Ryn's pov

I'm questioning everything. From the scars on my wrist, to the scars on my heart. I've now heard the truth, or I hope so. I know there's more to life than what I'm going through. Why can't I live it? Why can't I live in a world where I'm happy? Where Sam's happy. Where my entire family's happy. I guess that world just doesn't exist. Why is a life full of lies easier than a life full of the truth? So many questions. Why can none of them be answered? Why am I so lost? For the past two weeks, I've been smiling, laughing, and acting like I was happy. I wanted that to be real. I hated it being fake.

"You're alone again aren't you?" Ava randomly asked. I smiled and gave a puzzled look.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned. Ava crossed her arms and gave me a look. I shrugged. "Ava, can you not deal with the fact that I'm happy?"

"I can deal with that fact that you're happy just fine, but I just need to know if you're happy with me dating Sam." Ava spoke quickly. I guess I forgot to mention that Sam and Ava made it official yesterday when Sam gave Ava a promise ring. I didn't understand why it was a promise, why couldn't have he just asked her to marry him?

"Ava, my opinion doesn't matter. If you like, or love, Sam do whatever you want with him. I'm over him and he's all yours. And now can we please stop talking about Sam?"

"Why?" She snapped back.

"Because, he is my ex-boyfriend." I stated.

"I thought you said you were over him."

"Ava! I am!" I yelled out. I got a few looks from people since we were in public. Ugh. Embarrassing as hell. "Now, may we please change the subject?" I asked. Ava smiled.

"Sure." When she said 'sure' she said it with a smirk. I just have a strange feeling about Ava. But why? She's my sister. She wouldn't hurt me. Right?

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, and you know, not talk about Sam, but I actually have to get Sam for his hair appointment in an hour. Sorry Ryn. Bye." She walked away smiling. I smiled and waved back. As I heard the sound of her heels fade I took off my sunglasses to show the true pain that was producing inside of me. I put my face in my hands and sighed. I realized I was still in public. I sat up straight, put my sunglasses on, stood up and walked away.

---

Sam and I were at my house while Ava went to hang out with new friends of hers. We were both acting happy. I tried to be civilized and pour him a glass of tea. I don't really know why I chose tea since, this isn't England or someplace else. But, I thought, why not. I poured Sam and I a glass of tea. Then, we begin to talk.

"So Sam, how have you and Ava been?" I asked.

"Well, considering a gave her a promise ring, great." He grinned. I felt a little bit of jealousy. I looked down so he couldn't see the dullness in my eyes.

"I'm glad." I said in a weak voice. We sat in silence for a moment. While we sat in silence, memories of Sam and I ran through my head. Like that time he first tried to kiss and I chickened out. Also, the first time he said he loved me. It seemed like ages ago, but the truth was, it was only a few months ago, well almost a year.

"Ryn?" He asked.

"Oh sorry, did you say anything?" I questioned.

He shook his head. "No, you were just so quiet I didn't know what was up with you." He grinned.

"Oh." I respond. I sighed. We had another moment of silence, until Sam broke it.

"You know we can't do this." He stated with a concern expression on his face.

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"We can't just be around each other and act like nothing ever happened." He stated.

"Well, I was trying. Can't you?"

"No." Sam spoke in a voice so soft it made me get butterflies in my stomach. "Everything I do, I think of you. How can I forget?"

"You're the one who said you would forget." I exclaimed.

"Well there's a saying that you say. How's it go? Easier said than done." Sam quoted my words. I did say that. He was using my words against me.

"Well, you've already promised Ava." I claimed. He shook his head.

"No I didn't. Ava told you that to test you. It was just a lie." He spoke. I rubbed my face.

"Why are you making this so hard for me?" I questioned. Sam flashed a confused look in his face.

"How am I making this to hard for you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Everytime we see each other you say you want me back. And I have to keep saying no and-"

"You don't have to keep saying no." I sighed. "It's your choice. But I'm not going to stop until I hear a yes. I've said that I'd let you be alone and let you go, but I just can't. And honestly I don't know why. There's just something about you that I love. Something that pulls me back to you. I may say stupid things like, I'll let you go, and I'll stop bothering you, but forget that because God knows I'm not going to let myself. Like it or not Ryn, I'm here to stay. And I'm not letting go anytime soon" I bit my bottom lip. He expressed his true feelings. Time for mine.

"Since you're being honest, I guess it's my turn. I feel that same way. I think about you constantly, but I also have your kid too, so that doesn't really help. But all the times I've told you to go, I've ended up regreting it. I've been so alone without mom, that I missed you. I missed the comfort that you brought me. I missed every little thing." Sam smiled at me causing me to smile back.

"Awe, stop you'll make me cry." I laughed. We both smiled at each other. "Come here." Sam said pulling me into a hug.

"I've missed you." I said in the crook of his neck.

"I've missed you a whole lot more." Sam's words caused me to smile even though he couldn't see it. When we broke the hug, our eyes met. He leaned in and kissed me. The kiss felt endless. Everything felt right again. No more pain. No more suffering. But that was only for that moment. I reminded myself, I still had Nikki.