There are distinct advantages to being part of a group. Mostly not sleeping alone.

“OH JEEZUS, ON A MOLDY SLICE OF BREAD!!”

Yup, that’s me screaming as a Giant Rat drags me out of my tent, a tent mostly composed of stacks of twigs and slightly bigger tree branches, but hey, I couldn’t take my real—

Rock has taken 4 Damage from Giant Rat Bite.

–tent down to the abandoned part of the village the Chief threw me and Elder Bones to. Real tents cost supplies, and supplies go to Raiders.

I scream as the rat digs its razor-like incisors deeper as I try to slow down my forward momentum by grabbing onto anything. In desperation, I accidentally find something sturdy enough to stop the rat from dragging me into a nearby bush as I hold onto a particularly large branch I used as a tent post before a good yank sends shivers of pain that rattle my brain and loosen my grip.

Rock has taken 3 Damage from Giant Rat Fangs.

Then I remember I slept with my satchel, and I do the best thing a Goblin named Rock can do—

Throw rocks.

Well, at least try to. The first three attempts to hit the Giant Rat are a complete miserable failure despite me looking directly at him and only having to cover the length of my body. Still, I miss, like a human playing dice, begging for a high number. I already see other, smaller rats waiting for the fresh Goblin meat, barely hiding in the bushes. I scream.

Then Dagger, with the timing of Yeezus himself, jumps on the Giant Rat, its greasy fur body suddenly tangled up in a mass of scrawny green limbs as Dagger attempted to find purchase.

Only moments later, Dagger lives up to his namesake—

Giant Rat has taken 7 damage from Dagger’s Dagger.

And the monster releases my foot in an exasperated scream of pain and fury as it dashes for the safety of the nearby bushes where its brothers and sister wait… with Dagger holding on!

“Dagger!” I scream while trying to scramble after the pair! I want to call for Dagger to just let go of the knife buuut that wasn’t happening, so I start to throw rocks at the bushes in a running-limping hobbled dash as I try to hit anything with beady eyes and sharp bucked teeth.

But even that doesn’t help. For each rat I think I ding, a new greedy face replaces it, and the more my panic rises as the rat and Dagger come closer and closer until—

The bush explodes—

Giant Rat has taken 5 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 4 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 2 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 5 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 6 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 8 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 2 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark Spark

Giant Rat has taken 1 Fire Damage from Spoon Spark-

—and the sound of squealing pain and fear filled the empty plateau before being followed by the sound of utter insane high-pitched laughter.

“Oh no,” I whisper, half at the thought of who that high-pitched female voice belongs to and the sight of Dagger and the Giant Rat pitching into the bush in a screeching dive.

“DAGGER!” I scream as I decide running after my cousin matters more than dealing with an insane Spoon. I run into the thicket of burning bushes that mark the beginning of the wilderness that sparsely surround the mountain.

I hear another pair of footsteps approach, but I am too focused on getting Dagger to turn to look, and I couldn’t afford to trip over something and go tumbling down the mountain.

As I approach, the fire is already dying down. I push past the burnt woods and blackened leaves to find Dagger and the Giant Rat dangling from a tree branch that’s barely supporting both their weights. A sigh of relief spreads over my body as a three-fingered hand collapses over my shoulder.

“I see Dagger as… timely as ever.” Elder Bones yawns.

A part of me wants to laugh, but I know doing so would perk Dagger’s interest away from balancing on the tree branch… so I laugh anyway, and Dagger waves before falling.

*********************

“Thank you, Spoon,” I say through gritted teeth. She’s been begging for acknowledgment for nearly setting half the plateau on fire since Elder Bones and I dragged Dagger from the bottom of the cliff.

On the other hand, she did save Dagger from getting eaten by a Giant Rat and his babies… so… I consider it a Goblin split, or the human saying of “splitting the difference.”

“You’re welcome!” She beams and then looks around, noting the single patch of flat ground amongst the throng of overgrown weeds and reclaimed wilderness. “No one’s been here in a while.”

No shit.

“But you’re technically still in Tribe territory…” She rubs her non-existent chin hair as her mind wanders before a wicked and terrible smile spreads on her face. “So you were banished, but not banished-banished!”

Elder Bones nods as if that makes a difference while I sulk next to Dagger’s snoring form. Dagger doesn’t sound as bad as the Chief, but give it a few levels, and maybe he’ll rock the entire mountain.

Spoon’s head tilts as her eyes glow, and her vision narrows on me. “You’re a thief now!” A giddiness enters her voice, and she nearly hiccups, “And a Lev-Level 2 one at!”

I nod slowly, not really wanting to know how Spoon knew or whether she was just being sarcastic. Me changing classes would have reached the Shaman side of the village by now.

“Wait, why aren’t you with the other Shamans?”

Spoon looks absolutely offended by that question as her face twists between apprehension and anger.

Elder Bones speaks up before she has a chance to blurt something. “You don’t have to answer that right now.”

I turn on Elder Bones immediately. “Why not! We’re here because we’re banished!”

Elder smiles. “And Dagger?”

I look down at Dagger, who shifts in his sleep before releasing a fart. “He was hit in the head too many times.”

We all laugh at that one.