“Prepare the cannons!” Takeshi calls out as the ship becomes inundated by a swarm of sea serpents appearing slowly out of the eerily calm waters just off shore of the United Seafaring Nation's main island. Takeshi flails his katana up in the air as his sun bleached dark blue ninja fatigues cling to his sweaty skin. He hangs on to the helm as the Demon crewmen prepare the cannons under a veil of silence and mist rolling in from the distant mountain island. Po prepares a spell and holds back from chanting the last phrase as he nervously looks around at the approaching serpents. The ship is creeks and sways in the silence as the sea serpents surround the ship and start to hiss and spit on the crew of the Friendship. The silvery, scaly skin refracting light from the lit torches as they wait for Takeshi’s command. Leon cracks his knuckles with a smile on his face.

“Snakes want to play.” Leon says with a sheepish grin and begins to walk towards a sea serpent, but his progress is halted as Takeshi stops him. Takeshi gently places his katana across Leon’s sun bleached brown tunic and dirty white under shirt.

“Steady.” The creaking of the ship being pushed by the serpents begins to frighten some of the Demon sailors on board. The hisses grow louder as they start to get in the cannon’s line of fire.

“Captain Takeshi.” One of the Demons says nervously while holding one of the cannons secure.

“Steady.” Takeshi continues to say as he sharpens his gaze and looks around. The serpents stop hissing and lean back, then just as the serpents begin to attack, Takeshi thrusts down his sword and yells, “Fire!”

*Boom**Boom*Boom*

All of the twelve cannons go off in a loud showcase of fire and sparks; the ship teeters back and forth as the shockwave rolls the cannons back and the men push them back into place to prepare another volley. The ropes holding the cannons tighten and squeak. Multiple serpents are hit and split in two as the cannon fodder blasts holes through them; showering the men in blue blood and entrails. Clouds of smoke fill the air as the men start to shout and clash their swords with the remaining serpents. Po finishes the last line of his enchantment and creates lightning out of thin air. He fastens the lightning into a javelin and throws it at a serpent. The serpent turns at the flash of light and is quickly dispatched as its head explodes from the electric charge. Blood and bits of brain continue to rain down on the ship and the men. Leon quickly runs up to a serpent, biting a man’s body in half, and punches it in the eye. The forceful punch caves in the serpents head and makes Leon’s blonde hair dance below his shoulders as it flails about. The serpent flings its head back in pain, and lets out a loud cacophonous noise as it falls back and submerges into the ocean.

“Pugh damn it all. How many are left?” Takeshi states as he strikes at a serpents head and cuts it clean off. The body flails about before being swallowed by the ocean as its head lies on the deck of the ship, twitching and squirting blood all over.

“Seven more, Takeshi!” Po shouts as he launches another lightning bolt at a serpent behind Takeshi.

*Boom*

The serpent’s head explodes and covers Takeshi and a few surrounding Demon sailors in blood.

“Make that six.”

Takeshi quickly wipes the chunks off his shoulders and runs back to the helm and shouts, “Prepare another volley.” The Demons quickly react as they prepare another, but are slowly picked off one at a time. Limp lower halves of bodies fall to the ground and are thrown about by the serpents spraying the remaining sailors with the blood of their comrades.

“Fire at will!” Takeshi shouts as he dodges the incoming strike of a serpent that takes out the wooden stair railing. The Demon sailors begin releasing a sporadic barrage of cannon fodder.

*Boom*

Leon punches a snakes head caving it in. He watches with joy as the lifeless serpent body is swallowed by a tidal wave.

*Boom*

Po barely dodges an incoming strike from behind after preparing another bolt. He falls to the ground and turns to face the serpent. The serpent hisses as it arches back to strike again. Po quickly braces the lightning bolt onto the wooden floor of the deck and closes his eyes as he looks away. The serpent strikes in an instant, but is impaled by Po’s bolt.

*Screech*

The serpent cries out in pain as Takeshi runs up to it and slices at its body. The bottom half sinks into the ocean as the upper half falls down onto Po and pins him. The grotesque slimy body quivers as Po shuffles out from under it and strikes it again with the same bolt. The bolt explodes the serpents head and paints the quarter deck with its blood and brain matter.

*Boom**Boom*

Silence falls once again as the last serpent is killed and is engulfed by the ocean. The fog from the late morning is broken by beams of orange sunlight as it begins to dissipate; showing the scene of the slaughter in its true glory. Takeshi walks over to Po and gives him a helping hand as he pulls him back on his feet. Leon and some of the crew sit down to take a breather while others walk around with shocked expressions upon looking at the condition of the ship and their friends. Little chunks of the ship have been taken out from the sides and upper deck, but still maintaining its buoyancy. The upper deck: caked in blue serpent blood and grey brain matter, and the red blood of fellow sailors whom have lost their lives during the battle.

“What’s that?” Po shouts as he points from the starboard of the ship out to sea. The whole crew, along with Takeshi and Leon gaze at the sight of a very large and intimidating green serpent like creature off in the distance as it pauses to look at the sky. The light of dawn shimmers off its green scales as it shakes its spiked, dragon like head before sliding back into the horizon.

“Was that…the Shipbreaker?” a Big Bill says with bewilderment.

“Indeed it was, Big Bill.” Takeshi utters as he looks on into the horizon where the Shipbreaker was sighted.

“What the Pugh is it?” Po asks while looking at Takeshi’s unbroken gaze.

“Something you don’t want to ever see again.” Takeshi states after a long silence, and then intensifies his gaze before snapping back to reality.

“Ok, damage report.” he shouts adjusting his captain’s hat as various Demons around the ship start calling out.

“We’ve lost two cannons to the sea.”

“Right quarter deck stairs are destroyed.”

“Damage to the lower-deck’s walls.”

“No sign of leaking in the cargo deck.”

“Good.” Takeshi says as he tries to wipe off some of the blue blood. He sheaths his sword and goes into the captain’s quarters. Po: picking out bits of brain and dried blood; and Leon: standing with his muscular arms crossed as he remains painted with blue blood; wait for Takeshi to come back out. Takeshi opens the door as a piece of the broken frame hits him on the head; looking up, Takeshi sees the familiar head shaped hole on the top of the door frame, and then continues to briskly walk back to the helm. He quickly unrolls a large piece of parchment in his hand and clears his throat to speak; pulling down his mask and hocking a loogie out to the ocean and watching as it arches over the railing and disappearing into an oncoming wave.

“Ok, with the obvious casualties, we need to see who survived…Officer roll call.” Takeshi looks around while pulling his mask back up as the whole crew stands at attention. After a moment of silence and a cough from Po, Takeshi begins.

“Sodomy Sammy?”

“Here.” A voice calls out after cleaning his eye wound and putting on an eyepatch.

“Bill….Bill? Shit.” Takeshi angrily scribbles off a name with a piece of charcoal.

“Big Bill?”

“Here.” A tall Demon calls out

“Bigger Bill?”

“Here.” An even taller Demon calls out.

“Limp Larry?”

“Here.” A Demon calls out as he hits his wooden peg leg on the wooden deck.

“Helga?”

“Here.” A deep voice echoes through the crowd as a hulking Demon woman stands tall and burly with the tuft of her chest hair sticking out of her dirty leather coat. Takeshi and Po both shudder as the hair on Helga’s chest and head sways in the breeze.

“I don’t envy her husband.” Po whispers as he stands next to Takeshi. His silver and gold eyes squint while scratching his small brown beard accumulated from the last three months journey at sea. Takeshi ignores Po’s comment as he scribbles down something and rolls the parchment back up.

“Ok, listen up officers. I need you to do a head count of the remaining sailors on board.” Takeshi says as he walks over to the left quarter deck stairs and sits down on the steps. He sighs loudly as the officers perform a head count. Leon and Po sit down with him on the steps. A good amount of time goes by as the ship is dragged closer to shore by the wind.

“How many officers do we have left?” Po asks as Takeshi wipes a hand down his face in frustration.

“Mm…four.” Takeshi says as he groans and repositions his tricorn captain hat.

“How many did we start with?”

“…seventeen.” Takeshi answers after a brief pause.

“Captain,” Big Bill shouts, “We have a total of seventy-five.”

“Seventy-five?!” Takeshi says astonished as he rapidly stands up and makes the crew flinch.

“Fuck, seventy-five? That’s only a third of the crew we started with.” Takeshi flails his arms around in frustration as he paces up and down the stairs. He then walks up to the ships helm and grabs on to the wheel while taking a deep breath.

“Don’t worry men,” He begins as he looks at the shoreline with a heavy exhale. “We’re almost to salvation.” They continue to sail for another hour before reaching a fjord that leads to a nearby town. The sun starts to fade behind a mountain to their right as they enter the fjord; in the shadows of the mountain, they notice the smell of burning wood.

“What’s that smell?” Po says as he runs to the bow of the ship and starts to look around for the source.

“Leon, grab the map on my desk.” Takeshi points behind as he continues to gaze into the shadowed, mountainous valley ahead.

“Okey dokey.” Leon walks through the quarter’s door as his head perfectly fits through the head shaped hole on top of the door frame. A moment passes as the crew starts to see clouds of smoke billowing out from behind the mountains.

“Smoke!” Po shouts as he points and gets the attention of crew members that haven’t noticed yet. The crew starts to mutter and question the origins of the smoke as Po walks back to Takeshi with an unappealing look of annoyance on his face. As he approaches Takeshi, whom is still steering, he begins to speak.

“You know what this means, right, Takeshi?” Po says with a familiar tone.

“Could be a riot; who knows? What I do know is that it means free booty.” Takeshi says while looking back to see Leon with the map in hand as he towers over him from behind.

“Here you go, Takeshi.” Leon states as he energetically hands him the map. Takeshi opens the map up as both Po and Leon lean in closer to look along with him; the officers of the crew soon join in to view the map.

“Hmm,” Takeshi begins as he traces the course with a finger and stops near a town name. “Flipowna: probably a fishing town.” A moment of silence passes while Takeshi looks up to guide the ship into the mountain inlet while Po continues to look at the map. Leon stares off into the distance as he becomes lost in thought.

“Fire!” Limp Larry shouts as he points into the town. They pass the mountain obscuring the view and witness the full extent of what has plagued the townscape. Fires are seen scattered about from buildings to weird symbols stuck in the ground. Debris from recent explosions emanate from the burning grass as smoke wisps out from the craters left behind. Many bodies, too many to count, decorate the town with their blood and entrails. A distant sound of clashing metal is heard, but ceases within an instant of the crew’s arrival on the docks.

“Drop the anchor.” Takeshi shouts as he rolls up the map. The neurotic confusion of the crew forces them to pause.

“But, Captain,” Big Bill begins as he untangles his black hair from his large ram like horns. “Do you really want to stick around here? I mean, the town’s on fire.” Takeshi raises an eyebrow while looking at him.

“Well of course. Think about it; with a town on the cusps of despair, it is easier to loot. Think about how many stores there are to loot in this town. Most of the towns in the Seafaring Nations have a population of at least thirty thousand; including this one here.” Takeshi outstretches his hands towards the burning, apocalyptic townscape. The crew looks on at Takeshi, standing on the edge of the ship, as his silhouette dances around with the distant fires illuminating the outlines of his body.

“Uh, are you sure about this, Takeshi?” Po says as he questions his gallantry. Takeshi briefly pauses, and then runs back into the captain’s quarters. The crew gathers around Po as they look onward at the broken captain’s quarter’s door. A brief moment passes, and Takeshi runs back out with another scroll of parchment and some charcoal as he pushes the door wide open; the sound of the door slamming against the wall makes the ill prepared crew flinch with anticipation.

“Ok, here’s the plan.” Takeshi eagerly states while he slaps down the parchment on a table and unrolls it. The crew huddles around close to the table and waits for the orders. The parchment has a detailed layout of the town of Flipowna written on it. Po and Takeshi quickly pin the parchment down using their daggers and continue examining the map.

“Big Bill, you will lead a team of twenty to the south side of town down this street here.” He circles a location and draws a path with the piece of charcoal on the town map.

“What should I do?” Big Bill asks in intrigue.

“Take your twenty men and loot various shops and buildings on this path for anything useful and report back here when you’re finished. Same goes for you, Limp Larry.” Takeshi points at Larry with the piece of charcoal as he pauses, then draws out another path heading an adjacent direction.

“Ok, Larry. Follow this path heading east, and do the same. Take twenty men, and so on. Bigger bill, you’ll go north on this street and do the same.”

“What should we do if we run into any enemies or unknown towns-folk?” Limp Larry asks as he adjusts his peg leg.

“Dispatch them, if hostile; or inquire questions about the circumstances of this dire situation the town’s in. Any other questions?” Takeshi looks around for raised hands. “Yes, Helga?”

“What if we fail to dispatch?” She inquires with a deep voice that sends shivers down everyone’s spines.

“Well…I’ll designate a fall back scout; one for each group. Helga, go with Bigger Bill; Sodomy Sammy, go with Limp Larry; Leon, go with Big Bill. The remaining fifteen men that stay behind will be in charge of helping Po and I repair the ship.”

“Okey dokey.” Leon says with his usual boyish smile and a firm, but goofy thumbs up.

“Any other questions?”

“I have one.” Po says as he raises a hand and looks at Takeshi. “What should we do if a team doesn’t return?” the crew starts whispering in frightened hushed tones as they begin to worry. Takeshi closes his eyes and raises one hand; the whispering stops and waits for Takeshi’s response. He rests his hands on the table and begins after a brief moment of thought. Takeshi begins to point at a spot on the map: a factory nearby the docks.

“From this distance, the factory is relatively untouched by the war torn town.” He points across the docks towards the factory. The factory itself is surrounded by a tall brick wall and seems to be functioning in the midst of the town’s ill condition. The dark metal exterior glows coldly as the sun shines upon the upper half of the factory. The chimneys billow out clouds of smoke uninterrupted. “If any group fails to meet back here within twelve hours, Po will place a ward on the boat and the accounted crew will move into that factory.” Takeshi

“I can’t place wards.” Po says with certainty. Takeshi drops his head down and sighs loudly and then rapidly looks back up at Po.

“Whatever, we’ll just leave the ship here; I’m sure it’ll be fine; go into the factory. Sound good? Any other questions?” Takeshi says in a frustrated tone of voice as he darts around to look for any outlying hands.

“Ok, the operation begins now.” Takeshi slaps his hands on the table as the crew divides into four groups and set out to explore the destroyed town. As the groups began to leave the boat and branch off into their designated directions, Po inquires Takeshi with one more question.

“Do you think any of them will return?” Takeshi continues to look out at the three groups with arms folded and begins after a brief moment.

“Well, we know our beefy friend and Big Bill will be ok if all else fails.”

“True; very true.” Po says as he begins to rest a hand under his chin and cradle an elbow with another.

Takeshi, Po, and fifteen members of the crew repair the ship. The Demon crew creates pulley systems and adventure out to find spare parts and wood that isn’t scorched to bring back to the ship. The hole in the side of the ship, along with the front mast and other parts, are quickly attended to. As they repair the ship, all the members sporadically look into the town in hopes that everyone returns safely. Takeshi and Po start to repair the quarter deck stairs as they gather wood from abandoned ships on the docks. Every so often Po would look into the town and become lost in thought; only to be dragged back to work by the sound of Takeshi’s voice and the snapping of fingers.

*Snap**Snap*

“Hey, you ok, Po?”

“Oh…yeah, I’m ok.”

“Don’t worry, Po. We have a strong crew; they are survivors of a very dangerous three months out at sea.” Takeshi pauses as he stares blankly down to the wooden floor of the quarter deck. His eyes clouded in dark thoughts of the past three months. Po looks down at his hands, his disheveled brown druid robes, and looks back up at Takeshi: still wearing his bleached, dark blue mask and worn ninja fatigues.

“Well, what matters is that we’re here now, T.” Po begins as he draws Takeshi’s attention, but shows sorrow in his eyes.

“Am I a…bad captain?” Takeshi asks.

“You did what you had to do. We’re probably still alive because we have such a great team and crew.”

“You’re right. You always are, Po” Takeshi says as he looks up at the sunny mountain side and the clouds of smoke. The smell of burning oil engulfs the gentle breeze that swiftly runs by the ship.

“Don’t fret, Takeshi. Everyone here looks up to us. We’re doing pretty well for a couple of wanderers. And compared to where we were last year, we’re doing pretty-pretty good.” Po says with new found enthusiasm as he nudges Takeshi with an elbow.

“Yeah, very true.” Takeshi says as his eyes brighten up like shiny gold coins. They both continue to hammer planks of wood into the stairway as they talk some more.

“Hey did we ever come up with a name for our crew?” Takeshi inquires as he briefly pauses his hammering. Po looks at Takeshi with a quizzical expression and begins.

“Ugh, no. but I think Leon wanted to call us ‘The Sweet Boys.’”

“Pfft…That kid and his imagination.” Takeshi says as he shakes his head in amused disapproval.

“Did you know he’s younger than us?” Po quickly states.

“What? No way. He’s gotta be at least a little older than us.” He says with widened frantic eyes. Po shakes his head slowly as he holds up three fingers.

“He’s three years younger than us.”

“Woah,” Takeshi says as he places a hand on his head. “How is he so damn big?”

“Who knows?” Po says as he continues to hammer the plank into the stairway. “Maybe it’s a disease, or a curse; probably both.”

The two and the crew continue to repair the ship for hours, until they finally finish the major damages. The sun: now bathing the town and the ship with radiating sunlight as it shines unhindered by a mountainous sky; half of which seems to be blocked out by an unimpeded cloud of thick black smoke from the factory chimney while the town’s multiple fires start to quell and suffocate from the lack of burnable material. The factory: still untouched after many continued hours of unknown destruction beyond its tall grey brick walls.

“How long has it been, Captain?” One of the Demon sailors asks as he looks upon a well-lit scene of destruction. Takeshi holds his hand up to his sweaty brow as he gazes at the sun.

“It’s been at least five hours, now.” He finally states. The crew begins to grow worrisome as they desperately look around for the three groups from the ship.

“Look, it’s Big Bill and Leon!” A Demon shouts excitedly as they all gaze upon the sight of Big Bill, Leon and twenty men returning as they hold bags and barrels of various items. Leon, with the same childish smile, waves with camaraderie.

“It’s Bigger Bill. They’re all ok!” the Demon crew rejoices as they witness the second and third group return unscathed; also carrying various barrels and bags of loot. The sailors on the ship cheer and wave various tools around in the air as they danced gaily. The two groups board the ship and begin sorting out the loot as they pack it neatly into the ship’s cargo hold, food storage, and armory. Po grabs the inventory list as Takeshi names off the items recovered from the burning town.

“Twenty-eight barrels of potatoes and other nonperishable foods. Fou-fourty barrels of Elven whiskey?!” Takeshi says in a gleefully shocked manner while his eyes fixate on the barrels as they are lowered down into the cargo deck.

*Snap**Snap*

“Takeshi?” Po snaps his fingers rapidly and breaks Takeshi’s wide eyed gaze.

“Oh, ahem, fifty shields and fifty-two scimitars…twelve barrels of…milk?” Both Takeshi and Po look up at Leon as he stands next to them with an everlasting boyish smile. They look back at each other as Po begins.

“Just let it happen, T.”

“Fine, but twelve barrels? We don’t exactly have a way to keep it from spoiling.”

“Don’t Goblins and Demons drink rotten milk as an alcoholic drink?” Po says as he rubs his charcoal covered fingers on his small beard.

“How do you know that? You were raised by fucking wolves!” Takeshi says with an annoyed tone as he questions the validity of Po’s statement.

“Sodomy Sammy and Big Bill have been catching me up on other cultures.”

“Oh, ok. You win, this time.” Takeshi says harshly as they both continue taking inventory of the loot. The spoils: Including various weapons, tools, cannonballs, and a variety of foods; mostly consisting of bread and potatoes; where lowered down to the cargo deck and stored for future travel aboard the Friendship. After finishing the storage and the sailors started to mingle between each other, Big Bill calls out to the crew after discussing briefly with Helga and Sodomy Sammy about their findings.

“Captain Takeshi.”

“Yes, Big Bill; your report?” Takeshi says loudly as to draw the attention of the crew of seventy-five. The crew grows silent as everyone’s attention is drawn to Big Bill; he clears his throat and pushes his hair back before speaking out.

“From Bigger Bill, Helga, Sammy and I’s findings; along with various accounts of lynching and towns-folk hung to wooden beams and burned; we conclude that there is an act of genocide upon this town. The repair team grows neurotic as they begin to talk in hushed tones while the venturing parties look on in experienced silence. A gentle breeze blows through the mountain valley as a long standing silence envelope the crew. The sun continues to beat down warm sun beams as it begins its descent behind the mountain peaks to the west.

“How have you come to this conclusion, Big Bill?” Po inquires with concern as he leans on the quarter decks railing. Takeshi looks on at Big Bill as they both lock eyes. Big Bill walks up and pulls out a peculiar object from his hip satchel; he uncomfortably stares at it for a moment and hands it to Takeshi. Takeshi looks down at the symbol as the crew begins to grow weary and start to panic. Takeshi looks around befuddled at the increased concern and panic of the crew.

“What? What is it?” Takeshi inquires as he looks upon the pale red faces of his crew.

“Well, Captain…” Big Bill hesitantly starts before clearing his throat loudly. “Ahem…It’s the symbol of the Pugh-Pugh’s

“The, huh?” Po strikes a quizzical expression before looking back and forth at the crew and Takeshi, whom was scratching his brow with the same confused look in his eyes. Big Bill begins again as he walks closer to Takeshi.

“Well, the Pugh Pugh’s are a group of religious fanatics that believe in a deity that will one day reduce the entire world to nothing. Most countries shun the practice, but I guess this town had a hidden group that decided to take over.” Big Bill begins to rub his forearm as Takeshi stares at the totem. “Don’t you realize that you use their name in vain?”

“As in, how we say, ‘son of a Pugh?’ Yeah I know. I just didn’t know anything about them beyond that.” Takeshi snickers through his apparent ineptitude towards the subject. Po walks over to the strange wooden totem and pokes at it.

“It looks like a flaccid penis.” Po blurts out with mild amusement. Takeshi chuckles at the idea and slowly builds up to laughter; the whole crew soon follows with snickering and laughter before finally dwindling down to a silent solace.

“Yeah, it kind of does.” Takeshi states before stuffing it into a satchel attached to his belt. He looks off in the distance to the nearby grey factory, still pluming out white smoke. “Let’s head out and venture into the town. Follow my lead.”

“But, Takeshi,” Big Bill rests a hand on Takeshi’s shoulder to stop his forward progress. “What about the Pugh-Pughs?”

Takeshi hesitates to answer for a moment before turning around and resting a hand on Big Bill’s shoulder. “Take a small team of twenty-five with you and investigate the area in question. Bring back details about the lay of the land, how many men they have, what other problems we will face. Limp Larry, help Big Bill with this mission. Meet back at the factory over there when the mission is done.”

“Yes, Captain.” Big Bill and Limp Larry gather a group of Demons and head off into the distant burning buildings of the town. Takeshi struts off the ship with Po and Leon at his side while the rest of the crew follows behind them to the factory. When they reach the outer perimeter of the factory, they walk past a small post near the entrance which says ‘Anderson and Son’s Wieners.’ The crew, along with Takeshi and Po, look at one another with questionable, twisted faces ranging from confused to intrigue. A large set of steel doors stand over the crew as they approach. Po signals the crew to wait as he, Leon, and Takeshi go to the doors. A large set of strange phallic shaped door knockers distract Takeshi and Po due to its unusual absurdity. Takeshi shakes his head and begins to formulate another loose plan.

“Ok, I have an idea, just follow my lead.” He then proceeds to knock ferociously on the metal doors, while Po scrambles to find the words.

“W-wait-wait-wait,” Po begins frantically slapping Takeshi in the face.

“Ow-ow, would you stop.” Takeshi swats at Po’s hands. “What the hell is wrong-“

“Don’t you think we should know at least a little bit about the plan?” Po quickly interrupts Takeshi.

“Nah,” Takeshi begins with a wholehearted, nonchalant attitude. “Just don’t talk and we’ll be fine.”

Po looks on at Takeshi with an increasingly dumbfounded face, and then begins throwing his arms around in silent frustration. The door begins to creak and pop; making Po throw his arms down to his sides in anticipation, while Leon continues looking on with excitement. The door slowly opens as it unveils a male human wearing a chef’s garment. The man slowly walks outside to witness the whole crew while he wipes his hands on his already dirty attire. The man begins to talk with a swipe of his sweaty youthful face. “Uh…can I help you?”

“Don’t you remember me?” Takeshi begins as he points to himself. The man’s face begins to raise a brow along with Po. “It’s me, your long lost uncle.” He smiles coyly as he looks at the man with open arms.

“I’m Anderson’s long lost brother. I had trouble finding him after the Demon Wars.”

The man begins to speak with widened eyes. “Oh, you-you must be Penus.” Takeshi becomes flummoxed as he looks to Po for validation of what he had just heard. Po just looks at him incredulously and shrugs.

“Yeah,” Takeshi begins with the same state of disbelief, “That’s my name. It’s been so long; the last time I saw you, you were just a baby. Do you go by a different name, nowadays?”

“Oh, no.” The man begins as he stiffens up and smiles. “My friends call me Penus, as well. Your brother named me after you.”

“Oh, ok.” Takeshi begins with amusing skepticism. “So, Penus…may we come in. My crew and I have travelled far to meet you.”

“You have?” Penus begins to smile with the same boyish charm that Leon emanates. “Well, come in, come in. I’ll get the cooks to make a feast for you and your crew. I’m sure you’re all exhausted” The group is invited into a steel-clad room with a luminous, fanciful chandelier. A long, wooden table rests below the chandelier as a myriad of iron plates and forks placed attentively are barely seen through the hundreds of sausages that assault the olfactory senses of everyone in the room. The gamey blood smell dances with hints of smoky wood. The tiresome crew sits down and starts to begin the feast preemptively as Takeshi, Po, and Leon take bites of smoked meat while talking to Penus.

“So…Penus,” Po speaks up after choking down a rubbery piece of meat and carefully setting his fork down. “Do you call these wieners?” Po points loosely to the long tubular meat pile steaming on his plate.

“Oh, no. We call them hotdogs.” Penus says with casual enthusiasm as he stuffs his gullet with a hotdog and masticates with an agape mouth.

“Why hotdogs?” Takeshi inquires as he stabs a fork into the hotdog and inspects it.

“Because it’s made from stray dogs we find roaming the town.” Penus takes another hardy bite and looks on at Leon, whom is scarfing down dozens of hotdogs at a time. “Wow, you’re friend over here must be hungry.”

“Oh, he’s always like that. That’s why we ran out of food after the second month out at sea.” Takeshi states as he precariously waves a hotdog around on a fork; with drops of meat juice flinging out of the ends.

“Wait, what was that about stray dogs?” Po anxiously inquires, but is quickly ignored.

“You ran out of food on the second month? Then what did you eat the last month?” Penus asks with a peaked interest while he gently sets down another hotdog onto his plate.

“Oh, you know, the usual; onions, spoiled milk, fish, and almost a Demon, but Leon stopped that. Limp Larry got his name from that though, so it wasn’t all bad.” Takeshi finishes with a hardy bite of a hotdog as he pulls down his mask. He chews with a smile with the hotdog juices dripping down his face as he quickly pulls his mask back up.

“Hey, T.” Po whispers in a hushed tone to Takeshi while nudging him with an elbow.

“Hmm?”

“You got a little wiener juice dripping doen your face.” Po cracks a cheesy grin as he circles his face with a finger. But Takeshi looks on at Po with little amusement while he casual wipes his masked face.

“Is no one gonna answer my question, by the way?” Po inquires again while redirecting his gaze towards Penus, but is, once again, overpowered by the sounds of the assembly of chefs running out of the kitchen with heaps of hotdogs piled up high on iron plates, as the olfactory smells of smoke refill the room and the pungent odor makes Leon guffaw out loud and clap his hands with joy. The chefs quickly shuffle back into the kitchen as the rest of the crew continues on with the feast; the freshly cooked meat can barely contain the stench of the crew. Then, the chefs stroll out of the kitchen with dozens of iron pint glasses filled with Goblin piss, which also included a dozen Dwarven rum bottles for Takeshi, Po, and Penus. A few chefs rapidly run back into the kitchen and haul out a gigantic bucket filled with milk for Leon. Penus grabs a bottle of Dwarven rum without loosening his goofy, smiling face and takes a big swig from it before observing Takeshi and Po. Takeshi looks over at Leon, gorging himself on milk and hotdogs; then looks over at Po, ceaselessly drinking straight from the bottle.

“Ah, there’s nothing like a good rum to wash down the hotdogs.” Penus says with enthusiasm while he downs another large gulp of rum.

“You gonna drink T- I mean…Penus?” Po inquires while swishing the bottle around, as to gesture to Takeshi.

“Takeshi drink!” Leon shouts with excitement. Penus looks at Takeshi with an estranged look.

“What did he say?” Penus asks, and Po quickly retorts.

“Oh, Leon!” He runs over to Leon and starts to vigorously pat him on his huge, muscled shoulders without letting go of his Dwarven rum bottle. “He said ‘Take she drink,’ which means he’s calling Takeshi weak.”

“Oh, shit. Are you gonna take that sitting down, uncle?” Penus questions with mild consternation. A brief moment of silence was able to fill the air with Penus’ questioning, which in turn, intrigued the whole crew dining at the table. With the whole room dead silent, Takeshi slowly examines everyone around him and stands up slowly while keeping his hands on the table. He knocks over the Dwarven rum bottle and speaks with a clear voice.

“Helga, hand me a pint of Goblin piss.” The Demonoid crew gasps with dizzying anticipation as Helga slides a pint of the lukewarm, yellow liquid with a strong hairy arm. Takeshi stares at the effervescence clinging to the edges of the iron pint, and without further hesitation, he pulls down his bleached dark blue face mask and begins to chug the whole pint down without wincing. The warm piss drips off the side of his face, with the Demon crew slowly building up their excitement as he slams the pint down onto the table. He takes a moment to wipe his face off casually with a thumb and slides his mask back up, while the whole crew starts cheering and clanging their iron pints together. Takeshi slowly sits back down while simultaneously belching into Po’s face.

“Oh…fuck!” Po gags as he desperately tries to fan away the piss smelling haze with his hand. “I cannot believe you drank that after what happened in Zod.” Po finishes his sentence with a firm fist slamming down on the table with slight displeasure.

“Po,” Takeshi begins frankly. “We’ve done worse. And our beefy friend has too, isn’t that right, Leon…Leon?”

Takeshi, Po, and Penus stare at Leon as he playfully shoves two large hotdogs in his nose and snorts; pulling the hotdogs in further, before shooting out and hitting Takeshi in the face and.

“Hahaha!” Leon begins to jump up and down in his seat as he snorts from laughter. The chair creaks and groans from the weight. Takeshi looks on with mild annoyance and shakes his head.

“What the Pugh would we do without you, Leon?” Takeshi states as he continues to gaze upon Leon’s disturbingly childish smile.

“What happened in Zod?” Penus inquires as he perks up with intrigue. Takeshi and Po quickly change their expression to that of admonishment and simultaneously say, “You don’t want to know.”

Takeshi reaches out and grabs a bottle of Dwarven rum to wash out the piss taste in his mouth before beginning another conversation again.

“So, Penus…How is my brother?” Penus stares at Takeshi and looks into his bottle of rum with a sunken look in his eyes as he begins to tighten his grip on the bottle with an audible squeeze.

“My…father hasn’t returned home since the end of the Demon Wars. I don’t really know where he’s at. But Penus’s have a long and hard history of warfare.”

“I’m…sorry to hear that. But hey,” Takeshi reaches over the table to place a hand on top of Penus’. “If I know my brother, he won’t pull out ‘till the end. Trust me, nephew.” Takeshi closes his eyes cheerfully as he continues to look at Penus’ direction. Penus begins to smile with a single tear rolling down his face. He grips Takeshi’s hand and rests his head upon it while holding back tears.

“Oh, Uncle. I hope you are right.” Penus exclaims with a sniffle; but right as he finishes his sentence, the large metal doors swing open as two wounded Demons rush in with a limp in their step and blood encrusting their bodies.

“What the…” Takeshi stands up so rapidly that his chair flies out from under him and tumbles over. Po stands up and places two hands on the table to witness the giant metal doors creak open. Two Demons step into the light as Penus begins to question.

“What’s going on, uncle?”

“Captain Takeshi!” a loud outcry rings throughout the dining room as the Demon crew begins to shout sporadically in a panic.

“It’s Limp Larry and Big Bill!”

“Oh, no. Limp Larry!”

“What happened?”

“Hey, get that hotdog out of your nose. No, don’t put it in my ear, Leon.” Po becomes distracted by Leon’s haphazard nature, while Takeshi watches in horror as his two officers are the only ones to enter the dining room. Big Bill quickly, but gently, throws Limp Larry’s flaccid body onto the table in front of Takeshi while knocking over a few bottles of rum, which shatter on the ground. Limp Larry, breathless and looking like a dead fish, is a pale shade of red and covered in blood from his gapping lacerations all over his body.

“What happened?” Po queries as he frantically pulls a large hotdog out of Leon’s nose while looking at Big Bill. Big Bill quickly squeezes his arm with a slap while blood flies around it; He groans in pain as he falls down onto a chair and the rest of the Demon crew gather around the two.

“They need medical attention.” Takeshi says in a calm manner; turning his head to look at Po.

“I got this.” Po calmly, yet frantically, rolls up the brown sleeves of his robe and climbs up on the table to examine Larry’s condition. Po’s hands begin to glow a soft, white light while he scans up and down Larry’s body. A long silence falls over the dining room before Penus breaks it with an intriguing question.

“Why did he call you Captain Takeshi?”

“Oh, uh,” Takeshi darts his eyes around the room while keeping his gaze away from Penus. “It’s a code name. You know, no one would be afraid of Captain Penus. And I wouldn’t be able to live a normal life if they knew my true identity.”

“Oh, ok. I guess that makes sense.” Penus willingly accepts Takeshi’s answer while he begins to turn pale at the sight of Limp Larry profusely bleeding all over the table. The blood reaches the ends of the table and begins to drip loudly as it echoes throughout the dining room.

“Damnit man you got to live.” Po shouts in desperation as he hits a vein with the glowing white ball in his hands, forcing an artery to spurt out blood into Po’s eyes.

“Ah,” Po slowly becomes angry and starts to pull out Larry’s intestinal lining through the lacerations out of frustration. “I swear to fuck: I’ll pull your screaming body back to fucking life.” The blood sprays around the table in a flurry and the crew, along with Takeshi, attempt to dodge. Po then quickly shoves Larry’s intestines back in and starts to exhale loudly; he closes his eyes as everyone in the room tries to shake their speechless stares.

“Damn, Po.” Takeshi adds in as the silence begins to dissipate into whispers of confusion and shock. Po finishes with an audible sigh of discontent and begins to give his diagnosis while the light fades from his hands.

“He’s dead.”

“No shit?” Penus hastily adds in, with tongue in cheek.

“Damn it all.” Takeshi quickly climbs onto the table with Po and gently lifts up Larry’s bloody body to look at his face; a shade of pink and covered in blood, the look in his eyes shows one of terror and acceptance. Takeshi stiffly grips Larry’s shoulder as he holds him up, and the Demon crew looks on with varying faces of sorrow and disbelief.

“Oh, Limp Larry. A bond of friendship that was melded by a mutual hatred of this world brought to a cold, bitter end by savages. Damn the irony!” Takeshi throws up a stiff fist and shakes it vigorously at the ceiling.

“Dramatic, much?” Po inquires while he watches Takeshi with a bored expression, and while wiping the blood off of his hands.

“Shouldn’t you heal Big Bill?” Takeshi vigorously slaps Po on the back of the head.

“Ow…fine.” Po slowly steps off the table while glowering at Takeshi; He walks over to Big Bill and begins to place his hands over the lacerations on his arm. The soft, white glow appears from Po’s hands again, while Takeshi pulls answers out from Big Bill.

“Ok, what’s their numbers?” Takeshi inquires as Big Bill begins to closes his eyes slowly. “Tell me, damn it.” Takeshi shakes him back to life while gripping his shoulders.

“Mmm, hotdogs. Oh, uh, um,” Big Bill starts while catching his breath. “Well, There’s a lot of them; at least one hundred strong. But they’re all gathered around their church, which seems untouched by the rioting. We should be safe under the veil of the night, so-ow!”

“Shut up, you big baby. I’m almost done.” Po says with a tone of slight annoyance as he begins sealing the wound with a magical spell. The light subsides as the wound systematically disappears, and then Po stands up while rubbing his hands together. Takeshi continues with a hand depressed on Big Bill’s shoulder.

“Let’s avenge Limp Larry; all of us.” Takeshi stands up without letting go of Big Bill’s shoulder and addresses the whole crew; he leans over and outstretches a hand towards Penus. “Will you join us, nephew?”

“Oh, no,” Penus begins abruptly with a nervous wave of his hands in disapproval. “I’m not cut out for these sorts of things. Besides, it’s probably better that I protect my father’s hotdog factory.”

“Hmm, good point.” Takeshi scratches his chin and tightens his bandolier. “Men, I want a team of no more than ten to follow me. The rest, hang back on the Friendship and await our return.”

“Yes, Captain.” The Demon crew obliges, and they all carry on with their assigned tasks. They exit the factory in a hurry as Takeshi, Po, Leon, and ten other Demon crew members; including Big Bill and Helga, run over to the area of interest under the darkness of the moonlit night. After a quick two minute jog, they reach the corner of a dirt road with demolished buildings on either side. The buildings: sporting an array of differentiating damages and burns appear void of life and light. Po peers around the corner of a brothel house, and spots the church; completely surrounded by the congregation and brimming with many candles that light up the surrounding area with a magical aura. Po turns to Takeshi, right behind him, and whispers into his ear.

“Looks like they have a magic user, and around fifty…sixty people.”

“Ok.” Takeshi signals to the rest of the skirmishing group with a free hand to enter the brothel. The ten Demons and Leon, quickly run into the brothel without making a sound with Takeshi and Po following close behind. Inside, the smell of dust and mildew permeates out of the staunch stone masonry walls, but is unmatched by another peculiar smell wafting throughout the room.

“Man, it smells like old prostitutes in here.” Po noisily states with a flared nose as he pinches it shut. Others begin to sniff and gag in disgust.

“I don’t know, I would probably call it smell of…*sniff*…dead, old whore, maybe.” Takeshi looks around the room with watery eyes.

“You mean prostitute?” a Sodomy Sammy inquires.

“No, Sam. When they’re dead, they’re just whores.” Takeshi takes a moment to get another pungent whiff.

*Sniff*

“Man it smells so bad in here.”

“You think it’s because of that dead whore over there?” Po sarcastically states as he points to a mangled and torn body of a female in the corner of the room.

“Well obviously it’s because of that.” Takeshi states with a sarcastic tone. They all walk closer to the dead whore and witness a sign hidden away by burn marks and soot. The sign, hanging by a single nail, says, ‘Rusty Chimneys and Dirty Hoes’ in large, fanciful lettering.

“Rusty Chimneys? Makes it sound like you would come here to get diseases.” Takeshi exclaims with a pinched nose as he and Po, along with the rest of the crew, walk closer to the dead woman with unenthusiastic faces. They crowd around the woman: mangled and bloodied with broken bones protruding out of various limbs. Flies buzz around in large numbers while the blood around her is completely coagulated and starting to harden.

“She’s been dead a long time.” Po states.

“Yeah, I can tell.” Takeshi detects around the room to find clues about what killed her.

“What do you think killed her?” a random Demon asks while the others look upon Po for the answers. Po says nothing, but Big Bill manages to grab everyone’s attention with a statement.

“We’ll, it’s either the Pugh-Pughs or something else entirely.”

“That doesn’t really dwindle down our list of suspects.” Po explains with a terse tone before beginning with a retort. “Death by flagellation?”

“What the Pugh does that mean?” Takeshi inquires as he begins to stand directly over the woman to look for clues.

“Ever heard of the annual Flogging Tournaments, Takeshi?” Big Bill asks with arms crossed.

“Yeah, who hasn’t?”

“Same concept.”

“Oh.” Takeshi pauses for a brief moment before beginning his investigation.

“So what killed her?” Po questions once more while scratching his small brown beard.

“Maybe this?” Takeshi slightly rolls the body on its side as he pulls out a large dagger from her back. The dagger, encrusted with blood, seems to hold the same strange symbol of the Pugh-Pughs in the pommel.

“We’ll don’t just pull it out of her.”

“What? She can’t feel it.” Takeshi says in a slightly irritated tone as he hovers over the woman’s corpse and brandishing the dagger.

“We’ll get rid of it. We know who did it now.” Takeshi looks at Po with disapproval as he sticks the knife back into the woman’s chest. A massive amount of fly larvae begin to pour out of the newly created wound.

“Ew, gross.” Takeshi quickly steps back as the others do as well. They all begin to examine the state of the building further as they traverse the various floors up to the top. Not just one, but dozens of dead bodies scatter and stain the wooden floor and lavish decor with a crimson red hue. The stench of rot and putrid flesh hits the crew like a thick soup of air. Everyone in the upper floor pinches their nose in disgust as they desperately run to the windows for a reprieve of fresh air. An ominous wind picks up as they all look outside and witness the distant chanting of the idealistic congregation set before them across the street. Po takes it upon himself to ready his scythe, but Takeshi signals to him and starts to speak in a hushed tone.

“Don’t worry Po, I have an idea.”

*Burp*

A loud dissonant belch escapes out before Takeshi’s face as he unavoidably takes a deep inhalation of Po’s putrid stomach blasts.

*Sniff*

“Son of a Pugh, it smells like hotdogs.” Takeshi quickly exacerbates the problem by accidentally fanning it towards himself.

“Oh, fuck.” Takeshi frantically back steps to the other side of the room to breathe in deeply the smell of rotting corpses. He then walks back towards Po and looks at him with a stern face as the other Demon crew members look on in goofy expressions; with the closer ones fanning away the foul stench of hotdogs with a desperately fanning hand. The buzzing of flies goes unabated as Takeshi strikes a stern, pissed off look in his eyes directly at Po. He then quickly changes moods and calmly begins to talk to Leon, whom is looking out the window seemingly lost in thought.

“Leon,”

“Yes, Takeshi?”

“Aren’t you afraid of boats and goats? I remember you talking about it during our three month trip.”

“Yes, boats ok now. But Leon no like goats. Leon want smash goats to help friends.” With a large oversized fist, Leon pounds the inside of his open palm with a hardy and audible thud, which forces everyone else in the room to flinch unwillingly at the sight of his passive anger.

“You see those people down there, Leon?” Takeshi starts up again without hesitation. Leon looks out the window to witness the congregation gathering outside to begin performing an unknown ritual; they begin to hold hands and chant in a circle as one member draws the symbol of their god into the dirt in front of the church.

“Those people are all goats in disguise, Leon.” Takeshi states with a grinning, cold-blooded tone while he points a stiffened arm outside at the congregation. Leon looks on in silence as the rest of the crew looks on with fear stricken eyes and begin to neurotically take multiple steps back. Leon’s eyes begin, seemingly for the first time, to burn with rage as even Takeshi and Po begin to back off with the inevitability of Leon’s next move. With a blood thirsty tone, Leon begins to speak with a hateful rage almost choking him as he flexes.

“Leon don’t like goats. Goats must die!” In an instant, Leon smashes through the fourth floor window and plummets down to street level; scaring the congregation, and even the crew as they watch with consternation and wide eyes. The alerted church goers begin frantically attacking Leon, but to no avail. Leon begins tearing them limb by limb, body by body. Holes, the size of horses, begin taking form where Leon has smashed people down into the dirt road. The screams of the terrified Pugh-Pugh’s are quickly muddled by the sound of Leon paving the road with their entrails and crushed bones. The cracking of spines withers away the distant sound of thunderstorms, while Takeshi and Po, along with the rest of the crew, hold back their vomit from the shear atrocity laid out before them by Leon’s hands of frightful vengeance. Leon continues, on and on, for what seems like forever, as the rest of the party watches in astonishment at the destructive path that Leon can create with little effort. The pounding of fists hitting solid the stone blocks of the church diminishes the cries of terror that the Pugh-Pugh congregation holds as they make futile attempts to avoid any further deaths.

“Leon…HATE…GOATS!” a booming shout echoes loud and far as the birds in the surrounding area flee in trepidation. Blood splashes around the building with the mangled, limp bodies breaking the window panes as they are tossed out the window at a blistering pace. Screams of terror are quickly ceased by the sounds of large crunching noises followed by the splashing of blood, as if buckets of water were being thrown around inside the church.

“Damn, what did you do, captain?” Big Bill asks hesitantly with a worried, pale red face.

“Me? I hardly did anything at all.” A sneaky look in Takeshi’s eyes jumps out at the crew as they look at him with mixed feelings of fear and anxiety.

“We should probably go.” Po says while lifting up his robe and sprinting out of the room. The crew soon follows along with Takeshi. They all make it to the church, ostensibly painted a fresh shade of crimson, while the sound of Leon’s fists breaking bones echoes in the corridor. They walk slowly through the broken wooden front doors, while stepping over large chunks of bloody corpses. Various parts of the church’s walls are left with giant holes in the stone masonry. Slowly, but surely, they reach Leon, whom is still on a rampage near the chancel of the church. Leon wraps up his killing spree as he pins one peculiar looking man to the ground and tosses him like a play thing into a stain glass window.

*Shatter*

The Pugh-Pugh worshipper breaks the window pane with the back of his head as glass rains down upon him while his body’s forward progress is halted by the stool. A loud crack is heard, and the man groans in agony; with his spine shattered, he has no choice but to gasp desperately while Takeshi and Po walk up to him. Takeshi draws his katana from the sheath on his back and points at the broken man, and from his venerable, aging appearance, wheezes continuously with chagrin.

“Now,” Takeshi begins with a composed tone and a pointed katana. “I’m gonna ask you a few questions, and I want you to answer them as truthfully as you can, or…I won’t be held accountable to what I might do to you.”

“You better answer our questions, ‘cause you really don’t want to piss off our humble, beefy friend over there.” Po chimes in with a thumb pointed over his shoulder at Leon looking starry eyed at the shiny gold accoutrements on the altar.

“Ooh, Leon like shiny things.” He pokes a large golden goblet with a giant finger, causing the broken old man to shout in discontentment.

“Don’t’ touch that you-agh.” Takeshi thrusts his katana into the man’s chest, and a large audible thud is heard. He pushes the man’s beard out of the way and reaches into the man’s robes and pulls out a very old and strange book; it seems to be written in an unknown language as the pages are yellow with that old book smell to it. Takeshi tosses the book to Po, whom fumbles as it lands in his palms.

“Here, Po. I can’t read the damn thing; can you?” Po takes a moment to scan the cover and the contents inside.

“Hmm…no, I can’t decipher it.” Po then tucks it away into a satchel inside his robe, while the old man begins to squirm.

“You get your hands off of that you errant-Ack!” The man’s yelling is ceased by the tip of Takeshi’s katana being slowly inserted into the man’s shoulder blade. Blood trickles down and becomes saturated into the man’s decorative robes, and begins to scatter and cover up parts of his large grey beard going down to his stomach.

“Question one: who are you?”

“I’m…I’m the high priest of our graceful and benevolent god, Pugh- ahh!” Takeshi begins twisting the blade, causing the priest to become very distraught as he begins to fade out.

“Ah-ah-ah, we can’t have you dying on us now.” Takeshi states as he signals Po to stabilize the priest. With a quick touch of the priest’s shoulder by Po’s hand, the man wakes up and sits in silence with neurotic eyes and beads of sweat beginning to run down his face. The Demon crew members watch with anxious faces from afar.

“You don’t have much charisma; do you, rogue?” Takeshi then frustratingly begins twisting his katana again as he speaks with annoyance.

“Ninja, Ninja; I’m a ninja damn it. Why does no one know what a fucking ninja is? Is it a rare commodity outside of my home country?” Takeshi turns with an outstretched arm to his Demon crew for an answer as they all begin shaking their heads in agreement.

“Yes-yes, it’s pretty rare, captain.” They all say while mumbling to one another and to Takeshi, whom rolls his eyes, and then looks back at the old man.

“You won’t get far with that much charisma.” The old man says with a grunt as he winces from the pain.

“Please, anyone can succeed if they have enough charisma, which I have.” Takeshi then pauses to clear his throat before beginning again.

“Question two: Why is this town destroyed?”

“We did it…because our god commanded us to do so.”

“Is that so?” Takeshi stabs his katana through the man’s shoulder; forcing the tip of the katana to bury into the stool of the window.

“Ahh!” the priest cries out in desperation.

“I hate your type. You think you’re being just, as you blindly follow a false deity who doesn’t give two Goblin shits about you. I’ve had enough of your…your… fuck, what’s the word I’m looking for?” Takeshi snaps his fingers as he looks around at Po and his Demon crew for the answer.

“Enough of your shit?” a Sammy says.

“No that’s not it.” Takeshi shakes his head while continuing his finger snapping.

“Exasperations?” Po chimes in.

“No, not that.”

“Piety?” The priest says as he begins to gag on his blood.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Takeshi says as he quickly swings back into his angry mood.

“I’ve had enough of your piety.”

“Our god will strike his wrath upon you infidels.” The priest’s voice, stricken and hoarse with anger as he chokes on blood, balls up a fist at Takeshi and Po, whom watch with unchanged, expressions of apathy. Takeshi twists the blade and pulls it closer to the priest’s heart. Screams of agony belt out as Takeshi shouts at the man with anger,

“Fuck your god. This is for Larry.” And in one swift motion, Takeshi pulls the sword out of the man’s chest and decapitates him; they watch as the priest’s head sails out the window. But, as they watched, the earth begins to quake. Everyone in the building attempts to keep their balance, but eventually fall over due to the tremendous shaking. Distant buildings in close proximity to the church begin to crumble under the stress and a bolt of lightning strikes the ground in front of them, just outside the broken window. As the discolorations subside from the blinding light, the crew is met with the sound of the church roof being ripped off by a large, scaly, clawed hand. The loud crash and crumbling sound is heard behind them as the building next door is destroyed by the roof of the church and collapses like a ton of stone bricks. The crew looks up and gazes upon a large, three headed hydra towering over them. The shadow of the bestial creature covers the entire church, and the Demon crew flees in a panic from the sight.

“Wait, where are you going?” Po shouts with incredulity as he and Takeshi, along with Leon, stand wide eyed at the hydra’s three heads looking down upon them with sharp red, reptilian eyes. Takeshi raises an eyebrow and turns toward Po as he readies his katana.

“Po, what’s with the one on the right?” Takeshi inquires as they both look up simultaneously at the far right hydra head picking his nose using its tail with a satisfied face. The middle hydra head turns toward the right and begins to speak in a loud, wispy tone in the Draconic language.

“For fucks sake, Ren, could you not use our tail to pick your disgusting nose?”

“Duh, sorry Mel.” Takeshi and Po look awkwardly at each other as they scratched their heads at the strange sight before them.

“Psst, what are they saying, Po?” Takeshi asks with a hushed tone.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Mm, not really.” Takeshi, looking around the destroyed church, begins to speed towards an open window on the other side, away from the hydra.

“What are you doing?” Po shouts a whisper just before Takeshi is able to jump out the window; instead he sits on the sill and looks back at him to explain.

“Well there’s no point for me to be here, now is there?”

“What?”

“We’ll I can’t speak Draconic; only you can.”

“I need you here.”

“Why?” After Takeshi’s inquiry, Po pauses briefly to find an answer, but instead gives a half assed one.

“Moral support.”

“Pfft, you got Leon for that. If shit goes south, he’ll help you.” Po turns to Leon and watches as he tries to take bites out of a golden goblet; seemingly uninterested in the towering hydra before him.

“Later, P.”

“Wait.” Po reaches out to Takeshi, but is too late as he jumps out of the window and scurries away in the shadows. A shout comes from outside while Po watches a black figure speed away from the area.

“Don’t worry. I’ll bring you back some good loot.”

“Hey…human,” the booming voice of the hydras center head begins to speak in the slithery tongued language of Draconic. “Ah they can’t understand us.”

“You sure about that?” Po shouts at the hydra, making all three heads lean back with surprised expressions.

“You speak the mother tongue, human?”

“Indeed I do.”

“What about your muscle bound friend over there; does he speak the mother tongue?” The hydra heads and Po turn to Leon, still trying to eat the golden goblet.

“Leon not like.” He throws down the goblet in frustration and begins to pout with arms crossed, while Po begins the conversation again.

“Um, he is not the brightest torch.” Po smile anxiously. The left dragon begins while rolling his eyes.

“You can say that again.” And they watch as their right head laughs gleefully while still picking his nose with their tail.

“What is your name, human?”

“I am the one called Po. And what are you called?”

“We are called Len, Mel, and our dumbfounded brother here is called Ren. We were summoned here for an unknown purpose.”

“Really we were taking a shit when we just teleported out of-“

“Len…come on. He doesn’t need to know that. It’s bad enough we all share the same anus. And that dipshit over here refuses to eat anything but rocks.”

“Your point, Mel?”

“We’ll I’ll be a lot less angry if you’d stop eating those damn chimeras. I know that you can feel that burning all the way through too.”

“Um, hydra.” Po nervously says and reels back the attention of the two bickering hydra brothers.

“What is it human?”

“So,” Po begins as he clears his throat and takes a few steps closer to Leon. “Do you have an intended purpose for being here?”

“Hmm… you know, now that you mention it. We do have a reason.” Len, the left head of the hydra, begins to strike a sinister smile as he begins to whisper into Mel’s ear.

“Let’s kill them and eat them. I heard humans were supposed to taste really good.”

“Really? I heard the opposite.”

“You know I can hear you?”

“Oh um,” the hydra takes a step back and begins to feign ignorance as they blankly glance around the town’s destruction. “Oh, uh, we were just going to visit the volcano of this island. I heard it’s quite active this time of year.”

“Don’t give me that shit.” Po, with a change of moods, stomps his foot down and crosses his arms while striking a stern look at the hydra. “I propose a wager.”

“Oh,” the hydra heads move into the church and get within punching distance of Po. Maintaining a shaky posture, Po doesn’t budge an inch and stares down the hydra as he looks at his reflection from the hydras giant red, reptilian eyes. The hydra’s multiple nostrils flair and puff out a bit of steam, forcing Po to pinch his nose from the old cabbage smell. “Do you think you have a say in the matter? We’re gonna eat you regardless. Hmm?” The hydra is caught off guard as they watch Po stiffly raise a hand signaling to stop. Po begins his retort abruptly.

“If you win an arm wrestling match.”

“Huh? A what?” the hydra heads look at each other with puzzling expressions.

“If you win a game of strength, you can do whatever you’d like to me.” Po stands firm with arms akimbo as the hydras multiple mouths crack a smile and an uproar of laughter ensues; forcing a gale of hot wind to knock over a small portion of the remaining stone masonry wall of the church.

“Hahaha, oh, who knew that we would meet a human of such grandiose?” The hydra heads begin again with a chilling tone of voice while sharpening their gaze as they fixate on Po. “Ok, human. And what if we lose?”

“You will go back to whence you came, and never return.” The hydra pauses briefly to frown and snarl with a loud blow of their noses before giving their answer.

“We accept your challenge, but we must make haste. We hate wasting time.” The hydra steps closer to the church and sets a very large and scaly arm onto the church floor, crumbling the rest of the wall between them. Po looks at them with a coy expression as he points a finger towards Leon.

“Leon will be representing us for this match.”

“Pfft whatever human, let’s do this.” Right then, Leon locks hands with the hydra and look at each other. The hydra heads all look as fierce as they can be, while Leon continues with a boyish charm and a glint in his eye of the midnight moon glowing softly over the church. Silence falls over the hydra and Leon locking arms; Po takes a few steps back away from the two before he starts to count down.

“On three…one…two…three!”

In an instant, time seems to slow down for Po as he watches Leon break the arm off of the hydra with a loud snap and the tearing of flesh rapidly filling the silent void of sound. Leon tears the flesh apart as he pulls the arm down; smashing it into the wooden floor and into the rocky ground below. Splintered wood fragments and red blood splatter the crumbled white stone masonry walls of the church, the dark wooden floors, and all on the left side of Po as he flinches and guards his face from the oncoming wave. The hydra flails its arm wildly while screeching at an ear piercing volume.

“Ahhh, our arm. You mother fuckers.” The hydra angrily spits as it yells out to Leon and Po. “I’ll kill you.”

“Wait, Mel.” One of the heads calls out. “We can’t defeat this man, we will get slaughtered.” A long pause draws out as the center head brainstorms an idea. After a moment, the hydra heads get close together and whisper. Po looks on with an unimpressed look as he crosses his arms.

“Ah ha,” the hydras exclaim as they flick their tail and destroy a building behind them. “Now you will learn of our plan as it unfolds.”

“You guys are going to destroy the whole island, yes?” Po inquires, fixating his unimpressed gaze upon the hydra as they look around desperately.

“Oh um…”

“You know, for hydras your whispers are more like screams to me.” Po states, making the dragon snarl and slap its tail around destroying a few more buildings behind them.

“Ok, so what? We will destroy everything this island has to offer, and then we will move on to the east to destroy more. And we’ll start with…*sniff*…that delightful smell.” Po looks around to witness a small plume of smoke coming from the hotdog factory in the distance being fanned over to them by the gales of the night sky.

“Ooh what do that?”

“Shut up Ren, you lower the intelligence of everyone here.” The hydra slowly looks down towards Po and asks a question with a serious tone.

“Po, the mother fuckest, do tell, what is that delightful smell?”

“Uh, the…hotdog factory?”

“Hotdogs, hmm.” The hydra gazes at the distant factory while the other heads tend to the broken arm, profusely bleeding a dark red blood; practically creating a lake inside the church as Po steps back to avoid the ever increasing red pool.

“Po, the mother fuckest, you will be eaten after everything on this island is destroyed by our mighty power, until then, we’re gonna have a feast of those delicious smelling hotdogs.”

“We like wieners.”

“Oh my, Pugh. Shut up, Ren.” The hydras argue as they daintily step over the church, destroying what was left of it, and travels off into the distance towards the factory. Po and Leon watch with terrified wonder; or, at least, Po was.

“Quick, Leon, let’s go back to the Friendship.” Po shouts as he waves down Leon while in a full sprint. Leon scratches his head with his huge hand while looking at Po. But he quickly changes his gaze to that of his usual boyish smile and shouts,

“Okey dokey, Po.”

They run under the darkest veil of night as the only lights are the dwindling fires in various buildings decimated by the riot of the Pugh-Pughs and the giant clawed feet of the hydra. After a brief run, they reach the boat as the Demon crew rejoices over the sight of the two returning.

“Po, and Leon are back. Hooray!” The Demons begins to shout and holler, but Po then tries to cease their yelling as he grabs a torch from Sodomy Sammy.

“Hey,” Po shouts while brandishing the torch. “Cease your yelling. We don’t want to alarm the hydra.”

“Hydra?” a few of the Demons begin to worry as they have just learned about the beast. The knowing Demon crew members begin to explain to the rest in hushed whispers and murmurs.

“Don’t panic. I bargained with it, and we should be fine. Now, where’s Takeshi?” Silence falls as the crew and Po look around and beyond the ship. The light of their torches obscures the distant darkness of the town. A few moments pass before a figure limply jumps out of the shadows and begins to stagger its way towards the boat.

“Look, it’s Captain Takeshi.” Big Bill shouts as the whole crew turns to view the dark blur come into the torch light. Takeshi is seen holding his stomach with one eye closed from blood leaking over it. His clothes are torn in multiple spots and deep lacerations protrude out from the tears. The once dark blue ninja fatigues have been saturated into a crimson red.

“Takeshi?” Po worryingly looks at him as he climbs onto the boat and collapses into Po’s arms. The look of a defeated man rises out from Takeshi’s bleak expression in his eyes; the rest of him remains limp from blood loss and anguish.

“Captain?” the crew members encircle him and look at his mangled body, profusely bleeding and dripping onto the dark wood of the ship’s main deck. Takeshi slowly opens one eye and begins to reach up and grab Po’s shoulder with a bloody hand; his captain’s hat, slightly torn at the brim, slides off his head and splashes onto a puddle of blood collecting below him.

“They dun killed ol’ Takeshi, Po.”

“Don’t talk like that. You sound like a backwoods Elf.” Po says with a sarcastically calming voice with a back hand wiping the blood from Takeshi’s eyebrows.

“What happened?”

“Robbed a blacksmith’s shop…turns out he…was still there…ran a sword through my side…among other things.” A loud cough belts out of Takeshi as he spits out blood like a fountain.

“You dumbass, you almost got yourself killed.” Po laughs a bit before cracking a smirking face at Takeshi.

“Oh, I got some…loot for us.” Takeshi slowly pulls out a satchel from his waist onto his stomach and begins pulling out a few accoutrements.

“Look.” Takeshi coughs up a bit of blood; a squishing sound is heard as Takeshi flinches and unveils two books: one book entitled ‘Learning Draconic,’ and the other ‘Fire Spells for Beginners.’

“You crazy mother fuckest of fuckers.” Po begins as he examines the books and wipes away Takeshi’s blood spilling onto them.

“Captain, don’t die.” The crew members begin to question Takeshi’s condition while they stare with worrying looks.

“Takeshi, no die!” Leon shouts with painful tears of sorrow as he wipes them away with his beefy fingers.

“Go on…without me, boys. I’ll be ok. I have a sick and twisted date with death to attend.”

“Oh, quit being so dramatic.” Po says as he reaches into his robe and pulls out a strange looking bottle with a bright red liquid in it. “I’ve been saving this just in case one of us got into serious trouble. Here, drink it.” Takeshi slowly grips the bottle with a bloody hand, and opens the cork with an audible pop. As he slowly guzzles down the drink, the bleeding lacerations begin to dissipate and sizzle with a small vapor cloud wisping off of them. After just a moment and half a potion bottle later, the bleeding subsides and the cuts disappear completely; leaving only faint traces of blood behind.

“Holy shit; that worked?” Takeshi says with a flabbergasted look in his eyes. He slowly, but surely, stands back up with a helping hand provided by Po. Leon looks on, as he wipes away the tears, with a familiar boyish smile.

“Takeshi better!” Leon says while jumping up and down; he rocks the boat along with him by his shear force. Takeshi walks back from Po as he examines the lacerations on his body, seemingly erased from existence. He takes a moment to adjust his bandolier and turns to Po.

“What was that, Po?”

“It was a greater health potion I kept with me from Dales. I’d figured we would need it on our journey.”

“We probably need more of it; since it’s bound to happen again. I can feel it.”

*Roar*

“Look!” one Demon frantically points outwards towards the factory in the moonlit distance; a slow, but dark cloud begins to close in on it. A few hundred feet over, the crew, along with Takeshi, Po; and Leon, when he is not distracted by a butterfly in close proximity; watches as a giant hydra appears from over the hills and begins to quake the earth on his way over toward the hotdog factory. Distant lightning is seen, along with the sound of crumbling stone masonry. Screams, cacophonously crying out, are almost drowned out by the sound of thunder. The crew watches in distress as the visible body of Penus is thrown up into the air by the jaws of one of the heads and is then eaten whole.

“Wow,” Po begins astonished. “I feel bad for his dad. What was his name? Anderson?”

“Yeah, good thing we won’t ever meet him.” Takeshi says while making his way up the ramp to the helm of the ship. He readjusts his pirate hat as he quickly grasps the wheel and begins shouting orders to the crew.

“Hoist the sails, prepare the port side cannons, give me some whiskey; we’ve got a long night of sailing waiting for us if we’re gonna make it to the next town alive.” The loud roar of a pissed off hydra is heard as it stomps the factory flat to the ground and begins to munch on thousands of hotdogs at a time. The rolling thunder strikes the distant mountains behind them; with this signal, they begin to sail off further down the river. “Po, change the wind direction to head south.”

“Got it.” With a gyration of his hips and a circular motion with his hands, Po forces the winds to head south; a strong gale occurs as it pushes the Friendship along down the river. “I really hope that hydra doesn’t follow us.”

“I have a feeling it will, Po.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Well, you got to know these things when you’re a captain, you know?”

“So, where are we heading off to now, captain?” Big Bill inquires while he walks up the stairs and onto the quarter deck. Takeshi looks at Po as they both make goofy grins at each other; with a sharp turn of the wheel, and the ship beginning to leave the docks of Flipowna and the hydra to their own vices, Takeshi looks on as he begins to speak.

“Oh, you’ll see, Big Bill. You’ll see.”