Eleven years flashed by and the shaman was true to his word. I never participated in another ritual again to verify if my memories came back - but I had another reason to dread the eve of my birthday. It’s the time father died and I met Daisy Umbra. I don’t even know why I kept this necklace - as I grew older, my body grew thicker and I feel like any day now this necklace would tear off and I could finally let go of her.

But it’s magic - I’ve learned as I grew up, that kept it there. It had to be magic. I also learned that she was a witch - humans that can control various things. Trolls kill them sometimes and, honestly, I do worry I might see her head in the piles one day but I’m always relieved I’m not.

My friends often wondered where I got my necklace from and I’d lie and say it was my mother’s. They were confused - troll women don’t usually wear jewelry. Then I decided to say that it was from a human I killed and I liked it so I kept it. That seemed to satisfy them a lot more.

“I don’t know why you kept that a secret, Ayagi,” laughed one of my hunter buddies, “We take things from the dead humans and witches all the time!”

Strange, that, but I laughed along with them as we finished a successful raid. Not all of our hunts ended in victory though - sometimes, the humans band together with these witches and they’d use fire magic against us which we’re weak to. I’ve lost a good many of my comrades that way throughout the years. It’s frustrating - they don’t seem to understand the damage they’re doing to my species.

And because of the pushback, it’s an ongoing battle. Throughout the years, we have expanded our territory up to the edge of the forest, but humans and witches keep fighting us. Usually, the only thing on their minds isn’t to regain their territory - it seems they constantly move elsewhere to live. Instead, they hunt us for sport, revenge, a rite of passage. It made me sick. We only hunted because humans kept trying to take things from us - that’s what I’ve realized. All we’re trying to do is to regain what was once lost.

Yaci had eventually got together with another troll and started a family of her own since she had the weird idea to stay in the village. She didn’t want to get chosen to leave which I thought was surprising. Her excuse was to help our mother out and a need to keep the family close. She’s pretty good at survival but her hunting wasn’t that great so perhaps it was for the best. After she had her first youngling, she visited my mother often as her sadness seemed to overwhelm her after my father’s death. I ended up staying with her mother because of that. Most older troll women seemed to like that a lot and would comment that their sons and daughters couldn’t wait to leave their hut. I always shrugged it off - my mother needed help. I remembered she wouldn’t eat for weeks after I told her.

And still, I always wonder what happened to that Daisy Umbra. The image I have of her is from that day - she moved the earth to make room for my father’s body. She took the time to comfort me as best as she knew how… is she alive? That’s the question I always had around this time.

On this day, though, my friends decided the best way to celebrate my 22nd birthday is to hunt for humans. I went along with it and I went along with this troll woman by the name of Zoti - she’s an amazing troll woman. She didn’t have the same looks as Daisy Umbra had - a fact I’ll never admit out loud but her hunting skills may have surpassed even my mother’s.

As we grew up through the years, I’ve wanted to get closer to her. Granted, my hunting skills are pretty up there but compared to hers? I don’t know how she does it! And I’ve seen her survival skills in action - she even gave me a few pointers. I don't know what it is about Zoti that made her stand out from the others. She had lost her parents in the search for Matuna - my father wasn’t the only one who passed away all those years ago.

The creature that killed not just my father but her parents are called Zegnati - creatures that were four-legged and had lightning patterns on their bodies. They had a horn that attracted lightning and they were able to control it at will. Unfortunately, they surrounded my village and seemed to have waited until a lot of the adult trolls ventured out to strike. My father was among the casualties.

But Zoti stayed strong and even excelled at survival and hunting. The other trolls wouldn’t take her in because they started to call her cursed - but she didn’t have any strange markings like I did. I became close to her and, eventually, my group of friends disregarded their parents’ warnings and welcomed her into our group. As a result, she would often choose me to be her hunting partner whenever we did our raids.

On this eve, however, her camp was next to mine and I caught her staring at me when she came back from searching the grounds. Her hair was yellow like Daisy’s but somehow, it didn’t seem as golden and there wasn’t a patch of black splotched in her hair. It was long and she usually kept it tied behind her head so it wouldn’t get in the way, she explained to me. Her fangs were larger than mine even though she’s a bit shorter than me.

It surprised me to see her outside of her tent as she kept her eyes on me. She looked away and seemed to have smiled at me. I smiled back and I felt a warm sensation on my cheeks so I looked away. I could hear her grunt and laugh, an interesting mix I came to appreciate as a troll growing up in this society. I could hear her grunt and laugh again and I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks flush deeper.

A wind passed through and it seemed to push me towards her. I looked back at her and I saw that she was looking up at the sky. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all I saw before me was what I believed to be strength - there was beauty in that, I thought. Maybe she didn’t look as pretty and strange as Daisy Umbra, a phantom in my father’s death, but she’s real and she’s here. Zoti is real and she’s looking at me right now and seemed to want me closer to her.

While trolls our age really should be focusing on honing our hunting skills, especially when the Day of Picking is coming closer for us, it doesn’t hurt to be close to other trolls. I know Zoti is going to be picked. She has no reason to stay in this village. This… village that I could never recall the name of.

Against my better judgment, I edged closer to her and she seemed to hide her face a bit more. Instead of looking up, she looked down at the darkened grass before us. This camping trip is a celebration of my 22 years on this planet, Lopki, with my friends and Zoti. Against my better judgment, against some strange whispers in my ear, I edged my hands next to hers. Unlike so many of the other trolls, her nails are trimmed to a pointy end while mine are chipped and are known as “hunter’s hands” - cut up from the fights and maybe a little burned. My nails aren’t as sharp as hers because of how chipped they are so I wonder how she’s able to keep hers so neat even with her skills… but perhaps that’s why she’s so skilled.

She clasped her hands with mine and I could feel how nervous I truly am. True, I’ve admired her and call her a friend… so why am I nervous? Why does this feel so wrong? Why does it feel like I’m interrupting something?

“Ayagi,” she started as she eventually pulled away from my hand harshly. I was surprised but I was more surprised why I thought her voice was going to sound like a human’s for a moment. A human woman’s voice that wasn’t screaming out of fear or desperation or angrily yelling a spell… but a gentle one, that of a friend. “I heard from the Chief I’m going to get picked for the Day of Picking.”

I grunted happily. “That’s great, Zoti! You deserve it. You’ve worked hard ever since back then, you know. Most trolls would give up in your situation and drink from the Teal Channel to end it all.”

She grunted in return, with more pride. “After they were gone, I decided to honor their memory and work hard to become the best Hunter. I was weak when I was smaller but now, I’m stronger. I’m one of the best hunters in our village but… Ayagi, I was thinking…”

I grunted softly to let her know that I was listening. She continued.

“I was thinking of foregoing t-them… It’s blasphemy, I know, but I don’t… I don’t want to leave without you. It’s weird to say but you believed in me. I feel things in my chest. I feel things in my stomach. I feel things when I see you… I think I heard about it before… love, I think… I asked the Shamen Anje about it and that’s what he said. When he asked me who I felt this ‘love’ towards, he was extremely upset when I said it was you.”

She grazed lightly against my star birthmark, it almost tickled but I stifled a laugh. I watched her carefully as she grazed it back and forth. There was a sudden sense of danger that kicked in - like a human watched us closely or a witch was near.

But if Zoti didn’t sense them, the best hunter in the village, then why could I?

However, she soon stopped and her eyes looked back up at me. “Ayagi, he said that you’re not meant to be trifled with. But… I feel so strongly for you. You took me into our group when no one else would. I became strong as I grew up but it’s not just me… and it’s all because of you.

“I… didn’t tell the Shaman this but…I’m telling you because… Ayagi, I love you. And I’m willing to pass over being picked to go to the Orc village. W-will you have me? Will you have an orphan troll like me as a wife?”

Another wind pushed back against us - troll women wore clothes to cover their breasts while troll men only opted to wear pants but this wind was cold to me. Usually, the weather didn’t bother me unless it was winter - then maybe I might put on a blanket, but… this wind was harsh. It was mean. We tried to block it but there were harsh whispers, whispers that may have shown up in another life.

“Let her go.”

I don’t know whose voice that was but before I could question it, Zoti shushed me. Her voice lowered and she whispered to me.

“Shh, Ayagi. I think there are some humans around here.” We sat in silence. The only noises we heard were the snoring of our friends in their tents while the forest rested and bugs chirped. However, eventually, I did hear some footsteps and she motioned me to stay. I listened and she went out in the distance after she crawled back into her tent to grab her weapon. Once she did, she crawled all over the forest floor while I stayed behind and watched.

It didn’t take long to hear bodies hitting the forest floor as screams echoed in the forest. It made me jump and it woke up our friends. I had to explain to them as best I could what’s going on. We grabbed our weapons and picked ourselves up. I followed Zoti’s path as much as I could.

And soon we joined the fray.

.x.

Once we were done, Zoti was allotted as the local hero yet again. It’s fine because she deserved it. She had collected a very particularly annoying human head - a man who’s said to be 40 years old had been trying to locate our village for quite some time and it was Zoti who conquered them.

Thankfully, Daisy wasn’t part of the murdered party or even part of the ones that got away. Relieved, and happy it’s finally my 22nd birthday on top of that, we partied for the rest of the evening. We had a lot of ale and lots of tasty and rare meats. It was a good night. Trolls don’t believe in giving gifts - the gift of rare meats and to celebrate another year of life is good enough for me.

We ate and drank throughout the night and for a split second, I decided to step outside the village. I wanted alone time and honestly, I just wanted to savor the moment. I thought of something a long time ago after my father died - I thought that he’s with the stars now. Because I have a star mark on my stomach, that meant he’d always be with me in a way. Like a ghost. Sometimes, I hear Shaman Anje talk about life after death - when an old troll dies, he says that they become a star. But I don’t say anything like that to mother or Yaci. That would probably make them sad.

Is that why I have this mark on me? Was I someone of importance in a previous life?

I look up and I see the crescent moon before me. There’s a soothing wind - but… something is glowing from my chest. I look down and it’s my crescent moon necklace glowing. And then it felt for a moment that I was floating - I don’t know how since I’m extremely heavy.

I closed my eyes out of fear but when I did, I saw a life I never thought I could have but it was a sad life. It came in a flash but the life I had lived was short and then I felt my heart hurt once I reached the 22nd age. I grabbed it and I doubled over… but I feel like I’m carrying someone else’s burden.

When that ‘life’ ended, I fell to the ground. It didn’t seem anyone was around to see it but when I opened my eyes, my shoulders and my mind grew heavy. It was as though I felt their burden on my shoulders… and then I realized who I was.

And then I remembered - Zoti’s confession.