eyes on the wall and her body was rigid. She waited until finally she heard Tess leave the room.