"We are not retreating -- we are advancing in another direction."

~~ General Douglas MacArthur, Chief of Staff United States Army

“Capricorn! Bank left! Bank Left!”

“… My left of your left?”

The world was a wasteland. No matter how many times one would want to look away and look back, it will not magically turn back into the former glory of the civilization that was the pinnacle of the modern 30th century. No, it was still a giant world-tub full of sand, rocks, and more sand. Sigh. Not even an elegant oasis was insight (ignoring the countless mirages).

Running through that desert plane, was a small light armored tank. It was half-rusted all over and carried a short 37 mm Puteaux Gun, and it was pointed in the opposite direction of where the small tank was running away from. A series of shells shot past it and was ripping open the bunkers of sand they were trying to swerve away from.

“For god’s sake, Capricorn, keep this piece of junk steady! I need to get a clean shot!”

“Boss Lady. Don’t be anal in attempting a hole-in-one down their cannon barrel. That's a fake stunt glorified in sci-fi movies. Just shoot them already.”

“SHUT UP AND DRIVE! WHA! HARD RIGHT! HARD RIGHT!”

The light tank took a hard sweep to the left, barely avoiding a cluster of short-range missiles that dug into the ground and killing the dune bunker altogether.

“I SAID RIGHT!”

“Which one? My right or your right!?”

This little tank was known as the Renault FT. It was recognized as the ‘first modern tank’ in the history of post World War I. The main iconic battle tank that had seen a lot of action and put into wide spread campaigns was the British Mark V The Mark V was shaped after a rhombus, an awkward looking diamond, and carried two 57 mm 6-pounder guns that were stationed in the front of the vehicle. It was the ‘first tank’ and not exactly considered ‘modern’ but proved itself highly effective in the battlefield (albeit some... complications in reliability, ahem).

Now, the Renault FT, although produced by the French Military some time after World War I, was more revolutionized with a more sophisticated armor shell and a revolving tank turret. It was capable of highspeed armor combat and able to angle its attacks in multiple directions.

For example. Shooting at whatever was chasing behind it. Namely, a pack of angry looking T-14 Armata Tanks.

“GWAA-HAA-HAA! IT’S A HIT! BOW BEFORE THE QUEEN!”

“But they’re not stopping... Boss Lady, are you sure you didn't shoot a used food can?”

“SH*T! THEY HAVE RUSSIAN CLASS ARMOR, ONE ROUND ISN’T GOING TO SCRATCH THEM!”

"...When did our tank ever scratch anyone?"

"Capricorn. Don't make me use you as a land mine."

The T-14 Armata was a more modernized tank developed by the Russian Army. It was produced in the year 2015 and had been put into service for many years, until the countless of wars and conflicts forced the world to dry up and turn into a desert land.

Weighing at about 48 ton, length of 8.7 meter, width of 3.5 meters, and a height of 3.3 meters. Carries a high-end 900 mm thick armor plating that is able to resist intense heat, anti-armor piercing, and is capable of protecting its crew from even a shower of artillery from a gunship in the air (due to air atmosphere, all planes are rendered obsolete).

Normally an advanced tank of this calibre would require a team of four to six crew and commander to control. However, as it was built in 2015, the state of technology was convenient enough for three men to drive it.

“OH SH*T! THEY’RE FIRING BACK AT US!”

"What were you expecting for them to do when you shot them in the crotch? Bend over and plea for them to be gentle at your first time!?”

The little Renault FT light tank was forced to hop up into the air when two 125 mm shells came crashing down dangerously close to their sizes. Due to the intense gunpowder and other chemical reactions inside the blasts, it was enough to make the Renault FT nearly flip off its feet.

“BRAKE! BRAAAAAAAAKE!”

“GUWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

The screams of two (cute) girls piloting the ‘modern tank’ of post World War I screeched louder than the mechanical brakes in their vehicle. They hit all the power sliders in their gears and controls to force the armored vehicle to skid to a halt...Right before it fell off a steep cliff. Currently, this location in time used to be the second deepest part of the ocean, before the world dried up into a planet-wide sand bar.

“… D…don’t breath. I-if we so much as sneeze, we’ll tip right over the edge. Pray to whatever gods are left in this world they don’t drop bird sh*t on us.”

“Right………Oh cr*p, I need to pee.”

“F**k you Capricoooorn…sniff.”

The little tank known as the Renault FT was left to dangerously tip over the side of a small cliff. It wasn’t a steep drop, falling over would be more like a child going down a slide. But maybe it was because of how deep and long the arc was. The slide would not stop for miles no matter how much the child cry.

And surrounding them were the rogues of the day, a pack of T-14 Armata tanks. To be honest, these high-end and advanced tanks with its specialized un-manned turret would never be taken away so easily. No, the military they were born from would have gone Mama bear if they try and so much as touch their hands as if to woo them (THE F**K ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTERS--class scenario).

However, due to the ongoing conflicts that wrecked the world, the military order and human civilization had turned into the Wild West. Scavengers procurring things among the ruins was the way of life now. Planes were useless due to the altered atmosphere and hovercrafts would pop under the intense heat of suns (yes, more than one - long story).

Tanks were the way to go. So for a bunch of rag-tag bandits scouring an empty Russian base lost in the history of time and acquiring their toys was as simple as walking into a conveience store during a post-apocolytpic world. No one was there to go Mama Bear on them.

… It was a post-apocolytpic world.

“…… Boss Lady. I have a plan.”

“Please don’t make me strip down and show them my body. The last time you used me to distract them, I almost lost my chastity to five men. If I didn't had an MP5, I would have been more than traumatized.”

“No. It’s not that. Using the same tactics twice is useless.”

“... Cough...Then what?”

“Simple. I’m going to drive down the slope, head into that minefield, and lose them there.”

“… That sounds like the dumbest idea ever…Heh?...NO! DON’T DO IT! THAT IS A DIRECT ORDER! DON’T GO AND DO SOMETHING LIKE—”

“Wish me luck…LEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!”

“—SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”

When the Renault FT Tank did the unthinkable and pulled a leap of faith over the cliff and down the slope, there was a beautiful scream. Unfortunately, it was drowned out when the T-14 Armata commandeered by desert bandits gave chase shooting their 12.7 mm Kord anti-infantry Machine Guns like raiders starting a massive desert chase scene!

What happens after that was a mess that even black ink can’t cover up. But, let’s just say a bee can weave through flowers while giant bears crushes them. A lot of fiery explosions could be heard that day.

“CAPRICORN! IF WE SURVIVE, I’LL F**KING STRANGLE YOUUUUUU!”

“…WHAAAAAAAT!? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!?”