《The Sorcerer's Apprentice》No Faith in Freedom

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Her brother’s eyes were suspiciously large and dark under the shadowy lights of the blocked off parlor.

Upon Naz’s request, Zahir had emptied it of guests—mainly couples discussing politics—and politely showed them into the dining room, promising the arrangement was only temporary. No one argued against the Master of the house, but they did feel it necessary to side-eye Zara on their way out.

“Don’t mind them, they were probably looking at me,” Naz said.

Zara looked at him. He was full of shit.

“I did say probably. A half-truth. You have to consider how grotesque I look, you know.”

Zara wouldn’t call him that. He was mostly healed and handsome, even with the residual scarring. But he already knew this. His complaint lacked sincerity.

“Everywhere I go, people wonder, ‘What has happened to that man? What did he do to deserve that?’ Everywhere I go, they look at me like a freakish thing. They look at me like they do you—”

“They don’t know what I am,” Zara muttered out, regretfully. She lowered her eyes to the floor. The strange blackness in his eyes were making her queasy.

“Hm. You are right. They don’t know. Only suspect. But suspect won’t get them anywhere. It won’t cause you much harm, either. So do not worry. There are more pressing matters. Exciting matters.” He grinned.

“Exciting?”

“Sit.” Naz led her by the hand to the beige sofa and sat on the gray one across it. The low center table in between them was littered with leftover food and drink. The old beige fabric of Zara’s sofa had been replaced, ruined by splashes of red wine. Naz pointed it out. “I see that seat has been cleared of your outburst. I would call one of the servants fluttering around here for a drink but, well. I prefer to protect my face from more cuts.”

“I didn’t mean to do that you. I’m sorry.” She was. A little.

“I’m not sure if I fully believe that. But—you’re not a monster.”

“I’m…not?”

A kind smile. “No. I will accept your apology. How is Rowan doing by the way?”

Zara frowned at the sudden topic shift. “Uh. He…seems all right enough.”

“Does he?”

“Well…he looked happy enough today, the last I saw of him.” Acting stranger than usual, but who knew what that was about. Perhaps Cina had lightened his mood from that mess of a family introduction, but he’d been acting quite off for a while now.

“Huh. I thought he’d still be upset with me,” Naz said, intrigued. “I wanted to clear things up with him first, but I couldn’t find him.”

“I’m sure he is still upset about what you did. I think his mind is just occupied with the party right now but if he sees you again, it might bring all his aggravation back.”

“Well of course it will. Don’t think me dumb not to realize. I just thought he’d be sulking more, that’s all. Good on him. Holding back one’s true mood is the first step into manhood.” He sat back, smug with himself.

“…Why did you blame him?”

“I’m sure that question has been bothering the both of you for days.”

“It has. Why thrust the blade at him? It almost felt like you were…protecting me?”

To her surprise, Naz agreed. “That’s right. I was. I needed to. I wanted to ensure that Baba agrees with me taking you away. To the city.” His dilated pupils gleamed as he said this, making him look even more peculiar than the words that just came out of his mouth.

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Zara shook her head, unsettled. “Wait, wait, wait. You…what?! You are going to take me away? With you?”

Naz clapped. “‘Finally!’ right? That has to be what you’re thinking, in the back of your mind, is it not? Isn’t it a relief to hear, Zara? You’ll finally be out of this house.”

“But…” This wasn’t what Zara wanted. She didn’t have a good feeling about this. As much as she wanted to leave this place, she wanted to do it on her own terms. It meant she would have to run away, more than likely, with Revan. It wouldn’t be pleasant, and wherever she ended up wouldn’t be home. But it would still be better than being stuck with Naz and his mean wife for who knew how long. “No. I mean, why would you do that? Why would you want this. Naz, I thought you didn’t…”

“Didn’t what?”

“I thought you didn’t like me? Why would you want me to live with you?”

“Oh Zara, my dear sister. You are my family. I care about you, despite your grievous nature. I know you wish to be more normal.”

“…You do?” she asked cautiously. “How do you know that?”

“Well who wouldn’t wish for it? It’s common knowledge. Those cursed with wicked blood wish they never were. I want to help you.”

Zara wished she could believe him fully. He could be telling the truth. Why should she suspect otherwise? Besides running his mouth, he hadn’t really done much to prove himself untrustworthy, so why was Zara so hesitant to believe in him? Was it wishful thinking? She wanted a better life. She wanted a life worth talking openly about, worth bragging for. She yearned for meaning and joy. Real joy. But she couldn’t just leave right now, even if Naz was trying to make up for years of neglect. She still had Revan here, her apprenticeship…and he would take her away too. Right now, Zara was more inclined to trust in The Sorcerer than her own brother.

“Don’t lie to me, brother. I know you’ve purposely avoided me before. I know the things you used to tell Ma, how scared you felt for our family, and what you’ve seen happen to those even suspected of hiding people like me.”

Naz raised a brow at her response. After a minute of blinking registration, he replied, “Ohhh…you little eavesdropper. I remember little of such conversations with either of our parents. You weren’t supposed to have been present for them though.”

Zara hummed in agreement. “There was nothing else for me to do but lurk. What is your change of heart, then?”

“I was young. I was overly cautious of you. Repulsed by you. I admit it. But by this time, I’m sure you are used to people feeling this way about you.” Her being used to it did not make it right, but Zara let Naz go on without interruption. “Now, after years spent with many, many different kinds of personalities, I realized how hasty I’d been judging you. You are no worse than the thugs, the murderers, the rapists, and the drug addicted scums littering the poor provinces of our cities. You, at least, act decent enough…well…mostly decent anyway.” He caressed his chin bandage as if making his point clear. “Maybe it was my fault for rising your temper. You can’t be able to help such things, with what you are.”

“With what I am,” Zara muttered back. She was so tired of hearing that.

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“Exactly. What you are, it’s what the gods have chosen for you to be. I’ve come across many different faiths since birth. Illegal faiths, too. Certain people actually believe that the gods have a specific plan laid out for each of us. We believe that the unfortunate—much like yourself—were created by demons, and the rest were blessed by angels. Those people, however, are under the assumption that we are all made with a specific purpose and that the gods did not make any of us in error. We were all meant to be, to all live in harmony…mages or otherwise.” He let out a harsh chuckle. “It’s blasphemous and meant to lead humanity astray. I used to report such faiths to the authorities. ”

Zara scratched her brow, uncomfortable.

“However…I’ve come to open my mind.”

“You mean you…” Her heart sped up. “…You’ve changed your faith?”

“No. But let’s say I understand those perspectives better now than before.”

It was unheard of that Naz would feel such a way. He’d always been resolved in his belief systems, just like their father. Zara complicated such matters, but the family’s faith in their religion remained solid. Zara hated the Faith of Lilith because it made her hate herself. But Naz’s worldly experiences seemed to change him. Though that did not mean Zara still wanted to move away with him.

“I know it must be difficult for you to believe me,” he said. “But my intentions for you are pure. You have a purpose in this world, and it isn’t to be cooped up here in misery and hate.”

“Does Baba know your true intention?” Zara spoke in a low, unsure voice.

A smile crept into his face. “Half of it. I told him I would take you out of his life, so that he may wash himself clean of sin. Both he and Ma deserve it, is what I emphasized. I also mentioned how poorly you’ve affected Rowan. That seemed to settle it for him.”

“Affected?” Zara was not blind to the negative effect she had on Rowan, but it still made her feel like shit hearing it out loud.

“It’s a truth I’m using to both our advantages. I heard from Ma that you and Rowan had started getting along but then…”

“But then, what? What did she say?” Would she finally get her answer as to what had caused such a shift in attitude?

She wouldn’t. What could their Ma possibly know?

“It seems you did something to anger him. Scare him, even. That’s what she thinks. I had the chance to speak with Rowan alone that same evening, before we all gathered in the dining room for supper. Even he is clueless as to what’s wrong. It was hard listening to him try explain. The boy is not very good with words. Troubled fool.” Naz sighed dramatically. “He does feel the need to be away from you. So you actually being away from him might help soothe matters for everyone. Especially for our parents. They’ve suffered enough.”

Zara did not care about the suffering of her parents. Once upon a time she did. Those days were over. Her mother had pulled the final thread off the spool. There was nothing left.

Squashing down remnants of remorse and loss of longing under her heel, Zara pressed her lips together, determined to remain neutral and unaffected.

“You told them you would be taking me away,” she said flatly.

“Only Baba. I haven’t broken the news to anyone else yet. He was reluctant, but he consented.”

“I’m a bit surprised. He’s always seemed to enjoy the hold he had over me, in a way. I understand he does not want me out alone, making mistakes that could put him in jeopardy. But I also believe he likes taking his frustrations out on me. And now he’s willingly giving me to you? Just like that?”

“His soul must have deflated. Given up on you, finally. Besides, I am an accomplished adult and Master of my own property. Of course he would agree to send you under my care. You are welcome.”

“No. I never consented to this.”

“Your consent does not matter. You know this well. You are coming with me.”

“And what would your wife say to this?”

“She would be delighted.”

Zara scoffed. “What a fat lie.”

“Any strain you have with Sonya is of your own doing. Try and open your heart to her, and you’ll adjust well to your new accommodations.”

“What exactly will I be doing in this new home of mine?” Zara decided to ignore his remark about Sonya for now. They will have to get back on this subject later on though, as that glamoured up grump was the one that seemed to be having trouble opening her heart.

“Whatever you desire. Within reason, of course, and under my watch. I plan to expose you to the real aspects of our society. You’ve been sheltered too long. With my help, you are sure to bring some gold to the table.” He grinned widely. “I’m sure you’ve got some talent under your belt.”

“…I really don’t know if I do…”

“We can figure that out later. You are attending lessons with Noina? Thank Mother she will be out of your pretty head. I can hire a private tutor. We’ll find that hidden skill of yours that will make you a tad more useful for city life. Say, perhaps we can even make use of your…?”

He didn’t even have to finish that sentence, his sneer said it all.

“Are you joking?”

“Far from it.” He stood. Instead of walking around the center table, he bent forward and easily pushed it off to the side, taking care not to spill anything, and made a straight path to where Zara sat with her rigid hands folded over her lap. She clutched them together tighter to prevent visible shaking. The room dipped in temperature just as Zara experienced a hot flash. The sudden contrast made her dizzy.

Naz’s face was unbearably close to hers. His normally caramel eyes were practically as black as Zara’s. His pale, scabbed complexion was as ghastly as the faint smile upon his lips.

“What is it?” he whispered, lacing a finger down a lock of her hair. “I can feel your air in this room.”

Her stomach dipped. “What?”

“It’s gone slightly cold.” He gently touched the skin of her cheek. “You, however, are very warm.”

“Don’t touch me, Naz.”

“Stop being so stiff.”

“Can you back away? Please.”

He leaned closer instead. Zara leaned her head further back.

“I am an observant man, and I know this your magic at play. Show me it again, Zara. I want to see more of that wickedly beautiful talent.”

What the hell is wrong with him? What was his obsession with seeing her magic work? Hadn’t the consequences hurt him enough the first time? His aura boded nothing but lurking deceit since the moment he had laid eyes on her. Zara was having trouble holding in her fury.

“I may disfigure you again,” she growled lowly.

“You won’t do that.” He grabbed her hot arm above her bangles and squeezed. “I won’t take you out of here if you do that. Don’t throw away your freedom just because you can’t get over the past version of me.”

I can’t even get over the current version of you.

“Zara, you don’t have many options without my help. It’ll be the same old life, only worse. Think of what you will have in Darhai. So many opportunities. So much wealth. If you stay here, you wither. But with me, you’ll blossom. You can be like Dolly.” He smiled with all his teeth. “Look at her. And look at you. I know you see it, the stark differences between you two, despite having grown together. She sees it too—the pathetic, pitiful excuse of a person you are.”

Before Zara could smack him, Naz let her go and moved away. Zara let out the breath she’d been holding in.

She didn’t have time to process what happened before random shouts from the guests ensued outside. Naz opened the sliding door to the courtyard and beamed like a boy who had been showered with toys. A wind blew stray hairs from his braid. The outside had grown significantly gray. Guests were exclaiming with dismay.

Naz turned back to Zara with gleaming eyes.

“We depart in three days. And don’t worry. The pity you have now will soon be a thing of the past. I promise you.”

With that last word, he walked out. Zara tentatively stood from the sofa on quivering legs. She gazed out the open door.

Dark clouds were slowly rolling in.

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