The rain from the night prior had formed a dense cool heavy fog that cloaked half the tall buildings that towered nearly swallowed by the fog into the skyline. On my way out of the underground subway I could see the sun struggling to melt the fog. By midway through my morning commute the fog had all but disappeared only to be seen far off in the distance between the odd cluster of apartments. The warm light of morning fell on the hoods of cars, shine off the pained glass buildings, falling on the heads of people on the busy street.

The streets were lined with vehicles that stretched down the length of the long streets. The smell of dewy grass and crunchy leaves wafted it's way through the exhaust fumes from the cab drivers and road crews from, the little edge of forest by Central Park. I watched as someone stepped onto the street they caught onto a cab. Several colourful awnings and business signs stood out across the street. Trees lined the sides of the streets.

The crunchy leaves of late autumn had yet have fallen away from their wet branches. The condensation coated the thin branches it dripped off the leaves onto people who walked beneath them.

On this particular day I was late to my job this happened to be job number three. Three jobs I had failed being unable to secure my position. Fears of being sacked ran rampant through my mind.

The streets in New York City were alive as ever that morning. I hurried pushed past several people on their morning commute to work when my legs began to feel as though, I was running through water. They were greatly fatigued for I had ran nearly four blocks past fancy shops as well as busy cafes.

I glanced up at the grey scarf stuck in the trees ahead of me. That single object distracted me each morning so much so, that if I stared at it long enough maybe I could will it to blow into the wind and find its owner. That scarf had been there for over a month. I thought about climbing the tree to retrieve it when, I felt had made it to the heart of the business district apprehension rose in my chest when, I approached a red light.

It felt like the cars took a year to cross the road way. My heart lurched in my chest. The little white symbol flashed above signaling to cross the street, I glanced down at my watch before I sprinted across the crosswalk. When looked down at my watch in front of that cafe I must have walked in the path of passers by because I collided with him.

He had to have just come from one of several cafes attached to one of the skyscrapers in Manhattan. I nearly shouted when the coffee his hand erupted spilling fourth from its tiny open spout.

In my haste to get to work I lost several documents in their folders in my arms I grasped onto flew into air. Both of us knelt on the side walk. We began to frantically pick up the mess at my feet. But commuters on the street grumbled rashly shouting cuss words at the mess in their way. My ears went red the more and more papers I collected. I looked at the disaster I created as, I frantically collected my documents at the same time, I stammered attempting to apologize.

"S..Sorry. I was rushing across the street. I must not have been paying attention to where I was going." I stammered.

The man I bumped into stood to his feet. He laughed softly as he smirked he kindly said.

"It's no problem at all."

While tilting his head the side he extended his hand towards mine helping me to my feet, as he passed a few documents to me.

"It's alright " he laughed.

"I've been here many, many times myself."

Right away I noticed his accent. It was Scottish. I smiled looking him over my eyes traveled up his torso to meet his kind eyes. They smiled back me. He introduced himself to me.

"I'm Alex."

Anxiety swelled up inside me like a tidal wave. The waves tossed me about internally. I was unable to find words. My mind pieced various words together still, I could manage to open my mouth. Perhaps that was because I was taken aback pleasantly by his tall, slim body. That light brown slicked back short hair was appealing. His eyes were like honey brown sugar. The man was well dressed in a pair of dark wash denim jeans, also he wore a well fitted royal blue sports coat over a burgundy button down shirt. I admit I felt a little sheepish although, I felt relieved having not crashed into an angry person.

How long had I been standing there? I barely so much as blinked when he bid me farewell as he carried on his way somehow, I nervously said.

"I'm..I'm Gabriella."

I looked at my watch I had 15 minutes to get to the office. A wave of panic rushed through me. I shook his hand firmly as I made eye contact with him. I apologized again for having run into him. Then I winced before saying.

"Oh no, I have to be on my way. Good bye."

Upon arriving at work the meeting was already underway and I was assigned the position of note scribe. However I was late by twenty minutes.The head of our department waited for me outside my office. Her arms were folded across her chest. Her icy blue eyes froze fixated on my face. I felt as if a bomb went of in my chest flooding my nerves with toxic limb numbing anxiety. The woman was middle-aged with the face of someone far younger. She pushed out her chest exclaiming dryly.

"Why did you bother coming in the office today. We needed you back there.'

She sighed calmly she pointed towards the board room using her thumb.

"If you continue this behaviour you won't last here. This is job number well, let's see.'

I hung my head in shame, I mouthed the word 'three.'

"I just want you to know that you've been running my patience thin."

By the time I looked up she had walked away. I could smell her expensive Sacs Fifth avenue perfume. It lingered in the air as a reminder of my failure to meet her needs as my employer.

So I set the pile I held within my arms on the corner of the desk. Then I sat down to open my files left from the previous day. I stayed in my office for the remainder of the day. I finished my days share required of me.

Hours later I was on my way home papers to be completed in hand when, I noticed the one on top had a company name I failed to recognize.

"How the heck did I miss that! "

Just then, it dawned on me the paper belonged to that young man I had crashed into earlier that day. And so I dragged my tired body off the subway route I took every evening home from work onto another train. Then using google maps I located the business he worked for, Some acting firm in the heart of downtown.

The building stood before me. It was modern with large panes of glass that covered most of the face. The light from street lamps reflected off the glossy darkened windows. I opened the heavy glass door. Once inside the foyer I looked around to see a directory. The dim lights cast a shadow over the spacious floor. I barely noticed the two security guards at the front doors. I asked them which floor the name on the paper was. Floor 25 was a short elevator ride to the businesses floor. The stainless steal doors opened revealing an open concept office space. The white glossed over floors were darkened among the partially darkened room. I nervously stepped into the large office space I stood in place to look for any sign of him. The posters on the walls took up most of the space of the grey walls. Their faces hidden due to most of the lights either dimmed or shut off, this floor had natural low lighting as well so, the room was mostly dark.

Then I noticed a faint light through a office window near the back of the spacious room. Could he have been there?

"How dumb am I going to look to him."

I questioned myself, as I walked past the rows of desks. Each desk was clean and orderly. Papers were stacked in folders they sat in front of high-tech slender computer monitors. I made my way over to the corner office.

As I drew closer to the side room I could see him. His light macchiato hair fell over his face. I pushed the already ajar door further open. I stood still at the door way for a few seconds, before I silently entered the office. I noticed several photos in translucent frames along the back wall behind him. A desk lamp cast a faint yellowish hue throughout the large room. There he sat at a large dark wood finished desk two beige upholstered chairs were on either side facing the desk. he wrote several sentences on a thin piece of paper. I had to have failed to speak loud enough because he did not respond to my.

" h.. hello "

"I hate to intrude, I know you have to be wanting to get home for the evening."

When I repeated myself he looked up at me he took off slender silver framed reading glasses. I noticed his eyes in the dim lit office they reflected honey brown.They shone in the faint lighting. I tried to suppress my reddening face as I looked at the stunning man before me.

"I'm so terribly sorry. I'm the girl that.."

"That bumped into me on their way to work. I recognized your eyes."

I explained to him I had one of his documents.

"Yes. I must have taken one if yours by mistake."

He smiled kindly looking into my eyes.

"Honestly, it's not a problem. I'm just amazed you tracked me down. Shows your dedication and your kindness towards others."

His almond shaped eyes crinkled at the corners. However when he took the paper from my nearly sweaty nervous hands, his eyes flickered down at the script. His light eyes trailed back up to meet mine then, he casually mentioned he was new to the city. He gave me his phone number, soon after he invited me to coffee.

"You seem like a nice person. Let me take you out to coffee or a drink as a thank you."

He told me his name was Alec, but he shortened it to Alex. After he moved here from the United Kingdom.

Over several weeks I learned more about him. With each meeting I felt my heart growing fond of him. His kindness and pose was most attractive. That accent was certainly pleasing to listen to. I found myself wanting to go deeper in conversation with him.

"We both know the truth, we can't keep talking without acknowledging the fact."

"It's all lies if I fail admit that I do find you massively attractive. Not just physically but you have a kindness, a your gentle soul defiantly shines through in the way you carry yourself. "

Three weeks later.

"Alex? I know its late but can we talk for a bit."

"That's no problem at all. I'm awake often late at night. So yes, I would enjoy some company."

I sat in my kitchen at a narrow window sill in my home. I began to say him.

"When we first met I was caught by surprise. You were and still remain in my mind."

I barley heard him reply.

"Well you shocked me when you looked up at me that day there in the street. I feel you having that one file folder only, to return it to me was the one thing that I felt brought you back me."

I blushed when he said in the tenderest whisper.

"Even when you leave my side I can feel your embrace, hear your voice in my head. The thought of you brings me comfort."

I told him a secret I'd been hiding about him.

"I feel I can sleep once I've heard you speak to me in tines such as this."

His voice caressed it way through my ears into my heart.

"Your whisper is love song I hope I will never forget. I want your voice embedded in my memory."

I got up and made my way up the stairs to my bedroom. I left the door wide open. With Alex on the phone I took my clothes off and crawled into bed in just my underwear. Once I was comfortable under my blankets I asked him.

"Last week if you had not let me go from within your embrace I defiantly would have kissed you."

When he replied I could tell by the elevation in his voice that he was smiling.

"We will have to repeat that evening and achieve that ending."

"I can feel myself, my heart falling deeper for you."

Within a week I found myself waiting for him at the office. I sat back in one of the chairs facing his desk. He looked up at me from his paper he was writing. I un-crossed then slowly re-crossed my legs. I wanted to tempt him. So I acted as if I were adjusting my knee length flowing skirt. He let the pen in his hand slip through his fingers. His eyes followed the trajectory of my hands. I looked up him acting coy. I said in a low voice.

"What? You want me to come on over there. Well I'd much rather you come sit here."

Alex pointed at the desk. Then he pushed the papers in his hands into a pile they lay in front of him. He took off his thin spectacles. He placed them in his front shirt pocket. He looked at me with curious eyes. He whispered darkly.

"Why don't you."

He pushed his chair back slightly. His hand fell off the desk landing on his knee.

"I know your teasing me. So how about you come over here. We could.."

"And when I do walk myself over to you what will you do then? You'll have me all to yourself. With that large space -"

I stopped speaking mid way through my sentence when I got up and walked over towards him. He reached out taking my hands within his.

"Let's stop talking."

My heart began pounding echoing inside my ears. I felt his hands reach around to hold my hips for a moment before he pulled me close so, that I sat in his lap.

"I want you close to me. I want your kiss to linger on my lips."

I felt the back of his desk at the back of my thighs. His nose lightly touched mine. Alex whispered to me.

"You've got me now all to yourself. What would you like to do?"

"How about that kiss I've been hoping for. To feel your body against mine."

He leaned me back so that my backside rest against the edge of desk. I pulled my hands out from under my chest. I placed them on his shoulders. I leaned close to his ear I said in an airy whisper.

"Or we could do so much more if you'd like."

He leaned into me he pulled my hips close to his. His lips brushed along my jawline. They found their way to mine. I closed my eyes so I could better feel his lips light against mine. Then I felt his fingers slide up underneath my shirt.

I began to add pressure in my lips upon his. Enjoyed his full lips upon mine. We began kissing deeper our mouths opened in several passionate open mouthed kisses.

I undid several button on his shirt. I paused when his lips slid off mine down my jaw then along my neck. Soon he pushed the papers back further on the desks surface. I gasped pulling him onto me. He push my back against his desk. His hands pressed on the cold surface. My arms were now around his neck. I lifted my legs bending my knees. I felt my face flush I could not help wanting him right there. I narrowed my eyes as I tilted my head going in for another kiss. I whispered to him.

"I want to fuck you so bad."

His face was red when he let out a breathy laugh saying.

"Here? Well if you really want to."

He lay me back so that my legs were now wrapped around his waist. He reached up my skirt hooking my panties between his fingers. He felt between the sides of my panties along my hips. His fingertips felt warm and smooth. His lips above mine when I paused to look into his almond eyes. I smiled and he smiled back at me. His face fell onto my chest. We laughed softly before we sat up. He separated from me to see beside me. He took my hands looking at my fingernails he said to me.

"I think we should wait. I really want you as much as your want is for me. But really we should take this slow.'

I smiled softly nodding my head. I grasped his hands and stood up. I took his hands and pulled him towards the doorway.

"Lets go watch a movie tonight! It's a perfect night. There was three released yesterday."

He let go of my left hand to turn the light off. We exited the office and headed for his car.

Six months later

Within a matter of weeks a date was set to review my current position with the news firm. I climbed my way from bottom of the company. Cleaning up the debris left over from past coworkers. I was determined to prove myself to them by taking on any task big or small.

I had thought tackling the mountain of papers and file folders was hard, no conversing with the public in conference calls was by far more difficult. Thoughts of dread clouded my thoughts when speaking to the mass of reporters covering a new development in a article By the time I put my mental notes into full verbal paragraphs my face physically hurt. Migraines often accompanied by tingling nerves resulted, from all the loud flashes of cameras. I could not tolerate the bright lighting, nor the sea of microphones stretched in my face held by desperate reporters.

The day I walked through the office doors I was greeted by the whole team. When I saw them gathered around the news room floor I knew I had made it. My executive walked up to me with her arms stretched wide. My heart raced as, I felt unsure to embrace them. I thought to extend my hand out to meet theirs in a formal hand shake before, they picked me up swigging me off the ground in a congratulatory embrace.

Finally Life looked as though it was falling into place. Had I come to figured out my life's purpose ? I thought so even as Alex came into my life.

He had shown me glimpses into a life I had not known, that there was a love after having a series of heartbreaks. He modeled empathy towards others especially, when Alex would smile kindly making direct eye contact with passers by. He was courteous towards people around us by holding the door open, as we came to and from place to place.

I enjoyed listening to him talk of his current projects. I admired his whole-hearted passion for his work. And I felt he was a gentle soul with a vibrant spirit. He captivated my heart with his transparency and authenticity for, he knew the right way to get his opinion across. As if Alex carefully chose each word he spoke out of compassion towards others. He had a optimistic view of life, he would see positivity despite misfortune.

Soon he gave heart felt gifts letting me know he wanted me to be his one and only. In my heart I felt he was a wish granted. That I'd long ago forgot I had made. With each passing month I found myself wanting more and more to be with him often.

I was naive believing Alex was mostly quite until, he got me alone with him. Then the enigmatic laughter would begin. His high energy was infectious as was his subtly romantic nature.

Each time we met he brought me a single rose. He would leave notes for me at in my mail slot. No matter how many gifts he gave me what stood out the most to me was, his compassion.

At times when I would complain to him about others rude behavior towards me he would gather my face in his comforting hands,,then tell me no matter what that others said he knew my truth. That there is always a positive light even in the darkest of dark times.

I remember the day I came to him in tears after a fight with my sister. Yes, even as a adult in her thirties my sister still could bring me to tears. I was a sensitive person who took others words into my heart to the very depth of my being. It was in those times Alex embraced me in his arms, he reminded me I was strong.

"I know its hard to breathe sometimes in the waves of hurt brought on by someone else storm but I will be there to carry you through those times and the times to come. Don't hold in all your hurt, don't take it in all at once, take it in slowly so you don't break down and let their words in to cut your heart strings."

Eight months

My mothers birthday was a month away. I looked online for several hours for a venue book for her 75 birthday. I had been given the task to plan the day of celebrations. I settled on a fancy family restaurant in Manhattan. Finally I placed the reservation for noon on a Sunday. I thought it would be funny to see her face when she noticed the fruit bouquet centrepieces, so I ordered three.

Next I called all 45 quests leaving messages for the family and friends. My four siblings and myself went to view the restaurant the week prior. When I notified my sister I was bringing someone important. I decided to invite Alex.

The day had arrived and I was late as usual despite having planned the whole event. Alex agreed to meet me to pick up the centerpieces. Alex paid for the bouquets then, he turned around to face me with a large fruit structure in his arms. He smiled bright at me saying,

" I brought my car so we have extra room for these beauties. Aren't they something in person."

I smiled back breathing a sigh of relief. Then we loaded the cellophane wrapped fruit in the backseat. And we drove to the restaurant. I turned to Alex as we pulled a parking spot placing my hand on his I smiled softly.

" mom and most everyone except for my eldest sister know you are coming with me."

He gave my hand a tight squeeze.

"This will be an adventure then."

Upon entering the front doors I pointed out where we needed to head to. I asked him to stay behind while I grabbed the other centerpiece. We approached the long table to see my sister and two brothers had already opened a bottle of bubbly champagne. setting down a bouquet I jokingly said with a airy laugh.

" Already breaking into the good stuff"

The eldest of us four, my sister was looking out the open patio when she turned hearing my voice.

"so, You must be the new one. Alex is it?"

She stretched out a thin hand towards him after he set down the centerpiece. He shook her hand smiling a closed lipped smile. She turned away from him calling out to my second cousin who just arrived through the door.

I returned to the car grabbing the last centerpiece. Locking the door behind me. I made my way back through the doors to see mom had arrived. She and Alex were conversing about something I was too far away to hear when, I walked over to mom and gave her a warm hug.

" I brought someone for you meet.. I can see you both met before I could introduce him to you/"

She smiled taking my hands she looked at me with that mom look.

" I'm happy for you. really, I am. " she pulled me away from Alex's view saying to me.

" I know you've had a tough time with work and John having passed away. Please let this mans love into your heart. Promise me. Please promise me you wont hold back with this relationship. You are far to guarded and tense."

I looked at her unsure of how to react to her motherly wisdom. I scratched my head.

"mom..yes Its was painful loosing John but I was guarded for my reasons.. He was the first person I trusted only to have him pass away seven months into our marriage. I've taken time to heal for the past two years. I certainly do feel something special with Alex."

Months prior

On one of our first dates. We were going to a symphony performance. When Alex arrived at my apartment he was dressed in a charcoal button down dress shirt and matte silver tie. His hair neatly slicked back yet a slightly messy fringe.

I wore a wine red ankle length dress. The sleeves were quarter length I had rented the garment specially for this evening.

We sat sixth row from the front, the music was breathtaking. I forgot how powerful music could be until that night.

Our first kiss was one I could not forget. We had just arrived to his house from going grocery shopping. One of my bags broke tomatoes we had bought for the pasta Alex planned, yes, planned. It did not get made. Tomatoes spilled onto the floor. One of them split open. Bending down to pick it up he looked up at he with a smirk he said.

"Awesome sauce ."

I stared blankly at him stifling a laugh.

" What .. do .."

Just then Alex burst into laughter squishing the tomatoe in his large hands.

" I said awesome .. sauce .. now we have sauce.."

Hold on a minute .. I should mention we had a few drinks at the pub before we walked home.

I laughed hard watching him with tomatoe guts strewn at his feet while he took at hand towel cleaning his hands off then cleaning the floor.

" here's a great idea .. no. An even greater idea."

We both were laughing near crying at this point. When he walked over to me playfully backing me up against the refrigerator. I wanted to kiss him in that moment.

"Let's forego dinner tonight ..we could just be .. you know .. be."

His accent was so cute as was his silly joking even in romantic times.

I nodded pushing past him picking up the tomatoes off the floor. Once all the groceries were put away we sat on the sofa to watch a movie. Alex must have been as disinterested as I was. He looked at me meanwhile I had been looking at him for the past five minutes, I was sure of it. Alex put his hand on my shoulder. He leaned in close to me and, I into him until our lips touched.

Soon we began to kiss deeply. I lay down pulling him alongside with me. On the way down Alex's kisses gradually deepened His soft lips becoming smoother as his kisses got wetter with each kiss. I wanted to taste him more than ever. Feeling how agile and swift he tongue could be against mine.

I anticipated his tongue at my lips to feel its gentle caress. My lips parted allowing him to dive his tongue into mine. I remember how he tasted like bourbon blueberry tea.

Late one afternoon I was late to see Alex because the shared washer and dryer was in use. I had yet to take care of my laundry for that week. I had just loaded my laundry into the washing machine when I turned around hearing a knock at the door. There was Alex beaming at me.

"Your not sorted today now are you ."

Alex walked over to me looking me up and down. Then he turned to check the door.

He whispered inching close to me.

"All clear ."

I looked at him feverishly tucking my hair behind my left ear. As Alex placed his hand at my waist his eyes locked into mine. He sucked his bottom lip.

"I could have you all to myself. We could do so much right here in this room."

He eyes fixated on my naked small lips. He moved close to me so that my body leaned against the washer. He picked my hips and lifted me up setting me on top of the washer. I opened my legs wrapping them around his hips. I pulled him close to me by his shirt collar. I bit my lip as I said in a more than harsh tone.

"Alex .. I "

I fingered his T-shirt pulling him close to me. Our foreheads touched for a short moment before he lunged at my mouth with his wet kisses. He left me with no way to escape him. He pulled away from my kiss he leaned his forehead against my chin he apologized saying.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be tempting you here of all places."

Two years on into our relationship

Our relationship felt solid, stable. I regularly began staying at his apartment. I believed our relationship had been rather well maintained. Although I had known little of Alex's relationships back home with family and friends because he avoided the topic. If ever I asked Alex about what life I've been like back home in Scotland he often changed the subject or simply left the room.

I chose to dismiss these actions of his because I figured there had to have been tensions back home. Alec had a long history and was well respected as an actor. I chose to focus on my relationship with him. I hoped one day in the near future he would feel comfortable with me enough to let me into his past so I could better understand the man I was living with part time . I myself had not had a positive nor healthy home life.

One morning I awoke to find him not there. This was highly unusual behaviour from him. My heart sank in my chest. He's always been there to hold me tight in his embrace giving me tender morning kisses before he left for work. I walked around his spacious home missing his presence. Soon I had head out to work. I dressed for the day feeling confident. Then I seemed to have misplaced my spare keys to my home away from home. I searched until they were found. They rest on a handwritten note. Picking up the note addressed to me I read:

" my darling,

Recently I've been having a tough go with life. Well with my father back home sick and all I wanted to thank you to tell you. I want nothing more than to have you beside me always, that you've brought out a part of me I did not believe I could see. I feel I am a winter lost inside you. I will never forget the love I found that is you. When you rest your heart against my chest I am reminded what safety feels like. You are and will always be my safe place.

- love Alex "

Tears well up in my eyes while reading his words. He's been so strong despite all the sorrow surrounding his fathers terminal illness. I knew in that moment something had to have happend between his father and him. Why had he not mentioned him or this sooner. Had he chose to avoid the whole topic of family all together because something traumatic had gone on in his childhood obviously. He's always thought of myself with love in his heart.

I feel so lucky for the day we met yet there was so much I had not known and still do not know. I wished he would let me into life his whole life, past and present. Part of me felt duped that the man I fell for was consciously withholding crucial aspects of his life from me. Why had he done this ? I questioned my feelings for him I knew when he was away I felt as though he keeps grounded from a past that's haunted me, but what about his past.

I could see a future with him even though I can not touch it even though I do not know the inner workings of Alex. Why he behaves the way he does. What has shaped him into the man he is now. Sometimes I forget what love means because love felt so foreign to me. When I felt love growing up was fleeting often withdrew from me when I had not done what my family had wanted me to do. I lived my life sacrificing myself for love I hoped to receive yet never fully had. There were always hidden motives hidden agendas. Stipulations and regulations, rules unspoken all of which I never fulfilled or qualified for.

I longed to be in his embrace for he demonstrated how to hope despite tough times. He pulled me from the darkness within myself reminding what love is, that he would not leave me like I felt others had, he's not a echo in my mind because echos fade away. He is as real as his love is for me.

I was far from who I once was but not who I wanted to be. I could not fully allow love to penetrate my heart once I felt betrayed. Alex's actions that morning stung my heart leaving a feeling of betrayal. If only he told me so I could understand why he's deeply affected by a man, his father whom I knew nothing about because Alex dodged the subject of family and home in Scotland all together.