Six little legs dashed across the floor, a cockroach worked to get out of the room. I stayed while it squeezed through the crack at the bottom of the door. The dolls stared at the center of the room, where a soft cloth laid atop the bed. Their dresses signifying the clash with their eyes, the colors repelling the other. Distractions, distractions, distractions. That’s what they are. My mind can’t stay clear enough, I was told there wouldn’t be anything that would distract me. Yet, there is.

I could close my eyes, but the room is so dark. I haven’t forgotten that endless darkness. The light that led me here, though it felt that the darkness would go on forever. Thanks to that light giving me a second chance to see the world I’ve gained a deep appreciation for it. That’s what this room needs, some light.

Scanning the room, turning my head left and right. I found a single window in the room, on the other side of the bed. Taupe curtains were draped over the window blocking the light from entering the room. That’s my goal, a reason to accept the darkness, for the light to come.

My resolve determined, I closed my eyes. Reminded of the tunnel of black, I strained myself to stay focused. Clearer than water, release my mind and take control of my loose energy. I told myself. Sam gave no concise instructions on how to do it, but Sam did show me. If that means I have to figure out how to control my freely flowing energy by myself then I will.

I thought of air gathering into a ball at the center of my body. It’s so close, I can feel it. Even in this darkness I can see it, the slim lines that waved all over me. Wrapping tighter, closer, into a chaotic mess. They were inching ever more into a ball of energy, it was unlike Sam’s. Sam’s had a smooth roundness to it, this one… Isn’t right, is it?

Then my unwoven energy burst apart, fading away as I fell onto my back. As I thought, it failed again. This is the seventh time, how long have I been here? Could it be mere hours or days? I don’t know, but it feels long. Opening my eyes I raised my hand and looked at it. The transparency tells of my emptiness, how easy it would be for me to disappear.

I’ll have to lie here for a while and wait for my energy to return before I try again. I think I’m getting closer, that’s what I want to believe, but it’s still a challenge. I suppose this is why Sam is diligent with training.

With the tiniest noise, I heard the cockroach attempting to squeeze back through the door. Craning my head towards the door I saw its antennae and then its full body popped in.

“So, you’ve returned,” I said, then laughed. I must be going mad if I’m happy to see a cockroach. “At least I’m not alone, thanks for keeping me company,” I told the cockroach, it’s better than the creepy unmoving dolls.

.

.

Because I couldn’t move I laid on the floor for who knows how long, contemplating. For the most part I thought about the vision I had. Was that me or someone else? I thought, unsure of what I had seen. It also didn’t make sense why Jason had her name on a list. Natalie Burlington; the name is certainly familiar, but I couldn’t have done that. Charged at her with a weapon in hand, that couldn’t have been me. Not just my memories, I need to find out what the vision meant. My first priority, however, are my memories, but it could be a part of it too. There couldn’t be any harm tying it into my search.

The cockroach started for the door and I began to feel less grounded to the floor. It sure knows it’s timing. I dragged myself up.

“Alright, let’s do this again.”

I didn’t repeat the same process. Instead of focusing on the light, I focused on taking in the darkness. The ball at first did the same, I had thought once it neared towards the end it would burst. But it didn’t, it came to a perfect circle.

“I-It worked!” I yelled.

Then I walked over to the curtain, spreading it open. The night prevalent and hanging high above the clouds was the crescent moon. I looked at my hand, where my energy had moved.

“So, darkness isn’t my enemy…,” I said, disheartened by the result.