Hey you, hey you, finally you get it

The world it can eat you if you let it

And as your tears fall on

Your dress, your dress

But when she's coming through

You're in a mess

~

~

Y/N couldn't breathe. Not because she was scared or anything, but because she quite literally could not breathe. Her head was under water and she had no way of getting out. At first she had struggled when they had held her head under water, but she had soon realized that it would be easier if she didn't struggle. That way she could save her breath and maybe make it out of this alive.

She knew that she had told Shouta that she wanted them to kill her quickly, but her body was fighting back whenever she thought of just giving up and letting herself be drowned. Plus... now that she had heard his voice again... she really wanted to believe that he would come to save her. She knew it wasn't very realistic, but she really wanted to believe it. At least for now.

She felt something tugging at her hair, pulling her up. It took her a bit to realize she could breathe again and she quickly took a few deep breaths. Her head was spinning and she felt sick, but that wasn't really a new sensation anymore. Most days now she was too weak to even stand up on her own and she wasn't quite sure whether that was due to the drugs or the beatings or the fact that she wasn't getting a lot of food. Probably all three things together.

Her chest was aching, as she took deep breaths, always dreading the moment her head was going to be shoved under water again. She never really knew how long they'd let her breathe and it made it difficult to time holding her breath right. It was a near impossible task to anticipate it.

She didn't know why she just didn't give up. One part of her wanted to give up, simply because she wanted it all to be over. Because, even if she got out of this place and away from these people at some point... she'd never be able to forget any of this. She'd always be scared, always haunted by everything that had happened to her. She'd be a useless, worthless mess. There was nothing that she could do in life, she had nothing left. Death seemed like a good option.

But another part of her wasn't so willing to just let go. Not after she had known what being happy felt like and after there still seemed to be a chance of Shouta finding her. He had sounded so confident when she was talking to him on the phone, but that made it even worse when Chisaki had taken him away from her again and she was on her own. He had left her alone for maybe half an hour, before they had started holding her head under water to see how long she could stay down.

They had been at it for quite a while and Y/N's lungs were hurting badly. It wasn't just holding her breath, it was also that the water was freezing cold. She was shivering and it was so much more difficult to stay focussed when she was feeling like she was going to actually freeze to death any second. She could barely even feel her nose or her ears anymore.

They were saying something around her, but Y/N wasn't able to understand anything they were saying. It was like everything was far away and she couldn't hear anything. All she could focus on was their hands on the back of her head and whether they were about to push her head back under water. She could feel it again, a slight push at the back of her head.

Feeling that push made her feel like she was actually coming alive. She stirred, taking a deep breath and holding it, just as her head hit the surface of the water, being pushed below it. She stopped moving, her heart beating faster from the cold surrounding her, trying to make her fight back. Y/N knew she had very little chance to survive if she struggled. It took too much energy.

Finally her heartbeat normalized. She wanted to give up, she wanted to, she wanted all of this to stop, but she kept thinking of Shota. She had no idea if he was lying or not, but she wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe that he would save her, and that meant she'd have to survive. For him.

She just hoped this was all worth it. She didn't know why she was trusting him. The last time she had trusted a man like that... done things for him... well, that's how she ended up in this situation. If she hadn't done her boyfriend at the time that favour and started sleeping with older guys, she would never have ended up like this... getting trafficked... beaten, raped, drugged...

Before she knew it, she was being pulled up and out of the water again. Y/N hoped they were done soon. This was getting so exhausting and she didn't know how long she'd still be able to manage this. And she wanted to survive for Shouta. One last time she'd trust someone. If he didn't get her, well... then she'd probably die soon anyway. But she wanted to give him a chance.

Y/N gasped for air, as she was shoved backwards, slowly tumbling back and stumbling over her own feet. She could feel herself falling, but she didn't care. She felt so numb from the cold already, it barely mattered. Y/N wasn't really sure if she had passed out for a few seconds or not when she hit the floor, but when she opened her eyes again her senses slowly started returning to her.

There were hands all over her, holding her arms and her upper body down. She had no idea what was happening to her, because she still had trouble hearing what was going on around her, but she saw Chisaki leaning over her and reaching out with his hand, slapping her cheek repeatedly. Y/N finally managed to snap back to reality.

She didn't know what was going on inside her head, but she realized that her legs were free and Chisaki was leaning over them. She took a deep breath and kicked him in the guts, which made him stumble backwards, holding his stomach. A sense of dread filled her - what the hell had she been thinking? She'd die. He would kill her right now. There were hands grabbing her legs and holding them down. Chisaki got back on his feet and he looked at her. His eyes were murderous.

"You stupid little slut? Can't hold your legs still, huh?" he growled, looking down at her. Y/N just stared back at him, her eyes empty. She didn't know what to say, she was frozen in fear. He was going to kill her. She saw his hand move towards the gun at his belt. He slowly took it and started loading it, his eyes never leaving hers. Y/N was terrified. He wasn't just going to shoot her... he was going to make it horrible for her... she wouldn't just get to die peacefully.

"I'll fucking teach you to hold those legs still..." he muttered, before looking at one of his gang members.

"Cut her clothes off. She won't need them. Fucking whore..." he said. Y/N gulped and started shaking as she heard the knife being pulled. She felt the cold metal touching her skin, as a hand from her side roughly cut through the rags she was wearing. Not like she was wearing a lot of clothes anyway. Still, it was scary to think about what could possibly happen to her.

When they were done, Chisaki came closer to her with a sadistic grin on his face. Y/N didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit. That grin never meant anything good. That grin meant that she was going to suffer. She tried to scramble back and somehow escape, but she was being held down way too much. Chisaki settled between her holding the gun up to her head. Y/N thought she was going to faint out of fear.

She closed her eyes, thinking she was going to die, until she felt something cold and heavy tap against her lips. She slowly opened her eyes again and saw Chisaki tapping the gun against her lower lip. She gave him a questioning look, not sure what he wanted her to do. He rolled his eyes.

"Open that pretty little mouth, slut." he said. Y/N slowly opened her mouth as wide as she could and Chisaki shoved the gun inside her mouth. Y/N knew that she was going to die if she made even one wrong move, so she was extra careful to not even flinch and wait for exact instructions.

"Good girl. Now suck that gun like you would suck a dick, stupid whore." he told her. Y/N's eyes widened. He couldn't be serious, right? But despite her doubts she almost automatically wrapped her lips around the cold metal and slowly moved her head up and down.

She was so scared that there was maybe something she could do that would set it off accidentally and blow out her brains, but when she saw Chisaki's mocking smile drop, she moved her head faster, twirling her tongue around the gun and even hollowing her cheeks. If he wanted a show, he could get one... as long as she could buy herself time. She was really hoping Shouta would be here for her soon...

"Yeah, just like that. Look at you, so eager. Almost like you missed sucking dick... I'm not sure how good of a substitute this is, though..." he commented. Y/N's heart started beating faster, as she heard what he said. She knew he was planning something else, but what could it be? She hoped it was something that would be over soon, anything that wouldn't hurt too bad... fuck... She leaned forward and put more effort into sucking that gun, in the hope that it might make him a little more lenient.

"Yeah, that's right... get it nice and wet... it'll make things so much easier for you with what I have planned... I wonder if you can choke on my gun, you stupid slut..." he said, pushing the gun further back. It wasn't long enough to make Y/N gag and choke, but she wanted to keep him happy, especially when she was in a vulnerable position like this, so she pretended to be gagging and moaning. She felt horrible about it... like trash, like the worst kind of dirt... but she was trying to survive.

"Mmh... seems like you can't get enough of that... but see, the lesson wasn't to suck dick, it was about keeping your legs still..." Chisaki said and pulled the gun from her mouth with a wet plop. A string of saliva was running down the gun and dropping on Y/N's chin and her stomach.

"Spread your legs for me, whore." Chisaki told her. There wasn't much Y/N could do, as her legs were still being held, but his henchmen were making sure that her legs were spread wide open. Y/N winced in pain, as her broken leg was being moved. It still hurt so fucking bad.

"I wonder how much you'll enjoy this... you did get my gun nice and wet... might not be that bad then..." Chisaki mumbled, as she felt something cold at her entrance. She didn't want to see it, but she couldn't help it. She glanced down and saw him slowly rubbing the gun over her slit, before prodding at her entrance with it. Y/N knew it would hurt like hell. She wasn't nearly wet enough.

Some part of her was thinking that he wasn't really going to do it. Maybe he was just playing. Trying to scare her... But then she felt the thick barrel of the gun pushing inside her. It was painful. Y/N was used to not being wet enough, but a gun was a completely different beast than a dick. This was cold, hard metal and it felt like she was being split open from the inside.

She felt tears running down her cheeks. She wanted to fight back and struggle, close her legs, but she knew that if she moved her legs even an inch she would get shot and... well, she might survive it for a few weeks and die painfully from an infection or she'd die immediately. Y/N didn't want either of those things to happen. So she held her legs perfectly still, as Chisaki pushed the gun inside her agonizingly slow. Y/N just wanted it to be over already.

"Please... please don't..." she whimpered, more tears streaming down her face. She felt a calloused thumb quickly wiping her tears away from her face. Y/N didn't know who it belonged to, but that simple gesture made her cry even more. She opened her eyes and saw Chisaki looking down at her with a smirk on his face. He pushed the gun even further inside her, until it wouldn't go any further.

"You want me to stop? Why's that?" he asked her. Y/N whimpered. She knew full well that he was playing with her and that there would be no point in trying to argue or negotiate with him. All it could possibly do was to make it worse and Y/N had witnessed that on several occasions.

"Please... I'm... I'm scared... please don't do this to me... I've done nothing to you..." Y/N begged. She saw Chisaki leaning over and wiping away some of her tears. His smile almost looked genuine in that moment.

"I know, I know... you haven't done anything wrong... too bad the wrong man fell in love with you." he said to her. Y/N looked at him, not sure if he was being serious right now or not. But then he pulled the gun out of her almost completely and immediately slammed it back inside of her. Y/N cried out loudly, the pain spreading through her lower abdomen and her thighs simultaneously.

The wrong man had fallen in love with her? So even if she hadn't been in love with Shouta... the same thing would have happened to her? Why did she get no say in this? Why were they taking this out on her? Because she was a whore? They thought she was a slut? Did they seriously think she had chosen to do that work, at a place where she could be bought? Did they think she chose who fell in love with her and who she fell in love with? She wished she could choose.

If she could choose like that, she wouldn't be here. She would be back at home or at university or working and living in her own little apartment. Y/N hadn't even had the chance to think about what she wanted to with her life, before she had gotten trafficked. But she knew exactly that she wouldn't be here. If she could have been rational like that and stopped loving that asshole when she was 15. It was one stupid mistake... one mistake and this was what happened...

She was crying more and more, as she felt the gun slamming inside of her quickly. She had no idea how long they were planning to do this, but she almost felt relief when her body finally decided to react and produce some fluids, making her wet and easing the pain, at least a little bit. She was disgusted at herself and at her body for reacting to this, but at least it made it easier.

Without the pain she could finally focus on something else, something that wasn't really part of all this. She looked up at the ceiling and focussed on a dark spot that was right over her head. It helped a little bit. The more she focussed on that, the more the arms holding her down seemed to disappear. There were no more gang members holding her arms and her legs, there were no eyes staring at her naked body and Chisaki wasn't there either. It was just her and that stain on the ceiling.

Y/N wasn't sure when she stopped focussing at that and when she got pulled back into reality. She wasn't even sure if she was really pulled back into reality or not... all she knew was that something else had caught her attention and had sent her body into high alert. She could feel that Chisaki had stopped, but the gun was still inside her. And he was still holding it.

But something else had caught his attention adn Y/N had no idea what it was. There was something that sounded like a strangled cry and then a thump, but it sounded like it came from far, far away. She had no idea what was going on and she refused to move her body, because she was too scared that she might get shot. But she knew that something was going on.

She remembered feeling scared beyond belief, when she heard it. It felt like she heard it loud and clear, but in hindsight she knew it must have been muffled. But she knew exactly what it was. And she was expecting to drop dead at any second, especially as she felt the gun sliding out of her after that noise and as she felt the hands holding her down let go off her.

She finally dared to move again, but all she did was curl up and wait to die. She wasn't even sure if she was still alive or not. She felt like she was seeing everything that happened after that noise from a different perspective, as if she was floating above her body and looking down at her body, curled up in a fetal position waiting to finally, finally die and hoping it would be as quick as possible.

The noise was a gunshot.