《i'm only human ♡ sam pottorff》chapter 19
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Ryn's pov
I tired to forget about everything that happened yesterday. The past is the past, you can't undo it. I can't undo it. Nobody can undo it. But, it's hard to forget the past when the past it scared on your forearm. My head is like a broken record, except it only replays the bad memories. I remember how Sam used to smile at me, and kiss me, and take my breath away. That's the good feeling. The feeling of knowing all that is gone, is the worst feeling ever.
I was trying to sleep. Trying to clear my mind. Then, I heard a knock on out front door. Everyone else was asleep so I thought I'd open it. I wasn't scared, but if the person took me and killed me they'd be doing me a favor. I slowly walked to the front door and opened it.
"Sam?" I snapped. I wasn't in the best mood to see him, but I also wanted to kiss him the moment I realized it was him.
"Hey, is Ava here?" He asked. I was disappointed by the question. I wanted him to come back to me. Not Ava.
"Yeah, but she's asleep." I stated trying to hold back any tears that were dying to get out.
"Can you tell her I was here?" I didn't know what else to say so I just nodded. We stood there looking at each other for a while.
"I think it's best if you go now." I lied. I wanted him to come in and be here with me.
"Yeah, guess so." He started to walk away and I watched him walk to his car. He suddenly turned around.
"Ryn?" He said. "I still love you, I'm just trying to get over you." His words made my heart hurt. I had to tell myself he was lying. I got into his car and drove away. I watched him drive until I could no longer see him. I shut the door and put my forehead against the door and began to cry. I turned around so the back of my head was facing the door and I slid down. My knees reached my forehead. I quietly sobbed. I banged my head against the door several times. I got up and went to my bathroom. I grabbed a blade. It feels like it's been forever since I've seen this thing.
I slit my arm several times until I couldn't stand it. A few tears came down my face. My arm was stinging. I just realized, Sam broke me. He tore me piece by piece. I still loved him, I just didn't have the gut to tell him. Honestly, he probably knew it. I sat in the corner of my bathroom. I was bloody, my eyes were red and puffy, and I was breathing deeply. I didn't need anyone to see me like this, again. Even though it was tough, I weakly got up, wrapped my arm in a cloth, and clumsily walk to my room. When I walked to my room I walked like a zombie. I was constantly bumping into walls. When I finally reached my bed I felt miserable. I was was weak and tired. By tired I don't mean sleepy, I mean I'm tired of life.
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"Why me?" I whispered to myself. The tears began to fall harder. Before I knew it, I cried myself to sleep.
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Ava's pov
"I hate seeing her in pain Sam." I stated. Sam and I were on a date, but I had to talk about Ryn. She was important to me. It sucked seeing her like this, but I knew that it was all because of Sam and me.
"I know. But I have to get over her. Listen, you're the only way I can even see her." He explained. I felt like he was dating me just because of Ryn. I didn't want that. This would have to be a true relationship. The wind slightly blew making my hair fly.
"You're beautiful Ava." I smiled.
"I'm cold too." Without hesitation Sam took off his jacket and put it on me.
"Thank you." I say. Sam grinned.
"No problem." I got butterflies in my stomach when he smiled. He really was cute. He gave me a smirk. I wasn't quite sure what it meant until he picked me up by my waist and spun me around.
"Sam!" I laughed. We both laughed then fell down in the sand on the beach. We stared at each other for a while. Sam slowly leaned in and kissed me. We kept kissing until some person told us to get a room. We just laughed at him. At that moment with Sam, everything was perfect.
Ryn's pov
I watched them kiss and play around with each other. It really made my heart hurt. I felt weak to the bone. I'm not a crazy ex girlfriend or anything, but I just had to see Sam. But I didn't want him to be with Ava. I should have known he'd be with her. The thing that made me most jealous was that he did things that he didn't do with me. For example, he just picked up Ava and spun her around, I don't recall him doing that to me.
"They're so cute. Don't you wish it was you?" Nikki asked. All the anger and the words I wanted to say remained unsaid.
"It looks like he loves her more than you."
"He might actually put more effort into their relationship."
"Why did he even like you in the first place you're and ugly ass bitch who gets drunk and gets down with guys."I had enough. Nikki was making me so angry I was shaking just to say something to her.
"Shut up!" I yelled. Most people on the beach looked at me, including Sam and Ava. I knew these people were judging me. I could handle all the judgment. I looked around at all the people staring at me, then I looked at Sam who had concern on his face. I ran off.
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"Ryn!" I heard Sam yell. I kept running. I pushed people out of my way and ran with Sam right behind me.
"Leave me alone!" I said referring to both Nikki and Sam. When I could no longer see anyone staring at me I feel down. Sam wasn't running anymore, but I could still see him from the distance.
"Why don't you just kill me now Sam?!" I shouted. We were at the part of the beach were no one goes. Sam stayed quiet. He didn't move. He just stood still. The reason why no one went to this part of the beach was because this part was deeper. Just one step, you'd be in twelve feet deep water. And I know this may sound silly, but I don't know how to swim. Being from California you'd assume I'd know. I don't.
A lot of thoughts went through my mind. All negative thoughts. I wanted all to end. Not all of it was because of Sam and Ava. Some of it was because I wanted Nikki to go away. I didn't want to become a Voice, but at the moment it sounded so much easier. I walked and walked until my toes were at the edge. I looked back at Sam one last time. Then I jumped.
I was kicking and yelling underwater. I was wasting air. I tried to swim to the top but I had know idea how. I remained underwater. Suddenly, everything was okay. I was almost dead. It was almost over. I shut my eyes and waited for the ending.
Sam's pov
I noticed Ryn wasn't coming up from the water. I became worried. I saw something suddenly come up from the water. It was Ryn. Was she dead? Oh no! I ran as fast as I could go until I got to Ryn's body. I picked her up and lied her on the beach.
"Ryn. Ryn? Ryn!" I shook her. I checked for a pulse, but there was nothing. I didn't know how to do CPR well, but I did it anyway.
"Ryn, please don't give up! I need you, Ryn, I need you." I admitted. There was still nothing. I was sobbing and I didn't know what to do. Ryn was gone. My head met my knees and I was curled in a ball crying. I stayed in that position for a couple seconds. Ryn started coughing.
"Ryn?!" I said with a smile spreading on my face.
"Fuck you Sam." She said very weak and dull.
"What?" I asked. I heard her clearly, but I just saved her life, again.
"I said fuck you Sam!" Ryn yelled. I gave her a confused look. Ryn started crying.
"I just wanted to die." She sobbed. I began crying more as well.
"Stop trying! Because as long as I'm around, I'm not letting you anywhere." I stated. She cried a little more, she was in pain and she wanted it to end, and I stopped her.
"Shh, it's okay." I said trying to comfort her. She pushed me away and yelled,"No it's not!"
"Listen, you're okay now. It's okay." Ryn just shook her head.
"No, Sammy. I'm pregnant." My eyes widened, I froze, and I could feel goosebumps on my arms rising.
"You're pregnant and you tried to commit suicide!" I shouted. I was honestly a bit angry, but I couldn't let it show. I calmed down and spoke again.
"It's okay Ryn." That was the only thing that I could get out of my mouth.
"Oh really! Trying to commit suicide while your pregnant is okay!" She hollered whiled throwing her hands in the air. I remained speechless. "Okay for real Sam, I need you to go. Take Ava with and just go. I promise I won't get mad. Don't even tell me where you're going and just go!" Ryn spoke. My heart nearly shattered.
"Is that what you want?" I asked.
"No. It's what you need."
"What I need is you!" I replied quickly.
"Please, Sammy. Just go." She said softly. A single tear fell from her eye. We both didn't want it, but Ryn thinks she's going crazy, and I don't know weather to believe it or not. I slowly nodded.
"Okay, I'll go." I got up and walked away with Ryn lying in the sand. The sky suddenly turned into a gloomy, depressing color. When I was a good distance away from her, I mouthed these words for the last time
"I love you."
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