8 weeks later

I had been having a relaxing day Alex and I drove up to mountains near Canada to go for a hike. The picturesque landscape unfolding before my very eyes as I parked the Range Rover. I am not one for fancy cars nor is Alex so we had settled on the Range Rover. He quite liked the silver chrome detailing on the particular model we now own .

We step out marveling at the ancient mountains standing before us. They must be unshakable I said turning to him. " Surely they are " he says then referencing to his fathers work as a minister of a large worship congregation in Scotland.

Alex had a hard week with the filming of an American version of the widely watched British series. In between filming and reviewing scripts he frequently made regular phone calls to Scotland to keep in touch with his family especially to learn of any news regarding his fathers medical condition.

3 weeks later

Alex was rushing to the set full of anticipatory excitement when mid stride his phone rang he continued running now, on the set he hears his phone ring again. He puts his hand out to plead with the cast and crew to not loose patience with him as he glances st the number. It's a number he's not sure he recognizes but he sees the area code and immediately he knows that on the other side of that call is someone back home. With fear and trepidation he slides the answer button holding the phone against his ear he holds his breath as hears his mums voice on the other line say " a., Alex . it's mum calling .. your fathers just been rushed to hospital. They put him up in Glasgow. It'd be best you come soon ..we fear he hasn't hit much time left with us. " her voice trails off he can her trying to hold back tears.

Alex then drops his hand from his ear the phone begins to slip in his fingers. He tightens his grip so the phone doesn't fall to the ground. He stands still stuck for words. The director walks over to Alex knowing something serious was said on that phone call. He says kindly in a sympathetic tone " go home. Go to him, heck, he's your dad .,"

weeks on

I came home and would often find him despondently sitting in a darkened room , usually the living quarters. His Tear streaked cheeks gleam in the light filtering through the windows outside that illuminate his face. All I could do to console him is take him in my arms and hold him tightly against my chest in a compassionate embrace.

I know his tears are his soul grieving,, they are a silent language of sorrow they come to him as if Alex is trying to release all the emotions surrounding bereavement before his father passing once and for all leaving this world behind him to enter a new unfamiliar world.

For now grieving is but a sunset that seams to be setting on him as his world slowly collapses around him. He whispers words of sorrow into my hair while tears fell in waves from his eyes.

The sound of silence or rather the absence of sound which produces silence with tears of anguish of a little boy who grew up adored by his father who now, he may not get to see his face, hear his laugh, feel his embrace or see the face lined from years of emotions he felt for those he loved, and adored for his friendships built, the love of his church, the love of his life, and for the one only son whom he encouraged to dream all those years ago.

Several hours and a plane ride from New York City to Scotland we exit the planes cabin. He and I locate and retrieve our belongings. Alex looks at his phone around exiting the airport doors he'd missed a call from his mums cellphone. He dials the number getting no response. He calls again, still no answer. Flustered he drives a rental car through the sprawling hills, vast mountains and castles then through the busy towns. Finally the two of us reach the hospital. Once parked we exit the small cramped spruce green car. Him and I stare at each other briefly then he takes my hand looks into my face " well, there's the entrance way." He says anxiety in his voice.

Together finding his fathers room there were several people are gathered around a hospital bed. Alex releases his hand from mine he runs over towards the bed " let me see him! " he pushes past his aunt and mum he sees his father with his eyes closed. No movement from his chest an indication of no breathing, death.

Alex shouts in incoherent tearful moans while covering his face in his hands. his mum takes him in her arms he slumps over in her empathic embrace. Tears pooling in his glazed over almond eyes spilling fourth a river of desolation. I rushed to his side place a hand on his shoulder I lean into him and his mum holding back tears. I gasped tears feel hot as they fall on my cheeks I utterrd through a tense raspy vocal chords

"I'm sorry .. I'm so.. so sorry."

I heave as tears like running water stream down my face falling off my chin. Alexes mum with her eyes closed says softly

" I stopped believing long ago but I believe he's found peace I pray, I hope you all find yours. He fought so incredibly hard .."

Alex ceased his tearful cries at his mums words. He sat at the bed at his fathers feet taking his hand within his tears once more stream down his face saying

" bad things happen to good people.. you were a good father .. "

Alex stood up and walked past the little remaining family present in the room. He wiped tears from off his face. He walked up behind me placed his fingers around within mine he rested his forehead against the back of my shoulder

"let's go .. please"

he whispered in a tearful whimper. Turning to kiss his cheek me wrap his arms around my waist he curls his body from behind into yours. Alex heaved a sigh and shook against me letting out a quiet sorrowful moan.

"come on .. let's get out of here."

Softly I whisper.

So we traveled the nearly 2 hours to his mums country side estate. We sat in the car waiting for her to arrive.

Alex had fallen asleep his head lay limp at his side. His fingers curled between my warm petite hand.

His mum had shown up 15 minutes later. His Mum slams the door of her old Mini Cooper behind her. She spotted the rental vehicle we've traveled in she motions me to wake up sleeping Alex and come inside. The three of us sat in her rustic style kitchen. We stared at each other grief-stricken lost for words.

Later that evening Alex’s Mum had taken me aside she said she wanted to tell me something important she was not ready for Alex to hear

" as you may already have known Alexes father was a minister. I regularly attended the services yet I have fallen out with God. My sister become rather ill six years prior to Alexes fathers illness. Through her death I no longer could believe."

I knew now was not the time to ask what I asked. I knew this may have been my only chance to find the answers about Alexes relationship pertaining to his father.

" Alex has been deeply emotional frankly, I have not know any man to be this emotional. "

His mum smiled

" he gets that sensitivity from me. His father was sensitive but guarded."

I was shocked

" Had anything .. you know .. had something happend between them before he started his acting career overseas? "

His mum sat with me at the table she stretched her hand towards mine grasping my hand within hers. She looked into my eyes as she said

" Alexes father encouraged him to pursue acting at a young age. He had huge potential we had no idea he would soar in his career . Alex took on multiple roles, however after Alex had done not one but two sex scenes his father made it very clear he had disapproved of Alexes role choices. He had not agreed at all. Alex could sense this so he slowly stopped conversing with his father. He eventually stopped associating with the church and distanced himself from his father. He felt he had disappointed us.. he couldn't face his father no more. They only started reconnecting after the news of his fathers illness arose."