Trigger warning (sexual assault)

The ride was heaven compared to what waited for me at home. The car of my foster parents is in the driveway when we park in front of our house, which means that I probably have a nice surprise waiting for me inside. My body is still throbbing from the pain of the beating I earned a few minutes earlier and I was quite sure this pain would only grow once I get inside.

"Get the fuck inside bitch !" Nick shouts at me once he sees that I am not really planning to get out of the car. I listen to him and keep my head low as I slowly start to walk towards the front door. The smell of weed instantly hits me when I walk inside that rat hole and I scrunch up my nose to provide that horrific smell to intoxicate me. It doesn't help though, it never does. After all these years I am still not used to it.

As I am about to walk up stairs to my room,if you can even call that, I am suddenly pulled back. I completely lose my balance and fall backwards, hitting the ground with full force. I wince when my body hits the ground but soon enough I am pulled back up again, and I come face to face with my foster father, Steve.

"Where did you sneaky little girl wanted to go huh ? Trying to avoid us ?" He loudly speaks up, as he grabs a hold of my jaw in his filthy hands. I quickly try to look down on the floor as I am too scared to look him in the eyes. Coward.

But It was one of his rules. Not look up when you are spoken to and through the years I learned to follow one of his many rules.

"No-nowhere" I quietly stutter and just like I already knew, I am violently pushed towards the kitchen to probably make something to eat for Steve and his friends. Today there were two of his friends already seated around the kitchen table.

One of them I already knew, but the second one was a guy I have never seen before. I give him a quick glance, crossing his gaze as he eyes me suspiciously. He trails his eyes up and down my body, which makes a cold shiver run down my spine. I look away from him and turn around but I can still sense his burning eyes on my body.

"Bring us some beers" Steve orders and I do as he says, walking towards the fridge to get three beers. I am quick to bring the drinks to the table, as I keep my head low unwilling to get into any more trouble. The new guy snatches a beer out of my hands and I manage to see a tattoo on his forearm. It is the same one Nick has on his shoulder blade, but a bit bigger.

I kinda stare at it, as I think, because how weird is it that someone has the exact same tattoo-

"What are you looking at Slut ?!" Steve growls, making me flinch and step back from the table. "Get out or I swear I will beat the shit out of you !"

I am shaking at this point, because I know how bad it can get when he gets angry. So in a rushed pace I make my way up the stairs to go to my room, which was right under the roof. I don't like it, but it is much better then any other place in that house. At least I have a mattress that is on the ground and a book which I stole from the school library to keep me company.

They don't bother me for the rest of the day, luckily, because normally I would have to make dinner without being able to eat after. So instead I just spend my time reading on my bed and in the bathroom where I have to clean my deep cuts. Steve kinda likes to throw glass at me which shatters and ends up in my skin. Sometimes the cuts are deep and I have to remove the glass and stitch up my bloody skin with the little tools I have under my hand. That's what I had to do yesterday. So I think you can guess the pain I had when I got another round of beating today.

I am so exhausted after cleaning the cuts and trying to make them less painful, that I ended up falling asleep early. Tomorrow was Saturday and I had to work in the local Café to make myself some money, so I could leave this place once I turn eighteen.

Well only if I have the strength to survive until my eighteen's birthday. But to be honest, every day was becoming harder and harder to live and the faith I once had for having a better life was fading away.

I don't remember the life I had before everything. The only thing I remember is getting in a car accident with my parents. I was in the backseat of the car playing with my necklace when we suddenly got hit. Blood was everywhere. I remember my mum covered in it. She was trying to help me out of the crashed car, but she was stuck, so she couldn't get very far. I was able to get out of it and lay my 6 year old self on the cold grass of the fresh night in the forest to soothe my cuts a few meters away from the accident, but when I did, the car exploded. Right in front of me.

The images of the night that had turned my life into hell keeps replaying in my head over and over again, as I try to find peace in my sleep.

But I suddenly wake up when I hear my bedroom door open, which makes a creaking sound. I sit up and see Nick leaning against my bedroom door frame. He looks unstable on his feet which gives out the fact that he is probably drunk.

"N-Nick ?" I stutter when I see him slowly make his way towards my mattress where I was laying under my light cover. I am so confused as to why he would be in my room and my fear slowly starts to build up inside of me.

It is the middle of the night and he probably just came back from a party, so why would he come to me now ? Was he going to beat me again ?

He is coming closer and closer until he stopped right in front of me, his face hidden, because of the darkness of the night. I want to get away from him, so far away, so I look for a way out, my eyes darting to every corner of the room.

Just then he suddenly hovers over my weak body, pushing his own over mine to stop me from getting out of his grip. He reek/ of alcool as his face starts to come closer to mine. I don't get what is going on in that moment, but I really don't like this. Everything happened so fast suddenly.

"Nick stop." I plead and try to push him away which only results in him crushing me even more against the mattress.

"Just shut the fuck up." He growls as he tightly grips my neck, cutting my airways to access to oxygen. Then, he throws the cover that is covering me on the ground to expose my body to him.

One of his hands slowly makes its way under my shirt to grab ahold of my boobs and I try so hard to get out of his grip, but he is strong. Too strong. And I am weak. I let out a whimper, but it doesn't even seem to affect him in the slightest.

I can see him lick his lips with hunger when he rips one of my only shirts appart, exposing my naked body.I scream, but he covers my mouth, before slapping me across the face. Tears are streaming down my face, because I realise that I won't be able to get out of this situation. And I know he wouldn't stop before he gets what he wants.

He grips my shorts with one hand while the other holds my wrists above my head and he rips it away. I am now completely exposed. I keep fighting to try and break free, but he is getting angrier the more I fight back. And I know that an angry or a drunk Nick is hell.

I start losing hope. He punches me several times in the stomach to shut me up and it works. The pain is so unbearable that I am starting to lose consciousness. Maybe it is for the better after all.

He finds his way to his pants and unbuckles it, before taking them off with his boxers.

"I can finally make you shut up Magnolia, I swear if you scream to get attention and it's not my name that you are screaming I will do this every fucking night. Nobody will help you either way, so just fucking enjoy it. Do you understand ?" He whispers harshly in my ear and I nod my shaking head. God help me please.

And before I know it he violently thrusts himself inside of me, resulting in a ripping pain. I can do nothing else than lay there crying and shaking while I am living anyones worst nightmare. I knew this would happen again. Nick wasn't the first one to rape me. One of his friends already did. It broke me. And now it is happening again.

When he finally finishes his business and had his pleasure, he leaves. He leaves me on the mattress crying my eyes out and on the verge of passing out. I feel like I can't move anymore. Pain is everywhere and I am completely petrified.

His actions go over and over in my head. I can still feel his filthy hands on mine... his breath reeking of alcool, as he presses his lips all over my skin...

How am I going to get through this ? I can't do this again...

I end up losing consciousness on my way to the bathroom, as I try to make my way there to take a shower. I wanted to get the traces of his hands off of me, but my body couldn't hold on anymore. I hate my life so fucking much. Can't I just have a normal life with a good family? Please I am begged you God.

This chapter ripped my heart appart. I know these things happen everywhere around the world and if it happened to you, I am so so sorry. You are strong. You survived.

Keep going, I know it's hard.

Love you