One month later…

The sun beats down on the coast of Hanakiki as the autumn leaves begin to fall and dance in the cold, gentle breeze. The afternoon is bustling with noise and excitement as the spice ships begin to dock next to the Friendship. With calm waters on the river front and the booming density of the populous town of Hanakiki in full effect, the crew of the Friendship prepare for Takeshi’s return as they restock the ship with supplies and cannons.

“Preparations are finished, first mate Po.” Big bill inclines as he stands before Po, whom is picking his nose.

“Good work, Big Bill; and stop being so formal with me. Po flicks his fingers; with R watching the snot ball fly into the river between the boat and the docks. A gentle breeze rolls in as Po’s lengthy beard sways back and forth, distracting R.

“Ok.” Big Bill says with veneration. He gives outstretches his arms, cracks a few fingers, and then walks off to continue working around the ship with the rest of the crew.

“This was a good idea, R. now we can gather more crew members.” Po says as he and Little R lean up against the sides of the plank of wood leading up to the Friendship, while a sign sits next to them with the painted black words reading,

‘Boats, Beer, Booty?

Gold? Glory? Adventure?

Join the crew of the Friendship and discover the unknown.’

“Indubitably, though I don’t see why you insisted on adding that first line of questioning to it. Seems a bit excessive.”

“It’s supposed to be provocative. Plus, it’s not the wording that counts, it’s the meaning behind the words that count.” Po insists with emphasis.

“I suppose, but we have to wait and witness if it works at all.” R says as he begins to readjust his black robes and carelessly flings around his pets, nesting in his many inside pockets. The little girl next to him flinches from the unexpected movement as her long black hair flies around and obscures her face.

*Meow*

Po looks at R with arms crossed and a face of indifference.

“Did you have to buy all those pets, and a slave girl?” In that instant, a large tabby cat begins to climb out from R’s pocket and rests on his slender shoulders; along with two rats quickly climbing out and resting on the opposite shoulder.

“Well, of course. It was necessary for Ratty to have a girlfriend, and Rocco over here to…well, to be a feline companion.”

“You just wanted a cat didn’t you?” Po says with the same indifference as earlier.

“No, shut up, Rocco’s indispensable to the team I’m constructing from the ground up.”

“And the little girl?” Po points with a flaccid finger.

“I at least need a slave that can tend to my needs.” Po looks on at R with a sharpened gaze of disgust.

“What the fuck, R.”

“Don’t hate the buyer; hate the trade.”

“Excuse me, Little R and Po,” Sodomy Sammy swings into close proximity to the two as he hangs onto the ratline with one hand. He scratches under his eyepatch and then pulls out a strange looking, yellowish, oblong object from his coat pocket and holds it up to Po and R.

“What is this, and why do we have a whole crate full of them?”

“Oh, that.” R and Po state at the same time as they scratch their heads.

“Well,” Po begins. “It’s called a Chim-chiminey-chim-chiminey-chim-chiminey-Chumunga fruit, apparently. We got it from the town of Turango, just thirty miles south of Hanakiki.” Sodomy Sammy stares at them with genuine confusion and a speechless expression.

“Chumunga?”

“According to a Dwarf man named Jim, whom enjoyed polymorphing into a cat.” R chimes in, causing Sammy to scratch his head even more quizzically.

“A polymorphing Dwarf?” Sodomy Sammy jumps down off of the ratline and joins the two next to the bridge leading to the dock.

“Yeah, and they taste ok. It’s real bitter.”

“Couldn’t you just peel off this yellow skin?” Sammy states as he begins to peel back the fruit, revealing a white oblong section under it.

“Hmm, I never thought of that.” R says in disappointment and begins to look down onto the docks as a myriad of humanoids continue to walk by and ignore their sign.

“Wow, these aren’t half bad.” Sammy says with delight as he masticates with an agape mouth. However, Po and R’s attention is captivated by an approaching rogue with a strange, familiar face.

“Willy?” Po shouts over to the man as he reaches the bridge leading up to the Friendship. Willy’s tattered black leather rogue clothes obscure the multitude of knifes on his bandolier and thighs. His rapier: well-worn on the handle and sheath, is placed on his hip; along with a few pockets and a satchel, of which he reaches into and pulls out a peculiar looking pouch. Willy takes a hardy sniff from the bag, tucks it back into his satchel, and then begins to walk up the bridge before beginning to speak.

“I thought about it.” Willy says as he stands before Po, and R.

“And?” Po begins with a raised eyebrow of intrigue.

“I…I would like to join your crew. I’ve already lost the one friend I had left on this island, so there’s no point for me to stay other than nostalgic purposes, which I loathe.”

“Good, welcome to the crew.” A voice calls out behind Willy; leaving Po and R grinning at the sight.

“Well, well, look who decided to show up.” Po waves at the sight of a man in burnt, ash covered ninja fatigues and a gleam in his golden eyes. Willy turns around and waves with a limp wrist.

“Hey, Takeshi.” Willy takes a few steps down the bridge and reaches out to shake his hand. They both give a hardy shake as Takeshi begins the conversation again with a fiery look in his eyes.

“I knew you would join us.”

“How would you know something like that?”

“I can see it in your eyes. In fact, it’s in all of our eyes.”

“Pfft,” Little R begins, while quickly placing a hand of intrigue under his chin. “What is it; some kind of discoloration?”

“Curiosity.”

“Huh?” R says as Takeshi walks ahead of Willy and back onto the boat. Willy soon follows, and then they begin preparations to set sail for the next course of action.

After about half an hour of preparation, Takeshi grabs his tri-corn captain’s hat and begins to speak loudly out to the old and new crew members as Po, R, Leon, Willy, Helga, Sammy, and Big Bill stand next to him on the quarter deck.

“How many in total, P?”

“We have approximately twenty five new members; totaling to a maximum of eighty members in total.” Po states as he checks off a box on the list with a piece of charcoal reading ‘Don’t let Leon death hug newest crew members.’

“Hmm, still too low, but it’ll have to do.” Takeshi walks up to the railing and looks at his crew. The crew: with fifty five Demonoid members and twenty five mostly humans and a few Dwarves.

“Fresh meat, welcome aboard the Friendship: where only the most daring survive.”

“Quit show-boating.” Po shouts with closed eyes and crossed arms as he begins to lean back onto the railing.

“Fine,” Takeshi begins again with less enthusiasm than before.

“Ok, we’re going to head south to a town called Turango. Master Splinter told me of a very good black smith we can get weapons from. And I heard the best bar of the United Seafaring Nations is there, so prepare to set sail.”

“Wait, that’s it?” Willy says with disbelief as he approaches Takeshi with open arms of frustration.

“Well, yeah. You got a problem?” Takeshi begins with an indifferent look in his eyes as he adjusts his captain’s hat to block the sun.

“Do we have a goal? Are we doing anything specific?”

“Of course we are my belligerent newbie.” Po begins with an arm wrapped around Willy’s shoulders. The look in Willy’s silver eyes shows discontent as he tries to pull away from Po.

“We’re trying to prevent the island from being, ahem... ‘burned to the fuckin’ ground.’”

“What?” Whispers and murmurs begin as Willy and all the newest members of the Friendship question the circumstance at hand. Takeshi raises a hand to silence the whispers before beginning again.

“Yes, it is true. There is a lurking hydra on this island Pugh bent on scorching the entire island with it’s...hotdog breath.”

The earth begins to quake as the townsfolk begin to scream and become delirious, falling over and trying to balance from the seismic shift. The river begins to form tidal waves that rock the boat back in forth with a heavy gale beginning to rush in. Takeshi, Po, and R begin to shout as they clasp their hands together in a prayer like fashion.

“Please, Pugh-Pugh, we mean you no harm. Please forgive us.” The quakes subside and everything goes back to a calm and peaceful day as the townsfolk on the docks scratch their heads in confusion; along with the newest crew members and Willy.

“Uh, what was that?” Willy says in an even more delirious voice, but is ignored as Takeshi goes back to speaking to the crew.

“Not everything is as it seems. You’ll learn that while adventuring with us. True, you may hear the stories about how two thirds of our crew was wiped out in a three months journey, but don’t fret. Cause the more knowledgeable you are, the stronger you become in this fucked up world of ours. And so…” Takeshi pauses and looks over at Po, whom continues the conversation with the crew.

“*Sigh*, if you want to leave you can, but that’ll only stop you from learning the truths of this world.” Po begins to fall asleep as he leans on the rail, while the crew members stand tall and await the next command.

“Wow, no one left.” Willy says with astonishment, he begins again as he confronts Takeshi. “I get it now.” Willy then gets distracted by watching, repulsed, as Leon sticks a large beefy finger in his nose, as it seemingly disappears inside it.

“Ugh, is he always like this?” Willy shouts in disgust to R, whom was standing beside him. Little R quickly slaps a dirty hand over his mouth as he looks up at Leon with a worried face. Leon, unimpeded by what Willy has said, continues to search for nose Goblins, vigorously picking away and laughing. Little R loosens his posture and sighs loudly while taking his hand off Willy’s face.

“You got to be careful what you say around him, if you say the wrong word, you’ll end up like some of the past crew members.” R states with a serious face, while Willy begins to take a few steps away from Leon.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Willy finally whispers after a brief moment. Another long pause rolls through as Willy sparks up another question of interest. “So where exactly are we going again?”

Five days later…

“Ah, here we are; the town of Turango looks pretty busy this time of day.” Po says as he stretches his arms and watches as the crew members throw down the draw bridge.

“Ok, everyone, meet back here in three days.” Takeshi shouts. The crew members acknowledge and leave the ship to adventure around the town on their own. R slowly walks up behind Po, Takeshi, and Leon as he begins to speak while sighing.

“I can’t believe we came back to this rat hole.”

“You and me, both, R.” Po says as he scratches his shoulder length, brown beard on his face. A hardy slap by Takeshi sends Po tumbling into the river below, but promptly catches himself by a set of vines branching out of his robes.

“You, son of a bitch.” Po looks up at Takeshi with tepid annoyance, but is quickly subsided by a thumbs up from Takeshi and R.

“Come, on. Let’s go find that blacksmith. You coming Leon?” Takeshi, Po and R look behind them as Leon’s eyes roll back and he yawns loudly.

“Leon sleepy. Leon take nap.” A loud thud is heard as the ship slightly rocks back and forth from Leon falling down onto his back and quickly falling asleep on the main deck of the ship. The others reacquaint their balance, and promptly head off into the town of Turango.

The familiar sights for Po and R rush back to them like the smell of a slum and a bad fart; but to Takeshi, all is new. The wind whistles through to wooden gates separating stone houses, and points of interest. While walking through a particularly bizarre expansion of dirt road, Takeshi spots a rather provocative sign that catches his attention; along with the unwanted attention of R and Po.

“Ooh, look. That place is called the Blue Pancake…and it’s a brothel. Let’s-” Takeshi is stopped in his tracks while Po and R hold on to his arms. They both casually, but sternly, shake their heads in disagreement.

“Trust us,” R begins. “You do not want to go in there.” Takeshi shoots a perplexed look with his eyes at both of them before continuing the conversation with a limp finger pointing at a bar across the dirt road from the Blue Pancake.

“What about that place?” Po and R look over to a bar, aptly named ‘The Big Floor: where shit goes down in town.’ R and Po loosen their grip on Takeshi’s arms as they begin again.

“*Sigh*…no.” R states as he begins to slightly hunch over and continue walking to the blacksmith down the road.

“Why not?” Takeshi says with an irritated manner of speaking.

“Do you really want to know?” Po gives pause as Takeshi ponders his question briefly.

“Um…I guess not. I’ll roll with it, this time.” Takeshi begins to take a step before stopping abruptly to listen to R.

“At the Blue Pancake, Po and I pissed off a lot of eunuchs, and some girls with very large dicks…and a…dwarf, but that’s beside the point; and we might of witnessed a Dwarf man stick a broad sword up his ass, and watched it fly out like a bird with bacon in its teeth.”

A brief pause flows through the chilled wind as Takeshi strikes a raised and concerned brow at R, and Po.

“Ok,” Takeshi begins with a raised hand of disbelief as he presses it on his masked mouth. “I’m gonna pretend that I didn’t hear that, and continue walking.”

The three continue their short and uneventful journey to the blacksmith before finally reaching his shop; they stand at the large wooden door and look up at a sign reading, ‘Blacksmith Jim: The best in the West.’

“Hmm, ‘the whole West,’ huh? We’ll see about that.” Po says as he scratches his ever growing beard. They walk in nonchalantly as Po and Little R say with a shocked face, “Oh, fuck, Not you again.”

“What, what are you talking about?” Takeshi says perplexed as he darts his eyes around an empty shop with nothing, but a single black cat gawking at them from a table. “What the cat?” he points within inches of the cat’s face, as it quickly bites his fingers and jumps down from the table. “Ow, you piece of shit.” Takeshi exacerbates with a fuming voice.

“Now, now,” the cat begins to talk.

*Sigh*

Po and R shrug loudly as they both say in unison, “Here it comes.” Within that instant the cat begins to speak with a triumphant voice and polymorphs into a stark-naked, dwarf man.

“It’s nice to see you boys again. I see you’ve grown fond of my pets that I sold to you.” The dwarf man stands erect with his arms akimbo and his red hair drapes over various parts of his body like curtains.

“What the,”

“Fuck,” Takeshi is interrupted by an unusually angry Po

*Meow*

An audible meow fills the room as R’s pockets shake. Both Takeshi and Po look at each other with astonishment and quickly darting their eyes back at R, whom begins to say, “Why do you insist on working exposed?”

“Fuck you. That’s why.” The dwarf says. Takeshi looks on with genuine disgust as he avoids making eye contact with the man’s unkempt bush; while the others look on with an experienced face of abhorrence. “Now, you boys came to my smithing shop for a reason. It’s almost as if fate is on my side.”

“Do you really believe in such a thing?” Takeshi asks with a raised brow jutting out of his mask.

“We’ll of course I do.” The dwarf turns around and begins to grab a large hammer resting on top of an anvil. “These days, I’ll take anything to make sense of this crazy world of ours.” The others don’t say anything, but nod in frank approval.

“Now, just tell me what you boys need. I guarantee you’ll have the best weapons; or you get your gold back.” A short pause flows through and then is quickly broken by Takeshi as he unlatches his katana, while sheathed, and hands it over to the naked dwarf.

“I want you to make this katana sharp enough to cut mithril.” Takeshi loosens his clutch on his katana as the dwarf looks at the battered and chipped katana blade.

“Hmm, my, my, you have some history with this blade. No doubt in my mind.” He sheaths the sword and rests it on the anvil. “I got just the thing for this blade.”

“Good.” Takeshi says with a relieved look. Po rests a hand on Takeshi’s shoulder as he unfolds his scythe.

“Woah,” the Dwarf says while taking a step back. “A druid using a weapon, such as this? How…interesting.” The dwarf smiles with a sheepish grin, as he grips the scythe.

“Do what you must.” Po says rapidly and gives a thumbs up to the dwarf.

“What the Pugh does that mean.”

“It’s a sign of good fortune.” R states while fixing his gaze off to the side to avoid eye contact.

“Ah, I see. I don’t understand the things you kids do these days.”

“Kids?” Po says with displeasure. “We’re twenty-two. The only kid here is Little R.”

“I’m a sixteen year old adult, mind you.” R states with an enunciated terse tone while vigorously shuffling his arms together under the long, black sleeves of his robe.

“Ha, ha, ha,” The dwarf shouts as his muscled body of mostly hair sways. “Oh, don’t worry, boys. I’ll take care of your weapons. Come back in five days, and they’ll be better than new.”

“Well, what do we do now?” Little R asks.

“I guess we can waste time by teaching Leon how to read.” Po states while scratching his short beard.

“That sounds like a challenge I’m willing to take.” Takeshi says with enthusiasm as he walks out the door. Po and Little R soon follow. “How long could it possibly-“

“Don’t-” Po interrupts.

Five more days later…

“Say it!” Po shouts in frustration while griping a large piece of parchment with scribbled sentences on them. Leon looks on at the parchment with confusion.

“The…great big dog jump over foxy.”

“No, again.” Po says while holding back his anger as he takes it out by griping the parchment even harder. However, their pyrrhic conversation is interrupted by Takeshi slamming the door to the captain’s quarters open. The rest of the crew ignore them as they continue to casually relax on the deck of the ship and converse with fellow crew members about their exploits in Turango.

“It’s time.” Takeshi says.

“Good,” Po says as he hands Leon the parchment. “Ok, Leon. Practice your sentences while im gone, ok?”

“Okey dokey, Pokey.” Leon says with a smile, ramming a beefy finger up his nose. Po sighs loudly from days of frustration coming to an end.

*Sigh*

“Ok, let’s go.”

The two gallantly walk along the city streets as they head back to the Blacksmith Jim. They walk for a good ten minutes before realizing that someone was missing.

“Where’s Little R?” Po asks. They both stop in the middle of Turango’s market place, and contemplate.

“Who knows,” Takeshi begins with a shrug. “And who cares?”

“What’s with the hostility?” Po asks.

“We’ll, he just gets on my nerves; he’s always so distant; contemplating whether or not to kill us in our sleep, I imagine.”

“We’ll that’s just how he is. And what kid isn’t arrogant at his age?”

“Hm, good point.”

“And it could be worse. We co-“

“Don’t say it.” Takeshi quickly halts Po’s reflection as he slaps his hand over his mouth.

“Mmmm mf mf hmmm.” Po’s muffled voice shouts out of annoyance. Takeshi gently, but swiftly takes his hand off of his mouth as Po begins again. “Bleh, why does your hand smell like hotdogs?”

“Don’t ask me. I don’t know.” Takeshi says with aggravation as he holds his arms apart.

“Why did you do that, anyway?”

“You know exactly why, Po; we are cursed.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Every time we say ‘What could go wrong?’ Something always goes wrong.”

“That’s not true,” Po retorts. “It’s usually something along the lines of telling Pugh-Pugh to go fuck himself.” The earth begins to quake, as the towns folk panic and scream in terror. Stalls all over the market place begin to snap and bend under the sheer force of the quaking ground. At that moment a rift appears in the ground, and a gigantic, yet familiar figure begins to seep out of the fissured ground.

“Hey, you fuckers,” The familiar voice of the three headed hydra rises out of the ground and begins to dig its claws into the dirt. “Long time no see.” A snarl spews out of the hydra’s middle head.

“Oh, good.” Takeshi glares with angered eyes at Po crossing his arms. Po cracks an apologetic smile and begins.

“Oops.”

“Yeah, oops.” Takeshi snarkily add while gripping the sides of his masked head in frustration. The distant screams of the townsfolk are quickly dissipated by the sounds of the hydra breathing, and sniffing the air around Takeshi and Po.

“No doubt, Mel. It’s them.” The left head states as he grits its jagged, stained teeth in anticipation.

“Thanks, I can see that, Len.” The middle head says unenthusiastically.

“Heeeey,” Po begins with a shaky hand waving at the hydras. Takeshi leans in and begins to whisper into Po’s ear while angrily gripping his shoulders.

“You deal with this, I’ll get our weapons and gather the crew.”

“You think you can out run him?”

“That’s where you come in.” Takeshi says as he begins to sprint off into the market place haphazardly.

“Wha-” The hydra heads stops and quickly begins to inhale deeply. Takeshi panics and begins to use the destroyed remnants of the market stalls for cover as he sprints away. A blast wave of fire roars out of the three hydra heads and coats the entire market place in an inferno. A small explosion is set off by the bombs stall and crumbles a nearby building. Takeshi is seen running even faster than before while shouting, “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.” The hydra takes a step before Po begins to shout.

“Wait.” The hydra stops in place and looks down at Po, whom begins to gently pat the large claws of the hydra.

“Can’t we just talk it out?”

“Talk it out?” Mel, The middle hydra head, begins. “That offering of wieners did not satisfy us in any way. Not even our dim-witted brother here.” Both Len and Mel look on at the right head as he begins picking his nose with their shared tail. “So what say you, this time, Po, the mother fuckest?” Po wipes away the bead of sweat near his eye and says with a muttered voice,

“Oh, shit.”

Meanwhile, Takeshi darts his eyes around the recently abandoned townscape of Turango while sprinting for his life in hopes of finding Little R. The empty town’s once bustling environment is now masked by the sounds of Takeshi’s heavy panting as he stops for a breather.

“Great,” Takeshi begins hunched over while grinding his teeth to distract himself from his distressed sides. “Where the hell do I begin to find R?”

*Meow*

“Huh?” Little R’s cat comes, seemingly skipping, out of the woodworks of an already rioted and looted shop a few feet away. Takeshi perks up, as he realizes the owner of the small tabby cat.

“Oh, good. It’s Rocco.” Takeshi quickly runs over to the small tabby cat and begins to hover over it in an attempt to communicate.

“Hey, little fella. Do you know where your owner is?”

“Meow!”

“Owner?”

“Meow!” The cat quickly begins to nonchalantly sprint off down the empty street before Takeshi can react.

“He-Hey, wait you fucking cat.” Takeshi begins to quickly catch up with the cat and follows it to an unusual back alley off shoot of the road he was once on.

“Ok, where is he, you fuck?” Takeshi angrily raises a brow as he scratches his masked cheek and pants from exhaustion.

“Meow!” The cat begins to promptly walk over to a rickety looking shed and commences to make unusual noises; with Takeshi soon following behind the cat.

“So, he’s ba-oh” Takeshi quickly changes into a frustrated mood as he watches R’s cat begin to vigorously mate with a stray, street cat behind the shed. The incessant humping quickly grows more violent as the growling grows louder.

*Merow**Meow*

Takeshi sighs loudly while gazing up into the still clear and bright blue sky. “I trusted a cat to help me, and he leads me to this shit. I think I’m going crazy.” Within that instant, the distant sound of an exacerbated man begins to cry out in panic towards anyone that can hear them.

“Oh, son of a bitch. Takeshi, where the fuck are you?” a fiery billow of fire begins to immerse the nearby roadway with orange flames. The giant, earth-quaking steps of the three headed hydra are heard and seen quickly catching up to the sounds of the screaming man from the same street. The garbled noises of the hydra are heard, but, to Takeshi, sounds like hissing and gargled noises.

“Get back here you mother fuckest.”

Takeshi watches the hydra pass by with neurotic curiosity while he begins to instinctively clutch the air where his sword would be.

“Shit,” Takeshi begins as he regretfully runs towards the screaming man. “That’s gotta be Po.”

“Takeshi?” Po says with panted and panicked breath with Takeshi beginning to run beside him; with the hydra following close behind them and catching everything on fire.

“Po, the blacksmith is down this street. We’ll be there soon.” Takeshi shouts with panted breath as he runs alongside Po while dodging incoming flames from a pissed off hydra.

“Where’s Little-“

“Fuck R.” Takeshi interrupts Po as they both pant in unison. “I found his cat, for what it’s worth.”

“That’s not helpful at all.” Po says while continuing an unabated, full on sprint.

“I know, but he’s at least gotta be close by.” The flames grow hotter, scrapping their backs while dancing in the ashes of the now collapsed buildings behind them. The stomps and roars of the hydra grow louder, and more ear piercing with every passing second it out paces the two.

“Let’s turn here; this alley, hurry” Po clutches Takeshi’s shoulder as they both quickly run into a side street with a dead end.

“Po, this is a dead en-fuuuck!” Before Takeshi could finish, Po drags him down into an open sewer hole while still holding tight to his shoulder. They both crash directly into a small flowing river of literal shit and piss. And as they take a small breather, they both pop their heads up from the brown hued current.

“Eck,” Po says as he spits out a brown stream of liquid. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“I could say the same.” Takeshi says as Po turns around to witness a very wet and angry Takeshi glaring at him before quickly darting his eyes back up at the sewer opening they both fell through. The large eye of the hydra appears to cover the manhole as it snarls.

“I see you.” The hydra takes a long breath while leaning back up.

“Po, into the water.”

“But,” Po says with an agonized look in his silver and gold eyes. The liquid shit runs down between them while he ponders in abhorrence at the sight of going back under. “Do I have to?”

“If you wanna live, yeah.” Takeshi says with an inhale and begins to hold his nose and close his eyes shut as he plunges back into the stinky depths of the sewer. Po quickly looks back up at the hydra, whom is beginning to plunge its head back into the sewer.

“Well, shit.” Quickly, Po musters up the strength and the air capacity to dive back into the muddy waters just before the hot flames of the hydra begin to coat the inside of the sewer with fire. The flames whip and crackle with the gases of the sewage before it is quickly dissipated with an explosive force. Not a sound is heard as the hydra waits in anticipation for the two to pop back up. But they never do.

“Well, now what Mel?” the left hydra head says to the middle head.

“I guess we can destroy the town.”

“Yay.” The right hydra head shouts with excitement as the others lament over their more deplorable head.

“Fine, let’s do it anyways.” The middle head says as he rolls his eyes and the hydra begins to move away from the singed sewer with smoke still wisping off of the edges and through the manhole. The large quakes from the foot falls of the hydra begin to dissipate, and all is silent once again around the burnt and smoldering back alley. The timber of the surrounding buildings begin to crackle into ash at a quickening pace before crumbling apart. A long silence dances with the wind and the smoke of the area before the sounds of loud gasping and splashes comes out of the sewer.

*Gasp*

“Oh man, I think I swallowed a log.” Po says as he coughs uncontrollabl before projectile vommiting into the water.

“Bleh, this smells worse than Goblin piss.” Takeshi vehemently shouts as he quickly climbs up to the dry, walkways of the sewer off to the sides. Takeshi outstretches an arm for Po as he helps him up onto the singed, yet dry, walkways as well.

“Ok,” Po begins hesitantly as he remains on all fours gagging for fresh air. The drips falling off his wet, brown robe echo through the lengthy passageways of the sewer as they both stare into the distant, dark oblivion on both sides. “Now, all we have to do is find-“

“What the-” Takeshi randomly interrupts as he and Po look off at Little R, seemingly, trying to hide a few feet away from them in the sewer passageways. They stare awkwardly at each other before a brief, yet gentle, breeze blows down into the musty sewer.

“Um,” Little R waves with a limp hand while hugging the sloped walls. “Hey, guys.”

“What are you doing in the sewer?” Po asks with a compelled look on his face as he scratches his wet beard.

“The same reason you are.” R points towards the opening of the sewer as it remains smoldering. “Oh, I almost forgot.” R quickly reaches deeply into his robe sleeves and slowly pulls out a sheathed katana and a collapsed scythe. “Here, I retrieved them before the hydra reappeared.” R hands the two their weapons back; they seem to be heavier than what they are accustomed to. Po unfolds his scythe and caresses his hand along the edge of the blade.

“That’s some find metal work.” Po says with a sly grin popping out from his brown beard. “No doubt it’s mithril. What about yours Takeshi?” Takeshi eagerly hesitates as he begins to unsheathe his katana. A bright light begins to form around the blade as he unsheathes it, lighting up the dingy, dark sewers and revealing the inner workings of the tunnels a few feet ahead of them.

“Woah,” Takeshi exclaims, gazing at his glowing sword and clutches it at arm’s length.

“Jim told me that he enchanted both of your armaments to have vorpal magic and to be able to withstand a lot of maltreatment.” R says as he walks closer with his hands hidden away within his black robe sleeves.

“Wow, that’s incredible.” Po says as he prudently folds up his scythe and stores it away within his robe.

“What’s vorpal?” Takeshi asks as he racks his brain for answers and wipes the sewer water from his brow. He lowers his katana as the bright light continues to dance around it.

“It can decapitate any beast or humanoid. Or, at least that’s what Jim said.” R states as he looks off into the distant sewer, watching a dead plague rat float down the stream.

“Wait,” Takeshi begins. “How did you fit these up your sleeve?”

“Never mind that, we have more important matters; as Jim had thoughtfully informed me.” R reaches out and gestures a stopping motion with a hand while looking over his shoulder as he faces his back to the two. “We need to find The Dragonslayer.”

“Uh, ok. Who is that?” Po asks.

“Before I left Jim’s workshop, I inquired him about any celebrated dragon slayer that might help us with our predicament. He said that there is a great dragon slayer near Hanakiki, but we would have to ask the mayor of the town of his alleged location; as the two are both close friends that fought in the Demon Wars.”

“R, everyone in the West fought in the Demon Wars; that’s just common knowledge.” Takeshi says in a terse tone.

“Well,” R begins with slightly annoyed hesitation. “I’m not from here.”

“Then where are you from?” Po asks as he places his arms akimbo. However, before Little R could answer, the distant call of an animal is heard further down the sewer.

*Meow*

“Hello?” Takeshi calls out in an faint whisper.

The echoes of two familiar calls are heard as they begin to quickly run into the light of Takeshi’s sword. From the shadows appear a small tabby cat and a black cat.

“Oh, good,” R begins. “It’s Rocco and Jim. Come here boy.”

*Meow*

The small tabby happily runs back over to R and begins to disappear within his large sleeves. The tabby soon stops rustling as it settles in R’s ample pocket.

“Hur-Ack.” Jim, while still in cat form, coughs up a hefty hairball. The others look on in disgust as they watch it roll into the sewage waterway, leaving nothing but a wet trail behind. “Excuse me. Let’s hurry; I know a way to get back to your ship.”

“From the sewers?” Takeshi asks with worrying eyes.

“Why, yes. What seems to be the problem there?” Jim asks as he casually flicks his tail around.

“Hey, Takeshi. Can you use your sword? I’m low on casting strength right now.” R implores an already perturbed Takeshi, but he just sighs heavily.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Takeshi says as he holds up his katana for light while everyone follows Jim down the sewer tunnels.

A little while later…

“Where the hell is the captain?” Sodomy Sammy chimes in while leaning over the edge and blocking the sun from his eyes gazing at the fiery destruction of the town of Turango. Bigger Bill shrugs with indifference as he takes a hardy gulp of chunky, sour milk; he begins to lean back even further on the rat lines while stabilizing his drink on his chest.

“Leon stomach hurt.” Leon drops an empty barrel as small splashes of chunky milk spill out of it and make an audible plop onto the wood of the deck. Leon grips his stomach and begins leaning over the starboard side of the Friendship.

*Barf*

“I don’t know,” Big Bill states leaning back on the main mast of the Friendship. He walks over to Sammy and lays a hand on his stiff shoulder. “But don’t worry. We’ve come this far. Let’s not doubt them, just yet.” Sammy’s worried face dissipates and begins to scratch under his eyepatch.

“Hm, ok, Big Bill. But what happened out there? One minute were playing card games, and then the next, this colossal hydra appears out of thin air.”

“I’ll tell you what happened,” Jim says nonchalantly while the whole crew stops what they’re doing to question their reality, once again.

“Did that cat just talk, or is the sour milk hitting me too hard?” Bigger Bill states as he leans his tall lanky body over the edge to dump out the chunky, white drink in his hand. Willy, from the dark recesses of the ship, walks out into the sun and towards the black cat perched on the railing. Willy clutches his hands to his side, making an audible squeak come out of his leather gloves.

“Do you know where those fuckers are, um, talking cat?” Willy says without breaking eye contact with Jim’s golden eyes.

“Why, yes I do. They should be round that burning building any second.” Jim turns his head towards a building engulfed in flames and protrudes out his whiskers in anticipation; the rest of the crew and Willy do the same.

“Hoist the sails!” A very distant Takeshi shouts with panicked screams alongside Po, and Little R, whom is far behind them.

“Uh,” Willy says with a raised voice of hesitation, but quickly recovers as the crew’s attention is fixated on him. “You heard him; get the damned ship ready.” The crew quickly scatters back in their designated areas and begin prepping the ship for an impromptu voyage out of town.

“Man the cannons, ahh!” A distant Little R shouts while flailing his robed arms around. The crew stops briefly with shock in their eyes as Takeshi and Po dive back onto the ship from the docks and begin to run towards the helm. They all watch as Little R runs full sprint with a wall of flames billowing out from behind him in close proximity. A giant, scaly arm appears from behind the burning building; and soon the three headed hydra snarls deafeningly as it stands up, towering over and smashing the building. The crew quickly becomes panicked as they rapidly prepare the ship and the cannons for the inbound hydra.

“Here it comes. Willy?” Takeshi states looking over at Willy with neurotic eyes as he witnesses Willy holding a lit fuse and positioning a cannon towards the hydra. His gaze sharpens as he makes one final adjustment and watches Little R stride closer and closer. The rest of the crew grips the edges of the starboard side watching another billowing fire burst out onto the desolate streets leading up to the docks.

“Fuck this, I’m out.” Jim says with a raised tail and standing hair. Jim quickly runs into the captain’s quarters before the flames could reach the Friendship.

*Woosh*

The fire blankets over Little R, whom is briefly seen casting a shield spell over his body. The flames pour over his spell and rapidly spill over to the Friendship. Po quickly reacts as he runs over to Willy and begins to hoist his hands up in the air. A large wall of water shields the ship from the incoming flames of the hydra. The collision of the flames and water create a giant cloud of steam as it hisses violently and the residual heat blasts through the water causing it to bubble and blow hot air at the crew. Po lets go of the water wall plummet back into the river and squints as he and the crew try to stare through the steam cloud slowly dissipating; they see nothing, yet they hear the ever growing, quaking foot falls of the hydra and Little R screaming in terror.

“Get out of the way.” Little R shouts as the steam cloud is forcefully pushed aside by an incoming Little R, whom falls short of his jump and attempts to grip the side of the ship. He slips, but Po catches him with a vine and clings to the port side railing. Willy and Po, along with the rest of the crew look with widened eyes as the steam cloud quickly disappears completely and a massive body of the hydra stops within a few feet of the Friendship. The hydra snarls and begins to take a deep breath in with the smell of its freshly blood soaked mouth emanating onto the ship for the crew to smell. Willy quickly reacts as he unsheathes his rapier, cutting the cannon’s fuse short, and lighting it with one rapid motion.

*Boom*

*Roar*

The hydra takes a direct hit to the stomach from a cannon ball blast and blows the flames up in the air. Takeshi reacts as he begins steering the ship away from the port with the sounds of panicked crew members firing a volley of cannonballs at the hydra, which all end up missing and instead plunging into the river. Po pulls Little R back up, and then they both run over to the helm.

“Ow,” The hydra shouts in his native tongue. “That fucking hurts.” The three heads begin to gently rub the broken scales on their stomach as they watch their afternoon meal escape.

“Mark my words, Po: we’ll meet again.” The hydra roars one last time before the Friendship quickly disappears behind the fjord leading to Hanakiki.

“So are we heading back, Takeshi?” Willy asks as he brushes the soot of the cannon blast of his coat and sheathes his rapier.

“Yes, We’ve gotta find a way to kill this Hydra, before things get even further out of hand.” Takeshi continues to steer while looking straight ahead; with Willy looking at Takeshi with a raised brow in silence.

“It can’t get any worse than this, could it?”

“Aw!” Takeshi, Po, Little R, and the rest of the crew shout with vexation over Willy’s remark.

“What? Willy looks around nonplussed. “Was it something I said?”