Once I put my Rose to bed I sit there and watch her, as slowly her chest rises and falls, giving me proof that she's sleeping. After a few seconds of watching my Rose I walk out the room slowly and quietly closing the door not wanting to wake up my Rose. Once the bedroom door is closed I take long strides to the theater room where I find Brian, Riley and Kyle who are currently watching TV.

When I enter the room the twins stiffen but don't jump up like they did before. Brian however, just keeps watching TV, ignoring my presence. I bite back a smile at how entranced Brian is at the TV. Which is why I feel a twinge of guilt when I grab the remote and turn off the TV causing Brian to whine, however, I don't turn it back on. I set the remote down and sit down on the couch, grabbing Brian and lifting him onto my lap. He begins to squirm until I adjust him so he's comfortably laying on my chest. Once Brian is settled I take a deep breath and look at my two twin sons who are now looking at me with confusion and uncertainty.

Then I look down at Brian who is now focused on my hair which he is currently tugging on with his chubby little fists. I need to cut my hair, I think before putting my finger under his chin, making him look up at me. "Brian you're my third born son, given birth to on the date of January 5th 2002, however I haven't been a father to you and that is all my fault. The reason I wasn't a father is because, every time I looked at you, all I saw was your mother and that caused me a lot a grief leaving me to the decision that if I pushed you away I wouldn't have to grieve or face the fact that your mother isn't here." I tuck a hair behind his ear taking a second to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in my throat. "When you get a little older then I'll tell you the full story and why she is no longer with us, okay?" Not really knowing what I'm talking about he nods and I turn to the twins.

Unlike Brian I'm not going to be all soft voiced with them and I'm not going to hold back the truth. "I stayed away from you guys because, your mothers a bitch and I knew that if I did anything with you guys, your bitch of a mother would come," I say, covering Brian's ears as I did.

I expect them to be mad of course but, what I don't expect is Kyle standing up red-face and fucking pissed. "Then why would you even keep us instead of letting us be with our mom?" I know he's mad but, his tone makes me want to clock him in the jaw. "Well Kyle because, your mother wanted an abor- well because then she'd sell your bodies on the street and I don't think any of you would like it up the ass," I snap still covering Brian's ears who is currently laughing, I'm guessing at the still tomato-faced Kyle. I know that I'm being cruel but it's much easier to just say it now and get it all over with. Cut them with the knife of truth, then heal them with the stitches of care. I see Kyle calm down to the point where he sits down and then Riley speaks up. "Why did you save us in the first place instead, of letting us go out on the streets and why don't you want us?" I sigh and sit back bouncing Brian a little. "Look it's not that I don't want you guys It's just..." I pause trying to think of the words. "Having children means that when you raise them you make mistakes. I didn't want to make mistakes with you and you end up hating me for life but, I guess I'm too late." I pause waiting for them to disagree but, they don't. I know they wouldn't but it doesn't stop my heart from being stabbed, even though I have no right to feel hurt. I pretend like I'm unwounded though and continue.

"When I took you guys from your mother I had the mind set that if I made sure you were, feed and clothed and away from me then you wouldn't be damaged like me, which means you wouldn't be hurt," I explain, then in a whisper say. "But I guess I was wrong." The room is silent for a few moments before for the first time ever Riley looks at me in the eye. I'm filled with shock and... happiness? However, his eyes are full of anger, hate and sadness. I look away and find that Kyle is also looking at me and what surprises me is that his eyes don't have one once of anger anymore or hate, instead they're filled to the brim with sadness.

"Why do you think your damaged Sebastian," Kyle asks. "What happened?" I take a deep breath as memories after memories crash into me. I can feel the anger and fear fight with each other each trying to defeat the other. No. I shake my head. I'm not going down that road. Especially not with my sons. "We're not going on that topic. All you need to know is that when I grew up my only family was Dylan and Jared. We were so tight, you'd think we were flesh and blood. Then something happened and we were no longer close. It shocked me and cut me deep leading me to go to your mother. She had an okay personality so I kept her until she got pregnant and I found out she was a gold digging whore. Then I had you two which made life more difficult so I went to Brian's mother and." I pause the emotion robbing me of my voice. I recover some-what of a few seconds. "She didn't turn out well and something very tragic happened leaving me to just leave this house all together only coming back when Dylan or Jared wanted to come over. But now I want to change that even though I've been gone for a few years." Everyone is silent taking it in when again I'm surprised when Brian who I thought went asleep spoke up. "Why?" I look down and gently pet Brian one the head. "Because Rose made me realize how good love makes people feel and how I've robbed all three of you, of it. So for now on I'm going to be more involved in your lives."

Riley then speaks up. "What if we don't love you back?" I shrug. "You don't have to like or love me but, you have to respect me." I stand up and put Brian down on the couch where he slowly crawls into Riley's lap. "Dinner will held at the dinning room at 7 o'clock p.m. not joining is not an option." With those parting words I open the door and walk out the room already feeling my heart become lighter.