Ryn's pov

"No Sam!" I began. "I'm not falling for that again! We've said we loved each other many many times! I think it's time-"

"Ryn stop! You know we always come back to each other! You know that! We broke up because of some fucking voice in your head! Do you still even have that voice in your head?!" I looked down at the ground trying to hide how ashamed I am. But, what am I ashamed of? Am I ashamed that I made him leave because of Nikki? Or was it that I'm not hearing Nikki anymore, but I still want him to be with Ava.

"No, I'm not hearing it." I actually told the truth, but I had a feeling that it wasn't over. She even said herself; there's two way to get rid of a Voice. You can overcome depression, or die. Therefore, in my mind, I knew she'd come back. But I didn't know. I'm just guessing. Most of my life is just me guessing.

"Then come back to me." He said with a little smile. My heart said yes, but my lips said no.

"No." I spoke weakly, and it hurt for that word come out of my mouth. But what was said, was already said and done and I can't take words back. I could always change my mind. And I've been thinking about it a lot lately. But I stuck with my answer, and my answer was always no.

"But why?" He shrugged.

"Because I'm afraid." I bit my lip so I wouldn't say anything else. That was the last thing he needed to know. That I was scared.

"Afraid of what?" He questioned.

"Myself." I spoke in such a soft voice I didn't even know he heard it, but he did. His facial expression changed from confused to terrified. It's just like how Ava and mom used to be. Afraid. Of me. It was nothing I wanted. I wanted to overcome depression, get Sam back, have my mother survive the cancer, and still be close with Ava. I knew none of that would happen.

"Ryn, I need you to promise me the same promise you made to your mom." I swallowed hard. My lip quivered and my cold hands shook. I just realized he really didn't trust me. I felt so dragged down. Like I was weaker than ever.

"You don't trust me?" I looked at him straight in the eye. He could lie if he wanted to, but I could see the pain in his eyes. I could see that the truth even hurt for him. "Sam? Please tell the truth." I begged. He swallowed hard and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Then, he finally choked out something.

"I-I don't know." His words made my jaw clench.

"Sam, get out right know go live your life and stay the hell away from me!" I barked. The pain in Sam's eyes faded into sadness and sorrow.

"Okay." He spoke in hurt simple voice, but he also sounded a little hurt as well. H e slowly walked away, but he turned around a lot while he walked. When he got to the door, he stopped. He suddenly turned around and ran towards me. He hugged me. He hugged me so tight it hurt. It hurt to let go.

"I know you know that I love you, but you don't get it. Even though I tell you all the time, you never believe me. If your don't want me to love you then I won't. But, know matter what happens I will always care about you. And I will always care about Pre. Okay Ryn. There you have it. I don't love you anymore." His words almost brought me to tears. He was confirming that he was done trying to be with me again, but as much as I push him away, he'll always care about me.

He let me go without a single word. I watched him leave with Ava. I watched him kiss her lips right through the window. I watched them drive away in happiness. Ava said he wanted what Sam and I had, she didn't. I wouldn't want me life, only the dumbest person in the world wouldn't even take my place if they knew what I've gone thorugh. Which, I don't know why I complain. There are people out somewhere out in the world who has it worse than me.

---

I stepped in to my mother's hospital room to see her struggling. Struggling for air. Struggling for life. It almost made me cry. She know had no hair. Just a shaved head. Her skin was always cold and pale. By pale, I mean like almost lifeless type of pale. Her lips were a pale purple and blue. I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back the tears.

I walked over by her and took her ice cold hand. "Mom?" I questioned. Her eyes slowly opened.

"Hello my beautiful little girl." We both smiled at each other.

"How are you doing." Her smiled faded into a frown.

"I hate to tell you this, but I'm just not in the mood for lying. I'm miserable. I'm in so much pain honey." Those words described exactly how I felt 99.9% of my life. Mom's words were spoken weakly. Very weakly.

"Mom, it's okay to let go." I stated. I tried to hold back my tears, but they poured out of me. Mom's tears slowly went down her face. Her lip quivered.

"I'm not going to leave you here. I know you're doing through depression Ryn. You can't hide it sweetheart." I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. I tried to regain control of myself. I didn't work. I never works.

"Mom, I'm going to alone in this world someday. I hate seeing you in pain. It's going to end someday, any day now. It's okay mom." Tears streamed down our faces. We were both sobbing in the hospital room looking like idiots, but this was the one moment in my life were I didn't care what people thought about me.

Mom closed her eyes and waited. I waited as well. I was a wrecked just waiting for the endless beeping. I closed my eyes hard. Then, I heard it.

beeeeeeeeep.

It was endless. I bent over as far as I could and sobbed. I fell to the ground holding my mother's freezing hand. While hearing the annoying beeps.

She was kind.

She was hopeful.

She was beautiful.

She was a lovely person.

Then, she became sick.

Then, she became hurt.

Then, she became weak.

Then, she became hopeless.

Then, she became depressed

Then, she became overwhelmed.

Then, she became scared.

Then, she became weary.

Then, her whole life and personality changed.

Then, she died.